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Added by Severin Severin on 26 Feb 2018 08:55

my half assed 2018 movie diary

Sort by: Showing 40 items
Decade: Rating: List Type:
People who added this item 1501 Average listal rating (1079 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 7.6
Falling Down (1993)

This is the greatest unintentional comedy I've ever seen. Michael Douglas completely snaps and fights with Asians, Latinos, fast food workers, white supremacists, construction workers, the police and his wife. It's basically a dumbass wandering around a city and freaking out at everyone he encounters for the entire day. He is legit dumb as fuck. And it's so funny.

This is supposed to be epic I guess, as in a shocking tale of an everyman who is tired of all the shit- he is SICK of being a cog in the wheel American office wage slave who wears pens in the little pocket of his white shirt. It's time to pick up a machine gun and go Schwarzenegger. It's time for this exasperated white American male to teach the establishment a lesson. Hell ye.

There are laughs at first, but it just gets worn down after awhile and too corny to deal with.

And the ending... just lol it needs to be seen to be believed.

But the worst? Robert Duvall's annoying useless retiring police chief subplot about how he wants to cheat on his naggy fat bitch wife with some young police hoe but is too moral to do so. We have to witness terrible office party scenes and chummy cop bros banter it's unbearable

Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 12 Average listal rating (9 ratings) 5.6 IMDB Rating 7
Whatever (1999)

CAUTION: If you've never been sexually repulsive or undesirable, don't watch this movie because you will not understand it. If you are legit ugly and rejected by the opposite sex but in denial about it, you may receive PTSD from this movie.

Either way, if you can't handle depressed and ugly French people, stay away.

Based on the Michel Houellebecq (I can't spell this shit btw I googled it) novel about an ugly, isolated, overly self aware and intellectually sensitive loser who can't get laid or connect to anyone on a personal level, the film delves into the lowest dregs of human depression and desperation and gnaws at the heart of the pathetic and disillusioned.

I would've loved this film even more if not for its cop out rage inducing ending, but nevertheless, I was predisposed towards liking this movie because I'm literally the main character lmfao.

This film is filled with self-pitying dialogue and dejected rants classifying sex as something un-accessible to the ugly and socially subhuman. Get a load of this:

The economics of sex explained for dummies and the deluded. I'm not sure whether this is correct or idiotic or both.

Anyways, if you're not getting fucked on the regular, don't watch this or you'll kill yourself xoxo
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 279 Average listal rating (155 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 7.3

If you ever wanted to watch Ben Kingsley being relentlessly tortured for an extended period of time, you hit the jackpot. If you ever wanted to watch Sigourney Weaver act like a deranged cunt for 1hr and 40min, you're in paradise.

The poster for this movie looks weirdly sexual, and showcases Sigourney Weaver's weird mouth and jaw. I'm supposed to be writing about the movie, but the movie didn't make a strong enough impression on me so I talk about the poster and waste time because I have 0 writing skills or brain cells.

Anyways, Weaver revenge tortures Kingsley over some alleged older torture she received from him when she was young because he works for some Latin American government's waterboarding sector or some shit blablabla Polanski's usual nihilistic political commentary and gratuitous violence combined with sexual degeneracy blabla Sigourney Weaver ranting blabla Ben Kingsley bleeding and being bald and having an odd forced American accent and being creepy. The end.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 650 Average listal rating (495 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 6.9

A disturbing and psychologically arresting horror movie set in 17th century New England featuring overzealously devout Puritans who are pursued and broken down by a devil-worshiping coven of witches.... This is lit, is it not?

Usually I have problems with modern horror movies because they are so fucking dumb and full of retarded jump scares and useless plot twists. But in The Witch, we see none of this cliched garbage and are instead presented with a coherent and gripping tale of a family relentlessly under siege by demonic forces.

New England is drab, gray and creepy. The forests are dark and filled with death and mystery. A baby is chopped up, a child is possessed and speaks in tongues. A raven pecks a breast to mincemeat, and a jet black goat embodies the devil. The imagery in this film is strong and rich and visually striking. Blood stains the screen and witches coalesce in an enrapturing finale that left me in awe.

This film really pleasantly surprised me and I would def watch it again one day.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 1152 Average listal rating (768 ratings) 7.3 IMDB Rating 7.7

O how I wish I were a Franciscan friar in 1327, having a dope tonsure and solving murder mysteries in a grotesque monastery while self-flagellating for my sins and eating gruel thrice daily. But alas... I can only see it on screen. In one of the weirdest adaptations in movie history.

Do you visualize Christian Slater and Sean Connery when you think of chaste celibate moral monks? I do too. I was just laughing at this movie the whole way tbh, and especially amusing was Ron Perlman's performance as yet another deformed creature-thing. This is the highlight of this film.

Not the pseudo-Sherlock Holmesian storyline or Slater's whiny voice, but Ron Perlman being ugly. That is what I came for. This is why I continue my drab existence of pain.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 84 Average listal rating (56 ratings) 6.7 IMDB Rating 7.2
Papillon (2018)

Another day in Hollywood, another unnecessary sequel. I thought this movie was gonna be atrocious but I was greatly relieved that it was only just mediocre. Ofc I'm a huge Steve McQueen obsessed nerd so I scrutinized and compared Charlie Hunnam to death, but he's actually not a bad Henri Charriere. Rami Malek is fantastic as Louis Dega, and gives off the same mousy submissive vibe Dustin Hoffman did in the old version. I found Rami hilarious af in this though, like something about this dude's bug eyes and fish mouth is legit hilarious and distracting.

The film is set in somber grays and is visually drab, which is appropriate for a story of two fed up dudes stuck in a shitty penal colony. Charlie and Rami have really good chemistry and seem like best bros in this like you just wanna go out and get a beer w these 2 they seem chill. Anyways it's a pointless remake, not much different than the old version and with nothing new to offer except extra background of Charriere's life in France before his arrest. They just copied everything directly from the previous film and I have no idea why this version even exists but oh well. Prison torture
island escape movies ftw.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 234 Average listal rating (168 ratings) 6.6 IMDB Rating 6.9

Ngl this movie gave me cancer TBH. Is it refreshing seeing an all-Asian cast in a Hollywood movie? Yes. Is the essence and glamour of Singapore captured masterfully in this film? Yes. Is the script weak and boring and the acting flimsy and the fashion choices hideously offensive and the characters deeply annoying and one dimensional? Y E S

It's a cliched and tired tale of an American born Chinese girl who goes to Singapore to visit her bf's snobby rich parents who judge her and there are retarded makeover and shopping spree and party montages that gave me intense depression. The heavy displays of wealth and luxury in this movie caused me much pain and I think this may be even more depressing than a Bergman movie IMO. The characters in this movie were all disgusting and need death and the protagonists as complex as a piece of cardboard. An overall traumatizing experience and I would rather hammer sharpened rusty nails into my eyelids than see this again.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 73 Average listal rating (44 ratings) 7.7 IMDB Rating 7.6

Tense, dark, disturbing, haunting and atmospheric. The cinematography, lighting and direction take us to a world of perpetual darkness, in which a strange couple with a twisted relationship enact a disastrous kidnapping scheme that inevitably goes wrong. Kim Stanley and Richard Attenborough are delightfully creepy, with Kim being batshit insane and the latter being her beta male slave due to his weak will and defeated nature.

The two kidnap a wealthy young girl and hold her hostage in a room in their gloomy old home. They fool her into believing that she is ill and in a hospital, and they trick out a room to look like one. The two enter this faux hospital room with masks on to disguise themselves, and the room itself is wall to wall white and sterile in appearance. It's like something out of a nightmare and the audience can deeply feel the girl's claustrophobia and isolation due to fantastic direction.

This film kept me on the edge of my seat and I really felt fully absorbed watching it. I love weird old British horror-mystery movies, and this is one of the best imo.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 654 Average listal rating (416 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 7.4
The Mission (1986)

This film, for me, is exactly halfway between corny and emotionally moving. Robert De Niro plays an 18th century Spanish slave trader turned priest, and through him we're supposed to bear witness to a wondrous turn-around moral redemption and learn that the evil.....can really become good through the humbling and powerful nature of Catholicism. (Btw god bless the 0000.0001 children of god reading my inane rambling ✞)

Yet at the close of the movie, we see a destructive, violent and colonialist form of Catholicism which causes the Spanish government and clergy to genocide the indigenous Guarani people in a traumatic and bloody closing scene. The violence in this film is raw and startling, and Robert De Niro and Jeremy Irons' performances are immaculate. However, I felt like Morricone's dramatic soundtrack was corny and distracting at times, and De Niro's bad guy-turns-good redemption was somewhat simplistic and very Hollywood. I prefer a movie like Aguirre: The Wrath of God, in which there are no good guys and every colonial is monstrous, because that was closer to the truth and less crowd-pleasing. I perhaps would have liked The Mission more if it was told from the perspective of a complex Guarani character, which would have been more unique and engaging rather than the usual "colonial goes native" rehash.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 838 Average listal rating (543 ratings) 7.4 IMDB Rating 7.4

Murder, mystery and intrigue on the French Riviera. The people are beautiful, the location is breathtaking, but the script is flimsy and the twist at the end didn't exactly make me faint from shock. Grace Kelly is absolutely gorgeous, in a cold and distant way; well manicured and perfect almost to a fault with no visible flaws. Cary Grant is a consummate charming gentleman as usual and somehow manages to not look like cradle robbing thot making out with women half his age. Not the best Hitchcock, but it's a classy piece of escapism. I watched this after returning from a trip to Nice, and it made me sentimental as hell... I want to go back to the land of glamour and sunshine and be a suave jewel thief too :/
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 474 Average listal rating (367 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 6.1

Boring, dry, mundane, overly saturated with CGI and tinted vomit green with a charmless cast and a lame script. Why does this even need sequel upon sequel? How many PG rated bloodless off screen dinosaur attacks and wide eyed dino-loving children turned prey do we need to see? Why did they give top billing to Jeff Goldblum and then screw me over because he's only in 1 minute of this drivel? Life is so frustrating.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 141 Average listal rating (106 ratings) 4.5 IMDB Rating 5.2

This is like, maybe the worst horror movie of all time. It's advertised as horror but plays out like some excruciatingly dull social justice drama. There isn't even 1 frightening moment, or a jump scare in which a person can at least have their cortisol raised by 0.00001% as they attempt to forget the subhumanity of their tired existence. Whoever wrote this needs to get their ass kicked for misleading me I want to SUE.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 607 Average listal rating (445 ratings) 6.3 IMDB Rating 7

This movie is dumb as fuck and I was smashed while watching this, like about half a mickey of vodka down and I still wanted to kms for the entire running time.

Ngl this concept had potential. Paul Rudd shrinks down to microscopic size in an ugly ass costume and flies around on some kind of insect taxi lol. By the way wtf kind of shit superhero is Antman? Marvel needs to get nuked for churning out this shit it's like a shit tier Spiderman, which is already shit.

Anyways dude is wee and fights crime but this movie would've been better if it was Antman having an existential crisis with Swiftian disgust at how large every human being is in comparison and how their flaws are microscopic to him. Like Gulliver in Brobdingnag. In the end, Antman should've committed suicide after the trauma of this experience.

Oh wait this is a Marvel money machine "movie" rip so the day is saved happy ending blabla I'm drunk I go home and vomit the end.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 250 Average listal rating (131 ratings) 7.9 IMDB Rating 8
Shame (1968)

I love being brutally depressed and broken down by Bergman movies. Nothing turns me on more than watching almost 2 hours of drab and dreary misery, to see Liv Ullmann cuck Max Von Sydow while he puts his face in his hands and sobs while knowing his wife is in the shed banging another dude for money.

If you want to see war, cucking, political allegory, a bickering dumbass couple, tragic murders, comically violent beatings, and other sad shit like this, watch asap. The message is "war turns us all into animals" or smth like that but I'm more interested in seeing Max Von S acting like a little bitch and getting shit on constantly by his wife, it amuses me tbh.
Severin Severin's rating:

2001: A Space Odyssey is a film that didn't need a sequel at all. Its ending was disturbing and mysterious, and didn't need to be explained away in great detail. But ofc Hollywood strikes again.

2010 isn't exactly a bad sequel, it's just mediocre. It doesn't have the same suave stylistic flair and psychological depth as its predecessor. Keir Dullea has a certain creepiness and off-putting coldness to him that is mesmerizing, and he enhances this movie with his otherworldly presence.

Other than that, Roy Scheider looks like he's gonna break out jazz dancing at any moment (Bob Fosse should've directed this shit) and Helen Mirren seems about ready to choke on her overdone Russian accent. The special effects are good, some scenes are haunting, but overall 2010 is nothing special and a weak and only mildly satisfactory follow up to a masterpiece of an original.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 788 Average listal rating (589 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 7.7
Deadpool 2 (2018)

I fuckin hate superhero movies. Absolutely excruciating. I hate late 2000s superhero fever, the Marvel Vs DC "feud," the endless toys and product branding and big bucks and sequels and tie ins. It all makes me extremely suicidal and depressed.

Yes I was drunk when I watched this. No I haven't even seen the first Deadpool. This is like the edgelord superhero franchise for people who like superhero movies but also are like, slightly cynical and like an R rating because it means there will be swearing or a boobie or two hehe.

Some of the jokes are funny, and Ryan Reynolds gets mutilated and god knows I love a movie where somebody is deformed. But other than that it's tryhard and the fat kid in it is annoying as fuck. Also there will be another sequel to this shit I know and I'm kms.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 3144 Average listal rating (2084 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 7.3
Gremlins (1984)

It's Christmas in a small town... and it's been overrun by gremlins! Uh oh.

First of all, these gremlins are way cooler and have a much better social life than me. That's all I kept thinking while I watched this. Even gremlins enjoy life more than me.

I want a pet gremlin. Not the nice one, but the evil one. I want death by gremlin. I want a gremlin apocalypse.

I love the word gremlin tbh.

Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 186 Average listal rating (138 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 6.5
Tag (2018)

As expected, this movie is dumb af but to be fair I was pretty drunk while watching this. It's about a group of friends who-OMG- play an endless game of tag..... even though they're ADULTS! They get into wacky situations and one of their bros, played by Jeremy Renner, is unbeatable at tag.

Um hello at least get Jon Hamm to play the alpha male in the movie wtf is this I hate Jeremy Renner dude is smug faced and irritating fuck this movie.
Severin Severin's rating:

I watched this and Moonstruck on another flight, and this documentary was a sigh of relief after the suffering Moonstruck caused me. I loved learning about the tragic and complex life of Hedy Lamarr that I wasn't aware of before.

As someone who's always wanted to be beautiful and is obsessed with physical aesthetics, I want to scoff at someone complaining that life is difficult for them because they're so good looking. But oddly enough, Hedy's stunning looks distracted from her big brain which was dying to invent and innovate.

Basically, people wanted to fuck Hedy but she was like listen bitch... I'm intellectual I made this frequency hopping technology thing please pay attention...

Nobody gave a shit though and the US army stole her patent from under her nose while she was forced to act in stupid B movies where she writhed and danced in badly painted brownface. And then voila, the radio system she contributed to went on to be used to create modern-day Wifi. She didn't receive a single cent of compensation.

It's depressing witnessing the brutal life story of this woman, who escaped a rich Nazi husband through a maid's disguise and went on to Hollywood to be a star, only to fall dramatically and be resigned to petty shoplifting charges and humiliation and botched plastic surgery and drug addiction and financial doom.

Hedy's life was tough and she fell victim to her own weaknesses and society's assumptions and judgments of her, but in the end she still left an admirable and powerful legacy as a skilled female inventor who helped create one of the most useful inventions of all time.

Plus she was sexi.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 501 Average listal rating (301 ratings) 6.5 IMDB Rating 7.1
Moonstruck (1988)

This is one of those movies that tries too hard to be charming but it just ends up grating the shit out of my nerves with its overbearing sappiness. Like one of those corny romances about "finding love in all the wrong places uWu" because Cher plays a middle aged widow in love with the dumb brute brother of her fiance blablabla...

The best thing about this movie, the only good thing about this movie, is watching Nicolas Cage go nuts and rant and rave. Him being cast as a "sexy" Italian-American hunk character is so funny omg who the hell casted him and thought it was a good idea holy shit. But apparently people adore this movie as one of the best chick flicks or whatever and I just want to erase the painful memory of it from my brain it was so annoying.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 1390 Average listal rating (874 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 7
A Serious Man (2009)

You only have to say 3 words to make me interested in a movie: nerdy Jewish protagonist. This movie has enough neuroticism and awkwardness to cause me to incur days of contemplation and self-hatred and overthinking and internal analysis because I identify with the quashed and defeated main character of this movie- Larry Gopnik.

Michael Stuhlbarg gives an amazing performance as a pathetic man whose career, finances, family life, physical and mental health and sense of spirituality are all collapsing in on him like an avalanche. He is the essence of a cuck, as he watches haplessly as his wife leaves him for another man while taking his house and kids from him in the process. He is unable to fight back against the society that is shitting on him, and he is exactly like Job helpless in front of god.

And it's fucking hilarious. It's sad and thoughtful yet ridiculously comedic. One of my favourite scenes is when he tries to cheat on his wife with his sexy neighbour, but ends up tripping out on weed on her couch while Jefferson Airplane plays. Larry can't even take the few pleasures available to him in the world because he is so far gone.

I love this movie.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 367 Average listal rating (248 ratings) 7.6 IMDB Rating 7.4

This movie basically just 2+ hours of Daniel Day Lewis being an asshole. Now you might say this- he is an asshole in EVERY movie, what's so special bout this one? Well it's his "last" movie, he's retired now so this is his final hurrah and we're supposed to give him an Oscar and a lollipop and shit like that.

First of all, DDL's accent and manner of speech in this movie is effeminate and really annoying. Combined with his cunty attitude towards his muse/wife/assistant/bottom bitch, he is unbearable. He plays a fashion designer who just cannot chill out. He and his droopy-faced love argue and brutalize each other for 2 hrs and design ugly overpriced couture clothes in the process.

I watched this in a plane and almost fell asleep during my flight but this movie kept me awake (barely) and I enjoyed it only menially, but then again I don't think Paul Thomas Anderson meant for it to be enjoyable, but was trying to make us like think and stuff like that by subjecting us to an excruciating character study of a total jerkoff. Walk walk fashion baby.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 273 Average listal rating (154 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 6.9

This movie is 70s af. Lmao at the clothing choices:

This top knotted at the tiddies... You better hide your man

Katharine Ross is an extremely compelling protagonist in this. She's a caring mother and wife and an aspiring photographer and is likable without being saccharine and annoying.

She arrives with her bald egghead husband and kids to a small town that looks normal on the outside... but lo and behold something is extremely fucked up. All the women act like 1950s housewife sexbots! Now the manz reading this may be like "lol sounds awesome" but um it's from a female point of view so it's like bad and stuff and besides, the husbands in this movie are ugly as fuck and don't deserve 8+/10 sex slaves just out of pure principle alright.

Anyways, the ethics of female enslavement and other philosophical questions aside, this is a very spooky and atmospheric movie that keeps you on your toes, despite the 70s cheesiness and weird clothes. Creepy and timeless and classic.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 244 Average listal rating (156 ratings) 7.3 IMDB Rating 7.5

Boy meets girl. Boy quits his job and sets out with girl to isolated beautiful Stockholm archipelago. Boy and girl have a romantic idyllic dreamy summer romance together in the wilderness.

Doesn't sound too Bergman-y right? Where is the suicidal death and despair and depression and desolation??

Well...girl turns out to be a total THOT and boy's life goes down the scheisse-hole. The emo shit kicks in near the end.

I really enjoyed this movie because I could relate to the romantic adventure aspects of it. It takes you on a ride and to a Happy Place but then you get snapped out of Harry and Monica's little la-la land after they leave their natural paradise and have to go back to society and its laws and morals.

This is a film that's sweet and romantic at the start but ultimately ends on a bitter and cynical note. It's lit tbh I highly recommend it, also gorgeous cinematography I applaud it.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 581 Average listal rating (389 ratings) 5.8 IMDB Rating 6.1
Cujo (1983)

This movie is ridiculously disturbing. And weird too. Like the first half is almost soap opera-ish where a picture perfect family with the annoying kid from Who's the Boss act nauseatingly sweet and then..... the wife is a thot having an affair and her husband finds out etc the plot lingers a lot on this and it feels like a Lifetime movie

Then a nearby dog gets rabies and shit and starts attacking people and it gets more involving. Basically the action lies in the dog brutally mangling people and it's very bloody. It's definitely pretty scary and I don't really like dogs because they're annoying af so this movie confirmed my dog disdain. A weaker Stephen King work though like lol at a rabies ridden dog being subject to so much intrigue when irl the dog would be popped in 2 min for its madcap antics, the disobedient bitch
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 789 Average listal rating (453 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 7.2

Ngl I thought this movie was gonna be kinky because of the poster lol. False advertising though there is no sexy time just a lot of dry dialogue

On the one hand I like this movie and I feel like it's a deeply tragic and moving story of forbidden love in an uptight and unemotional society full of stifling prohibitions against female behaviour. On the other hand I want to go back in time and crowbar these mfs and tell them to calm tf down

The plot is basically Danny Day Lew wants to tap Michelle P but she's a bad bitch or something because she flouts tradition by wearing (oOoOoOh) black satin dresses and leaving her cheating husband and meeting ""unrefined"" manz for dinna time chats etc. So she tells him not to ruin his rep and go for bland Winona Ryder. And I'd just watched Mr. Deeds so I lmao'd comparing annoying bitch Winona to boring bitch Winona.

Daniel Day Lewis is top notch as usual and his controlled way of speaking and behaving is mesmerizing, like he has beautiful diction it's inspiring. Also just wtf at Martin Scorsese directing this, but you can tell it's him because the film is visually tantalizing and there's the signature montage trademarks. Interesting to see him tackle material so divergent from his usual stuff
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 1812 Average listal rating (1150 ratings) 5.3 IMDB Rating 5.8

This movie legit induces hemorrhoids. Like srs even for Mr. Sandbags, this movie is no good. And it's older Sandbags so I thought I would get at least 3 confirmed laughs. I was wrong and I was assailed with abusively moronic shit for 1 and a half hrs oh god

Again this movie wasn't my choice and I had a sleepover at my friend's nightmarish house on a farm and was in the midst of a mental breakdown and had drank an entire bottle of Moscato. Jesus fucking christ this movie broke me and I cried at the end LMAO because the movie and circumstances of my life were so awful. Sorry this is not an impartial review, apologies to the 0.000001 person reading this. But that night this movie became inseparable from my life's suffering. Adam's ugly little cringe smile is embedded in the deep psyche of my deranged mind, it's almost Freudian

The very mention of this movie induces panic and anxiety in my gut. I'm probably not the only person in the world so deeply traumatized by Mr Sandman's movies though so I feel less odd about it it's chill
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 314 Average listal rating (192 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 6.7

This movie has everything I love. It's dreamy, mysterious, dark, disturbing, bloody, ethereal, strange and supernatural. It reminds me of Valerie and Her Week of Wonders, one of my fave movies. When I watched this I felt transported to another world and I adore movies that give me this feeling

It's Neil Jordan's adaptation of an Angela Carter story and is somewhat of a redux of Little Red Riding Hood

It starts off with a rosy cheeked girl sleeping in bed, having bizarre nightmares involving her family and self- all related to wolves, who are the prime antagonists and representations of everything she fears. In her dreams, she lives in a twisted fairy tale land in which wolves lurk every corner of her forest village and every unfamiliar man is a threat

The story is metaphorical for her teenage growth into womanhood etc some fake deep stuff I won't go into but it works well and the film has a very haunting and magical vibe throughout. The cinematography is fantastic. I want to live in the world presented in this movie... All my favourite things in it like:

ravens in snowy woods

spiders lurking in old books

wolves at sumptuous bourgeois feasts

creepy old dolls and antiques

Not even fucking with you here but my room looks exactly like this lmao

Anyways what an effervescent movie I'd love to rewatch this again soon, probably my fav film this year so far
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 193 Average listal rating (123 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 7.1

The most impressive thing about this movie is Raquel Welch's tits srs. It's dry af and has nothing going for it. Maybe because I'm not familiar with Dumas' source material but it's just full of dull gags that barely made me crack a pained smile and I wish to god they gave Oliver Reed more screen time like wtf.

Considering the fact that the cast has Raquel, Ollie, Michael York, Richard Chamberlain, Charlton Heston, Faye Dunaway, Christopher Lee, Geraldine Chaplin and more and STILL manages to be drier than watching paint peeling... I want to sue. What a disgrace. But still semi entertaining and I love the costumes and set pieces:

I just want to dress like these hoes and be socially accepted
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 151 Average listal rating (112 ratings) 5.9 IMDB Rating 6.2
Blockers (2018)

For defense: I was pretty fucking smashed when I watched this and it was not my first choice but nothing else was playing in the theater..... So there I am drunk with a friend in the theater trying to tolerate this unfunny sth... somehow I remember most of the movie which sucks donkey ass

Basically the plot is 3 girls go out on prom night to try to lose their virginity. I am already triggered by watching a movie about teenage girls lmfao and I try not to relate my own life experiences to this horrible movie. John Cena is the clueless beta father of a sassy Indian daughter, that's the most hilarious part of the movie. Basically John Cena in general is what saves this retarded movie from total boredom. He deserves an Oscar. He outdoes himself here

Ever wanted to see John Cena pretending to have alcohol inserted into his rectum at a public party in order to prevent his daughter from losing her virginity? Is this something you've always dreamed of? Well you found the right movie for you. Enjoy. And make sure you are inebriated when you watch this ffs
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 417 Average listal rating (285 ratings) 7.5 IMDB Rating 7.6
Shane (1953)

Absolutely stunning and gorgeous cinematography

Like completely breathtaking. George Stevens brought the ruggedly wondrous terrain of Wyoming to colorful life in this movie and it's a spectacle to behold. Certain times during the film I just wanted to pause to take in the landscapes and the full extent of their beauty. That's a key part of a western imo- the director has to make you fall in love with the wild west and all its brutality and this is what happens here

Alan Ladd gives a badass performance as the eponymous hero and is cool and smooth af delivering his lines and bashing up the bad guys. Even Brandon De Wilde is adorable and gives an A+ performance and I usually hate child actors. The story is run of the mill, but the way Stevens crafts the movie is what makes it a unique classic. With memorable dialogue, acting, cinematography, and composition, it's no wonder this is considered one of the best westerns ever made

Also Jack Palance is one bad motherfucker

Dude has more bones in his face than in a medieval crypt. One of the dopest villains of all time
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 2 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 5 IMDB Rating 5.9
Black Oxfords (1924)

Boring Mack Sennett silent comedy that was on TCM and I was too lazy to get the remote so I watched it

Can barely remember the plot like some dude breaks out of jail to help his fam pay off debts? Not v funny I just turned the channel to Seinfeld when it was over
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 298 Average listal rating (159 ratings) 7 IMDB Rating 6.9
The Lover (1992)

So idk how much of a valid complaint this is but:

too much fucking

SRS I'm comparing the film to the book here. Marguerite Duras' novel is a beautiful subdued tale of a tragic love that maybe was not even reciprocal, a deeply obsessive and destructive possibly one sided romance between two sad lonely people.

The movie captures some of that haunting essence, but the abundance of sexual exposition degrades it to a baser level. Yes, the sensuality between the the girl and her lover is a huge part of the story, but too much soils the melancholy of the relationship imo.

Other than that the movie gets it ok. There is more ambiguity in the novel which I like a lot, whereas everything is spelled out like "The Lover for Dummies" in the film.

It took me forever to watch this movie and when I saw the ending I cried lol. Not even because of the movie itself but because it was reminding me of my own trash personal life. But anyway the atmosphere and cinematography are gorgeous:

You can almost feel the forlorn, earthy and exotic environment of Vietnam in the room when you watch it. It transports you.

The acting is kind of terrible and overdone at parts lol and they mess with Duras' writing in transferring it into dialogue, but ofc this is a given.

My favourite scene is when the girl visits her lover, who is smoking opium in order to ease his emotional pain at having to leave her and marry a Chinese bride. He talks about how the drug numbs his pain or else he would die of love for her. She just watches him with an empty gaze. We never know what she's thinking.

Not a perfect movie, but it's a memorable and ethereal ode to ephemeral love.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 1 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 6.4

I didn't even mean to watch this tbh I was just lying on the couch half dead and spaced out.

Then I flipped to TCM and I saw... a silent movie with a cute monkey trained to walk around and do human shit uWu. Could not change the channel after that.

Other than the frightening benevolent racism and the nagging ponderings of what abuse poor monkey may have suffered, this was a decent Our Gang film I mean it's a monkey who runs around and does stunts and shit.

Everybody loves monkeys, especially if it's a monkey driving a group of children around in a stolen police car which he crashes and the kids don't even die they just get up and walk away to leave the monkey confused and scratching his ass.


it's a fucking monkey doing cool shit
Severin Severin's rating:

Protagonists Johan and Marianne win the award for the most retarded dysfunctional couple of all time.

The two engage in a sick and codependent marriage that starts off onscreen as a seemingly benign and dull affair. Slowly we see their relationship unravel as Johan cucks Marianne with a hoe like half his age.

The sad thing is, Marianne STILL wants her man and cries over him and begs him not to leave.

Then this mournfulness descends into disgust for Johan, who proceeds to bash his ex into a bloody mess in the most disturbing scene in the movie.

And then they love and fuck again and cannot leave each other even though they are divorced and with other people. Their perverse love survives every storm.

So what was Bergman trying to say about love? A bitch don't wanna be cliched but: love is pain and abuse. Sometimes emotional, sometimes physical. To love is to..... do I have to say it.... suffer. Love is Johan and Marianne's eternal trap, and at the end they fall asleep in one another's arms but the next day they will go back to their spouses. That's just how things are.

Who doesn't though tbh lmao ?
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 267 Average listal rating (100 ratings) 6.8 IMDB Rating 7.1
I absolutely hate children's movies and Disneyfied nonsense about happy brats. However I absolutely adore movies about horribly delinquent kids with fractured decimated childhoods (Don't try to psychoanalyze me bitch)

And of course if it's by Neil Jordan (or as I like to call him, the bloody Mick), there's gonna be some disturbing shit going on in the movie.

Ay there is here with the wee ginger lad in the film. Eamonn Ownes gives a stunning performance as the psychotic and raged filled Francie Brady, a boy who just can't get a break and whose idea of a fun day out is attempting to strangle weaker classmates with a metal chain and attacking pedo priests who force him to wear bonnets.

Sounds brilliant right? Let me highlight my fav aspects of this masterpiece:

- Francie hallucinating visions of holy angels in random places but it's actually schizophrenia

- Francie destroying then shitting in the home of his most hated neighbour

- Francie working at a butcher's for extra $ and having deep heart to hearts with pig carcasses

- Francie chugging whiskey alone on a darkened beach while screaming and swearing and having a mental breakdown

What an adorable wee bairn. This is a ginger with hella soul.

A bizarre and demented movie, and a memorable and excellent portrait of youthful isolation and deprivation. It's tragic, comedic, satirical and depressing and will make you laugh and crave early death at the same time.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 467 Average listal rating (321 ratings) 6.7 IMDB Rating 6.9

This remake obviously doesn't exceed the power of the original, and I don't think Tom Savini was trying to do that anyways. This version is more like a reinterpretation of the original and still has the ability to frighten the piss out of the viewer for sure.

My fave aspect of the movie:

Tony fuckin' Todd

Dude is an amazing actor, who I've loved ever since I saw him in Candyman. His presence and acting ability are fantastic, and he has a commanding and hypnotic voice that spellbinds the viewer. A more than worthy Ben to follow up Duane Jones' A+ acting in the original.

I like how they powered up Barbara's character too because she was such a frail weakling in the original.

Overall though, the 68 version is the winner because the black and white ominousness and atmosphere are unbeatable, whereas here the film can go from brutal and scary to hilariously campy, especially when Harry starts screaming at his wife to get back in the basement and grabs her 500 times.

Literally a character just devoted to yelling at everyone especially his poor wife it's disturbing at first then lmao and overdone.

I give this 7 splattered brains on the pavement out of 10 decomposed zombie corpses
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 100 Average listal rating (53 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 7.1
Picnic (1956)

This is one of those movies that was daring in its time, but comes off as sappy and overblown now.

It's another one of those 1950s "whiny drifter comes into small town and fucks shit up" little whirlwinds.

ex: The Chase, The Wild One, The Long Hot Summer, A Face in the Crowd, Rebel Without a Cause, The Fugitive Kind, etc etc etc

William Holden looks a way bit past his prime though he was like 37 in this rip... He's supposed to be smoulderingly sexual or some shit and have all the chicks in town wild for his D but tbh he comes across as someone's tired old uncle LOL.

Kim Novak plays a repressed and terrified chick who always makes sad faces anytime someone talks to her.

Shit happens and Billy H gets his shirt ripped and the town gets upset etc.

No, there is no Marlon Brando coming into town on a cool motorbike.

It all gets tiresome after awhile.

However I really liked cute lil Susan Strasberg as the nerd intellectual sister.

Very adorable and my fave character in the movie.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 60 Average listal rating (37 ratings) 6.9 IMDB Rating 6.9
Georgy Girl (1966)

Story: Lynn Redgrave is dumpy.

Look at her. She is so plain! Like totally omg! She doesn't wear makeup and groom well!

She is different from other girlies, wowie.

Oi m8, this was rebellious in 1966 England.

So there she is, poor ugly Georgy Girl. Can she ever find love? Or is she too ugly?

So funny seeing James Mason playing another pedo creep, like he did in Lolita. They gave that manz the creepiest roles for some reason. Alan Bates is annoying AF in this.

And Charlotte Rampling?

Cool as usual. Ice fucking cool.
Severin Severin's rating:
People who added this item 421 Average listal rating (305 ratings) 7.1 IMDB Rating 7.5

What I learned from this movie:

If your boyfriend really loves you, he'll break a bitch's legs for you.

But seriously though. Here we have the opportunity for a brilliant and honest biopic that covers trashy Tonya Harding's checkered legacy as... the craziest bitch in figure skating, and perhaps even all sports. Instead, this movie covers her ass and paints her as an innocent... Yes her boyfriend's goon bffl bashed up her rival's legs, but little Tonnie was not involved!

At all!

We know better, babe.

Still a quality movie though with fun uses of montages and hokey vintage pop music to highlight the absurdity of Tonya's mess of a life story. Margot Robbie is fantastic, and now I actually remember who she is bc before I confused her with Amber Heard lol I thought she was generic hot blonde but man can she A C T
Severin Severin's rating:

Sooo... I barely watch movies anymore I'm dead af...... very lazy and disinterested but here I am, occasionally rambling about the sludge here and there I manage to slog through. I hope the audience of 0.0001 humans who reads this crap enjoys it aheh

Added to

54 votes
All "Watched in 2018" lists on Listal (280 lists)
list by Triggerhappy6
Published 5 years, 11 months ago 6 comments

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