Added by Xanadon't on 4 Dec 2012 12:39

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Worst Movies of 2012 - Xanadon't

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Decade: Rating: List Type:

197

5.3

5.2

Silent House (2012)

Absolute and utter bore of a movie devoid of scares. It relies upon a gimmick that would have us believe the entire thing is shot in a single, unbroken take. (It's not.) This gimmick does nothing to effectively contribute to anything satisfying. It only calls attention to how little else the movie has working in its favor and illuminates how unfortunate it is that Elizabeth Olson wasted her talent in this silly snooze-fest.

Worse yet, the late plot revelations confirm exactly where you knew the movie was going, but hoped it wasn't. So yes, we get some dark and depressing material that is supposed to add some heft and weight to the film, but actually only makes the experience more miserable. Avoid.

Xanadon't's rating:

4.9

5.3

Meeting Evil (2012)

Probably the least memorable movie on the list, despite the fact that I saw it more recently than most of these titles. What I do know is that movies are made up of many different components. You've got direction, performance, story, dialogue, characterization, music... This movie had all these things. And they were all executed terribly.

Xanadon't's rating:

1948

6.3

6.9

Ted (2012)

Do you see a stale, unfunny premise for a labored and too-incoherent-and-plain-stupid-to-actually-be-offensive joke up there? Cuz that's exactly what it is, and this movie is full of them.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force
South Park
Family Guy

All animated television shows that range from moderately entertaining to, when at their best, genuinely comedic, clever, and inspired.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
Ted

All shitty feature film efforts delivered by these original series creators that have no idea what to do with 90 minutes and an 'R' rating.

Xanadon't's rating:

325

6.6

6.8

Trouble with the Curve (2012)

Bland, bland, bland. Also predictable, corny, clumsy, and absolutely empty of anything with real meaning.

Xanadon't's rating:

385

5.4

5.6

Wanderlust (2012)

Had this movie been funny it would've been a stupid, funny movie. Instead it's just stupid.

Xanadon't's rating:

1153

6.7

Chronicle (2012)

I've grown to hate the found-footage fad with all of my bitter little soul. In nearly every case it's simply the most anti- everything I love about well crafted movies phenomenon that I can think of. But honestly, I'm tired of ranting about it.

I know most people say, "This was really good for a found-footage movie." Wheres I think of it in terms of "this was a really shitty and self-defeating sci-fi movie."

Xanadon't's rating:

264

5.7

6.1

Friends with Kids (2012)

Bunch of unlikeable people populating a smug movie with an "I'm better than you" attitude. Go fuck yourself Friends with Kids.

Xanadon't's rating:

453

6.3

6.4

Contraband (2012)

It's just tired and lame. The fact that the movie tries to pretend it's a TOTAL BADASS just makes it more repulsive.

Oh, and hi-fives to Mark Wahlberg and Giovanni Ribisi for both appearing in two of the shittiest movies of the year together. Good thinkin' guys.

Xanadon't's rating:

505

6.1

6.2

The Five-Year Engagement (2012)

The world needs another 140 minute Rom-Com like I need another thing to go wrong with my fucking car.

Xanadon't's rating:

638

7.1

7.2

Beasts of the Southern Wild

Ugh. It's too soon to mentally revisit this movie. If you're curious you can read my thoughts on it here:

www.listal.com/list/december-movie-journal-xanadont

Xanadon't's rating:

Voters of this movie list - View all

I do my best not to see shitty movies. I really do. So you're never going to find Adam Sandler's latest shitfest flick on one of my "Worst of" lists because I never saw it. Similarly, a 0% fresh-rated Eddie Murphy movie just won't ever get my time. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I gave a movie a 1/10 rating. This is by design.

But that said, I still make poor judgement calls every now and then. I'll see a movie that I damn well know will be bad, but for some reason or another I ignore my instincts. And then of course sometimes you get those movies that genuinely appear promising only they turn out to be total shit. Ah, and finally, now and then you get the case where I just hated a movie at a gut level, despite the fact that many or even most sensible enough people enjoyed it. There seems to be at least one of these every year, and this year is no exception.

Anyways, here's a recap of what went the most wrong for me in 2012.