Kanna's Facetious and Irrelevant Movie Diary 2014

"Hey you're a well known Japanese actor want to help me make a fantasy version of 47 Ronin for Hollywood by adding some authenticity?"
"Sure why not, what's the worst that can happen"

"When they said authentic I assumed we would speak Japanese, dammit, this can't be good"

"Even I can't save this one"


Oh Keanu where to start, no I should stop because I actually like Keanu. This is not good, it's entertaining I guess but no not good. They've taken a great story that didn't need anything extra added to it and then they added a lot. Sanada is solid as usual, Kikuchi is fantastic and the main reason for me not hating it.

Here's my advice if you like watching Keanu battle the supernatural go watch Constantine. If you like the samurai movie part watch any number of Japanese Samurai movies, a recent one I really liked was 13 Assassin's. If you want a bad combination of both saved by great visuals and a couple of actors trying their best watch this.

"Five, you hear me! Five times my salary from the first or find someone else for the money grab sequel"

I say that but I watched it anyway didn't I. I'll be honest it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. They still had some of the genuine feeling and comedy from the first but it was also reaching quite a bit. The first was a revelation this one is a decent sequel but don't expect anything new just better action.

No. Just no. It only gets two stars because a few of the fight scenes were okay.

"For the last time we are not calling it Miss Un-Congenialty!"

It was entertaining I'll say that, it doesn't bring anything new just a couple of likable actresses in a usual storyline. Nice they gave Melissa McCarthy some serious moments. Should have given her more though as they are the more memorable parts of the film

"We're too old for this shit"

"Hey buddy, that's my line!"

It's an entertaining movie, pretty much the same as the last one but they decided to make it more unbelievable, which unfortunately in this case meant worse. Loved Antonio Banderas cameo though. Let's face it if they make the third one though I'll still watch it.

Yeah no more mini reviews, so people may watch it for Justin Long but you'll like it because of Tyler Labine and Addison Timlin (above) and the dynamic they have.

So it's as predictable as the first which is fine, takes the piss out of Steve Jobs as well. Let's face it you watch it for the cool food animals and it's good for a chuckle.

"And behold! The rest of the world will care about Thanksgiving"

No, no we won't. Very predictable and just missed the mark more often that hit. Except for George Takei as S.T.E.V.E. he rocked.

"We're as cool as Bridesmaids, watch us!"

Don't. Re-watch Bridesmaids instead. The difference is you like the bridesmaids characters, these you want to slap

"Five, five times more now that I have an Oscar. It's great!"

Everyone loved this movie, I liked it as well but was not in love with it and after thinking about it I worked out why. The acting is amazing, the story line is not. That was the difference, the acting was better than the script.

"I'll say the one liners, you hear me!"

Arnie wins the one-liner context by the way. Good old fashioned action movie in there and they didn't try to pretend they are too young or overplay the old factor.

"You're top billing? Bitch please I'm Bob De Niro"

I have no idea why it took me so long to see this, but yeah it's good and worth the wait.

"The franchise is in your hands oh skinny white boy of the breaking voice......dammit!"

Okay so I liked, lots of people bag it and there apparently some protest about the author of the book or something but I watched it for what it was and liked it.

"I can't believe they're making another one, oh well it's their money"

Please make the bad man stop. One point each for De Niro, Stiller, Streisand, Hoffman, Keitel and Alba. Then minus a point for Owen Wilson and wasting Alba.

"Another based on a true story movie? I need a new agent"

It's okay but could have been so much better, I personally found Jon Bernthal's storyline better.

"Hmmm, two yellow brick roads, they don't mention this in the song!"

Yeah I quite liked it, the second half as good and you feel like slapping James Franco for the majority of the movie, but that was the point. Visually amazing.

"You will like this movie because I'm James Bond errr Sean Connery"

So I really like Terry Gilliam as a director but this really missed the mark for me. Wasn't bad but I felt disappointed but that may be due to expecting too much.

ANIMAL!!!

It's the Muppets, what's not to like?

"That's right you're watching this to see me in this dress aren't you"

I thought this was a good concept, had a good cast to carry it off but rather than go witty they went smutty and missed the mark

I should have something witty to put here, but yeah, it's a movie about Donkey Kong.

So this hooked me in. I know, I know sounds stupid but it has good guys, villains and a conspiracy theory. Laugh at me after you watch and start getting engrossed on a totally preposterous topic

"Finally! I get to play a dodgy bad guy instead of a dodgy looking good guy!"

A good premise but they got to bogged down in Franco vs Statham and ignored the side stories which were interesting. Totally wasted a great Kate Bosworth.

"One more pedophile joke and we get medieval on your ass"

Totally stupid, totally inappropriate and totally funny if you're in the right mood.

"I'm Asian and White, everybody hates me!"

Okay I think I stole that from somewhere but doesn't matter. Another movie it took me a long time to see and I don't know why. I really like the suspenseful horror movies. Have to watch the original now.

"Pfft! Heroes is over move on, I got the Hunger Games now!"

Good cast of veterans and up and comers but they didn't get much to work with, except a lot of cliches and corny lines.

"You're joking right, you're going to be Lex Luthor?"

It has good moments, then loses itself, then finds itself, then gets lost again. Well you get the idea.

Not a bad movie, lots of the guys walking around with a shirt because that helps you shoot better

"Stop! Hammer Time!"

I was skeptical when I heard there was a lot of singing in this one but I really liked, it's funny and the music really helped it. Hence the Oscar I guess.

"See, I'm still young enough for an action role!"

Wow, let me see. A point each for Jai Courtney and Yvonne Strahovski, another for Miranda Otto and Aaron Eckhart. Two for the fight scenes and minus one for Bill Nighy chewing up scenery (don't judge I normally love him). Anymore said about this movie is a use of oxygen that could be better used.

I think the above says enough.

"Hey I know I'm not Chris Tucker but give me a chance"

It is what it is. Short of the first one but still entertaining.

"Dude don't look at the camera, be cool"

IT gives a great insight into the whole Irish Rebellion that you normally don't get, they go behind the headlines you normally read. Great acting too.

"Really? You don't have an Oscar yet? Even I have one and I did What About Steve and Speed 2!"
"Yeah but I did Batman and Robin and killed a franchise"

Visually amazing, take a leap with the story line and you'll enjoy it, everyone else has written enough already about it

"Oh what a feeling! Toy-O-Ta"

It's a good bit of family fun that caters to all ages really, you don't need to think too much either and quite nice to look at. After Warrior though Joel Edgerton should have gone with something stronger, he was amazing in that amazing movie

"Okay so we're in agreement, I'll use a British accent, you'll use a bad American one and we'll both walk around looking good in beautiful settings and they won't notice the terrible storyline"

People bagged this movie and so I avoided it but then I finally got around to watching it. I see why they bagged it.

"Say hello to my little, wait a minute. Oh just pay me already"

I really like John Cusack, when did all his movies become B grade. Oh well it turned out better than I expected I must admit but still, it can't shake the feeling of B grade

"Oh you think this movie will be shit? Say that to my face"

Seriously you know the Peter Wilder Willy Wonka Meme, how isn't there one for that photo. So let me see, this movie is nothing new on the first one. The story line is good enough to keep ticking over. They go a bit overboard with the blood and the Queen of Sparta didn't need such a big role but still enjoyable! That and Eva Green is just awesome.

"You want me to overact? Where do I sign!

More Muppets, hey it's a good laugh and never pretends to be more than it is

"Now take the morning lotus to the mounting crane position, and breathe in"

So this movie is epic. Go see it. I mean now. Why are you reading this still. Only gets 9 as the first one got 10 and this isn't as good. Only reason.

"What? I think this haircut can help re-launch my career. People forget don't they?"

This one snuck up on me a bit. It's nothing special, your usual by the numbers but it's a well done by the numbers until the end which gets it the seven

"I'm Batman"

Oh Batman you silly goose. We laughed our ass off when we watched it, go watch it it deserves the hype.

"Did you just say my tattoo is lame compared to everyone else in the movie? What are you....oh good point"

Went along to this not expecting too much but was very pleasantly surprised. Didn't try to hit you over the head with too much romance but went with the storyline which was quite interesting

"Who said token? I'll kick your ass!"

I liked the first one and I like his story better than the other Avengers so I had high hopes and it wasn't disappointing at all. Only problem seems that it wasn't telling a story but simply a movie to move the storyline of the Avengers total storyline along.

"Planes? Yes I'm advertising it. I'm not a plane you say. Hmmmm we're Disney it doesn't count"

I was due for a crap one, wasn't too bad just way way way too obvious and lacked the character of Cars. I can see what they were trying to do, and it didn't work

"Come again, we're re-writing it as a zombie movie, oh bugger"

Started as a smart science fiction movie, for 15 minutes or so, then turned into a crappy horror movie. If you want a science fiction/horror movie look elsewhere there are plenty. If you want a science movie with a touch of horror and atmosphere go watch Europa Report, it surprised me and hopefully you too!

"Call me Bella one more time bitch, I dare you"

Where to start, it's not good, it's not bad. It moved along at a quick pace, didn't make me lose interest and kept me laughing, although I was not sure I was supposed to laugh at the points where I did. Still, better than Twilight

"I don't have the Pirates franchise any more and I know you have Star Trek, but please don't screw this up"

Well he does, okay so it's not a bad movie but it underwhelms. I've had this chat with a few people and we all came to the same conclusion. Supporting cast great, Chris Pine is not bad but he is not Jack Ryan, even Affleck did it better. Which gives us hope for Batman.

"No I will not sign your Twilight poster!"

Wait for the one with The Rock, I haven't seen it but it has to be better than this piece of crap.

"Yes I know I look stupid with pixie red hair but it's what the fan boys wanted"

So I had either seen parts of this before or I can predict movies really well. I can't pick the reason I liked this so much but for some reason I did. I think I was just in the mood for a noir like matrix film. Yeah I know that sounds weird.

"Shit, it's the ticket collector"

So good, cast good director, you know what good movie. I don't know why this didn't get more notice but you should check it out. Parts of the storyline but if you go with it you will enjoy it.

"So you think they'll buy into this being a corporate James Bond?"
"No, but we have accents that make us cool so it's okay"

Boom, I'm at 50. Would have picked a better movie had I known it was going to be the 50th but it wasn't too bad. It's not trying to be James Bond don't worry. It's quite decent though for something different. Based on comic books apparently so will have to give that a look.