British Comedy: The Adam and Joe Show

Years: 1996-2001
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish, Zac Sandler
Stars: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Episodes: 22
Episode Average: 6.045

BEST EPISODES:
Series 3, Episode 1 (1999), Series 1, Episode 2 (1996)

The DVD is unfortunately only a 'Best of',
so does not include all sketches listed here.

SERIES ONE

(1996)
4 episodes
Series Score: 28
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 11 September 1996
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Toytrainspotting --- Titles & Shaky Cam
BaaadDad: Josh Wink, Frank Black, Ice Cube & Dr. Dre
Free Stuff on Magazines --- Investigation: Free Stuff
Top 5 Great Candle Fiddles --- Waiter Power --- CD's
Vinyl Justice: Cerys - Catatonia --- Airplane Disaster Movies
Louise's Guide to Life: 1. Yourinals --- Stuff We Got Sent

"My pick of the week is undoubtedly Frank Black. Full of good humour. No hatred and no chaos. If only he'd do a duet with Kiri Te Kanawa, that would really pump my nards."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 18 September 1996
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Seven --- Studio Audience
BaaadDad: Underworld, Chemical Brothers, Prodigy
American Cereals --- Trust Me, I'm a Doktor --- The Internet
90's Action Man --- Star Wars TV: Chew've Been Framed
Pelican West --- Vinyl Justice: Nick Heyward
Louise's Guide to Life: 2. Parties --- Stuff We've Found in Shops

"Excuse me but I'm not dead! I've been trying to sleep and since when has it been illegal to fart in bed and enjoy the smell? At least I've got air freshener, you bloody pigs!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 25 September 1996
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Showtoys --- The Little Things in Life
How Americans See the UK --- Video Boxsets
Louise's Guide to Life: 3. Videoshops --- Compilation Tapes
BaaadDad: Peter Andre, Louise, Spice Girls --- Serial Killer Movies
Vinyl Justice: Neil Hannon - The Divine Comedy
New in the Shop This Week

"My name is Porky O'Rourke, I am the director of Goddess. At this stage, I am looking for two things - your tits. so get 'em out and let's do this."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 31 December 1996
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Star Wars TV: Blind Data --- New Year's Eve
BaaadDad: Pet Shop Boys, 2 Pac, Babybird
Top 3 Car Passenger Pastimes --- Top of the Stops
Video vs. Cinema --- Toymovies: Toykids --- Space Dust & Coke
Vinyl Justice: Euros & John - Gorky's Zygotic Mynci
Crisp Flavour Colours --- Louise's Guide to Life: Walking Down the Street
Stuff Released This Year

"I'd be a laser, cos I'm the kind of guy who sees a girl and then shoots her... I mean lays her."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES TWO

(1998)
6 episodes
Series Score: 35
Episode Average: 5.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 17 October 1998
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: The Toy Patient --- Viewfinder
BaaadDad: Tribal Gathering --- Colds --- Room 4 Change
Advertisement: Clean & Clear
Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in the Movies: 1. The Pitch
Product Bereavement --- Vinyl Justice: Gary Numan --- The Footie Song

"The food on sale seems pretty awful, but luckily I've brought my own picnic. One only needs to take out one's baguette to attract some very attractive young things."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 24 October 1998
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Shiney --- Investigation: You Break It, You Pay For It
Top 5 Fag Packet Fiddles --- BaaadDad: The Verve, Radiohead, Blur
Special Restored Edition Videos --- Star Wars TV: Starwars in Their Eyes
Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in the Movies: 2. Research
Making the Most of Your Travel Time --- Vinyl Justice: Ahmet Zappa

"Come outside and see,
3PO will be,
Waiting for you there,
Touch me if you dare.
R2D2,
I love you,
You're a firm and shining little droid.
Come on, R2D2, touch me,
R2D2, take me,
You're the droid for me,"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 31 October 1998
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
ToyTV: Emergency Playroom --- Virtual Reality Cyber Studio
BaaadDad: Phoenix Festival --- Investigation: Street Artists
High-Concept CD Boxes
Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in the Movies: 3. Casting
Surviving Rock Concerts --- Vinyl Justice: Edwyn Collins
Food & Dreams --- This Is the Morning

"This compilation of tracks by dead rappers comes in this coffin-shaped box which looks so annoyingly tall and out of place, that you almost wanna go and shoot the people that made it, but you can't because they've already shot each other."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 7 November 1998
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Star Wars TV: TFI --- An Audience with Adam & Joe
BaaadDad: No Doubt, Hanson, Chumbawumba
Investigation: Rentboys --- Toymovies: Creche
Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in the Movies: 4. The Shoot
Microwave Ovens --- Vinyl Justice: Symposium

"So my pick of the week is Hanson with Mmmmbop. Fresh pop from these invigorating, enthusiastic young ladies."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 14 November 1998
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
ToyTV: Stuff This Life --- Adam & Joe's Big Money Game
BaaadDad: V97 --- Pulling Off a Successful Sickie
Investigation: In-Store Music --- Advertisement: Mobility Skootah
Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in the Movies: 5. Editing
Typical Camcorder Reactions --- Vinyl Justice: Stereolab --- The Tetris Song

"The more opening credits your film has, the better. Most of these are just made-up nonsense."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 21 November 1998
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
ToyTV: F.U.R.E.N.D.S. --- BaaadDad: Oasis, Supergrass, Elton John
Simple Greetings Guidelines --- Vinyl Justice: Dave Navarro
Star Wars TV: Leia!
Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in the Movies: 6. The Premiere
Behind-the-Scenes --- Organising a Piss-Up in a Brewery

"'F.U.R.E.N.D.S.' is sponsored by Adam and Joe - silly nonsense from two twats in a bedroom."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SERIES THREE

(1999)
6 episodes
Series Score: 42
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 10 September 1999
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Saving Private Lion --- Homemade ---BaaadDad: Coolio
Investigation: Wax Museum --- Star Wars TV:This Morning
Tip For Dealing With Forgotten Names --- Vinyl Justice: Mark E Smith
Celebrity Impressions --- The Robert De Niro Calypso

"Ah, don't be ignorant. Everyone knows the Second World War was fought entirely by American actors."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 17 September 1999
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish, Zac Sandler

SKETCHES:
ToyTV: Ally McSqueal --- Adam & Joe Alliance
BaaadDad: Ibiza - Cream, Trade, Space
Investigation: Street Entertainers
Ken Korda's Guide on Forming a Teen Band: 1. Auditions
Sleeping Positions --- Adam & Joe's Record Store Guide: Part 1
Vinyl Justice: Frank Black

"I'm a projection of your subconscious desire to eat lots of food and enjoy yourself, instead of being a miserable whiny bitch."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 24 September 1999
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Shakesbeare in Love --- Pulled Over
BaaadDad: Jake & Dinos Chapman --- Investigation: Psycho Shoppers
Star Wars TV: Who Wants to Be Killed On Air?
Vinyl Justice: Thomas Dolby --- My Name is Roscoe

"Romeo, Romeo, this is Juliet Bravo. Wherefore art thou? Over."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 1 October 1999
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
ToyTV: Stuffed Trek - The Toy Generation --- Crazy Crew
BaaadDad: Club 18-30 --- Investigation: Disguises
Ken Korda's Guide on Forming a Teen Band: 2. Recording the Single
Casting Out Unclean Objects --- Adam & Joe's Record Store Guide: Part 2
Vinyl Justice: Mark Morriss

"Lieutenant Woof, that language may be acceptable on Battlestar Galactica, but not aboard the Kinder Surprise."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 8 October 1999
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Toytanic --- Disembodied Voice Guy
Ken Korda's Guide on Forming a Teen Band: 3. The Live Show
Investigation: Docu-Soaps --- Star Wars TV: Jedi Springer
Vinyl Justice: Alexis Arquette --- Song for Bob Hoskins

"So, there you have it - My guide to forming a teen band is complete. 1471 are destined to make Billie look silly, and crap all over Steps."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 15 October 1999
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Toymovies: Toytanic - Part Two --- Best Moments
BaaadDad: Manumission --- Dos and Don'ts For Life As a Retarded Driver
Investigation: Brand Renaming
Quick Guide to Dealing With the Most Common Pee-Pee Problems
Adam & Joe's Record Store Guide: Part 3
Simple Rules For Dealing With the Police --- Vinyl Justice: Ray Manzarek
The Revenge of BaaadDad

"What ya gonna look like with a chimney on your... What ya gonna look like with a chimney on your... What ya gonna look like with a chimney on your head?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FOUR

(2001)
6 episodes
Series Score: 28
Episode Average: 4.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S4E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 4 April 2001
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Musical Guests: Buffalo G
People Place: Putney Exchange Shopping Centre
The Media Chaos Collective: MP & Bank
Star Wars TV: The Imperial Family --- Clubbing Report
Street Skating Report --- The 1980's House: Moving In
Omniken: Handy Andy Kane
BaaadDad Undercover: The Teen Toff Ball Industry
Buffalo G: We're Really Saying Something

"Watch yourself, Puke Shitehawker, or you'll be back in the swamp levitating boxes with Kermit."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 11 April 2001
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
DVD Extra: Bonus Material --- Toymovies: American Beautoy
People Places: Cineworld, Bexleyheath
The Media Chaos Collective: Richard Branson
DVD Extra: Commentary --- DVD Extra: Storyboard-to-Scene
The 1980's House: The First Day --- NEWsic*: Justine - Elastica
BaaadDad Undercover: The Fashion World --- DVD Extra: Alternate Ending

"But it's actually more like being bored slowly to death by two self-obsessed wankers in a pub."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 18 April 2001
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Comedy Techniques: Twatsheet
People Places, Welcome Break, South Mimms --- The 1980's House: Party
The Media Chaos Collective: Street Pranks
Comedy Techniques: Warm-Up Gig --- Comedy Techniques: Pressures
Toymovies: Tufty Club --- Quizzlestick
Omniken: Pat Sharp --- Comedy Techniques: Writers Meeting

"Gentlemen, welcome to Tufty Club. The first rule of Tufty Club is, 'You do not cross the road between parked cars.' The second rule of Tufty Club is, 'You do not cross the road between parked cars.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 25 April 2001
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Shock TV Special --- People Places: Somerfield Supermarket, Woolwich
The Media Chaos Collective: Goitre --- Toyreview
Horrific Amateur Footage --- Weird World --- Omniken: Jenny Powell
Toaster Wars --- BaaadDad Undercover: Back to School
Gross-Out Stunt

"I honestly think that there was an angel there with me that day, or God, or whatever you want to call it, because if Joe had been wearing knives on his feet that day, my head would have been completely split open."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 2 May 2001
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Live Over the Internet --- People Places: Tooting Leisure Centre
NEWsic*: Steve & Richard - Beta Band --- Star Wars TV: Big Jabba
Interactive Phone Quiz --- Midnight Money
BaaadDad Undercover: More! Magazine
The Media Chaos Collective: The Public --- 200% --- Forum Messages

"Well, I once snogged my brother and I'm a Princess Leia-sbian."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 9 May 2001
Directed by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish
Written by: Adam Buxton, Joe Cornish

SKETCHES:
Top Ten Greatest TV Moments Ever: Numbers 10 & 9
People Places: Polhill Garden Centre, Badgers Mount
NEWsic*: Stuart - Mogwai --- Scene-to-Scene: Guy Richtoy
Top Ten Greatest TV Moments Ever: Numbers 7 & 2
Advertisement: Studio
The Media Chaos Collective: The Millennium Dome --- Anecdote
BaaadDad Undercover: Media Watch TV Presenter Training
A&JOL Cyberwoman --- Top Ten Greatest TV Moments Ever: Number 1

"Well, that scene there, I actually used a technique I got off Tarantino known as copying."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

ADAM BUXTON

in... Ken Korda's Guide to Making It in
the Movies (S2E1)

JOE CORNISH

in... The Media Chaos
Collective (S3E1)

NIGEL BUXTON

in... The Revenge of
BaaadDad (S3E6)

CERYS
MATTHEWS

(Series, 1, Episode 1)

NICK
HEYWARD

(Series, 1, Episode 2)

NEIL
HANNON

(Series, 1, Episode 3)

EUROS &
JOHN

(Series, 1, Episode 4)

GARY
NUMAN

(Series, 2, Episode 1)

AHMET
ZAPPA

(Series, 2, Episode 2)

EDWYN
COLLINS

(Series, 2, Episode 3)

SYMPOSIUM

(Series, 2, Episode 4)

STEREOLAB

(Series, 2, Episode 5)

DAVE
NAVARRO

(Series, 2, Episode 6)

MARK E
SMITH

(Series, 3, Episode 1)

FRANK
BLACK

(Series, 3, Episode 2)

THOMAS
DOLBY

(Series, 3, Episode 3)

MARK
MORRISS

(Series, 3, Episode 4)

ALEXIS
ARQUETTE

(Series, 3, Episode 5)

RAY
MANZAREK

(Series, 3, Episode 6)

JUSTINE:
ELASTICA

(Series, 4, Episode 1)

STEVE & RICHARD:
BETA BAND

(Series, 4, Episode 5)

STUART:
MOGWAI

(Series, 4, Episode 6)

HANDY ANDY
KANE

(Series, 4, Episode 1)

PAT
SHARP

(Series, 4, Episode 3)

JENNY
POWELL

(Series, 4, Episode 4)