British Comedy: A Bit of Fry & Laurie

Years: 1987-1995
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie
Stars: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie
Episodes: 25 (+pilot)
Episode Average: 6.923*

BEST EPISODES:
Series 3, Episode 3 (1992), Pilot (1987)

*including pilot

PILOT

(1987)

PILOT

PILOT

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1987
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Customs Camera --- Hellish Holiday Photographs
Problems Around the Eye Area --- The Privatisation of the Police Force
Critics: The Privatisation of the Police Force
William Wegman's 'Deodorant' --- Loveliness
Pinstripe Soup --- Mystery --- Gordon & Stuart: Breaking Eggs
You Can't Say That Anymore --- Toy Car Showroom
It Was a Funny Old War --- Australian Soap Opera

"Different country,
You and I have always lived in a different country,
And I know that airline tickets don't grow on a tree,
So what kept us apart is plain for me to see,
That much at least is not really a mystery."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES ONE

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 47
Episode Average: 7.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1989
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #1 --- Biology Lesson Complaint --- Vox Pops #2
Poetic Advice - Vox Pops #3 --- Education Speech
Vox Pops #4 --- SAS Application
Ted Cunterblast: The West Indies - A Nation of Cricketers
Vox Pops #5 --- Spoon Bending with Mr. Nude --- Vox Pops #6
Cancelled Sketch --- Bitchmother, Come Light My Bottom

"Well, I don't actually call myself a school, no."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1989
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #7 --- Information Desk --- Vox Pops #8 --- Derek Nippl-e
Vox Pops #9 --- We're Discussing: Language --- America
Richard Morley Interview --- Control & Tony: Firefly & Glow-Worm
Vox Pops #10 --- Busker --- Hand Exercise --- Vox Pops #11
John & Peter: Marjorie Wants Control

"Now, our language, tiger, our language, hundreds of thousands of available words, frillions of legitimate new ideas,so that I can say the following sentence and be utterly sure that nobody has ever said it before in the history of human communication, 'Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.' Perfectly ordinary words, but never before put in that precise order. A unique child delivered of a unique mother."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1989
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #12 --- Hugh's Brain --- Vox Pops #13
Gordon & Stuart: Greek Restaurant --- Vox Pops #14
The Costume Designer --- Vox Pops #15 --- Herbal Remedy
Vox Pops #16 --- Open University Outtake --- Vox Pops #17
Control & Tony: Big Bad Wolf --- Vox Pops #18 --- Routine Enquiries

"Yeah, well, yes, but you don't inhale nylon socks. At least, I don't."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1989
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #19 --- Trouser Spotting Competition --- Vox Pops #20
Inked Ravens of Despair Claw Holes in the Arse of the World's Mind
Vox Pops #21 --- Stolen Sketch: Awful Smell --- Vox Pops #22
Say No To Madness --- Vox Pops #23
Stolen Sketch: Antiques Shop --- Vox Pops #24 --- Control & Tony: Costain
The Bishop & The Warlord: I'm a Bitch On Heat
Vox Pops #25 --- The Drug Dealer & the Bank Manager
Nipple Confession --- Vox Pops #26 --- Stolen Sketch: Inspector Venice
Vox Pops #27 --- Tomorrow's World

"I'm a hard-headed woman,
I'm a bitch on heat,
Woof Woof,
Woofety Woofety Woofety."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1989
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #28 --- Lavatorial Confusion --- Critics: Lavatorial Confusion
The Witness Is a Lesbian --- Critics: The Witness Is a Lesbian
Vox Pops #29 --- Ignored Teacher --- Vox Pops #30
Silhouettes: That's It! --- Hugh's Favourite Sketch
Critics: Hugh's Favourite Sketch, The Chair, The Floor
Vox Pops #31 --- I Knew Everyone --- Christening Indecision
Vox Pops #32 --- Swiss Comedy: Heidi and Johann Smell Just Right

"No, I long to nestle between Your Lordship's thighs."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 17 February 1989
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #33 --- Marjorie's Had a Fall --- Vox Pops #34
Puppy Appeal --- Vox Pops #35 - Silhouettes: Leave It Out!
Your Girlfriend's Breasts --- Vox Pops #36
Control & Tony: Report From Special Branch --- Vox Pops #37
Responsibility Television --- Vox Pops #38 --- Don't Kill the Chicken
Vox Pops #39 --- Your Cocoa'll Be Along In a Minute
Vox Pops #40 --- Tony of Plymouth (inc. Vox Pops #41)

"You should be out there having oral sex and killing people and watching women urinate in opera houses and eating hamburgers in opera houses drinking milk from the breats of Nepalese maidens."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

SERIES TWO

(1990)
6 episodes
Series Score: 39
Episode Average: 6.50
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 9 March 1990
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
A Lot Has Changed --- Vox Pops #42 --- Flushed Grollings
John & Peter: Takeover Bid --- Overeager Eye Witness
A Letter to My Grandfather --- Vox Pops #43
The Madness of Mr. Meddlicott --- Vox Pops #44 --- Commentators
Vox Pops #45 --- Control & Tony: Soviet Agent
Michael Jackson: Move It On Out Girl

"Oh, well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if it's not enough for you. I', sure you'd rather that I went around wrapped in bacon rind and pretending to be Florence Nightingale. Well, I'm sorry! I'm as mad as I am but no madder!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 16 March 1990
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
A Bit of Fry & Tideymans Carpets --- The Spillage That Wasn't
Vox Pops #46 --- Control & Tony: The Window --- Vox Pops #47
Trick or Treat --- Play It Again, Sam --- Vox Pops #48
Major Donaldson --- Vox Pops #49 --- John & Peter: Liquidation
Vox Pops #50 --- A Line For an Improvised Sketch

"Oh, this is, er...? This is one of those hidden camera things, is it? No? Oh, well, 'cause I was gonna say, it's very well hidden, is it?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 23 March 1990
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Protest --- Language in Court --- Over to You --- Vox Pops #51
Engagement Ring --- Old Girlfriends --- Mystery Object
The Westminster Society --- Vox Pops #52 --- John & Peter: The Hellcat
Vox Pops #53 --- Genital Fungus & Bottom Fondling

"Um, he said, 'Skank off, you cloffing cuck! You're all a load of shote-bag fuskers, so prunk that up your prime-ministering pim-hole.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 30 March 1990
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Big Enough For Brando --- Vox Pops #54 --- Dinner With Digby
Returning Suits --- Vox Pops #55 --- Alan: Record
When I Was Nine --- John & Peter: Public Lavatory Complex
The Robert Robinsons --- Vox Pops #56
Control & Tony: The Man In the Telescupe --- Big-O-Meter Update

"That's a true thing to say. But here's where the telescupe come in, because Tony? That man isn't in the room with us."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 6 April 1990
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
MBE Application Letter --- This is Dominic Appleguard
Vox Pops #57 --- The Rhodes Boysons Hour --- Vox Pops #58
Amputated Genitals --- Vox Pops #59 --- Jack & Freddy: The Cause
Vox Pops #60 --- Etoile d'Or (with Gordon & Stuart and Freddy)
Things That Happened in Films

"Well, surely you've seen people walking around with Dobermans before? Yeah, well, for men who have no genitals, the ownership of a Doberman, or a similarly violent animal, acts as an important psychological crutch. And I stress the word 'important'."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 13 April 1990
Directed by: Roger Ordish
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
A Letter, a Lid, and a Tribute --- Yellow Pages --- Vox Pops #61
We're Discussing: Beauty --- Anarchy --- John & Peter: Project Christcom
Vox Pops #62 --- My First Kiss --- Vox Pops #63
Tony Inchpractice: Trying to Borrow a Fiver Off...
Control & Tony: Our Masters In Whitehall
Tony Inchpractice: Introducing My Grandfather To...
I Have a Vision of Britain
Tony Inchpractice: Realising I've Given the Wrong Direction To...

"Hugh Laurie, whose real name was Hugh Laurie, was better known by his stage name, Hugh Laurie."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES THREE

(1992)
6 episodes
Series Score: 48
Episode Average: 8.00
Perfect 10's: 2

S3E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1992
Directed by: Kevin Bishop
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
The Chosen One --- Vox Pops #64 --- Very Upset
The Soul of Elvis --- Love Me Tender --- Chalice or Pot
Vox Pops #65 --- Alan: Steinbeck --- You, Yes, You, You, You
Vox Pops #66 --- Psychiarist Vs. Psychiatrist --- Vox Pops #67
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Whiskey Thunder

"And this is Berwhale the Avenger. The weapon of the Chosen One."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1992
Directed by: Kevin Bishop
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Condoms --- The Ambassador --- Vox Pops #68 --- Ampersands
The Duel --- Vox Pops #69 --- There Ain't But One Way
Vox Pops #70 --- Petrol Station Attendants --- Old Jobs
Vox Pops #71 --- Language Problems
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: A Slow Snog With a Distant Relative

"We don't care whose ass we kick,
If we're ever all alone,
We just stand in front of the mirror,
And try to kick our own."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1992
Directed by: Kevin Bishop
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Proud Northerner --- Vox Pops #72 --- We've Had Lots of Letters
Alan: Beiderbeck --- Hey Jude --- The Day I Forgot My Legs
Vox Pops #73 --- Terry, You're Fired! --- Question of Sport
Balloon-O! --- Vox Pops #74 --- Mr. Dalliard: Shoe Shop
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Everything In the Till and No Sudden Moves

"I stooped, I recall, to pick a buttercup. Why people leave buttocks lying around, I have no idea."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 30 January 1992
Directed by: Kevin Bishop
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Get Well Card --- Tony Inchpractice: Photocopying My Genitals With...
Vox Pops #75 --- From Here to Just Over There
Critics: From Here to Just Over There --- News Report Problems
The National Anthem --- Vox Pops #76 --- AA --- Pass the Marmalade
Vox Pops #77 --- Too Long, Johnny
Gelliant Gutfright: The Red Hat of Patferrick
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: A Mug of Horlicks

"You want me to arse the parlour maid?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 6 February 1992
Directed by: Kevin Bishop
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Complete Balls --- Soup or Broth? --- Vox Pops #78
Anthony & Nathaniel --- World of Sport: Bushwallyta
Are You Sleeping With My Wife? --- Vox Pops #79
The Aromusican, Ottoman Nodge --- Countdown --- Vox Pops #80
Jack & Neddy: Prime Minister --- Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Beef Goulash

"Well, you're obviously as confused as I am. The whole thing is just balls from start to finish and I want my money back. Hmm? Give me something, please, to read that doesn't go on about window seats I've never heard of, and doesn't have some dead bitch calling you 'Reader' all the time."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 13 February 1992
Directed by: Kevin Bishop
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Leaflets in Magazine --- Modelling --- Vox Pops #81 --- Joke Shop
Soup de Poisson --- Vox Pops #82 --- Tahitian Kitchen
My Favourite Pants --- Vox Pops #83
The Bishop & The Warlord: Grease My Gristle, Blow My Whistle
The Trial
Tony Inchpractice: Flying a Light Aeroplane Without Having Had...
Vox Pops #84 --- Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Berliner Credit Sequence

"Testicles? Bollocks, more like."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES FOUR

(1992)
6 episodes
Series Score: 36
Episode Average: 5.14
Perfect 10's: 0

S4E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 12 February 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Grey and Hopeless
Introducing the Guests: John Bird, Jane Booker & Dodger
Vox Pops #85 --- I Killed Your Parents --- The Comedy Charter
Vox Pops #86 --- Jane's Poem --- Smell: The Forgotten Sense
All We Gotta Do --- Wristchanger --- It's a Soaraway Life
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Golden Meteorite

"Angels don't frig, Rupert. We don't have the training."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 19 February 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Hamper --- Hugh's Accident --- Vox Pops #87 --- Show Me On the Doll
Introducing the Guests: Kevin McNally & Fiona Gillies
Vox Pops #88 --- English People Appear to Be the Most Ignorant in Europe
I'm In Love With Steffi Graf --- Lovers' Hamper
Fascism --- Vox Pops #89 --- I Waited --- Operational Criteria
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: A Long, Confident Suck

"The traffic, I had a flat headache. My wife turned up, the fire burnt down. Oh, what's the use?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 26 February 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Vox Pops #90 --- Introducing the Guests: Clive Mantle & Imelda Staunton
Vox Pops #91 --- The Barman's Offerings --- Vox Pops #92
I've Got to Pick Rebecca Up at 4:00 --- Little Girl
Vox Pops #93 --- Mr. Angry in the Kitchen --- Vox Pops #94
Don't Be Dirty! --- Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: South Seas Vulvic Wart

"It's been a big one, Bradley. It's been a really, really big one. I've pleasured myself hugely."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 5 March 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Historians of the Future
Introducing the Guests: Caroline Quentin & Patrick Barlow
Dave Wilson Football School --- Vox Pops #95
Mr. Dalliard: Model Shop --- Spotting the Guests In the Previous Sketch
Be Nice --- Vox Pops #96 --- Head Gardener
Gelliant Gutfright: Flowers For Wendy
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: A Quick One With You, Stephen

"'Cause I'm a good-ass mother-liker."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 12 March 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Oprah Winfrey --- Introducing the Guests: Stephen Moore & Phyllida Law
Racing Driver Interview --- Vox Pops #97
Councillor Wade Faces Some Difficult Question --- Vox Pops #98
Red and Shiny --- Quizline Appeal --- Vox Pops #99
Clover the Dachsie and Mr. Burmie --- Utter Contempt
Evidence of Wasps --- Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Swinging Ballsack

"And, of course, I don't like to see poochie-poop on my best carpet, and if I do, Clover knows she can expect a visit from the smack fairy."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 19 March 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Chess Match --- Introducing a Lack of Guests --- Young Tory of the Year
Vox Pops #100 --- Tommy McPherson, Variety Star
Gossiping Heads: Well I Never Did --- Vox Pops #101 --- Death Threat
Misunderstood --- Vox Pops #102
Honda Buys the British Government --- Hartington Castle
Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: Silver Prostate

"But he's always had his head in the clouds, has our Alan. Caught him trying to scour a milk pan with a tea bag once. I said, 'It's all very well knowing long words, but if you can't tell the difference between a box of Brillo pads and a packet of Typhoo One Cup, you'll never get on.'"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E7

EPISODE 7

Originally broadcast: 26 March 1995
Directed by: Bob Spiers
Written by: Stephen Fry, Hugh Laurie

SKETCHES:
Introducing the Guests: Janine Duvitski & Robert Daws
A New Religion --- Vox Pops #103 --- Sexual Negotiations
Sophisticated --- Autobiographical Monologue
Vox Pops #104 --- Telephone Confusion --- Level 9 Truant
Vox Pops #105 --- Mr. Music/Cocktail Recipe: A Modern Britain

"My client then suggests putting a hand up your client's skirt and having... a bit of an old feel."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08

01. The Privatisation of the Police Force (Pilot - 1987)
02. Gordon & Stuart: Greek Restaurant (S1E3 - 1989)
03. The Spillage That Wasn't (S2E2 - 1990)
04. John & Peter: The Hellcat (S2E3 - 1990)
05. You, Yes, You, You, You (S3E1 - 1992)
06. Gelliant Gutfright: The Red Hat of Patferrick (S3E4 - 1992)
07. Be Nice (S4E4 - 1995)
08. Hartington Castle (S4E6 - 1995)

A FEW OF HIS CHARACTERS

01 - - 02

03 - - 04

05 - - 06

07 - - 08

01. Gordon & Stuart: Breaking Eggs (Pilot - 1987)
02. Control & Tony: Firefly & Glow-Worm (S1E2 - 1989)
03. John & Peter: Liquidation (S2E2 - 1990)
04. Alan: Record (S2E4 - 1990)
05. The Duel (S3E2 - 1992)
06. Complete Balls (S3E5 - 1992)
07. Operational Criteria (S4E2 - 1995)
08. Little Girl (S4E3 - 1995)