British Comedy: Get Back

Years: 1992-1993
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps,
Maurice Gran, Laurence Marks, Paul Makin,
Bernard McKenna
Stars: Ray Winstone, Carol Harrison
Episodes: 15
Episode Average: 6.267

BEST EPISODE:
She's a Woman (1993), Ticket to Ride (1993)

SERIES ONE

(1992)
7 episodes
Series Score: 41
Episode Average: 5.86
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

HELP!

Originally broadcast: 26 October 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Maurice Gran, Laurence Marks

Martin faces ruin when the bank manager calls in his £150,000 overdraft, his brother decides to put his own kids first by refusing to help, and a lack of options means moving the family into his dad's pokey council flat.

"She's a very physical person is Lucy. She's reawakened something inside of me... Inside me trousers."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E2

WE CAN WORK IT OUT

Originally broadcast: 2 November 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Maurice Gran, Laurence Marks

Albert neglects to tell his brother the exact reason for throwing a dinner party, Eleanor tries to persuade a charity to help with her school fees, and the stress of the situation takes its toll on Martin's manhood.

"I admire you, son, the way you share things with your kids. I wish I'd shared more with you when you were young, told you and Albert the problem I had arousing your mother. Talk about frigid... You'd strap a pair of kippers to her and they'd keep fresh for a fortnight."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E3

NOT A SECOND TIME

Originally broadcast: 9 November 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Loretta complains about the impossible task of getting the flat clean, Martin looks for two grand for a van so he open a stall on the market, and Prudence invites Eleanor to join her and Albert on holiday in Vienna.

"Yes, it's the zirconian jewel in the gold-plated crown."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E4

DON'T LET ME DOWN

Originally broadcast: 16 November 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Martin needs to find a way to cover the cost of an Arsenal season ticket, Eleanor pretends to be ill to get out of her first day at the new school, and Loretta gets grief for asking Albert for a job as a window dresser.

"We don't have secrets, well, none she knows about anyway."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN

Originally broadcast: 23 November 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Martin and Loretta are called in to discuss Jojo's behaviour at school, Bernie moves back in after a row with Lucy about buying a new suit, and the discovery of a building society book comes as a bit of a shock.

"I want it sorted. I've put up with a lot from you, Bernie. Reusing teabags, wearing your overcoat in bed to save on the heating, but I draw the line at your going to my niece's wedding dressed as a ticket collector"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

YOU CAN'T DO THAT

Originally broadcast: 30 November 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

There's shock when Lucy shows off the engagement ring given to her by Bernie, Prudence insists on throwing a party for the happy couple, and Loretta's not too happy about a plan to buy the flat as an investment.

"No, he's tied up I'm afraid. He's looking over a very battered antique he's strangely fond of."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E7

YOU NEVER GIVE ME YOUR MONEY

Originally broadcast: 7 December 1992
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Maurice Gran, Laurence Marks

Albert offers to help Eleanor avoid an exchange visit embarrassment, Martin manages to find a bit of work as a debt collection agent, and Bernie's furious when he learns the truth about Lucy's spending habits.

"Here, she must be one of them shopaholics. I heard about it Woman's Hour the other morning. How it's like a sort of disease like alcoholerism or piles."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

SERIES TWO

(1993)
8 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 6.63
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

SHE'S LEAVING HOME

Originally broadcast: 27 September 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Bernie finds the flat redecorated when he returns from Málaga alone, Loretta's left fuming when she learns the truth about Martin's job, and Eleanor and Jojo find themselves being pulled together by separation.

"Do you know what an idiot I felt finding out from my sister-in-law that my husband had lost his job? What's my next little surprise? Is your dad gonna pop round and tell me you've decided to become a woman? Actually, that's not a bad idea, we can save money if we share clothes."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S2E2

CAN'T BUY ME LOVE

Originally broadcast: 4 October 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Maurice Gran, Laurence Marks

Martin excitement about franchise possibilities hits a financial snag, Eleanor provides a false name when she gets arrested for busking, and a wannabe private dick investigates allegations about Albert's marriage.

"Honestly, the other children in the orchestra are so vulgar and ignorant, I'm surprised they don't try and eat their instruments."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E3

DRIVE MY CAR

Originally broadcast: 11 October 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Martin tries to make something of his new Doggie Chunks franchise, a dodgy deal leaves Albert doing battle with a determined bailiff, and Loretta gets an opportunity to dip her toes into the world of modelling.

"Stags don't have horns, Bernie, they have antlers. And if my stag loses my shopping money, I'll have his antlers for earrings."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E4

TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS

Originally broadcast: 18 October 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Paul Makin

Prudence is educated about the family tradition of scoring westerns, Albert and Martin fall out after a difference of opinion about business, and Bernie pays the price for getting himself caught in the middle.

"But they're £4.99. Look it's a rule of nature, Martin, people will buy rubbish as long as it's cheep enough. I mean, just ask the fella who makes John Major's suits."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

MONEY

Originally broadcast: 25 October 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Bernard McKenna

Prudence starts to get suspicious about Albert's business meetings, Martin and Loretta get lumbered with a bar bill that they can't pay, and Jojo's left a little underwhelmed when the pizza boy removes his helmet.

"Can we drop you off somewhere, Dad? We're going past the reservoir."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

DON'T BOTHER ME

Originally broadcast: 1 November 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Paul Makin

A break-in at the flat is one of a number of incidents in the area, Bernie demands a cut before agreeing to claim on the insurance, and Martin plucks up the courage to confront the bully who's moved in upstairs.

"It does make you think that Neighbourhood Watch could be a bit more than your dad trying to see what that woman at number twelve wears for bed."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S2E7

TICKET TO RIDE

Originally broadcast: 8 November 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Loretta's far from happy when Martin gives a week's notice on the flat, Albert tries to help by providing information about a place in Barking, and Bernie's rushed to hospital after taking a funny turn at the football.

"I mean, Martin, stop trying to make me out to be the wicked older brother, will ya? I'm just as fond of the old scrote as you are."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E8

SHE'S A WOMAN

Originally broadcast: 15 November 1993
Directed by: Terry Kinane
Written by: Gary Lawson, John Phelps

Loretta's keen to find out what the girls have got her for her birthday, Albert's confronted about the discovery of a pregnancy testing kit, and Martin struggles to cope with having more than one woman in his life.

"I don't intending giving any, love. No, it's a natural urge, innit? Nobody knows better than me. My life would be a lot simpler if I didn't have this enormous... sex drive."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

MARTIN
SWEET

Played by Ray Winstone
15 episodes (1992-1993)
in... Drive My Car (S2E3)

LORETTA
SWEET

Played by Carol Harrison
15 episodes (1992-1993)
in... Ticket to Ride (S2E7)

ALBERT
SWEET

Played by Larry Lamb
15 episodes (1992-1993)
in... She's Leaving Home (S2E1)

ELEANOR
SWEET

Played by Kate Winslet
15 episodes (1992-1993)
in... Ticket to Ride (S2E7)

JOANNA
SWEET

Played by Michelle Cattini
15 episodes (1992-1993)
in... Not a Second Time (S1E3)

BERNIE
SWEET

Played by John Bardon
14 episodes (1992-1993)
in... You Never Give Me Your Money (S1E7)

PRUDENCE
SWEET

Played by Jane Booker
11 episodes (1992-1993)
in...You Can't Do That (S1E6)

BUNGALOW
BILL

Played by G.B. Zoot Money
9 episodes (1992-1993)
in...You Can't Do That (S1E6)

LUCY

Played by Shirley Stelfox
3 episodes (1992)
in... You Never Give Me Your Money (S1E7)