Tis The Season For My Fave X-Mas Films & Specials

Okay, I gotta be honest here:
I'm not that big of a fan of this flick.
I don't think it's horrible or anything, it's just that it doesn't really do anything for me
However, whenever I exclude IaWL from any of my lists of holiday faves, I tend to get inundated with a bunch of gasping queries like "Why the f%@k isn't 'It's A Wonderful Life' on your list?!". And it's usually asked with the same level of intensity as if I had butt-raped the commentor's grandmother.
So, to spare me from such responses, and in the spirit of the season, I'm including it on the list.
Not for me, but for you guys.
Consider it my Christmas present to you.

Guilty Pleasures Alert!
Please be warned that the two of earliest entries in this list are a couple of festive flicks that I wouldn't really recommend, but I watch every holiday season b'cuz they're guilty pleasures of mine. 
I mean, seriously, if there ever was a motion picture that epitomized the idea a Christmas cult following, there would be very little argument from anyone that this is the one that resides at the very top of the North Pole.



   In their quest to "steal Christmas" with the use of dorky rayguns and cardboard robots, The Martians have not only landed on Earth, but also, they've landed a spot for themselves near the top of the naughty list.
  As a result, for this particular yuletide year, they'll end up getting a nice big ol' can of whoop-ass for Christmas from none other than Santa hisself.

Guilty pleasure alert again!!!

For those of you may like your festive foreign films to have a bit of an edge (like the kind of edge you might find at the end of a large bladed scythe-like object) to 'em,
well then,
y'all may want ta check out "Saint" ("Sint" in it's original Dutch title.....don't know why Listal has it listed as "Saint Nick" in it's english translation, but whatever.......).
Not only does star a "Bad Santa" of the darkest nature, it even features a few Black Petes, although why they're called Black has nothin' to do with their skin color. It's more about what these guys and their jolly ol' leader do on when they're out on their slayrides than anything to do with the controvesy of their tradition.

A bored & disgruntled small town school teacher decides to spend his Christmas vacation in the big city of Sidney. Midway through the journey however, he finds himself stuck in another small town the locals call "The Yabba". Though it might as well be named "Hades" considering that he soon finds himself slowly descending into his own personal drink-binging, kangaroo-killing, bar-brawling hell. A tale from down under that goes even further down under.
In short, Yuletide holly-day, the outback way.

In this third installment of the Vacation series, the adventures the Griswolds continues during the time of gift-giving and carefree caroling. And in keeping with their family tradition, they find that no matter what season it is, their luck is always gonna be bad.
Yuletide holiday merriment and cheer from back during a period when Chevy Chase was considered to be cooler than Santa Clause. Not to mention, this was also a time when he was actually, believe it or not, kinda funny.

What does a massive Christmas train-wreck look like? This one-time-on-air special answers that question.
And as horrible as it is, every year, morbid curiosity always has me slipping this into the VCR and always prevents me from looking away.



And yeah,
I'd still prefer viewing this merrimental monstrosity more than It's A Wonderful Life.

What does a Christmas train wreck look like if the train could talk, sported a subversively gay demeanor, and knew exactly how to walk a slightly twisted tightrope of childhood innocence and just good ol' fashioned grown-up holiday cheer?



When I first saw this "special episode" of Playhouse, I loved it instantly (so much so, I almost married it).
And as far present-bearing icons go, remembering how discriminatory St. Nick's initial attitude was towards Rudolph from the Rank & Bass classic, this special makes me say, "This Christmas, f#ck Santa.
I prefer Pee-Wee."

The groundbreaking trial that proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt that, yes Virginia, there really is a Santa Claus.
Thus ensuring, that as someone who more often than not, tends to end up on the naughty list, my stockpile supply of coal lumps will never run low.



Of all the courtroom dramas that have been made so far, Miracle On 34th Street stands alone as the one movie that is successfully able to merge the trial genre with that of the Christmas genre. Which makes it not just a landmark piece of cinema, but also, makes it, excuse the pun, pretty damn cool.

The saga of Harold & Kumar continues. And for this third chapter in what now has become a trilogy, the two former stoner friends find themselves yet on another road "trip", this time, it's a journey to "save Christmas".
....and, as the tradition of this series demands, that one Doogie Howser guy makes an appearance, in a role in which he plays himself and pokes fun on the subject of him being gay.
....in which, as a character in the movie, he's not.
But which, in actuality, he is.
B'cuz this is, after all, just a movie.

Muppets & Christmas.
Two great tastes that always taste great together.
And so, with the reputation of high quality family entertainment that is associated with Jim Henson's production company along with the joyful peace that is the season of gift-giving,
merging the most famous of felt-skinned characters with the Spirit Of The Holiday is just about as natural as merging sleigh rides with flying reindeer.

I've always had a soft spot for any film adaptations of the Charles Dickens classic featuring the most famous of all Christmas curmudgeons. It's an affection that began with me as a kid with the old 1938 black & white version, which played every year on our family TV set.
So when Robert Zemeckis' 09 version on the series came along, I had my reservations about it (as I do with any modern retellings of the classics).
But after I watched it,
the energy of the cool angle- shots and sense of frenetic movements really made this quite an enjoyable ride.



Plus, the fact that this one was more in line with the original book adaptation, made me appreciate this updated effort even more. For my money, it gave the story a more darker edge and a fear factor that may not be suitable for younger audiences, but adds an extra bit of spice for the more mature and educated viewer. Y'know....
like me.

When you put the holiday of "Christmas" together with the name of legendary animator Chuck Jones, the first thing that comes to anybody's mind is How The Grinch Stole Christmas. And while I love that holiday classic, I also have much love for a much lesser known Jones illustrated special called A Very Merry Cricket. It's the sequel to a cartoon short called A Cricket In Times Square (which to be honest, I've never heard of until I saw Merry Cricket and have yet to watch if I can ever find it...) and continues the tale of a cricket who, instead of chirping sounds, has the ability to play violin-like music by rubbing his wings together. Music that is loud enough to touch both the ears & hearts of crowded major metropolitan downtown areas.

Will Ferrell fits very comfortably into the role of an elf who finds out that his elfin roots are alot shorter than even the height of his colleagues.
An engaging heartwarmer of a holiday tale as Santa's largest little helper journeys out to the big city to discover that as an elf in the North Pole, he might be unusually big, but out in the real world, he's still got alot of growing up to do.
A hell of alot.

Forget what you may have learned about Santa's origins in the Santa Claus Is Coming To Town tv special. This movie shows that St. Nick started out more as a punishing vigilante whose purpose was rooted in a dark quest for justice against those youngins who ended up on the naughty list. Back then, it was the bad kids who had to "put one foot in front of the other" as they ran like hell if they wanted even the slimmest chance of living long enough to see the New Year.

These days, while it may take a village to make sure that no child gets left behind, at Santa's Village, all they need are three generations of Clauses.
A pretty cool animated holiday flick from Aardman studios that reveals the truth of how all the old skool magic and new updated machinations mesh together up at the North Pole and it all comes into play in order to ensure that the one night that the entire world depends on Team: Santa, all goes on without a hitch.

When a song and dance duo forlorn for love meet up with a couple of sisters who are trying to make it big in the business, they combine their talents in the effort of providing the Yuletide Season with a white Christmas. Not to mention making some "beautiful music" as an added holiday bonus.



While I know everyone else likes to compare this film to Holiday Inn & proclaim it as it's superior,
for me, I like this White Christmas better. Not only b'cuz this one focuses more on Christmas than HI (Inn's theme is more about all the holidays than it is about Xmas), but also, I always had a soft spot for Rosemary Clooney, particularly back when she was at the height of her stardom.
Would've loved to have seen her in more films, but I'll settle for how great she looks in this one.
Besides, what's a Holiday movies list without at least one old-fashioned cornball musical in it....?

Okay, everybody and their mother knows who Rudolph The Reindeer is. His story of guiding Santa's sleigh through a foggy night thus saving Christmas has gone down in history.
However, not all that much is known about what happened after that. Oh sure, we have a few accounts of how he helped save Baby New Year and that one time he celebrated Christmas in July, but other than that, whatever became of the four-hooved Yuletide celebrity is unknown.
What we do know is that Rudy had a son, an out of shape, British-accented slacker named Robbie. Who, despite his underachieving ways, has begun his own career in holiday themed specials.



The first chapter of these televised tales of new generation nose-powered reindeer is called Hooves Of Five, and is, in my opinion the best of the lot, so far. Filled with the kind of good-natured, mostly kid-friendly dried wit that is usually found from over the pond, it acts as an introduction to the new wave cast of characters that is currently responsible for keeping the North Pole the hub of the Christmas world.

For the sake of my manliness, I don't usually admit to describing anything as being "adorably cute" (unless I'm chauvinistically referring to a woman's ass).
But, I'll do it just once. For this animated special.
Ziggy's Gift is a Christmas cartoon that I think is adorably cute.

There.
I sed it.

Doesn't make my butt any less hairier.
So, y'know....
shut up.

As a kid who grew up incredibly poor, there was more than one year whereupon Santa didn't leave me or my siblings any presents.
That fact combined with Santa's bad attitude towards Rudolph in the first half of this special really helps to shed light on what an @$$hole Santa can truly be.
This movie always helps to remind me to keep the holidays real.

The way I decided that this film (and it's sequel) belonged on my list of personal fave Christmas movies was to ask the following question,
"Does watching a movie about a tough, average joe cop crawling around thu air-vents & systematically offing terrorists in various ways that include hanging 'em on a chain or throwing 'em out a window, inspire the holiday spirit within me? "
The answer:
"Yippy-kay-yay, mother-f#cker!"

It's the holiday season, and for John McClane that means that it's time for him to become a pain in the collectives asses of a group of sophisticated terrorists, to a police force of typical movie bumblers, not to mention to that one guy who played the dad on Good Times.
Bruce Willis reprises the role of the lone wolf "modern cowboy" cop who always manages to find himself crawling through air-vents, systematically taking out bad guys one by one, and escaping one clutch after another of death-defying situations that, for some reason he can't grasp, seem always to only happen to him.
IMO, it's always a real joy to write about this movie and/or it's predecessor because it always gives me the chance to use the phrase "Yippy-ky-yay, mother-f#cker".
And let's face it, that's just always fun.

Of course, as a kid, the holidays would not have been the holidays had it not been for the Rankin-Bass holidays specials that aired every year.
And while the technology and technique of animation have grown by leaps and bounds that can be measured by miles, some of the charm of these old, cheap 70's efforts have worn off.
But there are a few that still resonate with the Christmas spirit that I try to carry now, as an adult. Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer and Santa Claus Is Coming To Town are the two main ones that still occupy substantial screen time on my television set during the end of the year (and with many other people's sets also, considering that they're still shown multiple times during the season).

Living a life with just enough to get by, "Sully" Sullivan seems okay with just that despite the years piling on. When his estranged son comes to town with his own son in tow, "Sully" starts to feel the twinges of patriarchal charge towards the grandson he never knew had. Moving through the typical "atypical" happenings of his small town, Sully finds the pieces of his life starting stitch together in a way in which he must decide to either just keep crustily cruisin' by, or, to do that one thing that has always felt alien to him.... take some responsibility.



For me, this is simply one of those movies that I really enjoy that never really gets much mention anywhere. Led by his seasoned acting abilities, Paul Newman stars along with Jessica Tandy, Bruce Willis, Melanie Griffin and Phillip Seymour Hoffman, all making up a great ensemble of actors. A small town story in which each character is a piece of a puzzle that, despite their sharp edges, all still fit in perfectly.

  For a long time, I used to think that I was the King of Sinful Sots.
  Then I saw this.
  And I realized that compared to this guy, I'm just a moldy purple spot
on the dead tomato splot that is his heart.
  You are the true rotter,
Mr. Grinch.

This is a movie I watched once as a kid back during the 70's and I loved it. But since I only saw it that one time, I completely forgot about it.
Last year, I accidentally stumbled on it on youtube.
And watching it after all these years, I realize that I probably like it more now than I did back then.



For me, The House Without A Christmas Tree, with a running time of an hour and fifteen minutes, has a quiet and homey quality that ranks it up there with the best of family oriented major film releases.
Great acting from all the leads, particularly Jason Robards (in one of his best roles, IMO) and a nice little thespian debut from child actor Lisa Lucas.
After rediscovering this little gem, I'm pretty sure that this "House" will become an annual Yuletide staple in my house during every holiday season from here on end.

While most families grew up watching It's A Wonderful Life as a yearly favorite every holiday season,
for me, I was raised in a household that instead always watched the original full-length feature film adaptation of Charles Dickens' classic tale of Ebenzer Scrooge. An old rich, greedy curmudgeon of a man who learns the value of giving after being visited upon in his "dreams" by three (past, present and future) incarnations of the spirit of Christmas.



Obviously, this is a story that has since had numerous varied versions produced under various titles, but IMO, as one of the first cinematic adaptations, this one's black & white setting has a way of enhancing the story in a manner that comes off much more timeless than in all the other counterparts which followed later.
This quality, combined with the fact that this is a personal childhood favorite of mine, makes the 1938 A Christmas Carol the one that, for me, will most likely always be the best of the bunch.

Oh, and just in case I forget to wish any of you Listalites a proper season's greetings this holiday season, please allow me to do so right now;
"Merry Christmas,
you blockheads".

Let me start off by stating that I grew up at a time when animated features shown during prime-time were not the norm.
Therefore, holiday specials like It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown and Santa Claus Is Coming Town were usually an event, not only in that they were a rare moment to watch a cartoon at night, but also because they enhanced the feeling of the holidays. Of which, my faves were, obviously, Halloween and Christmas (free candy and free presents, how can you beat that?).



I remember that when Nightmare Before Christmas first came out, I initially liked it, but I didn't love it, not the way that I do now. After several rewatches however, this double-themed holiday special as really taken a firm place in this movie-nerd's heart. I find that Nightmare seems to age really well for me as more and more time goes by. And as each All Hallow's Eve goes by, I continually find that it's a good thing to watch to cap off an evening of handing out sweets to all the ghouls and goblins that come, ringing at the doorbell. And it also doubles as prep for the burgeoning winter season and the festive festivities looming overhead.
It's goof film not just because it manages to successfully merge the two holidays that were my favorite as a kid, but also, because it's macabre look and overall atmosphere are the type of traits that I would've died for (pun, not all that much intended) back then.
Not to mention that whenever I listen to tunes like "What's This?" or "This Is Halloween", I am reminded of hearing "Put One Foot In Front Of The Other", or "We're A Couple Of Misfits", songs that, as corny as they are, now with a grown-up's perspective, my hardcore, hairy pimp-ass' has to humbly admit, will always be a part of my happiest childhood holiday memories.

Old St. Nick as a drunken, thieving, waste of a man who has a thing for big booty babes.
If you ever got a visit from this Santa, then that could only mean that not only have you been naughty that year,
but even worse, that you've been outragously naughty.
That you've probably committed a crime of some kind, physically, morally or spiritually, and of heinous proportions.



In other words;
Best.
Santa.
Movie.
Ever.

Here's a story of Christmas that has become such a staple on the television during the Yuletide season, that I wonder if I really should waste any time to describe it. Everybody by now (and when I say everybody, that includes you.... yeah, you.... the person reading this) knows the story of Ralphie and his journey towards becoming the surest sure-shot and deadliest deadshot that ever sent Black Bart and any other forms of insensate evil towards pushin' up daisies.



Lemme tell you guys something, if Santa were to leave an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle/BB gun under my tree this year, even at my current age, I'd still end up beating my chest and proclaiming to the whole world that it's a wonderful life.
And before anyone says anything,
lemme just say
"F#ck* my eye. I don't care."



*( ...and when I said that, it didn't come out as "fudge".)