What your favorite movie (really) says about you..

If Pulp Fiction is your favorite movie....then you are most assuredly confident in your choice of movies. You like your dialogue witty, your arguably-villainous characters charming, and your scenes out of order, much like an engrossing Faulkner novel. You certainly do not mind violence, have tried some good coke, and take comfort in the fact that this is probably the safest answer to this question and that you are a fairly knowledgeable film buff with excellent taste. Oh, and you were born in the late 70s, early 80s.

If True Romance is your favorite movie....then you are truly one bad mawfucker; you like Pulp Fiction; and you also have an affinity for all things Tarantino-esque. You like violence, but only if it is done with a certain style, because, to you, if it has style, then, it is instantly redeemable and extremely cool with a capital K. But you also have an artistically misunderstood nerdy side, like comic books, and deep down you are a romantic, but most likely will rarely admit it. You secretly would love to live the life of either Slater, Pitt, or Oldman's characters. And the Walken/Hopper scene gets you uncomfortably excited every time.

If Forrest Gump is your favorite movie....then you root for the underdog, always. You feel a connection to a quasi-coming-of-age tale, of one man's odd and noteworthy (yet exhilarating) journey. You appreciate struggle and are moved by the coincidental and surreptitious goings-on in the world. You also probably experienced the 60s or 70s in some memorable way (either by actually living through them, or, like many of us, looking upon them with a wistful eye). And you are a sucker for a poetic feather-drifting melody.

If Babe is your favorite movie....then you have a heart of gold, and obviously love animals. You have always wanted a pig - or other lovable farm animal - to care for in a genuine, loving way. You would love to live on a farm, and can appreciate a man who only speaks when he has to, commanding an innocent creature who perseveres, as well as commanding presence when walking the earth; a touch of madness and hard-work, coupled with a touch of Zen. You probably get emotional every time Sarah Machlachlan sings of the angels.

If The Sandlot is your favorite movie.....then you love baseball more than life. You miss your childhood more than life. You miss the nostalgia of either playing baseball or watching those feel-good sports films, in your childhood. You live in America and long for that simpler time, of a simpler summer, of homemade Apple Pie and bicycles, baseball, and neighborhood fireworks. You, to put it simply, want to go back. Oh, and you miss your father, and that one time he handed down his broken-in and busted-up baseball glove.

If The Little Mermaid is your favorite movie....then you are a princess, a goddess atop an ivory tower (paradoxically). You also surreptitiously and hopefully long to return to childhood, that magical time of beautiful Christmases and toys (sans the dinglehoppers) and the hope of an earth-shattering and smoldering love to come, that you dreamt of, looked forward to. At the beach you scan the crowd for a white and fairly worn shirt, rolled up to the elbows (this is the reason I wear these shirts everywhere).

If Sleepless in Seattle is your favorite movie.....then you relish in the romantic side of life, a true broken and tortured soul (but not too tortured; let's say, mainstream torturous). You are a hopeless romantic, and most likely have been in many devastating yet, at the same time, also ecstatic and beautiful relationships. The simple how-do-you-do of relationships does not concern you, no; rather, you wistfully dream of the challenge, of the chase, of the doomed-to-fail but oh-so-special relationship. Better yet, throw that word ("relationship") out with the proverbial bathwater, as it is too mundane. You long for a soulful and meaningful relating, love in the rarest sense, the kind that exists, true, but mostly a few times in a lifetime, if ever.

If Reservoir Dogs is your favorite movie....then you like talking about Madonna and the phallic and sexual innuendoes represented, albeit indirectly and impliedly, in her songs. Small talk in conjunction with it converse, i.e., about to do some crazy shit, is extremely appealing and immensely entertaining (although, to be fair, this is pretty universal: see, e.g., the hero walking away from explosions casually without looking back). In fact, you are a sucker for all things oddly paradoxical, such as, similarly, upbeat song v. ear play.

If Kill Bill: Vol. 1 is your favorite movie...You appreciate the splendor of Japanese culture, coupled with the dichotomy of seemingly-separate and seemingly-distinct things coalescing together to form an absolute magnitude of fast-paced wonder and awe, spellbinding scenes and shots, and entranced musicality with visceral and eye-popping imagery. A bona-fide homage to 70's kung-fu with a splash of Blaxploitation, you surely can dig.

If Casablanca is your favorite movie.....then you, most likely, were not alive to see it. You long for the distant past, where (allegedly, so you've heard) that was where the real romance was, or so you think. The word Casablanca itself nestles in a perfect algorithm inside your head. This film, to you, checks all the proverbial boxes that a movie should live up to: black and white; golden age of Hollywood; dangerous yet sexy; romantic yet bold; mystery and style; and, of course, massive social proof and reputation.

If Beaches is your favorite movie......then it's time to take that Ibuprofen for your back.

If Gone with the Wind is your favorite movie...you are a woman who likes a man, or lover, to take charge, even if you will never admit it. You like fire, not water, you like passion, not purgatory, and you like true and honest souls, not some recalcitrant wimpering nay-saying complainers. And frankly, you think more people nowadays need to 'not give a damn'.

If I Heart Huckabees is your favorite movie.......then you like philosophy, hands down. Or, in the alternative, it intrigues you. You would love to think, to be creative, to figure it all out and bask in the meaninglessness. You probably have smoked weed or tripped on shrooms, and if not, you would be open to it, because consciousness is really, very, pretty good, and stuff. You also think that all the people that hate this movie (a lot) do not understand, and are not at the level to understand this shiznit.

If Donnie Darko is your favorite movie.....then Stephen King books are your favorite as well. You do not like the regular, mundane, and see illegal activies as nothing to be overly concerned about. You like the Machevellian phrase 'the ends justify the means' and have a proverbial hard-on for irony. You also have a crush on Maggie Gyllenhall. If Jake Gyllenhall is your crush, you have a different favorite movie, unless time travel turns you on.

If Star Wars is your favorite movie.....then you think Harrison Ford is the fonz of the galaxy. You would give George Lucas a BJ is he asked you to (that goes for everyone). You also masturbate to Princess Leia (or have in the past). You are not alone, however, and most likely spend a lot of time thinking of the magic of this film. If only you could figure out a way to be Luke while toning down the incestual undercurrents.....

If The Matrix is your favorite movie.....then you do drugs, unquestionably. You don't give a shit about reality, who needs reality, we aren't even in reality dude! You would like quantum physics if you gave it a chance, which is basically what this movie is about, but you have taken too much ecstasy to truly understand those pesky particles. You remember many nights taking the red pill, then the blue pill, and then another red pill, and then another blue pill, and rolling until morning, ha!

If Halloween is your favorite movie, you are dark, and don't mind being called dark. Halloween is your favorite holiday, and at Christmas you sit in a corner dreaming of smoking cigarrettes. You also probably have a crush on a girl frozen in a moment in time (the 1978 Curtis most assuredly is not the Curtis we all know and love, now, doing the fucking Activia commercials - although, to be fair, she has reemerged and re-embraced that character).

If Murder by Numbers is your favorite movie...then you're rich, you're privileged, you're smart, and you love 'Crime and Punishment' by Dostoevsky (man tries to get away with the ultimate crime). The perfect crime is only a second away, and you admire the patience and planning it takes to undertake one. Or you are the only female detective on your team, who (it always happens this way) got promoted by men who hate you?

If Blade Runner is your favorite movie....then you have a shrine dedicated to Philip K. Dick. You love all things Science Fiction, and think Isaac Asimov should teach High School Science (Piers Anthony will teach Elementary School, and Madeleine L'Engle in the middle with Middle School). Your room is also very, very dark (along with your mind).

If Amelie is your favorite movie....you obsess over the visual, and love how little things in life encompass the whole experience. You are a music lover, a beauty lover, an art lover, and a film lover. You like your coffee at a café and a cigarette will always be found in your hand. Guy: in love with Amelie. Girl: Art-chick in love with Amelie as well (in a different way though. Other Girl: in love with Amelie.

If The Seventh Seal is your favorite movie.....you pride yourself in being the smartest person in the room when it comes to film. You would rather watch a wall drip with blood of lambs to symbolize Political Repression than watch the latest popcorn flick. Indie to a T, witty and smart, you love the intellectual, and chess, and philosophy. You have a subscription to the Criterion Channel, and peruse same weekly.

If Run Lola Run is your favorite movie.....you are sick and tired of the mediocre movie--it's all been done before! you say. You like your movies interesting, fresh, and philosophical. The running is symbolism man! The running is symbolism! Does the carpet-laden existentialism match the pubes?

If Dancer in the Dark is your favorite movie....you see the beauty in life. Not needing to be overexposed and overstimulated, you are patient for life's little foibles. Indie hardcore. No swans were harmed from making this movie. You also see the beautific horror of devastating tragedy.

If The Horse Whisperer is your favorite movie....[Sound of a potato slowly rotating in the microwave].

If Save the Last Dance is your favorite movie....you likely miss your younger years when you were forced to take dance/ballet classes. You also miss your younger years when you had a great time dancing. You are still waiting for your last dance....And still nostalgic for the late 90's, early 2000's, ah, sweet wistful bliss.

If Scary Movie is your favorite movie....then you are in the Wayans family, or were 14 when this movie came out, and your step-dad Chad took you to see this (it was so cool!) to try to demonstrate his coolness to assuage the trauma of drinking all of your mountain dew in your mom's room.

If Titanic is your favorite movie....you are a young woman now, and were a teenage girl in 1997. You love Leo and tolerate Kate. You get a lady boner every time a cruise ship passes by, or a window gets fogged up, or anyone draws anything, ever. The romanticism of the era envelops your soul, the lavish costumes, the lavish sets, the lavish lasciviousness of love stories on an epic scale.

If Alien is your favorite movie....then you live in a dark, cold place. Robot-cum porn, please!

If Aliens is your favorite movie.....Strickly Ripley! You are a badass being who is into girl power - without labeling it as such. Or, you are one of the two stars of Mad About You.

If The Shawshank Redemption is your favorite movie...You love your IMDB scorecard - fuck that Rotten Tomatoes biased sheet. You love the grandeur and simplicity and the wonder and the spirit and the triumph and the despair and the solitude and the poetry and the beauty and the complexity and the injustice and the justice and the wondrous and resplendent amatory ardor in this film. You exclaim proudly that this is the best King adaption, bar none.

If Cool Hand Luke is your favorite movie...You grew up in the 1970's and are the epitome of cool. You like your movies quotable, your communications failure-less, and your belief in the human spirit is unmatched. You always opt for Newman's Own (gotta go organic in this mawfucka).

If Easy Rider is your favorite movie....You need to pop those Aspirin and get to work on that bike in the garage! You are about to retire from your cushy middle-management position at the insurance company, to absolutely crush it with the incoming social security rolling in. You love the music of the era, perfectly encapsulated - so you state, every time this film is broached - in the soundtrack of the film. "Man, I can't wait to hit the bike across country."

If Schindler's List is your favorite movie, your idea of music is nothing less than a magnificent orchestra ebbing and flowing the cascading and cacophonous sounds of the multiple violins. History and Sadness: Oh yes, please. Historic gravity and dramatic crescendos of melancholic perfection? Certainly.

If Jurassic Park is your favorite movie...You have always been touched, in a special place (show me where, Timmy) by all things Dinosaur; you, certainly, had numerous dinosaur books, picture and picture-less alike. You were born in the early-mid eighties, and remember - no matter where you were from - going to see this movie in the wonderful local Cineplex. It was a magnanimous and momentous occasion, pure movie-magic. That is one big pile of Spielberg posters!

If The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring is your favorite movie....you are an absolute Tolkien fan, and have read, or at least started, The Silmarrion (sp?). You long for the Shire. You long for Gandalf. You long to stroke the beard of Gimli, and to rub the feet of Frodo. You long for the beauty of Galadriel, and Arwen, and Morwen. You have read at least seventy-five times that Viggo "actually was harmed during this scene, for real!" (And appropriately bring it up at every extended-cut marathon.

If the Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King is your favorite movie...you are similarly a Tolkien fan, and truly love discussing the beauty and magnitude of perfection that is this film, and - as you say - truly deserving of all the Oscar-praise. If you are ever to be asked by the Actors' Studio, that famed question re heaven: You would say that you would like to be greeted by the splendiferous crowd that was depicted in the last scene of this film.

If Fight Club is your favorite movie...You have worked in the service industry, and agree with the protagonist's sentiments, though you, personally, would likely not carry out those measures to such an extreme. You feel the coolness oozing out of this film, and love to inculcate that philosophy into your physiognomy. You love mind-fuck movies, and/or trippy movies, and just think this is the bees-knees (you have read the book, maybe, but think it pales, to be sure). [Did you notice the freeze-frame lingam in these words? - Just missed it.]

If Inception is your favorite movie...You certainly respect Leonardo DiCaprio as an actor, but surely, you praise and lovingly respect Sir Nolan. You love the enigma that is film, and reel when it is entertainingly depicted on the screen. The last scene you have debated with worth adversaries and friends - to no avail, though, as the conspiracy theories abound and we can never be absolutely sure.

If Seven is your favorite movie...Every time there is a box in the vicinity, you aggressively and fervently demand to know what is in that box (you hear that line, in your head, with that voice). You went through a phase where you literally binge-watched every single fucking Law & Order: SVU, multiple times (remember when it was on 7 channels as once; I seem to remember that show was running all the time, along with Family Feud - I digress). In short: you like your cop dramas dark, and gritty (not really Satanic, bur dark, nonetheless).

If eXistenZ is your favorite movie....You love Cronenberg, absolutely love him, and would love to go Rabid over a Dead-Ringins Nightbreed-cap, and Crash his Fly-by films on your very own Videodrome, eating your Lunch Naked, Shivering as you Crash.

If Naked Lunch is your favorite movie...You love Bukowski with a hint of Vonnegut. You love, more importantly, William S. Burroughs, and the trepidacious wobbling and undulating source of existential and metaphysical doom and dread which culls us all into the void, at times.

If The Last House on the Left is your favorite movie....You are one sadistic individual, to be sure, and like your horror 70's-esque, grindhouse and gritty to the nth degree. So, take a seat on that couch, and tell me, where did the darkness begin to develop for you, and when did you foster a deep-seated hatred for humanity?

If American Psycho is your favorite movie....Well, you prefer your Gordon Gecko a bit on the darker side, thank you very much. Is Huey Luis and the News the best thing to happen to music since the invention of the harpsichord? Definitely. Is Phil Collins an absolute underrated genius? Absolutely. Do Katrina & the Waves instruct your solar walking patterns? You know it. Is that a dark-laden and disturbing journal of potential homicidal and insecure slaying? [Sound of light, repetitive crunches and gasping].

If Psycho is your favorite movie...You have watched this film in film class, at your respective university/college, and have analyzed every frame of this masterpiece. You love origins of things, and proudly exclaim to the world that all modern horror and suspense and drama owes itself to one film from 1960 - can you guess which one? Hmm? Wait, is that the director in a cowboy hat? [Que the Leonardo DiCaprio pointing meme].

If Taxi Driver is your favorite movie....You are a loner, in solitude, to be sure; and you feel the main protagonist of this film is either brutally gritty and dark - or, rather, misguided and let down by the oft-disappointing societal and political underpinnings that permeate the incessant reverberating sewage that seeps from all corners of your mind, in turn meshing into the vacuous sewage seeping out from the corners of your studio apartment laden with mattress on the floor. Maybe. Or, and, and/or, you have the utmost respect for great actors; directors; and screenwriters.

If American History X is your favorite movie....You have been personally touched by this film; and furthermore, you have had a viscerally-real experience of living this film, firsthand, in a life of either long ago or not-so-long-ago, perhaps you were surrounded by similar characters in this film. Though you feel this film is noble and true and gritty, you still feel a twinge at that early sidewalk scene.

If Vertigo is your favorite movie....You love Hitchcock, you love film, and you love classic noir with mystery, and feel romantic and wistful at such films, redolent of adroit protagonists solving mysteries, with unexpected twists. Further, you are hypnotized by the play of color, especially in conjunction with the visage of noir beauty, in all forms, especially that of Kim Novak. The bell tolls for thee.

If Dr. Strangelove is your favorite movie....You love Peter Sellers; he is a great hero of yours, and revel and delight in the light, though politically relevant, films of the 1960's: the fun, the swinging, the music, the latent hint of psychadelia - but, more importantly, the satiric statement that is prescient for a world to come (err, I mean, the world we are in, now, right now, the climax of the entire universe, now).

If Mulholland Drive is your favorite movie....You are obsessed with Lynch, and cannot get enough of this Criterion-double-disc bestseller. You look lovingly at moody surrealism, and have seen most of Lynch's other films - and furthermore, you absolutely love Twin Peaks. For you, other films spell out things, which makes any ephemeral meaning inconsequential and essentially non-existent - which, to be sure, for you, loses all the fun and beauty of this piece of fine art.

If Doctor Zhivago is your favorite movie...You have read a few Russian novels, maybe Dosteovsky, maybe Bulgakov, maybe Tolstoy, maybe Gogol (maybe not). But, more importantly, you are a sucker for a grand love story, mixed in with sweeping and epic history and wonderful snowy and often-times verdant landscapes. You feel the romanticism of war, and duty; of love, and connection; of pain, and loss; and redemption, and fate.