Action Movie Heaven - Old School Style

Bill Duke has him some fun.

Chow Yun Fat hates taking the stairs.

Bruce Willis acquires a machine gun and Christmas spirit.

Richard Lynch throws a coke whore out of a window.

Bolo Yeung has no compassion for you or your kind.

Xander Berkeley enjoys milk.

Vernon Wells can't wait to murder you and then eat your face off.

Charlie Sheen doesn't want to put on the costume.

Sigourney Weaver blew it out of the goddamn airlock.

Chow Yun Fat shoots everybody eighteen times.

Arnold Schwarzenegger finds the tool shed useful.

Sylvester Stallone loves a good beer break.

Danny Glover is determined to win this staring contest.

Steven Seagal thinks William Forsythe is a chicken shit fucking pussy asshole who likes to pervert kids n stuff.


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Sammo Hung can kill you with ANYTHING.

Bruce Willis advises you not to touch him again.

Keanu Reeves is young, dumb and full of cum.


...and Gary Busey was takin' shrapnel in Khe Sanh when you were crappin' in your hands and rubbin' it on your face!!!

Anthony Wong is gonna have to call you right back.

Jean Claude Van Damme really really enjoys diner food.

Samuel L. Jackson wants to know where the hell you are going McClane!?!?

Gordon Liu has a friend he'd like to introduce you to.

Jamie Lee Curtis is doing it very slowly, doing it doucemo.

Patrick Swayze isn't very good at the Heimlich Maneuver.

Brian Dennehy wishes you would leave his town...now.

Dolph Lundgren eats aliens armed with lethal flying discs, Guyver like forearm blades, and huge automatic weaponry for breakfast.

Gregory Hines bout to John Woo some shit.

Tommy Lee Jones's favorite story is the Three Little Pigs.

Michael Biehn would like you to know that if you wish to continue to possess a pulse then you should put one foot in front of the other in the same direction he is going yet slightly behind.

Sam Elliot and Peter Weller have the afternoon off...from ass whoopin'.

Gary Busey sticks a lubed up piece of dynamite up a guy's butt.

Brian Bosworth is like a chameleon...with a Boz cut.

Robert Davi doesn't care for the new guy.

Bruce Willis could really use a Carl Winslow right about now.

Dolph Lundgren has a subtle way of letting you know you fucked up.

Doug Hutchinson wants his applesauce back.

Wesley Snipes only has one thing to say, "Teddy Bear."

Chow Yun Fat is surrounded by bodies and blood and entrails. And he's exhausted.

Peter Weller could really use a hand here.

John Lithgow only flosses with a certain kind of floss.

Chuck Norris looks forward to kicking your ass.

Jeff Speakman wishes you WOULD have done that.

Lance Henriksen is gonna find you.

Jeff Wincott will kill you fifteen times before he lets you die.

Dennis Hopper IS shorter.

Jesse Ventura will get that booger for ya.

Powers Booth can not stand Nick Nolte back sweat.

Michael Dudikoff is bout to get him some forest vengeance.

Mel Gibson is a pervert.

Patrick Kilpatrick still thinks it's funny his mom actually named him Patrick considering his last name is Kilpatrick.

Chuck Norris would like to know why you interrupted his happy time.