British Comedy: The Worst Week of My Life

Years: 2004-2006
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Stars: Ben Miller, Sarah Alexander
Episodes: 17
Episode Average: 8.471*

BEST EPISODES:
Christmas Eve (2006), Christmas Day (2006)

*including specials

SERIES ONE

(2004)
7 episodes
Series Score: 56
Episode Average: 8.00
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

MONDAY

Originally broadcast: 12 March 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Putting Granny's wedding ring on somebody else's finger proves costly , a work colleague chooses her moment to announce that she's pregnant, and sex turns out to be an unsuitable accompaniment for lamb goulash.

"Eve, I'm getting married in five days time! When the vicar asks me to put the ring on my fiancée's finger, it would be very nice if my secretary was not attached!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

TUESDAY

Originally broadcast: 19 March 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Howard's treated to a lap dance by his father's much younger girlfriend, Dick finds it in himself to make an effort with his future son-in-law, and Binky pays the price for swallowing the recently rescued wedding ring.

"Anyway, the point is, I really thought Angela was Mel. I really did. I mean, for her age, she felt very... er... Top-up anyone?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

WEDNESDAY

Originally broadcast: 26 March 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Cassie's announcement that she's moving to Italy comes with a sting, an attempt to make things up to Dick and Angela takes an unfortunate turn, and Howard decides it's time to set the record straight at Binky's wake.

"Jesus Christ... 30 flavoured condoms... 'All her favourite flavours including chicken tikka'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

THURSDAY

Originally broadcast: 2 April 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Cassie's desperate father begs that she be given another chance, Angela spots an embarrassing error when the orders of service are delivered, and Mel's furious when she learns the significance of a pair of cufflinks.

"Howard! You're not scheduled to jump off a bridge!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

FRIDAY

Originally broadcast: 9 April 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

The search for a new best man begins after the events of the stag night, Cassie goes to even greater lengths to put a stop to the wedding, and Howard's father strike the wrong tone when he meets Mel's parents.

"As they say in our game, 'If you ain't got a monkey in your thong, you're doing it wrong'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

SATURDAY

Originally broadcast: 16 April 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Dick threatens to call the wedding off after one disaster too many, Mel steals the catering van to go and see Granny in hospital, and Howard's horrified to find his new best man in bed with the head bridesmaid.

"Dick, we have to have the wedding. There's 150 turbots in filo pastry. They have to be eaten up. We can't just leave them."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E7

SUNDAY

Originally broadcast: 23 April 2004
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

The police are called in when Mel goes missing from the church, Cassie threatens to push her rival into a quarry unless Howard agrees to marry her, and Angela confronts Dick about him not knowing her anymore.

"Used to get these feelings in the jungle, you know. And if it got too much, you'd just bore a hole with your bayonet in a papaya and then slip it one. Ever made love to a papaya?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(2005)
7 episodes
Series Score: 59
Episode Average: 8.43
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1

MONDAY

Originally broadcast: 17 November 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Granny's funeral is arranged for the same day as a planned house move, Dick's left fuming after an unfortunate incident with the coffin, and Howard lets rip after hearing rumours about being made redundant.

"We're down here saying goodbye to my mother and my son-in-law's prancing around in Mel's maternity bra."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

TUESDAY

Originally broadcast: 24 November 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Mel insists on staying with her parents when the new house gets blown up, Howard's accused of sexual harassment when he sends a saucy text message, and Dick's invited to Buckingham Palace to receive a CBE.

"Carpet fitter I use. The bastard done your carpet in the dining room. I suspected for a while. Always on her mobile in the garden. Coming home late. Smelling of fresh underlay."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

WEDNESDAY

Originally broadcast: 1 December 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Howard tries to escape arrest after being caught dogging with Eve, an attempt to explain the stray text message only make matter worse, and Uncle Fraser returns from San Francisco with a travelling companion.

"Some of the questions they asked me! Oh, I've never been so embarrassed. I mean, do you know what tea-bagging is?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

THURSDAY

Originally broadcast: 8 December 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Fraser suggests a full search of the house to find the missing CBE medal, Dick's left devastated when he finds out about the state of the cottage, and Eve blurts out the truth about the sexual harassment allegations.

"You're flying low. The salami is out of the hamper."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

FRIDAY

Originally broadcast: 15 December 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Angela gets an unexpected audience during a mobile pampering session, Dick can only look on in horror as his rocking horse gets decapitated, and Howard ties himself up in knots at his sexual harassment hearing.

"I can't! I've got to remove four perverts off my wall."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

SATURDAY

Originally broadcast: 22 December 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

A suicidal Fraser asks for help with telling his family about his secret, Dick soon has reason to regret accepting help with mowing the lawns, and Howard and Eve manage to gatecrash a circumcision ceremony.

"We'll have to do something about Dennis, Dick. He's always off sick. Last year it was a heart attack."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E7

SUNDAY

Originally broadcast: 29 December 2005
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Howard and Dick race to get the birthing pool ready in time for Mel, Angela tries to find help when the midwife gets knocked unconscious, and Eve's horrified as her car becomes a ram for the electric gates.

"Fraser, please tell me you're the back, not the front."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

THE WORST CHRISTMAS OF MY LIFE

(2006)

SPECIAL

DECEMBER 22ND/23RD

Originally broadcast: 19 December 2006
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Mel decides to spend Christmas with her parents when the boiler breaks down, Howard turns up naked after trying to help his boss at the office party, and Angela's left devastating after a call from the undertakers.

"Howard, you've urinated in the vichyssoise!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

SPECIAL

CHRISTMAS EVE

Originally broadcast: 21 December 2006
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Howard summons Eve to help him fix the damage to the dolls' house, Mel performs an emergency operation after an accident with a strimmer, and Santa sees red after being challenged about his drunken state.

"Do you know how many ants it takes to carry a man's testicle 30 yards?
A lot."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

SPECIAL

CHRISTMAS DAY

Originally broadcast: 22 December 2006
Directed by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni
Written by: Mark Bussell, Justin Sbresni

Howard and Mel's unrealised passions see a condom loose in the house, Eve decides that she can't carry on without Mitch in her life, and Dick bonds with his son-in-law during a race to rebuild the dolls' house.

"'It was then that Mitch Spencer attacked me with a Wise Man bringing frankincense. I finally succeeded in overpowering him by rendering a number of blows to Mr. Spencer's head and body with the Virgin Mary'. Is that your statement, Mr. Steel?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

HOWARD
STEEL

Played by Ben Miller
17 episode (2004-2006)
in... Monday (S2E1)

MEL
COOK

Played by Sarah Alexander
17 episode (2004-2006)
in... Saturday (S1E6)

ANGELA
COOK

Played by Alison Steadman
17 episode (2004-2006)
in... Sunday (S2E7)

DICK
COOK

Played by Geoffrey Whitehead
17 episode (2004-2006)
in... Thursday (S1E4)

EVE

Played by Janine Duvitski
17 episode (2004-2006)
in... Monday (S1E1)

FRASER
COOK

Played by Ronald Pickup
17 episode (2004-2006)
in... Friday (S1E5)

CASSIE
TURNER

Played by Raquel Cassidy
7 episode (2004)
in... Saturday (S1E6)

SOPHIE
COOK

Played by Emma Pierson
7 episode (2004)
in... Monday (S1E1)

RON
STEEL

Played by John Benfield
7 episode (2004-2005)
in... Monday (S2E1)

DOM

Played by Dean Lennox Kelly
6 episode (2004)
in... Sunday (S1E7)

GRANNY
COOK

Played by Hazel Douglas
6 episode (2004)
in... Tuesday (S1E2)

NICOLA

Played by Sian Thomas
4 episode (2005-2006)
in... Wednesday (S2E3)

GERARD
BLYTHE

Played by Terrence Hardiman
4 episode (2005)
in... Wednesday (S2E3)

TRISH

Played by Lizzie Roper
4 episode (2004)
in... Tuesday (S1E2)