British Comedy: Sorry!

Years: 1981-1988
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent
Stars: Ronnie Corbett, Barbara Lott
Episodes: 42
Episode Average: 6.000

BEST EPISODES:
The Rabbit and the Pussycat (1982), The Godfather (1981)

SERIES ONE

(1981)
6 episodes
Series Score: 41
Episode Average: 6.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

FOR LOVE OR MUMMY

Originally broadcast: 12 March 1981
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy attracts the attentions of a fellow hopeful at an audition, Mother's horrified when a cruise with a tart is put before bath night, and a severe lacking in the trouser department calls for desperate measures.

"I'm not a growing boy. I'm 40 years old, Mother. What you see is all you're going to get."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E2

BUTTONS

Originally broadcast: 19 March 1981
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy finds himself cast as the rear end of a pantomime horse, the romeo director needs someone to entertain his old girlfriend, and a jealous regular boyfriend doesn't take too kindly to the competition.

"I have thought myself, Zac, into the rear end of this horse."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S1E3

THE GODFATHER

Originally broadcast: 26 March 1981
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

An attempt to get rid of rubbish during a strike only adds to the backlog, Mother can't resist getting involved after a deal is done with the binmen, and Timothy tries to help when he learns that his godson is being bullied.

"You can't cut porridge into soldiers, Mother!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E4

BACHELOR SEEKS ANYWHERE

Originally broadcast: 2 April 1981
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy's horrified when Mother suggests that he should be paying more board, a singing tramp makes a nuisance of himself in the library, and a chance to share a flat with two young girl threatens to get away.

"You know I can't stand Scotch eggs, Mother. Not even first-hand. They're like oven-ready hedgehogs."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E5

DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU'RE OUT?

Originally broadcast: 9 April 1981
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Mother decides to paint under the stairs ready for the metre man, Timothy loses a bet with a colleague when he gets thrown out of the cinema, and things go no better when he takes out a library assistant.

"I'm not children, Mother. Not children. I'm a big boy now. I've got an umbrella. I've got a box of cuff links. American Express asked me to join. So there we are."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E6

CURSE OF THE MUMMY

Originally broadcast: 16 April 1981
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy's thwarted in his latest attempt to get rid of his teddy, Mother refuses to speak to her daughter after being called an interfering old cow, and Muriel tells her brother that it's time for him to go it alone.

"I imagine it was, Mother. I don't need a teddy any more. I'm a big boy, you know. I used the same aftershave as Henry Cooper."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES TWO

(1982)
6 episodes
Series Score: 38
Episode Average: 6.33
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

CROMER OR BUST

Originally broadcast: 22 April 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy arranges for his parents to go away so he can throw a party, Father hurts himself when he falls over an anniversary present, and plans are threatened further when Muriel falls out with her husband.

"Are we having the junket again? Or has the National Trust taken it over?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S2E2

PERCHANCE TO DREAM

Originally broadcast: 29 April 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy starts having nightmares ahead of an important interview, Father suggests that the only answer is to face the problem like a man, and a psychotherapist recommends a more laid-back approach.

"That's it! Self help. Better than going to see some trick cyclist."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

SONS AND LOVERS

Originally broadcast: 6 May 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy's not happy when his cousin comes to stay, Frank notices that Mother's preferential treatment is having a strange effect, and the prospect of being forced out altogether brings things to a head.

"Face to face? You'll need something to stand on."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E4

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

Originally broadcast: 13 May 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy confronts a dog owner after stepping in a little something, Mother's attempts to secure an inheritance cause embarrassment, and Father wants nothing to do with it when the car rolls into a skip.

"I'm not a kit, Mother, you know. I'm fully assembled, you know, give or take a few odd pieces."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E5

THE NEXT BEST MAN

Originally broadcast: 20 May 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

An accident means Frank has no choice but to find another best man, Father hides in the loft after an argument about a bonfire, and Timothy's far from happy when mother organises a party for the bride and groom.

"If you must know, he called me a nasty name. I won't say what, but it started with 'rat' and ended with 'bag'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S2E6

COULD DO BETTER

Originally broadcast: 27 May 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

A long hidden school report card supports accusations of dithering, an accident-prone bridesmaid turns out to be just as indecisive, and getting caught in a tight spot threatens to make Timothy late for the wedding.

"'Attendance...' something. 'Punctuality, very...' I can't read this. 'Bography...' Bography?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES THREE

(1982)
6 episodes
Series Score: 37
Episode Average: 6.17
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E1

THE RABBIT AND THE PUSSYCAT

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

A newspaper treasure hunt leads to some very strange questions in the library, Frank's not happy when a new team member helps their rivals, and Timothy meets a not at all sensible girl while hiding under the stairs.

"Oh, not Winifred again. It's the third Winifred you've wanted me to meet, Mother. Where do you keep finding these Winfreds? Have you got a secret Winifred factory somewhere?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S3E2

YOU'RE GOING NOWHERE

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy starts planning for a safari holiday in Central Asia, a suspicious Muriel invites her brother to stay for the weekend, and Mother pretends that she's on her deathbed to keep her son away from Freddie.

"Holiday? Who mentioned holiday? Mother, what have you been doing? Steaming open the postman?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E3

BOTTOM OF THE CLASS

Originally broadcast: 11 November 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy gets a chance to appear in a production of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', Mother insists on interfering with the filthy costume, and Freddie's teenage son accuses her new man of being a bit of wally.

"Mother, tonight you will see my Bottom."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S3E4

SPELLBOUND

Originally broadcast: 18 November 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy looks for help when the mobile library breaks down, a job offer arrives from Yorkshire after a strange experience with a fortune teller, and Muriel lends a hand when Mother recruits a network of twitchers.

"Mother, have you wiped your hooves?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S3E5

IT NEVER RAINED IN THOSE DAYS

Originally broadcast: 25 November 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy and Muriel find a box of unappreciated birthday presents, Frank offers advice after seeing his friend following a girl around, and Mother finds herself sharing a romantic day out with an annoying old flame.

"Tomorrow, Mother's official birthday. We all parade at 8:00, then Mother comes on riding side saddle on the cat, then we troop the J-cloth."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S3E6

THE BIG SLEEP

Originally broadcast: 2 December 1982
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

A trip to the hospital convinces Timothy that he doesn't have long left, Mother's too busy trying to sell her son's belonging at a jumble sale, and Father's more interested in trying to get rid of the moles in the garden.

"Hello, Mother. I have, as they say, popped over the hill for an earth sandwich."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

SERIES FOUR

(1985)
6 episodes
Series Score: 35
Episode Average: 5.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S4E1

MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND

Originally broadcast: 28 April 1985
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Mother complains that it's only the neighbours who ever get burgled, the home of a lady with overdue library books gets used as a squat, and Timothy tries to stop a young runaway from heading to London.

"Mother, if God had intended haddock to be curried, he'd have put the North Sea nearer India."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S4E2

MOVE OVER MRS. LUMSDEN

Originally broadcast: 5 May 1985
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Mother's determined to become the secretary of the Ladies' Luncheon Club, Timothy tries to outdo a rival at the antiques shop by buying a pianola, and Muriel's horrified at how her father's being treated.

"Oh, sorry, Father. You're toasting chestnuts."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S4E3

ONE OF OUR NAUGHTY BITS IS MISSING

Originally broadcast: 12 May 1985
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Missing pages in a raunchy novel leave a group of male patients feeling frustrated, Mother insists on buying Timothy a sensible raincoat, and a book thief tries to take out another pile of books on meteorology.

"What have you got on? You look like a baked potato."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S4E4

CONFESSIONS OF A JOBBING GARDENER

Originally broadcast: 19 May 1985
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Mother's jealous when Father starts doing the gardening for another woman, Timothy's horrified when he finds out that the house has been put on the market, and Muriel tries to explain exactly what's going on.

"Shouldn't this be in the kitchen, Mother? To break open your meringue?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S4E5

A LITTLE SOMETHING SET ASIDE

Originally broadcast: 26 May 1985
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

An economy drive sees the house filled with a variety of bulk buy essentials, Mother tries to claim that her son's savings belong to her, and Timothy thinks he's stumbled upon the right woman in the wrong car.

"Good grief, it's Bob Cratchit."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

COLLAPSE OF SMALL PARTY

Originally broadcast: 2 June 1985
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy tries to arrange a party while his parents are away at a ball, a strangely attractive bearded lady tries to drum up custom for her circus, and a sea lion tries out the suburban lifestyle to avoid the bailiffs.

"He's gone into that pond. Youj needn't think that counts as a bath, Timothy."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

SERIES FIVE

(1986)
6 episodes
Series Score: 34
Episode Average: 5.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S5E1

THE PRIMAL SCENE, SO TO SPEAK

Originally broadcast: 10 May 1986
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy catches a businessman in a compromising position, plans to become a famous author lead to the invention of Matt Rampage, and an offer of £1000 to write about cement comes with a condition.

"The art of farce is not dead. Thank goodness I got that the right way around."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S5E2

EVERY CLOWN WANTS TO PLAY HAMLET

Originally broadcast: 17 May 1986
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Mother makes plans to go out for dinner with her brother-in-law, Frank grows frustrated with the prompter during rehearsals for Hamlet, and Timothy convinces himself that Father has been done away with.

"Ah, scraping, the sound of breakfast. Though I do prefer the sort of toast you eat, Mother, rather than the sort you draw with."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E3

BELLS FOR UNCLE BARSTABLE

Originally broadcast: 24 May 1986
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy receives a cryptic inheritance when his uncle passes away, Mother suggests that a career in the clergy might be better than the library, and romance in the shed leads to talk of church bells.

"Clanger! That rings a bell."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E4

NATURAL WASTAGE

Originally broadcast: 7 June 1986
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Preparations are made for a visit from the chief librarian, an attempt to dig up lunch leads to the discovery of all kinds of horror, and Timothy tries to prove that he's still young to fend off talk of early retirement.

"If my funeral was a farce, I'd never be able to look the neighbours in the face again."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S5E5

MY FAMILY AND OTHER MONSTERS

Originally broadcast: 14 June 1986
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy's entrusted with £80 to collect a children's inflatable, Mother tries to make the right impression ahead of a christening, and a puppeteer on a canal boat suggests that it's time to cut the strings.

"Is that my Muffin? Have you sold my Muffin? My Muffin the Mule... That Muffin is stolen, Gerry. That is a hot Muffin."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E6

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE, BASICALLY

Originally broadcast: 21 June 1986
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Father drops Timothy in it after the car gets crushed at the scrapyard, Frank gets offended when he's accused of stealing Mother's wedding ring, and saving a woman's life leads to the granting of a wish.

"Now, Timothy. I want you to get our handbrake fixed. IT's too tight. I can't drive with it on at all."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES SIX

(1987)
6 episodes
Series Score: 37
Episode Average: 6.17
Perfect 10's: 0

S6E1

A CHIEF INSPECTOR CALLS

Originally broadcast: 1 June 1987
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Mother's encouraged to get involved with the Neighbourhood Watch, Father picks up some cheap whisky that's fallen off the back of a lorry, and an escaped prisoner wants to spend some time with his girlfriend.

"Now, then. What shall I do with this? Language, Timothy!"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S6E2

DREAM TIME

Originally broadcast: 8 June 1987
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy bumps into a childhood sweetheart while away at a library conference, Uncle Claude invites Mother and Father to visit him in Australia, and Muriel encourages her brother to follow his heart.

"Your mother's down at the travel agent, making a kerfuffle. She's trying to get a seat facing the engine."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E3

AMAZE YOUR FRIENDS!

Originally broadcast: 15 June 1987
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy decides to go on a weekend-long self-assertiveness course, Muriel's furious when she learns that Jennifer has been paid a visit, and Mother does her best to ruin a well-planned romantic evening.

"No, the ladder-ladder. You know, for the top shelves. You know. When people want to look up things. Why is why I don't wear a kilt."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E4

GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

Originally broadcast: 22 June 1987
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

A memorial service is held for Mother when she mysteriously disappears, Timothy recalls a promise that he made after a tarot card reading, and Jennifer's told that she might have to give the engagement ring back.

"Dabitoff? I thought he was a Russian chess player."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E5

LITTLE FOXES

Originally broadcast: 29 June 1987
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy finds himself accidentally rescuing an injured fox during a hunt, Mother drops a bombshell by claiming that Jennifer is just like her, and problems between Kevin and Muriel only add to growing doubts.

"Ah, my marriage, Mother! Do you realise, in ten days time, Timothy and Jennifer Lumsden - Blenkinsop, as was - will discreetly take leave of their guests to slip upstairs and put their things together? In the nicest possible way!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E6

DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN, AND HIS MOTHER?

Originally broadcast: 6 July 1987
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy tells Muriel that all doubts about getting married are behind him, a failure to send out invites means that the stag night gets off to a slow start, and Mother tries one last trick to put a stop to the wedding.

"Yes, I'm perfectly ready to settle down as a pipe-and-slippers man... having sown my wild oats. Well, I say, say sown my wild oats... I've read the packet!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES SEVEN

(1988)
6 episodes
Series Score: 30
Episode Average: 5.00
Perfect 10's: 0

S7E1

MOTHERS AND BROTHERS

Originally broadcast: 5 September 1988
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy leaves the monastery to help save Kevin and Muriel's marriage, Mother kicks out her new lodger after a promise of no more women, and a woman dressed as a nun appears from nowhere to declare her love.

"What are you doing to that chicken? Trying to get a confession out of it?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E2

EVERY DAY, IN EVERY WAY

Originally broadcast: 12 September 1988
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

A surveyor offers his services after overhearing a conversation in the library, a good luck talisman delivers a sexy lady into Timothy's life, and Mother's unusually supportive attitude makes Muriel feel uneasy.

"My God! It's Edna Everage!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E3

A FOOL AND HIS MONEY

Originally broadcast: 19 September 1988
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Father finds himself reluctantly building a new conservatory, Timothy gives up hope of buying a house when Mother invites his bank manager to a party, and an ioniser bought from a friend causes embarrassment.

"A boxed ear? Why, has Vincent van Gogh sent us something in the post?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E4

FLYING LESSONS

Originally broadcast: 26 September 1988
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy makes it clear that he doesn't want his mother living with him, Father's shocked when his wife asks him for a divorce, and Muriel announces why she and Kevin will soon have no room for guests.

"Well, I'll tell you what, Mother. I am moving out. I have bought my own house. I have had 999 change of address cards printed for friends. And one blank one for you."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E5

WINTER'S TALE

Originally broadcast: 3 October 1988
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

Timothy shows Pippa around the new house, Mother shares her warped sense of reality with a story about getting rid of a cat at Christmas, and Father's version of events sees all of the blame shifted to his son.

"Service issue, Timothy, 1940. I got it in case Jerry arrived here. First bullet for your mother, second bullet for myself. Or was it the other way round?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E6

UP, UP AND AWAY?

Originally broadcast: 10 October 1988
Directed by: David Askey
Written by: Ian Davidson, Peter Vincent

The day finally arrives for Timothy to move into his new house, Father drops a bombshell when he reveals that he married in sin, and Mother makes one final outrageous attempt to stop her son moving out.

"Father, this is real life, you know, not a situation comedy!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

TIMOTHY LUMSDEN

Played by Ronnie Corbett
42 Episodes
in... For Love or Mummy (1981)

PHYLLIS LUMSDEN

Played by Barbara Lott
42 Episodes
in... The Godfather (1981)

SIDNEY LUMSDEN

Played by William Moore
42 Episodes
in The Rabbit and the Pussycat (1982)

MURIEL

Played by Marguerite Hardiman
26 Episodes
in... You're Going Nowhere (1982)

FRANK BAKER

Played by Roy Holder
20 Episodes
in... Sons and Lovers (1982)

KEVIN

Played by Derek Fuke
18 Episodes
in... Collapse of a Small Party (1985)