British Comedy: Garth Marenghi's Darkplace

Years: 2004
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Comedy, Horror
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness
Stars: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness
Episodes: 6
Episode Average: 9.000

BEST EPISODE:
The Apes of Wrath (2004)

SERIES ONE

(2004)
6 episodes
Series Score:
Episode Average:
Perfect 10's:

S1E1

ONCE UPON A BEGINNING

Originally broadcast: 29 January 2004
Directed by: Richard Ayoade
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Reed's not happy about rumours of a new doctor having visions, Dag worries about the reopening of the gates of hell, and an exploded patient asks to be put out of his misery.

"What? Am I holding a crock of shit? Tell me something. Is this hospital called St. Crock of Shit?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S1E2

HELL HATH FURY

Originally broadcast: 5 February 2004
Directed by: Richard Ayoade
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

The chef comes under attack when the chicken isn't ready, the hospital becomes overrun with flying objects, and Dag wonders whether the temp might be an android.

"Look, Dag. This temp was a personal recommendation of Won Ton's. He might look like he's just fallen off the back of a turnip truck, but he wouldn't run if his ass was on fire."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E3

SKIPPER THE EYECHILD

Originally broadcast: 12 February 2004
Directed by: Richard Ayoade
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

A male patient gives birth after being impregnated by a giant eye, Dag tells Liz about the short life of his own son, and Sanch tells Reed why the date might be important.

"Reed hauled us in for the morning debrief, but this morning I was determined that my brief were staying on."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S1E4

THE APES OF WRATH

Originally broadcast: 19 February 2004
Directed by: Richard Ayoade
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Something peculiar causes strange changes in the staff, Dag wakes up to find that apeloids have taken over the hospital, and the truth is uncovered in the mirror storage cupboard.

"I went to the padre to confess... ended up washing my arse in the font!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E5

SCOTCH MIST

Originally broadcast: 26 February 2004
Directed by: Richard Ayoade
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Dag's left without the foggiest when a mist descends on Darkplace, a clue points towards kilt-wearing spirits, and the merits of branded batteries occupy the minds of Sanch and Liz.

"I know 'mon' means man, but I don't think 'och' means anything."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E6

THE CREEPING MOSS FROM THE SHORES OF SHUGGOTH

Originally broadcast: 4 March 2004
Directed by: Richard Ayoade
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

A patient feels a little off-colour after being exposed to toxic gas, Sanch finds himself falling in love, and a member of the staff has to be sacrificed to save a life.

"You're both out of line. I'm not gonna stand here and dance for you. I don't have to. I want to see both of you in my office five minutes ago - so you'd best hurry up."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

GARTH MARENGHI

IS

DR. RICK DAGLESS M.D.

Played by MATTHEW HOLNESS

DEAN LEARNER

IS

THORNTON REED

Played by RICHARD AYOADE

TODD RIVERS

IS

DR. LUCIEN SANCHEZ

Played by MATT BERRY

MADELEINE WOOL

IS

DR. LIZ ASHER

Played by ALICE LOWE

Years: 2006
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Spoof, Satire
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness
Stars: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness
Episodes: 6
Episode Average: 8.667

BEST EPISODE:
Merriman Weir (2006)

SERIES ONE

(2006)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's:

S1E1

GARTH MARENGHI

Originally broadcast: 20 October 2006
Directed by: Richard Ayoade, Ben Kellett
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Dean talks to Garth Marenghi
about his latest book 'The Oeuvre',
his new film 'War of the Wasps', and his
art exhibition 'Imaginearta Horrificarta'.

"It's like that philosophical question, you know, if a tree falls in the forest and I'm not there and it makes a sound, but I don't hear it, but someone records it and plays it to me at a dinner party, does that mean I'm still in the forest? And if I am, then why can't I just take a piss in the garden rather than queuing for the toilet? And that's if the toilet exists, I've been trying to use it all fucking night! I'm starting to doubt the existence of the toilet, quite frankly, at this stage in the proceedings."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E2

STEVE PISING

Originally broadcast: 27 October 2006
Directed by: Richard Ayoade, Ben Kellett
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Dean talks to racing driver Steve Pising about
his career-ending accident, the video about his
life 'Pising In The Driving Seat', and we see
a clip of the new reality show 'The Learner'.

"You were everywhere. There were Pising T-shirts, Pising mugs, Pising posters and there was even a Pising single."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E3

GLYNN NIMRON

Originally broadcast: 3 November 2006
Directed by: Richard Ayoade, Ben Kellett
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Dean talks to actor Glynn Nimron about
'Galactacops', an accident forces a cut to
the adverts, and a planned script-reading
is reluctantly abandoned.

"Earlier this year, I gave Glynn a camera. Well, lent. He seems to have taken it as a fucking gift!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

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S1E4

MERRIMAN WEIR

Originally broadcast: 10 November 2006
Directed by: Richard Ayoade, Ben Kellett
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Folk guitarist Merriman Weir performs for
the audience, Dean brings up the subject of
disappointing album sales, and a video for the
title track is shown ahead of re-release.

"I went backstage and I said to the boys, I said to them, you'll like this, 'I actually went deaf at your Def Leppard concert!' And they said, 'It's spelled D-E-F.' I said 'Come on! Give me something.' Where do these soft rock bell ends get off? How the hell did they even come up with that name? I mean, what were they thinking? You know, 'We're a soft rock outfit, we want a name that denotes sleekness and power. Perhaps we should name ourselves after a wild cat, but, you know, we've also got a sensitive side, we're vulnerable, perhaps we should give this wild cat a disability. What about rheumatic panther? I'm not so sure. How about a hearing impediment? What about Deaf Leopard? Good idea, but I'll tell you what, you'd best remove one of the vowels, otherwise it'd be a stupid name!' Do you know how they spell leopard? L-E-P-P-A-R-D. That's how they spell leopard. L-E-P-P-A-R-D. Benders!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E5

AMIR CHANAN

Originally broadcast: 17 November 2006
Directed by: Richard Ayoade, Ben Kellett
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Dean talks to psychic Amir Chanan
about his ability to bend keys, we see a
clip from DVD 'Bath Buddies', and the big
finale leads to accusations of foul play.

"I am being positive. Most people will not make it to the end of the show. That's just a statistical fact. And you know what? F*** 'em!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E6

RANDOLPH CAER

Originally broadcast: 24 November 2006
Directed by: Richard Ayoade, Ben Kellett
Written by: Richard Ayoade, Matthew Holness

Dean introduces a tribute show for the very
recently deceased actor Randolph Caer, tributes
pour in from those who knew him, and psychic Amir
Chanan attempts to make contact with his spirit.

"Hello, Dean. Yes, I can hear you. And can I just day it's terrible news about Randolph and that on the great race track of life, no-one left a bigger skid mark."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9