British Comedy: Victoria Wood As Seen on TV

Years: 1985-1987
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Victoria Wood
Stars: Victoria Wood, Julie Walters
Episodes: 13
Episode Average: 8.077*

BEST EPISODES:
Series 2, Episode 1 (1987), Series 2, Episode 6 (1987)

*including special

SERIES ONE

(1985)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 11 January 1985
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
The Radio Station --- Bunbury Homes --- Family Planning
Continuity Announcer: Tastes to Come --- Tastes to Come
Seasons of Love --- Acorn Antiques: Think On and Look Sharp
Video Box: Toyah --- A Fairly Ordinary Man
Margery and Joan: Double Glazing --- Keep on Shopping
Continuity Announcer: Weather and Obesity

"How can I get married, Mam? I haven't got a draught excluder."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 18 January 1985
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
A Strange Man with a Wardrobe --- Cheap and Handy
Turkish Baths --- Playbox --- Transmission Breakdown
I'm Gonna Knock, Knock, Knock On Your Knocker
Gail and Carl: Marital Home --- Continuity Announcer: Acorn Antiques
Acorn Antiques: Shot in Dhaka --- Kitty: The Body
Pissed Off with Love --- Swim the Channel
Continuity Announcer: Viewers in the North --- The Reporter

"Now that's the blue of our Margaret's shower curtain, there. Them varicose ceins, there."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 25 January 1985
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Swimming Baths and the Doctors --- Doorbells Album --- Shoe Shop
Continuity Announcer: Plays with Dressing Gowns
Fitted Kitchen / Ill-Fitting Relationship
Service Wash --- Anti-Mugging Spray --- A Simple Northern Boy
The Underwear Shop --- Video Box: Smocks
Acorn Antiques: Trixie Trouble
Continuity Announcer: Acorn Antiques Book --- The Piano Shop
To Be an Actress --- Pause for Thought
Continuity Announcer: Forthcoming Events

"No. I'm in enough trouble as it is. I mean, you come in here, asking for hen droppings, you want to get changed in the window. This is a shoe shop, not a soft porn video merchants. And I should know because my husband runs one. Well, he's not my husband but he rubbed up against me in a sports jacket, so he's as good as."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 1 February 1985
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
A Brick Through the Window --- At the Doctors: Cold Meat
Cosmetic Surgery --- Continuity Announcer: Pippa --- Pippa
Gail and Carl: The Facts of Life --- Go Away
At the Doctors: Running --- Acorn Antiques: Cousin Jerez
Kitty: Agony Aunt --- Continuity Announcer --- Tops and Blouses
On Campus --- At the Doctors: Periods --- The Self-Assertion Class

"'Dear Kitty' - it says Arabella. 'My boyfriend and I used to make love at least twice a night, but now it has dropped off.' I'm not surprised!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 8 February 1985
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Pam --- Happy With Your Wash? --- Supermarket Checkout
Continuity Announcer: Strikes and Sunday Viewing
The Divorce --- Margery and Joan: Spanish Bowl
Continuity Announcer: The Weather --- Acorn Antiques: Muesli
Giving Notes --- Just an Ordinary School --- The Last Show
Say Goodbye --- Continuity Announcer: Darker Nights

"Sorry, I've caught this cold off Susan on smoked meats. Well, they're not smoked when they come, but she's on 60 a day."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 15 February 1985
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Parties --- The Library: Sex and Violence --- The Health Food Restaurant
Continuity Announcer: Film Classic --- Film Classic
Kitty: Running Buffet --- The Library: Polycotton
Continuity Announcer: Ministry of Warnings
Acorn Antiques: Twins --- Continuity Announcer: The Skip
Gail and Carl: Washing-up Bowls --- Dandruff Commercial
Whither the Arts --- Bessie --- Postscript

"No, but sex always comes up at parties and it's never been a strong point with me. It's not that I don't like it, I just don't like things that stop you seeing the television."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(1986)
6 episodes
Series Score: 49
Episode Average: 8.17
Perfect 10's: 2

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 10 November 1986
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
First Date --- Bicycle Clips --- Spaghetti
Continuity Announcer: American Musical --- American Musical
Country Life --- Continuity Announcer: Soap Operas
Acorn Antiques: Up For Sale --- Mr. Right --- Let's Do It
Continuity Announcer: Unemployment

"So she said,
Let's do it! Let's do it!
Do it till our hearts go boom!
Go native, creative,
Living in the living room,
This folly is jolly,
Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley,
Let's do it! Lets do it tonight!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 17 November 1986
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Blood Donors & Shakespeare --- Stealing Detergent --- Bingo
Continuity Announcer: Spanish Opera --- Kelly-Marie Turnstall: Operation
Acorn Antiques: All's Well That Ends Well
Continuity Announcer: Advertisement for Acorn Antiques Record
Acorn Antiques Costume Exhibition --- Kitty: The Producer
Say Who You Are --- Old Tyme Music Hall
Continuity Announcer: Well Woman --- Today in Hospital
Fireside Tales: Megan's PMT

"For something. I don't know if it was tility."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1986
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Public Transport --- The Doctor: Pregnancy --- The Trolley
Continuity Announcer: Frigidity --- The Second Mrs. Constable
Margery and Joan: Bonsai & Sun Lotion
Continuity Announcer: Acorn Antiques
Acorn Antiques: Drastic Refurbishment --- Don't Come Back
Billy --- Fireside Tales: Morag --- Continuity Announcer: Closedown

"Have you seen it on the trolley?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1986
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Acne & Schooldays --- The Picnic on the Cliffs
Continuity Announcer: With Signs For the Deaf --- No Gossip: Macbeth
Kitty: Reincarnation --- Continuity Announcer: Acorn Antiques
Acorn Antiques: Health and Fitness --- I Saw You Today
Kelly-Marie Turnstall: Adopted --- Medical School
Continuity Announcer: The Wetherbys
A Very Funny Young Man Indeed

"She'd come back on her way round from giving blood. And why they'd want it beats me because the way she eats, it must A rhesus nougat."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1986
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
The Builders --- Countrywide Local --- Chocolates?
Jean and Barbara: Partly Political Broadcast
Continuity Announcer: Regional Breakfast TV
Margery and Joan: Holidays --- Continuity Announcer: Birthday Parade 1
Acorn Antiques: Shocking News --- A Day at the Seaside
Continuity Announcer: Birthday Parade 2 --- The Garden Hose
Flatmates

"And I went to Mrs. Spencer and she was in a foul mood anyway because she'd trapped one of her nipples in the filing system."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 15 December 1986
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Old Moore's Almanac --- Continuity Announcer: Sports --- Tattoo Parlour
Continuity Announcer: Axing of Acorn Antiques Characters
Acorn Antiques: The Final Performance --- Winnie's Lucky Day
Count Your Blessings --- Two Soups
Continuity Announcer: Final Comment

"Two soups."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1987)

SPECIAL

SPECIAL

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1987
Directed by: Marcus Mortimer
Written by: Victoria Wood

SKETCHES:
Continuity Announcer: Forthcoming Events --- Soap Operas
The Man's Bra --- Self Service --- Video Advertisement
Coronation Street --- Doctor Who --- Continuity Announcer: Employment
McConomy --- I Don't Need You --- Real Life --- A Woman in Specs
Continuity Announcer: Sunday Television --- Antiques Roadshow
The Anorak Song --- The Mayflower Hotel Nottingham
The Making of Acorn Antiques --- At the Chippy
Continuity Announcer/Andrew: Epilogue

"But alas our hands are tied. You see, what it is, sir, the Mayflower Hotel Nottingham can't really bring itself to give a toss."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

VICTORIA
WOOD

13 episodes
(1985-1987)

JULIE
WALTERS

13 episodes
(1985-1987)

CELIA
IMRIE

13 episodes
(1985-1987)

DUNCAN
PRESTON

13 episodes
(1985-1987)

SUSIE
BLAKE

13 episodes
(1985-1987)

PATRICIA
ROUTLEDGE

5 episodes
(1985-1986)

KENNY
IRELAND

9 episodes
(1985-1986)

ROSIE
COLLINS

8 episodes
(1985-1986)

ANDREW
LIVINGSTON

5 episodes
(1985-1986)

JIM
BROADBENT

4 episodes
(1985-1987)

PETER
ELLIS

4 episodes
(1985-1986)

DEBORAH
GRANT

4 episodes
(1985-1987)

MEG
JOHNSON

4 episodes
(1985-1987)

GERARD
KELLY

4 episodes
(1985-1986)

KAY
ADSHEAD

3 episodes
(1985-1987)

STEPHEN
HANCOCK

3 episodes
(1986)

MARY JO
RANDLE

3 episodes
(1985-1986)

LILL
ROUGHLEY

3 episodes
(1985-1987)

SUE
WALLACE

3 episodes
(1985-1987)

GEORGIA
ALLEN

2 episodes
(1985-1987)

PATRICK
BARLOW

2 episodes
(1985-1986)

NICHOLAS
BARNES

2 episodes
(1986-1987)

BRYAN
BURDON

2 episodes
(1986-1987)

HOPE
JACKMAN

2 episodes
(1985-1986)

DENIS
LAWSON

2 episodes
(1985)

TERENCE
LONGDON

2 episodes
(1986-1987)

ROSALIND
MARCH

2 episodes
(1985-1986)

ZARA
NUTLEY

2 episodes
(1985-1986)

CLIVE
PANTO

2 episodes
(1986)

CHRIS
SANDERS

2 episodes
(1986-1987)

GRAHAM
SEED

2 episodes
(1986)

MAGGIE
STEED

2 episodes
(1985-1987)

DAVID
ADAMS

1 episode
(1986)

TONY
AITKEN

1 episode
(1985)

KATHRYN
APANOWICZ

1 episode
(1986)

CELIA
BANNERMAN

1 episode
(1985)

HEATHER
BASKERVILLE

1 episode
(1986)

DAVID
BEXON

1 episode
(1987)

PETER
BLAKE

1 episode
(1986)

PETER
BLAND

1 episode
(1985)

BETH
BOYD

1 episode
(1986)

NEIL
BRAITHWAITE

1 episode
(1985)

RICHARD
BRENNER

1 episode
(1986)

ROGER
BRIERLEY

1 episode
(1986)

FRANK
BRUNO

1 episode
(1986)

DORA
BRYAN

1 episode
(1986)

GRAHAM
CALLAN

1 episode
(1987)

MARY
CAREWE

1 episodes
(1985)