British Comedy: Wood and Walters
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Broadcaster: ITV (Granada)
Genre: Sketch
Written by: Victoria Wood
Stars: Victoria Wood, Julie Walters
Episodes: 8
Episode Average: 5.625
BEST EPISODES:
Episode 6 (1982)
PILOT
(1981)TWO CREATURES GREAT AND SMALL
Originally broadcast: 1 January 1981
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Introduction - - - Trying to Show I'm Happy - - - Computer Dating
Dorothea Chubb: Problem Slot - - - Keep Fit Class - - - Marriage Guidance
Judith Powell - - - Hairdressers - - - Do the Singing
"You could have it bleached all over. I mean, it looks alright, but smells like someone slept on your head and wet the bed."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4
SERIES
(1982)7 episodes
Series Score: 41
Episode Average: 5.86
Perfect 10's: 0
EPISODE 1
Originally broadcast: 1 January 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Headache Remedies - - - Introduction - - - Piano Practice
Singing Sisters - - - How - - - A Night In With Jack
The Peril of Braces - - - Tattoo - - - Guest: John Dowie
Honest Estate Agent --- Nothing New
Dotty's Slot: Women's Lib --- Groupies - - - Done For the Day
"It's hard to be an egg.
To end your life upon a piece a buttered bread,
Disappearing down a hole in someone's head,
It's not appealing, it's a dreadful way for eggs to start the day."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
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EPISODE 2
Originally broadcast: 17 January 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Carpet Advert --- Granada TV Security --- Beauty Department
Backing Singers --- Dotty's Slot: The Monarchy
Plastic Surgery --- Search For a Star --- Guest: Jill Summers
Julie & Paul Dolls --- The Wireless
The Woman with 740 Babies --- Done For the Day
"Pull the cord in her back, and hear her say, 'Bugger off, it's too early!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
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EPISODE 3
Originally broadcast: 24 January 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Slimmer - - - Where's Walters? - - - Boutique - - - Game Show
I Love You - - - Dotty's Slot: Why Am I Not Happy?
Keep Britain Tidy - - - Could This Be Your Child? - - - Mitch
Only The Lonely - - - Music For Posh People
Done For the Day
"Hello, and welcome to 'Music For Posh People', the game that takes all the enjoyment out of listening to music."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4
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EPISODE 4
Originally broadcast: 31 January 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
3-Course Meal Soup - - - Dentist - - - Swinging
Dotty's Slot: Fashion Tips --- Still Swinging
Murder Story Set in a Country House
Guests: National Youth Jazz Orchestra
Welcome Back to the Women's Institute - - - I Wanna Be 14 Again
Miss Wobblers - - - Comedienne
"I say, someone's cutting my head off,
I'm halfway through my vodka and lime,
Good heavens, it's mummy,
How perfectly crummy,
Did you guess it was her all the time?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
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EPISODE 5
Originally broadcast: 7 February 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Divorce - - - Starving - - - Wrong Address
Pretend to Be Northern - - - A Holiday With Jack
Girls Talking - - - Dotty's Slot: Music & Laughter
Made Your Breakfast - - - Guest: John Dowie
Dropping Them On Dover - - - Unanswered Questions
Teenage Pregnancy
"I'd had a drink or two and I was lurching home one night,
I took a shortcut through the graveyard in the pale moonlight,
When Dracula leapt out on me and begged me for a kiss,
He sucked the blood from out my veins and staggered home half-pissed."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4
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EPISODE 6
Originally broadcast: 14 February 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Soap Powder - - - Family Planning - - - Coffee Shop Gossip
Auditions - - - The Singing Snobs - - - Dotty's Slot: Body in Question
Jolly Good Read - - - Back Next Month - - - Commune
Solitude - - - Danger & Divorce - - - Done For the Day
"I got another letter from that lady I must finish. It's complaining about her husband's mini piano... or is it his tiny organ?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
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ONE MORE TIME
(COMPILATION OF 'BEST BITS')
Originally broadcast: 21 February 1982
Directed by: Stuart Orme
Written by: Victoria Wood
SKETCHES:
Groupies --- Dorothea Chubb: Problem Slot (Partial)
Beauty Department - - - Singing Sisters - - - Girls Talking
Boutique - - - Only the Lonely - - - Piano Practice
"Let me see. Let me have a look. Oh, no, dear me, no. No, to we in the trade that's not so much a complexion... more of a doily"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6