British Comedy: Blackadder

Years: 1983-1999
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton, Rowan Atkinson
Stars: Rowan Atkinson, Tony Robinson
Episodes: 26
Episode Average: 8.462*

BEST EPISODES:
Goodbyeee (1989), Private Plane (1989)

*includes 'Christmas Carol' and 'Back & Forth', but not 'The Cavalier Years'.

SERIES ONE

(1983)
6 episodes
Series Score: 44
Episode Average: 7.33
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

THE FORETELLING

Originally broadcast: 15 June 1983
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis

Edmund accidentally kills King Richard III after arriving late for a battle, confirmation of his death leads to the crowning of King Richard IV, and Percy ignores orders by helping a dying man who claims to be wealthy.

"Yes, find your own chair, you smelly little dog's pizzle!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

BORN TO BE KING

Originally broadcast: 22 June 1983
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis

Edmund is tasked with organising the St. Leonard's Day entertainments, Harry infuriates his brother by giving all of his lands away to a Scotsman, and talk of there being a bastard in the family halts the plan for revenge.

"Yes, I wish he wouldn't do that. It's very difficult to sleep with that kind of thing going on. Being used all night long, like the outside of a sausage roll."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

THE ARCHBISHOP

Originally broadcast: 29 June 1983
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis

The Archbishop of Canterbury is killed whenever the church is left land,
Edmund panics when the King chooses him as the next man for the job, and two drunken knights overhear what sounds like an order to kill him.

"I thought they only came in boxes of ten!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

THE QUEEN OF SPAIN'S BEARD

Originally broadcast: 6 July 1983
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis

The King looks to form new alliances to help win the war against France, Edmund discovers that his Spanish bride-to-be is far from beautiful, and Baldrick suggests pretending to prefer men to put her off the whole idea.

"You are the only one for me. I really want to hug and kiss you."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

WITCHSMELLER PURSUIVANT

Originally broadcast: 13 July 1983
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis

The Privy Council suspect that the Black Death is the work of witchcraft, the Witchsmeller Pursuivant points the finger when Edmund fails a test, and Baldrick insists that he has a plan that is as cunning as it is secretive.

"Edmund, I believe you have a pussy cat.... Ohhhh! It's names is Bubbles? ...Yes, or to give it its full name... Beelzebubbles!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

THE BLACK SEAL

Originally broadcast: 20 July 1983
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: Rowan Atkinson, Richard Curtis

Edmund ditches his friends when he loses the title of Duke of Edinburgh,
six of the most evil men in the land are gathered to storm the castle, and an old rival looks for his revenge after arriving back from exile in France.

"I say, 'Good morning Mad Gerald, how are you today?'
I say, 'I'm completely mad today, thank you."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES TWO

(1986)
6 episodes
Series Score: 54
Episode Average: 9.00
Perfect 10's: 4

S2E1

BELLS

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

A young woman seeks employment as a boy rather than as a prostitute, Lord Blackadder struggles with his feelings for his new manservant, and the Queen is confused when she receives word that they plan to marry.

"She's got a tongue like an electric eel, and she likes
the taste of a man's tonsils!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

HEAD

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder discovers that he has been appointed Lord High Executioner, a prisoner is executed two days early to free up the middle of the week, and the Queen grants permission for his wife to visit him before he dies.

"No! Ointment! That's what you need when you're head's been cut off! That's what I gave your sister Mary when they done her. 'There, there,' I said, 'you'll soon grow a new one.'"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

POTATO

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

The Queen waits excitedly to hear about Sir Walter Raleigh's adventures, Blackadder announces plans to sail around the Cape of Good Hope, and an old sea dog offers himself to Nursie before sailing into the unknown.

"You have a woman's purse, m'lord! I'll wager that purse has never been used as a rowing boat. I'll wager it's never had sixteen shipwrecked mariners tossing in it."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

MONEY

Originally broadcast: 6 February 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder needs to raise £1000 to avoid getting a poker up his bottom, Percy tries his hand at alchemy while Baldrick suggests prostitution, and the Queen makes things worse by playing a series of silly practical jokes.

"Oh Edmund, can it be true? That I hold here, in my mortal hand, a nugget of purest green?!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

BEER

Originally broadcast: 13 February 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder's puritanical aunt and uncle want to discuss his inheritance,
news of Lord Melchett's impending death leads to a drinking challenge, and the Queen decides to find out exactly what goes on at Boys' Nights.

"What he is trying to tell you is that you appear to be wearing a pair of devil's dumplings!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

CHAINS

Originally broadcast: 20 February 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder and Melchett prove that they are idiots by getting kidnapped, a German master-of-disguise reveals exactly how he knows his prisoners, and the Queen decides to throw a party rather than pay for their release.

"You... Fornicating... Yes, I can't really do it in this box."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES THREE

(1987)
6 episodes
Series Score: 50
Episode Average: 8.33
Perfect 10's: 2

S3E1

DISH AND DISHONESTY

Originally broadcast: 17 September 1987
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

The new Prime Minister looks to strike Prince George from the Civil List, Blackadder suggests gaining the support of an easily corrupted MP, and a death sees Baldrick put forward as a candidate for Dunny-on-the-Wold.

"You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about, but I never seem to get any."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

INK AND INCAPABILITY

Originally broadcast: 24 September 1987
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Prince George agrees to patronise Dr. Johnson's strange new dictionary, Blackadder finds that his own literary effort wasn't completely ignored, and Baldrick confesses to throwing ten years of hard work into the fire.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I'm anaspepticm, phrasmotic, even compunctuous to have caused you such pericombobulation."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

NOB AND NOBILITY

Originally broadcast: 1 October 1987
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder's sick of hearing about the exploits of the Scarlet Pimpernel, two foppish lords bet that he can't rescue an aristocrat from Paris, and a French revolutionary gets in the way of a cunning plan to win the wager.

"On the contrary, I hate you English with your boring trousers and your shiny Toilet paper... and your ridiculous preconceptions that Frenchmen are great lovers. I'm French, and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petit pois."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

SENSE AND SENILITY

Originally broadcast: 8 October 1987
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Prince George has a bomb thrown at him by an anarchist at the theatre,
Blackadder offers to write a speech to show his unusually sensitive side, and two famous actors are hired to help him develop his elocution skills.

"So he was a stunt codpiece. Did he have a large part?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

AMY AND AMIABILITY

Originally broadcast: 15 October 1987
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Prince George ends up totally skint after losing all of his money at cards, a plan to find him a wealthy wife leads to an industrialist's daughter, and news that she lives in poverty forces Blackadder to become a highwayman.

"Get more coffee! It's horrid! Change it! Take me roughly from behind! No, not like that, like this! Trousers off! Tackle out! Walk the dog! Where's my presents?!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

DUEL AND DUALITY

Originally broadcast: 22 October 1987
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Prince George has some fun with both of the Duke of Wellington's nieces, Baldrick suggests a switch when their uncle challenges him to a duel, and Blackadder hopes that his mad cousin might be his own way out of danger.

"Oh, I spent a night of ecstasy with a couple of Wellingtons and I loved it."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

COMIC RELIEF
SPECIAL

(1988)

SPECIAL

THE CAVALIER YEARS

Originally broadcast: 5 February 1988
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Sir Edmund hides King Charles I from Oliver Cromwell in Blackadder Hall, a purple cup helps to make sure that he ends up in the Tower of London, and Baldrick comes up with a plan after he agrees to be the executioner.

"However, I'm a busy man, and I can't be bothered to punch you at the moment. Here is my fist. Kindly run towards it."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

SPECIAL

(1988)

SPECIAL

BLACKADDER'S CHRISTMAS CAROL

Originally broadcast: 23 December 1988
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

A series of visitors take advantage of Ebenezer Blackadder's good nature, the Spirit of Christmas agrees to show him what his ancestors were like, and admiration of their badness sees him ask questions about his future.

"For God's sake, Baldrick, if you're going to wear that ridiculous jockstrap, at least keep your legs together."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES FOUR

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 57
Episode Average: 9.50
Perfect 10's: 4

S4E1

CAPTAIN COOK

Originally broadcast: 28 September 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Baldrick suggests cooking for staff HQ to avoid having to go over the top, Blackadder's asked to find an artist to paint a picture for King & Country, and George is horrified by an attempt to claim credit for his masterpiece.

"Good Lord, you're quite right sir, it says 'mine'. So, these mushrooms must belong to the man who made the map."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

CORPORAL PUNISHMENT

Originally broadcast: 5 October 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder faces a court-martial for ignoring orders and killing a pigeon, a letter error sees George asked to provide the legal representation, and Baldrick delivers an escape kit after a sentence of death by firing squad.

"Well, as far as I can tell, the message was, he's got a terrible lion up his end, so there's an advantage to an enema at once."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

MAJOR STAR

Originally broadcast: 12 October 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder hopes that organising a concert will get him back to London, a driver is informed that her talent for disguise is somewhat lacking, and General Melchett requests permission to escort the leading lady to a ball.

"Where as he's going to give you the Victoria Cross when he lifts up your frock on the wedding night, and finds himself looking at the last turkey in the shop!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

PRIVATE PLANE

Originally broadcast: 19 October 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

George suggests joining the Twenty Minuters when an ace flyer drops in, Flashheart puts paid to plans to waste five months in basic training, and Blackadder and Baldrick are captured after landing behind enemy lines.

"Is it? Oh, that's a piece of luck. Thought I'd landed sausage-side! Ha! Mind if I use your phone? If word gets out that I'm missing, five hundred girls will kill themselves. I wouldn't want them on my conscience, not when they ought to be on my face! Hi, Flashheart here. Yeah, cancel the state funeral. Tell the King to stop blubbing! Flash is not dead. I simply ran out of juice! Yeah, and before all the girls start saying, 'Oh, what's the point of living any more,' I'm talking about petrol! Woof! Woof! Yeah, I dumped the kite on the proles, so send a car. General Melchett's driver should do. She hangs around with the big nobs, so she'll be used to a fellow like me! Woof! Woof!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

GENERAL HOSPITAL

Originally broadcast: 26 October 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

George makes friends with a nurse when a bomb puts him out of action, Blackadder's tasked with sniffing out a German spy in the field hospital, and Darling's interrogated after General Melchett shoots him in the foot.

"Security isn't a dirty word, Blackadder. Crevice is a dirty word, but security isn't."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

GOODBYEEE

Originally broadcast: 2 November 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

George can't hide his excitement when news arrives about the big push, a remark from General Melchett ends any ideas about feigning insanity, and Blackadder remembers that Field Marshal Haig owes him a favour.

"I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cos he was hungry."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1988)

SPECIAL

BACK & FORTH

Originally broadcast: 31 December 1999
Directed by: Paul Weiland
Written by: Richard Curtis, Ben Elton

Blackadder tries to con his friends after showing them his time machine,
things take a twist when the contraption built by Baldrick works, and the pair bounce around through the ages as they look for a way to get home.

"You really are as thick as clotted cream, that's been left out by some clot, and now the clots are so clotted, you couldn't unclot them with an electric de-clotter, aren't you, Baldrick?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

BLACKADDER

Played by Rowan Atkinson

THE BLACK ADDER

(6 episodes 1983)
EDMUND, DUKE OF EDINBURGH
in... Born to Be a King (S1E2

BLACK-ADDER II

6 episodes (1986)
LORD EDMUND BLACKADDER
in... Bells (S2E1)

BLACK ADDER THE THIRD

6 episodes (1987)
EDMUND BLACKADDER,
BUTLER TO THE PRINCE
in... Ink and Incapability (S3E2)

BLACKADDER: THE CAVALIER YEARS

(1988)
SIR EDMUND BLACKADDER

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
EBENEZER BLACKADDER

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
LORD EDMUND BLACKADDER

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
EDMUND BLACKADDER,
BUTLER TO THE PRINCE

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
GRAND ADMIRAL BLACKADDER OF
THE DARK SEGMENT

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
BLACKADDER

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

6 episodes(1989)
CAPTAIN EDMUND BLACKADDER
in... Goodbyeee (S4E6)

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
LORD BLACKADDER

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
CENTURION BLACCADUIS

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
KING EDMUND III

BALDRICK

Played by Tony Robinson

THE BLACK ADDER

6 episodes (1983)
BALDRICK
in... The Foretelling (S1E1)

BLACK-ADDER II

6 episodes (1986)
BALDRICK
in... Beer (S2E5)

BLACK ADDER THE THIRD

6 episodes (1987)
BALDRICK, A DOGSBODY
in... Sense and Senility (S3E4)

BLACKADDER:
THE CAVALIER YEARS

(1988)
BALDRICK, ESQUIRE

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
MR. BALDRICK

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
BALDRICK

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
BALDRICK, A DOGSBODY

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
BALDRICK

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
GRAND ADMIRAL BALDRICK OF
THE DARK SEGMENT

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

6 episodes (1989)
PRIVATE S. BALDRICK
in... Captain Cook (S4E1)

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
BALDRICK

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
LEGIONARY BALDRICUS

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
PRIME MINISTER BALDRICK

PERCY

Played by Tim McInnerny

THE BLACK ADDER

6 episodes (1983)
PERCY, DUKE OF NORTHUMBERLAND
in... The Archbishop (S1E3)

BLACK-ADDER II

6 episodes (1986)
LORD PERCY PERCY
in... Head (S2E2)

MELCHETT

Played by Stephen Fry

BLACK-ADDER II

6 episodes (1986)
LORD MELCHETT
in... Chains

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
LORD MELCHETT

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

6 episodes (1989)
GENERAL SIR ANTHONY CECIL
HOGMONAY MELCHETT
in... Major Star (S4E3)

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
ARCHBISHOP MELCHETT

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
LORD MELCHETT

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
GENERAL MELCHIUS

GEORGE

Played by Hugh Laurie

BLACK ADDER THE THIRD

6 episode (1987)
THE PRINCE REGENT, THEIR MASTER
in... Dish and Dishonesty (S3E1)

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
THE PRINCE REGENT

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

6 episodes (1999)
LIEUTENANT THE HONOURABLE GEORGE
COLTHURST ST. BARLEIGH
in... Major Star (S4E3)

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
VISCOUNT GEORGE BUFTON-TUFTON

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
GEORGIUS

QUEENIE

Played by Miranda Richardson

BLACK-ADDER II

6 episodes (1986)
QUEEN ELIZABETH I
in... Beer (1986)

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
QUEEN ELIZABETH I

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
LADY ELIZABETH

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
QUEEN ELIZABETH I

NURSIE

Played by Patsy Byrne

BLACK-ADDER II

6 episodes (1986)
NURSIE
in... Potato (S2E3)

BLACKADDER'S
CHRISTMAS CAROL

(1988)
NURSIE

BLACKADDER:
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
NURSIE

DARLING

Played by Tim McInnerny

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

6 episodes (1989)
CAPTAIN KEVIN DARLING
in... General Hospital (S4E5)

BLACKADDER
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
ARCHDEACON KEVIN DARLING

BLACKADDER
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
DUC DE DARLING

BLACKADDER
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
DUKE OF DARLING

KING RICHARD IV

Played by Brian Blessed

THE BLACK ADDER

6 episodes (1983)
KING RICHARD IV
in... The Queen of Spain's Beard (S1E4)

GERTRUDE OF FLANDERS

Played by Elspet Gray

THE BLACK ADDER

6 episodes (1983)
GERTRUDE OF FLANDERS
in... The Archbishop (S1E3)

HARRY, PRINCE OF WALES

Played by Robert East

THE BLACK ADDER

6 episodes (1983)
HARRY, PRINCE OF WALES
in... Witchsmeller Pursuivant (S1E5)

MRS. MIGGINS

Played by Helen Atkinson Wood

BLACK ADDER THE THIRD

6 episodes (1987)
MRS. MIGGINS, A COFFEE SHOPPEKEEPER
in... Nob and Nobility (S3E3)

BOB

Played by Gabrielle Glaister

BLACK-ADDER II

1 episode (1986)
BOB
in... Bells (S2E1)

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

2 episodes (1989)
DRIVER PARKHURST
in... Major Star (S4E3)

LORD FLASHHEART

Played by Rik Mayall

BLACK-ADDER II

1 episode (1986)
LORD FLASHHEART
in... Bells (S2E1)

BLACKADDER GOES FORTH

1 episode (1989)
FLIGHT SQUADRON COMMANDER
THE LORD FLASHHEART
in... Private Plane (S4E4)

...AND ONE THAT IS FLASHHEART IN ALL BUT NAME...

BLACKADDER
GOES FORTH

(1999)
ROBIN HOOD

THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON

Played by Stephen Fry

BLACK ADDER THE THIRD

1 episode (1987)
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON
in... Duel Duality

BLACKADDER
BACK & FORTH

(1999)
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON

PRINCESS LEIA OF HUNGARY

Played by Natasha King

THE BLACK ADDER

2 episodes (1983)
PRINCESS LEIA OF HUNGARY
in... Witchsmeller Pursuivant (S1E5)