British Comedy: Love Thy Neighbour

Years: 1972-1976
Broadcaster: ITV (Thames)
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver,
George Evans, H.V. Kershaw, Lawrie Wyman,
Sid Colin, Brian Cooke, Colin Edmonds,
Johnnie Mortimer, Jon Watkins,
Spike Mullins, Adele Rose
Stars: Jack Smethurst, Rudolph Walker
Episodes: 53 (+pilot)
Episode Average: 6.019

BEST EPISODES:
Refused a Drink (1972), Voodoo (1972)

PILOT

(1972)

PILOT

PILOT

Originally broadcast: Never
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

The Booths come back from holiday to find that next door has been sold, Eddie tries to complain when he learns the truth about the situation, and thoughts of selling up are quickly ended by an extremely welcome sight.

"Equal rights does not entitle him to move next door"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES ONE

(1972)
7 episodes
Series Score: 55
Episode Average: 7.86
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

NEW NEIGHBOURS

Originally broadcast: 13 April 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan learns that next door has been bought by a Mr. and Mrs. Reynolds, Eddie contacts the Race Relations Board when he finds out the truth, and a particularly pleasant view puts paid to any thoughts about moving out.

"Well, we've asked for forty percent... the management have offered three. We'll probably split the difference and settle for five."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

LIMBO DANCING

Originally broadcast: 20 April 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie makes his feelings known when he hears the sound of steel drums, Bill's far from impressed when he gets instant mash instead of yams, and Joan and Barbie try to talk their men out of a silly limbo dancing contest.

"Only the kid next door. Wants to know if you do voodoo. And if do, could you turn his teacher into a frog?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

THE PETITION

Originally broadcast: 27 April 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan insists that there will be no food until work is done on the garden, Bill has words when he catches his neighbour ogling his bikini-clad wife, and a failed petition puts the idea of moving house back on the agenda.

"Well, it didn't fall from a low-flying Alsatian!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

SEX APPEAL

Originally broadcast: 4 May 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Barbie encourages Joan to be a little more provocative by going braless,
Arthur suggests that black men are blessed in certain departments, and Eddie's upset when he sees his wife getting far too comfortable with Bill.

"All right, Jacko. Don't let your mind start making appointments your body can't keep."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

FACTORY DISPUTE

Originally broadcast: 11 May 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie upsets Bill when he suggests that his blood is of an inferior quality, a dispute over a new machine leads to strikes both at work and at home, and Jacko gets a shock when sausages start disappearing from his plate.

"Your Eddie must be the only white man with prejudiced underpants."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH

Originally broadcast: 18 May 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie suggests that inoculations might help with the new foreign germs, the committee vote in favour of asking the Prime Minister to resign, and Barbie comes up with a way of testing whether the men can stay faithful.

"Aye. You can fool some of the people all of the time... none of the people most of the time... but if some of the people fool part of the people all of the time... then most of the people are fooled none of the time... by all of the people some of the time."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E7

REFUSED A DRINK

Originally broadcast: 25 May 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Bill puts Mr. Heath up in his window to get right up his neighbour's nose, Eddie tries to preserve his hand after being presented to Hugh Scanlon, and two black men head off to the West End to see if they can get served.

"Gawd, dear. Thank God we don't all think like you. Otherwise, blimey, the next Prime Minister'd be Engelbert Humperdinck."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES TWO

(1972)
6 episodes
Series Score: 41
Episode Average: 6.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

THE HOUSEWARMING PARTY

Originally broadcast: 11 September 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Jacko comes up with a very simple way to deal with the colour problem, Joan finds herself being touched up by the Sidney Poitier of Surbiton, and Bill storms next door when the police snuff out his housewarming party.

"Don't worry, mates, it's quite harmless. Uh, but please try not to spill any. It burns a hole in the carpet."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

VOODOO

Originally broadcast: 18 September 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie blames racial discrimination when he can't get a big match ticket, Bill decides to get his revenge for a voodoo prank by feigning illness, and Arthur and Jacko claim that the spell must be broken before it's too late.

"You're jokin'. Eddie' hopeless with anything electrical. Took him till New Year's Day to fix the lights on our Christmas tree."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

CLARKY LEAVES

Originally broadcast: 25 September 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie argues that applying for the role of foreman would be a betrayal,
management deal with a troublemaker by offering him promotion, and Joan and Barbie celebrate by enjoying a little bit of liquid refreshment.

"Oh, yes, of course. I'm afraid you all look the same"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

THE BEDROOM SUITE

Originally broadcast: 2 October 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan manages to persuade Eddie to invest in a cut-price bedroom suite, Barbie reveals that Bill plans to snap up the first-come first-served deal, and news that the sale has yet to start leads to a long night in the cold.

"Just promise me one thing... If you want a new coat, you won't buy it with tins of pilchards."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

THE T.U.C. CONFERENCE '72

Originally broadcast: 9 October 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie hopes to pull the local crumpet while in Brighton for a conference, his decision to book a double room backfires when Bill decides to attend, and Joan and Barbie take a trip to the seaside to surprise their husbands.

"Hey, you look like a white man's Belafonte!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

RELIGIOUS FERVOUR

Originally broadcast: 16 October 1972
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan isn't too happy when lying in bed comes before going out to church, any hopes of peace and quiet are dashed by the arrival of a brass band, and Eddie finds religion after getting into an argument with a Revivalist.

"I used to be Jewish."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

ALL STAR
COMEDY CARNIVAL

(1972)

SPECIAL

ALL STAR COMEDY CARNIVAL

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1972
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Bill's horrified when he finds his wife being kissed under the mistletoe, Jacko surprises his friends by offering to pay for a round of drinks, and Eddie tries to work out exactly which pub he left his Christmas dinner in.

"But I did wonder why after he'd left me presents, he always used to get into bed with me mam."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES THREE

(1973)
6 episodes
Series Score: 36
Episode Average: 6.00
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1

THE G.P.O.

Originally broadcast: 19 March 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan reveals that she's ordered the Radio Times instead of the TV Times, the Reynolds discover that they're sharing a party line with the Booths, and Bill decides to get his revenge when Eddie listens to his private calls.

"What about him?... Him... Alf Garnett. Don't tell me he's realistic. Blimey! He's a loud-mouthed, ignorant bigot."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

THE CAR

Originally broadcast: 26 March 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie tries to look the other way when Bill proudly shows off his new car, being beaten to a guaranteed jackpot only helps to make matters worse, and Joan's unimpressed when she finds a wreck parked on the doorstep.

"So is coveting thy neighbour's wife but it don't stop you having a crafty covet now and again."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

EDDIE RETURNS FROM HOLIDAY

Originally broadcast: 2 April 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Bill comments on how much nicer things have been without the insults, Eddie finds that someone has taken his chair at the Lion & Lamb, and a number of change in the community are certainly not welcomed by all.

"I'll tell you what's wrong with abroad. There's too many bloody foreigners there."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

THE LION AND THE LAMB

Originally broadcast: 9 April 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie and Bill agree to fight it out for exclusive rights to the Lion & Lamb, the wives are asked if they can find a way to ease the racial tensions, and a touch of psychological warfare leaves one side quaking in their boots.

"No, Big Jim Horton, the man who's frightened of nobody... He can't come, his wife won't let him."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

THE LIFT

Originally broadcast: 16 April 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie and Bill decide to work together to get out of spending the night in, Arthur has to face his wife after forgetting his wedding anniversary, and Jacko panics when the gang find themselves stuck in a broken-down lift.

"Oh, yes? And where you going to hide, up Jacko's trousers leg?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

BARBIE BECOMES PREGNANT

Originally broadcast: 30 April 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Bill's over the moon when Barbie announces that she's expecting a baby, Joan gets upset when her suggestion about starting a family is dismissed, and Eddie races home from the club to prove that he is the better man.

"Ooh, it was. Me Fruit and Nut melted in me 'and."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

FILM

(1973)

FILM

LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR

Released: 26 August 1973
Directed by: John Robins
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan and Barbie decide to lie in an effort to win a Mediterranean holiday, Bill's father makes a new friend when he flies in early from Trinidad, and Eddie calls the men out when the black workers set up their own union.

"That's what they call bowling a goolie!"

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 2

SERIES FOUR

(1973-1974)
7 episodes (+special)
Series Score: 40
Episode Average: 5.00*
Perfect 10's: 0
*including special

S4E1

HINES' SIGHT

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

A gruff Yorkshireman introduces himself as the new landlord of the club, Eddie intervenes to stop a witch doctor moving into the house next door, and Bill finds an interested party who appears to tick all the right boxes.

"Well, they tend to be a bit on the slow side from the North, you know. They're not quick-witted and sharp like we are."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

FRIENDLY

Originally broadcast: 19 December 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie and Bill agree to take each other to Paris if they win the club raffle, Joan makes the master of his own home put housework before football, and celebrations are cut short when Jacko notices a mistake at the draw.

"It's the wife... No - ugly. See, I've gotta get drunk before I can fancy her. When I do fancy her. I'm too drunk to do anything."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

SPECIAL

WORKING ON NEWS YEAR'S EVE

Originally broadcast: 31 December 1973
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Nobby comes to the rescue when Joan and Barbie get stuck on the floor, Eddie and Bill agree to work on New Year's Eve to catch up with an order, and a copper visits when the wives are forced to spend the night alone.

"Where's Pride and Prejudice then?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

EDDIE'S MOTHER-IN-LAW

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1974
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Joan decides to hold back on the news that her mother is coming to stay, Bill's furious when Barbie runs up a bill talking to her mother in Trinidad, and Eddie is left horrified after rushing home to meet his new daughter.

"Well, it's my New Year's resolution. I'm doing it twice a day."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

THE ANTENATAL CLINIC

Originally broadcast: 14 January 1974
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie moans about having to go to Fathers' Night at the antenatal clinic, the nurse is unimpressed when a demonstration doll is left headless, and Bill lays down a challenge after complaining about constant racial abuse.

"There's a couple from Putney. I don't know their names. He's an ignorant loud-mouthed twit You'll get on well with him."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

TWO WEEKS TO BABIES

Originally broadcast: 21 January 1974
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Eddie jumps to conclusions after digging about in next doors' shopping, Joan insists that it's time to turn the spare bedroom into a nursery, and Bill overhears an interesting conversation about the father of the baby.

"It is not rubbish. He's probably sitting at home now chewing my chips and nibbling your puddings."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

TO THE HOSPITAL

Originally broadcast: 28 January 1974
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Bill struggles to gets to grips with how to communicate on a baby alarm, Eddie borrows a car to find the best route to the maternity hospital, and alternative transport has to be found when the keys fall down the drain.

"You go inside and get the car. I'll start up Joan."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E7

THE BIG DAY

Originally broadcast: 4 February 1974
Directed by: Ronnie Baxter
Written by: Vince Powell, Harry Driver

Bill discovers that he's coping without his wife better than his neighbour, Joan and Barbie are shocked when two sets of husbands visit them, and Arthur attempts to sober Eddie up when news arrives from the hospital.

"Oh, very nice, I'll put it in water."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

SERIES FIVE

(1974)
6 episodes
Series Score: 36
Episode Average: 6.00
Perfect 10's: 0

S5E1

THE MEDITERRANEAN

Originally broadcast: 18 February 1974
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Bill speaks out against the hypocritical traditions of committee meetings, Eddie suggests that the annual summer outing should be to Majorca, and a new housewives' union threatens to go on strike unless they're invited.

"I'll 'ave 'alf."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E2

BANANAS

Intended broadcast: 25 February 1974
(Delayed until 1 April 1974)
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Eddie suggests that a crate dropped off for Bill at the club contains guns, Joan refuses to play any part in making a brother or sister for Mark, and a gullible fool has just days to live after being bitten by a tropical spider.

"Funny weapons are, aren't they?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E3

EDDIE'S BIRTHDAY

Originally broadcast: 25 February 1974
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Barbie has a bad night with Terry when his teeth start to come through, Joan's furious when sexy birthday cards arrive in the post for Eddie, and Bill turns up at the club with an extra special card from Harold Wilson.

"I wonder if it hurt when they took his brains out."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E4

TEETHING PROBLEMS

Originally broadcast: 4 March 1974
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan's jealous when Bill buys Barbie tickets to see her mother in Trinidad, Eddie manages to spoil a film after going home to watch the football, and panic sets in when a note for the milkman is taken away by the dustmen.

"Not that bad?! When you're throwing darts, the safest place is the dartboard."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E5

CAT'S AWAY

Originally broadcast: 11 March 1974
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Eddie opts for a shampoo when he sees the barber's sexy new assistant, Bill feels embarrassed when Barbie calls him at the club from Trinidad, and Joan asks a lot of questions about a hastily arranged darts fixture.

"You're right, it is... Somebody having a joke. He said 'It's a long distance from Trinidad.'"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E6

GHOSTS

Originally broadcast: 18 March 1974
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan complains about having to make excuses for going to church alone, Jacko manages to get a round in without parting with a single penny, and Bill challenges Eddie when he refuses to believe that the club is haunted.

"You make it sound like Harrods. 'Going up, halos and harp'... 'Going down, shovels and pitchforks.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES SIX

(1975)
7 episodes
Series Score: 44
Episode Average: 6.29
Perfect 10's: 0

S6E1

REGGIE

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan complains that her marriage is more predictable than it is romantic, Barbie insists that you can't possibly be unfaithful on the telephone, and Eddie tries to get his revenge after being tricked into paying for a round.

"So this woman said, 'I'd sooner have a baby than have a tooth out.' And the dentist said, 'Make up your mind, missus, it alters the position of the chair.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E2

JACKO'S WEDDING

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan gets mistaken for Barbie when she borrows a fashionable Afro wig, Jacko announces that he's getting married to a girl he met in Southend, and Eddie decides that it is his duty to make sure that it doesn't happen.

"Knife and fork? By the sound of that, I want a hammer and chisel!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E3

DUEL AT DAWN

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Bill and Barbie try to help four relations who have been made homeless,
a furious Eddie challenges his neighbour to settle things the old way, and Jacko's bribed into making sure that the pistols are loaded with blanks.

"Let's just say we are making a contribution to Jacko's trust fund... the I.H.H. Society... 'I'll 'ave 'alf'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E4

THE DARTS FINAL

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan goes out after insisting that Eddie spend his Friday night in with her, Bill's unimpressed when the new assistant vicar is left with the baby, and the absence of Robert Redford sees a sleepwalker sent out into the cold.

"Do you mind? It's no laughing matter. It must have been nearly below zero. I could feel the frostbite creeping up my legs. If it had gone much higher, I'd have been ruined for life."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E5

ROYAL BLOOD

Originally broadcast: 30 January 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan's not too happy when Mark starts picking things up from his father, Eddie hopes to find a royal connection when he investigates his ancestry, and Bill decides to have some fun with a painting bought on the market.

"If it's all the same to you, Your Majesty, I'll 'ave 'alf!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E6

THE NANNIES

Originally broadcast: 6 February 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan gets a part-time job after spending the holiday money on a fur coat, Eddie's informed that he's taken a capsule that's supposed to be inhaled, and an agency misunderstand Barbie's request for a couple of a nannies.

"You don't have to worry about me, love, I don't believe in hooligahism. And if anybody starts anything near me, they'll get thumped."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E7

CLUB CONCERT

Originally broadcast: 13 February 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Vince Powell

Joan points out that the club's Grand Charity Concert needs a big name, the Duke of Edinburgh reacts badly when asked to make an appearance, and Bill and Eddie ask Charlie Williams to impersonate Charlie Williams.

"Well, I suppose you'd better go and find this Bill Reynolds. It's about time this close friend and I got to know each other."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES SEVEN

(1975)
7 episodes
Series Score: 34
Episode Average: 4.86
Perfect 10's: 0

S7E1

FAMOUS CRIMES

Originally broadcast: 17 April 1975
Directed by: William G. Stewart
Written by: Sid Colin

Barbie insists on inviting the Booths round for a delicious Sunday dinner, Jacko cuffs Bill and Eddie together with an item from his Black Museum, and Nobby points out why his hacksaw doesn't happen to have a blade.

"You've heard of the famous 'Brides in the Bath' murder, haven't ya? The actual plug from the actual bath."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E2

THE LADY AND THE TRAMP

Originally broadcast: 24 April 1975
Directed by: William G. Stewart
Written by: Brian Cooke

Joan takes delivery of a new clock that she bought with trading stamps, the committee decide to use unexpected profits to hold a dance evening, and the babysitter tries not to offend when she meets the wrong tramp.

"Mines just as big as anyone else's."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E3

THE PROTECTION OF THE LAW

Originally broadcast: 1 May 1975
Directed by: William G. Stewart
Written by: Jon Watkins

Bill's upset when he's accused of breaking union rules by doing overtime,
talk of a shapely stripper sends the lads down to the Caribbean club, and Eddie complains to the Race Relations Board when they thrown him out.

"Yeah, Nobby's right. They say she's a bit of a darling. A big West Indian girl, Tobago Tessie. She's a bus condunctress... Oooh, yeah, and from what I hear of it, she's well-stacked on the upper deck."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E4

THE OPINION POLL

Originally broadcast: 8 May 1975
Directed by: William G. Stewart
Written by: H.V. Kershaw

Barbie's told to buy her own when she pops in to borrow a bag of sugar, Eddie and Bill have a bet about the result of a racial prejudice poll, and an unconventional new curate suggests sorting it out in the boxing ring.

"Hey, you're allowed to have a lucky horseshoe, but not in your glove."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E5

MANCHESTER... UNITED

Originally broadcast: 15 May 1975
Directed by: William G. Stewart
Written by: Colin Edmonds

Joan protests about having to make do with a kitchen that's falling apart, the fellas try to get the day off work so they can go to a cup replay, and Bill tries to help his neighbour when he's forced to put up a new cabinet.

"If the Galloping Gourmet came in here, he's turn round and gallop out again."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E6

THE T.U.C. CONFERENCE

Originally broadcast: 22 May 1975
Directed by: William G. Stewart
Written by: George Evans, Lawrie Wyman

Eddie shows off his beachwear for the upcoming conference in Brighton, Joan's not fooled when Double-Decker Doris calls to make arrangements, and Barbie's asked to encourage Bill to stand as the next shop steward.

"Eddie, you can't join the Boy Scouts at your age."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E7

THE COACH OUTING TO BOURNEMOUTH

Intended broadcast: 29 May 1975
(Delayed until 1 January 1976)
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Spike Mullins

Joan complains that she's never allowed time away from the housework, the inability to afford a proper holiday is blamed on endless strikes, and Barbie 's horrified when her neighbour grabs two tickets for a coach trip.

"Well, if you wrapped Queen Victoria around Nobby, her head wouldn't touch her toes."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

SERIES EIGHT

(1975-1976)
6 episodes
Series Score: 33
Episode Average: 5.50
Perfect 10's: 0

S8E1

THE LOCAL BY-ELECTION

Originally broadcast: 11 December 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Johnnie Mortimer

Bill announces that he's helping the Conservatives with their campaign, Joan gets lumbered when services are offered to the Labour Party, and Eddie's shocked when he meets the man he's supposed to be voting for.

"Oh, you are lazy. If I didn't stir your tea, you'd sit and wait for a whirlwind."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E2

EDDIE BECOMES A FATHER AGAIN

Originally broadcast: 18 December 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Brian Cooke

Eddie and Bill have a little bet about who can grow the best moustache, the time finally arrives for Jacko to be told about the birds and the bees, and congratulations are offered when Joan orders a pram and carry cot.

"Yes, I was getting a bit rusty. So I had ten minutes every night. I put a dartboard behind the kitchen door, closed one eye and aimed at it."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E3

CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1975
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Sid Colin

Eddie becomes the darts tournament captain when nobody else stands, an objection sees Bill challenge his neighbour to a drinking contest, and a drunken night on the sofa leads to a dream about being shipwrecked.

"Who ever heard of having snake for Christmas dinner? There's nowhere to shove the stuffing!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E4

FOR SALE

Originally broadcast: 8 January 1976
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: H.V. Kershaw

Joan isn't happy about the idea of selling up and moving to Manchester, Bill and Barbie are delighted when they're given two football tickets, and a couple with very strong political beliefs show an interest in the house.

"A pint? You'll drown yourself!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E5

POWER CUT

Originally broadcast: 15 January 1976
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: George Evans, Lawrie Wyman

The Electricity Board threaten to cut off Bill and Barbie's power supply,
Eddie makes things worse when he insists on coming to the rescue, and Joan reveals that the neighbours are staying with them until it's sorted.

"I might have known it. You see, drink never solved anything. Well, I'm off... I'm going to the club for a pint."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E6

THE LODGER

Originally broadcast: 22 January 1976
Directed by: Anthony Parker
Written by: Adele Rose

Eddie accidentally offers to put up a tramp who's turned up at the club, Bill reveals that the kind-hearted gesture is just a way to win a bet, and Joan's happy about having an intelligent man in the house for a change.

"My father was very charitable, you know. He left everything to the orphanage... Fourteen kids."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

EDDIE
BOOTH

Played by Jack Smethurst
53 episodes* (1972-1976)
in... Bedroom Suite (S2E4)

*Also appeared in the pilot and the film.

BILL
REYNOLDS

Played by Rudolph Walker
53 episodes* (1972-1976)
in... Working On New Year's Eve (Special)

*Also appeared in the pilot and the film.

BARBIE
REYNOLDS

Played by Nina Baden-Semper
52 episodes* (1972-1976)
in... The Petition (S1E3)

*Also appeared in the pilot and the film.

JOAN
BOOTH

Played by Gwendolyn Watts
1 episode (1972)
in... Pilot

JOAN
BOOTH

Played by Kate Williams
53 episodes* (1972-1976)
in... Christmas Spirit (S8E3)

*Also appeared in the film.

ARTHUR

Played by Tommy Godfrey
48 episodes* (1972-1976)
in... The T.U.C. Conference '72 (S2E5)

*Also appeared in the film.

JACKO

Played by Keith Marsh
48 episodes* (1972-1976)
in... Jacko's Wedding (S6E2)

*Also appeared in the film.

NOBBY
GARSIDE

Played by Paul Luty
33 episodes (1973-1976)
in... The Mediterranean (S5E1)