British Comedy: Minder

Years: 1979-1994
Broadcaster: ITV (Thames, Central)
Genre: Comedy Drama
Written by: Leon Griffiths, Tony Hoare,
Andrew Payne, David Yallop, Bernard Dempsey,
Kevin Sperring, William Ivory, Paul Wheeler,
Willis Hall, Dave Humphries, Jeremy Burnham,
Geoffrey Case, Chris Kelly, Iain Roy,
Tony Jordan, and others.
Stars: George Cole, Dennis Waterman
Episodes: 108
Episode Average: 7.500*

BEST EPISODES:
Senior Citizen Caine (1984), Minder on the Orient Express (1985)

*including specials

SERIES ONE

(1979-1980)
11 episodes
Series Score: 76
Episode Average: 6.91
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

GUNFIGHT AT THE O.K. LAUNDRETTE

Originally broadcast: 29 October 1979
Directed by: Peter Sasdy
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Terry gets lucky while working at a strip club, the IRA take hostages at the local launderette, and Arthur tries to cash in on the situation.

"Yeah, sociology. He's still into thieving, but now he knows
why he's doing it."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

BURY MY HALF AT WALTHAM GREEN

Originally broadcast: 5 November 1979
Directed by: Christopher King
Written by: Paul Wheeler

Terry's paid to look after a released bank robber, an easy job turns out to be anything but, and the truth of the situation hardly goes down well.

"His name's Terry. Strong as an ox, and almost as handsome."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

THE SMALLER THEY ARE...

Originally broadcast: 12 November 1979
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Leon Griffiths

A petty thief steals more than he bargained for, an international gang are soon on the hunt, and Arthur decides to play the go-between.

"Highly trained killer? He's not all that, is he?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

A TETHERED GOAT

Originally broadcast: 19 November 1979
Directed by: James Gatward
Written by: Murray Smith

Arthur arranges a bodyguard and manservant for a Lebanese businessman, a simple job turns out to be something more sinister, and Terry finds himself out of his depth.

"Boudin, one of my favourites. But if pressed, I'd have to admit a preference to cannelloni."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

THE BOUNTY HUNTER

Originally broadcast: 26 November 1979
Directed by: Peter Sasdy
Written by: Bernie Cooper, Francis Megahy

Terry's persuaded to help with picking up cars, an old friend of Arthur's reveals how she was conned, and enquiries are made about a new Roller.

"I don't think I can be associated with a criminal enterprise."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

ACES HIGH AND SOMETIMES VERY LOW

Originally broadcast: 3 December 1979
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Leon Griffiths

A professional gambler finds himself barred from the local casinos, the illegal games turn out to be rigged, and Arthur tries to make a few quid on a high-end motor.

"The book is confidential. It's for the trade only. I can't flash the book around. I get this from a very special contact."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E7

THE BENGAL TIGER

Originally broadcast: 10 December 1979
Directed by: Peter Sasdy
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Terry's not happy about the kind of jobs he's being sent on, Arthur offers some muscle to protect a troubled shopkeeper, and a young girl has no intention of entering an arranged marriage.

"Yeah, he's gone in with some insurance assessor. He's trying to shift fifty frost-damaged Italian refrigerators."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E8

COME IN T-64, YOUR TIME IS TICKING AWAY

Originally broadcast: 17 December 1979
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Tony Hoare

Candy Cabs is targeted by saboteurs, Terry struggles in the ring, and Arthur adds a new motor to the fleet.

"He's only trying to sell me my own wheels."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E9

MONDAY NIGHT FEVER

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1980
Directed by: Mike Vardy
Written by: Leon Griffiths

There's a break in at the lock-up, Arthur has his eye on a pretty singer, and Terry finds himself out of a job.

"I don't have legal advisors, sonny. I have people who come round and punch your little head in."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E10

THE DESSERT SONG

Originally broadcast: 14 January 1980
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Andrew Payne

Arthur tries to shift a load of pickled walnuts, Terry works undercover in a Greek restaurant, and quick thinking's needed with the health inspector calls.

"Be careful, eh. She's only after your pickled walnuts."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E11

YOU GOTTA HAVE FRIENDS

Originally broadcast: 21 January 1980
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Leon Griffiths

A friend begs for a lift, Terry's taken in for questioning, and Arthur has no choice when it comes to a bit of physical exercise.

"He's got his kung fu gear on."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES TWO

(1980)
13 episodes
Series Score: 104
Episode Average: 8.00
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1

NATIONAL PELMET

Originally broadcast: 11 September 1980
Directed by: Martin Campbell
Written by: Willis Hall

Arthur tries to shift a load of figurines he's invested in, Terry's persuaded to guard a racehorse, and a stable girl likes what she sees.

"Now come on, twist me arm and take me for a drink."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

WHOSE WIFE IS IT ANYWAY?

Originally broadcast: 18 September 1980
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Tom Hoare

Arthur has a sales-pitch for every occasion as he tries to clear some watches, a call comes in from an injured friend, and Terry's not happy about the living arrangements of his latest job.

"At that price, it's a steal."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

YOU WIN SOME, YOU LOSE SOME

Originally broadcast: 25 September 1980
Directed by: James Gatward
Written by: Jeremy Burnham

Arthur wants in on a roulette syndicate, Terry's plans get crowded out, and a threat turns to kidnap.

"Oh, yeah. And what's a wife compared with a wheel and a little white ball, eh?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

DON'T TELL THEM WILLIE BOY WAS HERE

Originally broadcast: 2 October 1980
Directed by: Denis Abey
Written by: Paul Wheeler

An ex-champion boxer returns to the ring, a bit of sparring reveals the truth of the situation, and Terry's services go beyond the usual.

"Yeah. Well, I once met a sex-maniac who was shy, and I thought he had problems."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

NOT A BAD LAD, DAD

Originally broadcast: 9 October 1980
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Tony Hoare

A nine-year old boy is left on Terry's doorstep, Arthur won't take no for an answer, and Penny seems more than willing to play happy families.

"Well, you know me, Terry. I'll do anything for a few coppers."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

THE BEER HUNTER

Originally broadcast: 16 October 1980
Directed by: Tom Clegg
Written by: Willis Hall

Remembering the night before proves difficult after a drunken reunion, Arthur rolls back the years on the rugby pitch, and Terry refuses to give up his strides.

"Come on you little Barnsteads!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E7

A NICE LITTLE WINE

Originally broadcast: 23 October 1980
Directed by: Christopher Menaul
Written by: Stanley Price

Arthur invests in a consignment of claret, a rogue masseuse is drugging and robbing her clients, and Terry's given the direct line.

"To get a beer. All that plonk gives you a terrible thirst."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E8

ALL MOD CONS

Originally broadcast: 30 October 1980
Directed by: Ian Sharp
Written by: Andrew Payne

"That's what you get for drinking on an empty head."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E9

DIAMONDS ARE A GIRL'S WORST ENEMY

Originally broadcast: 6 November 1980
Directed by: Christopher King
Written by: Paul Wheeler

Terry's shocked to find Mr. Lily wearing women's clothes , the car gets stolen outside a shop, and a diamond smuggler points the finger.

"Oh, don't be disgusting, Des. It comes to something when you have to ask the police for help."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E10

THE OLD SCHOOL TIE

Originally broadcast: 13 November 1980
Directed by: James Gatward
Written by: Jeremy Burnham

Arthur isn't happy about unpaid work, Terry returns home to find an intruder, and a journalist looks into a diamond robbery.

"Modern bloody generation. You're all the same. Give them a leg to stand on, they use it to kick you up the arse."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E11

ALL ABOUT SCORING, INNIT?

Originally broadcast: 20 November 1980
Directed by: Martin Campbell
Written by: Willis Hall

Gambling debts force a footballer into hiding, Terry takes bad news a little too well, and Arthur tours the local watering holes in search of an alcoholic journalist.

"Oh, Daniel. Oh, you should have said, my son. Now, isn't that funny, Ron was just talking to me about you before he had the great misfortune to suddenly be taken drunk."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E12

CAUGHT IN THE ACT, FACT

Originally broadcast: 27 November 1980
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur sees gold in bagging fish, Terry delivers a dodgy motor, and a job minding a magistrate turns out to be more trouble than it's worth.

"Allergy, Stevie... allergy. If any part of my body is touched by a naked fish... bang, all down my left side. Very uncomfortable, won't go away for three weeks."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E13

A LOT OF BULL AND A PAT ON THE BACK

Originally broadcast: 4 December 1980
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Tony Hoare

Terry's caught out when his lady friends come face-to-face, Arthur agrees to repossess a bull, and the local strippers are targeted by a rival club.

"Wouldn't be giving me any bullshit, would ya?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES THREE

(1982)
13 episodes
Series Score: 107
Episode Average: 8.23
Perfect 10's: 2

S3E1

DEAD MEN DO TELL TALES

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1982
Directed by: Robert Young
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur agrees to store a dead body in his lock-up, an ex-surgeon proves hard to track down, and Terry's not keen on his new flatmate.

"I have been witness to unexplainable phenomenononon"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

YOU NEED HANDS

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1982
Directed by: Ian Sharp
Written by: Andrew Payne

A debt collection leads to a broken hand, a , and Terry makes a dangerous discovery.

"Yeah, I know about cash flow. Cash flows to Arthur and then trickles back to me."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

REMBRANDT DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1982
Directed by: Tom Clegg
Written by: Dave Humphries

The world of art offers an opportunity to make a few quid, Terry gets lucky with a stripper, and an artist's ex leaves Arthur in a tricky spot.

"I'll put it in an eggcup if you really want to impress him."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

LOOKING FOR MICKY

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1982
Directed by: Tom Clegg
Written by: Tony Hoare

An old friend of Terry's escapes from prison, Arthur tries to make money by selling an 'exclusive' story, and a ruthless boxing manager has other ideas.

"Private? What's private? The boy's life's an open book. He's got no right to be private with us."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

DREAMHOUSE

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1982
Directed by: Tom Clegg
Written by: Andrew Payne

Arthur's offered a chance to invest in flying pigs, Terry's tasked with taking care of a pop star's house, and a widow looks to mix business with pleasure.

"No, no, no, no, that is your natural meloncola of the creative artiste."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

ANOTHER BRIDE, ANOTHER GROOM

Originally broadcast: 17 February 1982
Directed by: Mike Vardy
Written by: Willis Hall

Arthur makes arrangements for his niece's wedding, Terry's drafted in to play the role of chauffeur, and a deal for a load of literature can't be delayed.

"I know it's the telephone, you stupid in-law."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E7

THE BIRDMAN OF WORMWOOD SCRUBS

Originally broadcast: 24 February 1982
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Leon Griffiths

An ageing villain is released from prison, Arthur finds himself digging deep, and a consortium of interested parties want a share of old loot.

"Name? He's a bird. Are you stupid or something? He's not a fella!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E8

THE SON ALSO RISES

Originally broadcast: 3 March 1982
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Paul Wheeler

An accountant looks for his pay-pff after being released from prison, Terry's called in when a schoolboy becomes a target of bullies, and Arthur can't get any peace to get his paperwork in order.

"I am serious, Terry. I am using my serious voice."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E9

WHY PAY TAX

Originally broadcast: 10 March 1982
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Terry takes a liking to a new face in the bookies, Arthur tries to make money from old fireplaces, and a job gone wrong sees a trip to the hospital.

"Don't let's not quibble, Pat. I'm a very fair man, Dermot."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E10

BROKEN ARROW

Originally broadcast: 17 March 1982
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: George Day

Arthur borrows a flash motor, a talented darts player is reluctant to play for money, and the organisers of a tournament struggle to raise the prize money.

"Oh yeah. They used to call me the Wizard of Odds."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E11

POETIC JUSTICE, INNIT?

Originally broadcast: 24 March 1982
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur's called up for jury service, Debbie witnesses a robbery, and the lock-up gets cleared out.

"Madam, with respect. A man's boat is hardly a reasonable foundation on which to base a conviction."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E12

BACK IN GOOD OLD ENGLAND

Originally broadcast: 31 March 1982
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Andrew Payne

Arthur buys in a load of unfashionable denim, a villain returns from Spain, and Dave's license is up for renewal.

"See that flat up there, the one with the green door. Number 86."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E13

IN

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1982
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Leon Griffiths

An imported car proves to be nothing but trouble, Arthur helps the police with their enquiries, and Terry tries to hunt down a delivery driver.

"oh, tell him, Mr. Rycott. Arthur Daley... drug fiend? I wouldn't even trust one of them paraceta-dee-mols!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIAL

(1983)

SPECIAL

MINDER'S CHRISTMAS BONUS

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1983
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Arthur and Terry help Dave decorate the pub for Christmas, 'Er Indoors has trouble at the airport, and talk turns to past events.
(essentially a clips show)

"Don't listen to him, Dave. He'll have electricians, carpenters, carpet layers, plasterers... and they'll all be me!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES FOUR

(1984)
11 episodes
Series Score: 86
Episode Average: 7.82
Perfect 10's: 4

S4E1

ROCKY EIGHT AND A HALF

Originally broadcast: 11 January 1984
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Arthur sees a chance to make money from property, a visit to the Job Centre is met with disgust, and Terry's persuaded to get back into the boxing ring.

"See, you meet me and suddenly you get a result. What's a nice girl like that doing in a nasty place like this?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

SENIOR CITIZEN CAINE

Originally broadcast: 18 January 1984
Directed by: Robert Young
Written by: Andrew Payne

A widowed businessman tries to protect his interests from his greedy family, a consignment of Japanese whiskey needs new labels, and Arthur falls for a tasty little topless number.

"Listen, Charlie. We're talking about top notch scotch here. This is your real falling down juice."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

HIGH DRAINS PILFERER

Originally broadcast: 25 January 1984
Directed by: Robert Young
Written by: Dave Humphries

A burglar robs jewellery from the wrong man, Terry bumps into an old cellmate, and Arthur tries his hand at car insurance.

"Arthur, the last time you made an innocent enquiry, you were still waiting for your teeth to come through... so that you could start lying through them!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

SORRY PAL, WRONG NUMBER

Originally broadcast: 1 February 1984
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Arthur's in trouble with the taxman, an old-time conman comes up with a way to make money from race-tipping, and Terry takes care of things at the office.

"There you are. And make sure you count it, because it's not all there."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

THE CAR LOT BAGGERS

Originally broadcast: 8 February 1984
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Trevor Preston

Terry takes a job minding a car lot, a councillor wants rid of an illegal gypsy site, and Arthur tries to sell hearses to a widow.

"Oh my Gawd. I've seen healthier face on a pirate flag."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

IF MONEY BE THE FOOD OF LOVE, PLAY ON

Originally broadcast: 15 February 1984
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur gets pestered to buy a fur coat, an Australian arrives in town in search of her fiancé, and Terry struggles to find his touch.

"Gross? No, no, no, Terence. It's the natural forces of supply and demand. If the punter is pleased with the price he pays, it will be perverse to place a parcel for peanuts."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E7

A STAR IS GORN

Originally broadcast: 22 February 1984
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Tony Hoare

The police have problems identifying the body of a dead pop star, Arthur happens upon a valuable master tape, and a ruthless manager does battle with the record company over ownership.

"I'm not surprised the way these singers holler and hoot. Probably perforated his pelvis."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E8

WILLESDEN SUITE

Originally broadcast: 29 February 1984
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Andrew Payne

Arthur supplies a hotel with various essentials, Terry gets a job as house detective, and a young model has dreams of becoming a star.

"What are you going to address them about, Arthur? Japanese whiskey? Second-hand bog paper?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E9

WINDOWS

Originally broadcast: 7 March 1984
Directed by: Robert Young
Written by: Geoffrey Case

Dave isn't sure about Harry Secombe, Terry has to do his godfather bit, and Arthur opens a gym.

"Detective? He couldn't find his back pocket with both hands."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E10

GET DALEY

Originally broadcast: 14 March 1984
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: Andrew Payne

A man has a heart attack when threatened with a gun, Arthur goes to hospital for major surgery, and Terry shares his flat with a selection of curvaceous models.

"Oh, right. I'll tell 'em. I'll tell 'em 'Arthur Daley knows bugger all'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E11

A WELL FASHIONED FIT-UP

Originally broadcast: 21 March 1984
Directed by: Jim Hill
Written by: Barry Purchese

A batch of high end fashion fakes prove hard to shift, Terry gets a job in a new Irish bar, and Arthur proves to be a lousy nightwatchman.

"You've got the fighting art of a blancmange."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FIVE

(1984)
8 episodes
Series Score: 66
Episode Average: 8.25
Perfect 10's: 1

S5E1

GOODBYE SAILOR

Originally broadcast: 5 September 1984
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Andrew Payne

The police are on the lookout for stolen footwear, Terry and Arnie are sent to pick up some cheap tobacco, and Arthur struggles to find his sea legs.

"Don't be silly, Arthur. You are not a normal citizen."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E2

WHAT MAKES SHAMY RUN?

Originally broadcast: 12 September 1984
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Leon Griffiths

A debt gets settled with counterfeit notes, Arthur opens a driving school, and a master tape master plan needs a backer.

"What's the matter with you people, don't you trust us?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E3

A NUMBER OF OLD WIVES TALES

Originally broadcast: 19 September 1984
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Tony Hoare

Terry and Arthur play key roles at a wedding, Arnie arranges transport for the bride, and an article in the newspaper causes trouble for the groom.

"I mean, how do we know she's not suffering from some sort of paranoid schizophrenalia?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E4

THE SECOND TIME AROUND

Originally broadcast: 26 September 1984
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Geoffrey Case

Arthur discovers he's been involved in a theft, Terry's forced into making a new friend, and a dodgy property sale threatens to defraud a retired novelist of her home.

"Who threw you a biscuit?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E5

SECOND HAND POSE

Originally broadcast: 3 October 1984
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Tony Hoare

Terry gets locked in an industrial freezer while doing a job for Arthur, a friend offers alternative employment, and a key mix-up leads to trouble with the law.

"No, I'm not kiddin'. Another couple of hours and I would have ended up in Bejams next to the fish fingers."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E6

THE LONG RIDE BACK TO SCRATCHWOOD

Originally broadcast: 10 October 1984
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Leon Griffiths

Arthur isn't impressed when he meets his biggest fan, a plan to sell football tickets to the Scots means a journey north, and Terry's investigated by the Inland Revenue.

"Anyway, how was I to know it was stolen? Judge said I was a mere prawn in the game."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E7

HYPNOTISING RITA

Originally broadcast: 17 October 1984
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Alan Janes

A paint deal leaves Arthur feeling a little off-colour, a young woman's plan to marry a hypnotherapist is met with disapproval, and Terry's left steaming about his latest job.

"If it was any wetter, you'd have to swim to the bar!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E8

THE BALANCE OF POWER

Originally broadcast: 31 October 1984
Directed by: Ian Toynton
Written by: David Yallop

The council try to push through a compulsory purchase order on the lot, Arthur stands in the local by-election, and the police raid the lock-up in search of jewellery.

"I don't care if you're Wyatt Earp. You cannot come on my property and start making the cars fly about."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SPECIAL

(1984)

SPECIAL

AROUND THE CORNER

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1984
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Tony Hoare

A racing greyhound is seen as a path to easy money, Arthur does a deal for a consignment of video players, and Rycott and Chisholm find themselves chasing the same target.

"Maltreating him? This dog of dogs has had more steaks stuck in him than Dracula!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES SIX

(1985)
6 episodes
Series Score: 48
Episode Average: 8.00
Perfect 10's: 0

S6E1

GIVE US THIS DAY ARTHUR DALEY'S BREAD

Originally broadcast: 4 September 1985
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Andrew Payne

A local vicar tries to rehabilitate ex-convicts, Arthur recruits a team to do a bit of gardening, and a couple of suspicious characters are picked up by the police.

"That motor's been sitting out there so long it's started to take root. Along comes a cash customer out of the blue, and bits start falling off like it was autumn."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E2

LIFE IN THE FAST FOOD LANE

Originally broadcast: 11 September 1985
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Alistair Beaton

Arthur invests in a consignment of car phones, Terry unknowingly starts a relationship with the daughter of a successful businessman, and a doctor has to deal with a baffling question.

"That is the last time I put my trust in your race, my son. A right bunch of McRobbers, and no mistake."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E3

THE RETURN OF THE INVINCIBLE MAN

Originally broadcast: 18 September 1985
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Leon Griffiths

A factory owner arranges for his safe to be broken into, a mystery man arrives at the hospital, and Chisholm finds himself spoiling his own investigation.

"Can people not die and drink at the same time? I've not had a drink for sixteen month. I'm a born again drinker."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E4

ARTHUR IS DEAD, LONG LIVE ARTHUR

Originally broadcast: 25 September 1985
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Tony Hoare

The Inland Revenue catch up with Arthur, a journalist finds a suicide note on a bridge, and Chisholm is as suspicious as ever.

"You know, as an accountant, Andrew, you make a very good assassin."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E5

FROM FULHAM WITH LOVE

Originally broadcast: 2 October 1985
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur's forced to give his wife's nephew a job, a currency exchange proves problematic, and a missing sailor brings a boatswain to Terry's door.

"Work what out, McCann? That two and two are four? Or if it's dodgy, it's got to be Daley?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E6

WAITING FOR GODDARD

Originally broadcast: 9 October 1985
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Leon Griffiths

A private investigator tries to find a local recluse, Dave's none too pleased with Arthur, and Terry resigns after being sacked.

"There's a dangerous gunman on the loose. I've had a shooter up my hooter!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

TV FILM

(1985)

TV FILM

MINDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1985
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: Andrew Payne

A dead gangster's daughter is saved from a mugging, Terry receives two tickets for the Orient Express, and Chisholm's sent to work with Interpol.

"Hey, why do you want tickets to a Chinese takeaway?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1988)

SPECIAL

AN OFFICER AND A CAR SALESMAN

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1988
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Tony Hoare

Terry's carrying a grudge after doing a stretch, Arthur's dealing in army surplus and contraceptives, and Chisholm's new job finds him in the middle of a bullion robbery.

"Bricks wall do not a shovel make, nor iron bars a cage. I have been a prisoner of conscience."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

SERIES SEVEN

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 42
Episode Average: 7.0
Perfect 10's: 0

S7E1

IT'S A SORRY LORRY MORRIE

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1989
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Tony Hoare

Terry has an unwanted guest, Arthur's desperate to find a way to get business going again, and a lorry-load of electricals soon attracts the filth.

"Nah, would you buy a second-hand motor off of Arthur Daley?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E2

DAYS OF FINES AND CLOSURES

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1989
Directed by: William Brayne
Written by: David Yallop

Dave asks Terry for a favour, Rycott tries to prevent license renewal for the Winchester, and Arthur sends an alternative minder to a job.

"Yeah? I'd say it was early Woolworths."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E3

FATAL IMPRESSION

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1989
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Anita Bronson

A 'reformed' gambler owes a fortune, Terry's ex walks out on her abusive husband, and Arthur tries to sell a miracle.

"I'm telling you there's only two words to describe it... fan-bloody-tastic. I personally would never have believed it had I not seen it with my own ears."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E4

THE LAST VIDEO SHOW

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1989
Directed by: Roy Ward Baker
Written by: Andrew Payne

Terry's persuaded to run Arthur's new shop, a gangster's wife returns the wrong video, and a deal with an architect has Rycott sniffing around.

"Look at that. The TV generation. One braincell ticking over."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E5

FIDDLER ON THE HOOF

Originally broadcast: 30 January 1989
Directed by: Terry Green
Written by: Dave Humphries

Arthur panics when he hears news of a robbery in The City, a gangster hears that an old face is in town, and the lock-up gets a new security system.

"I can't do it, I get vertical. I've gone all giddy."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E6

THE WRONG GOODBYE

Originally broadcast: 6 February 1989
Directed by: Francis Megahy
Written by: David Yallop

The bailiffs are called in, Arthur plans for retirement after being made an offer for the car lot, and Dave gets the shock of his life.

"Oh right. You're gonna retire to the Costa Blanket then?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES EIGHT

(1991)
12 episodes
Series Score: 80
Episode Average: 6.67
Perfect 10's: 2

S8E1

THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG DISTANCE ENTREPRENEUR

Originally broadcast: 5 September 1991
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: David Yallop

Arthur's asked to give his nephew a job, local rivals take advantage when Terry disappears, and business dealings on the Continent take a dangerous turn.

"Rats coming out of the woodwork. No sooner has word got round the manor, courtesy of you, that I am without a minder, that the vermin come out and steal my hard-earned cheese."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E2

A BOUQUET OF BARBED WIRE

Originally broadcast: 12 September 1991
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: Kevin Sperring, Bernard Dempsey

Ray realises there's money in modelling, Arthur feels woozy after a trip to the dentist, and a consignment of British wine turns out to be nothing but trouble.

"Well, of course it is. Otherwise it'd all fall out the bottles."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E3

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HER INDOORS

Originally broadcast: 19 September 1991
Directed by: Roger Bamford
Written by: David Yallop

A flagpole gets Arthur into trouble with the council, cash-flow problems see the electric and phone cut off, and the police are convinced that 'Er 'Indoors has been done in.

"Well, you know what walls have, Billy? No, no, not sausages... Ears, Billy... Ears!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E4

THREE CONS MAKE A MOUNTAIN

Originally broadcast: 26 September 1991
Directed by: Mike Vardy
Written by: David Yallop

Arthur picks up a German motor at a poker game, the dog causes a distraction at auction, and Ray overhears a conversation in the Winchester.

"Are you gonna drive this car, or I am I gonna ride the dog?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E5

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO PINNER

Originally broadcast: 3 October 1991
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: David Yallop

The police take great interest in the faces at a funeral, Arthur takes delivery of items he has no idea about, and Ray falls for a woman with a secret.

"When the doctor grabbed me by the goolies and said cough, I did the same to him."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E6

THE LAST TEMPTATION OF DALEY

Originally broadcast: 10 October 1991
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: William Ivory

Arthur's told to give up smoking and drinking, a building contractor threatens violence, and paranoia leads to a request for police protection.

"Look, I did not imagine several tonnes of diesel trying to part my hair!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E7

A BIRD IN THE HAND IS WORTH
TWO IN SHEPHERD'S BUSH

Originally broadcast: 17 October 1991
Directed by: Roger Bamford
Written by: David Yallop

Arthur arranges a minder for a northern bird, Ray falls in love with a bookie's daughter, and a series of mishaps delay liberation.

"What would you like to start with? How about 'O for the Wings of a Dove'?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E8

HIM INDOORS

Originally broadcast: 24 OCtober 1991
Directed by: Roger Bamford
Written by: Iain Roy, Chris Kelly

An ex-burglar is recruited for his security expertise, Arthur has to mind the lock-up overnight, and an over-zealous cop arrests a suspicious character.

"Ron, dead meat and chips, that's the preference of the Great British palate. Not free-range yoghurt with a sprinkling of Trill."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E9

THE GREATEST SHOW IN WILLESDEN

Originally broadcast: 31 October 1991
Directed by: Derek Banham
Written by: Kevin Sperring, Bernard Dempsey

Arthur remembers how things used to be, an elderly ventriloquist is given another chance, and a rented karaoke machine is stolen from the back of the van.

"It's one of your hokey-cokey jobbies."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E10

TOO MANY CROOKS

Originally broadcast: 7 November 1991
Directed by: Alister Hallum
Written by: Tony Jordan

Arthur agrees to sort out the catering for a party, Ray's blackmailed into playing waiter for the night, and a gangster travels from Birmingham in search of a Frenchman.

"They might have only had one leg, but I think you'll agree that was reflected in the price. No, no, no, it's a new method, makes them easier to catch."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E11

THE ODDS COUPLE

Originally broadcast: 14 November 1991
Directed by: Keith Washington
Written by: Tony Jordan, Liane Aukin

The VAT man's looking for Arthur, Ray's hired to keep a compulsive gambler away from the casino, and the wrong bag's picked up on a collection.

"The VAT man is to the entrepreneur what Ronnie Corbett is to sumo wrestling."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E12

THE COACH THAT CAME IN FROM THE COLD

Originally broadcast: 21 November 1991
Directed by: Richard Standeven
Written by: Kevin Clarke

Arthur's trying to become a full member of the local golf club, police budget cuts provide a business opportunity, and a local trader with a reputation wants his money back.

"Oi, you're supposed to be on call to me, not rippling your forceps out here."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIAL

(1991)

SPECIAL

THE CRUEL CANAL

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1991
Directed by: Keith Washington
Written by: Kevin Sperring, Bernard Dempsey

A deals done to sell stolen video players to a fence, a conversation with a psychotic Welshman puts Arthur on edge, and alternative transport has to be found when the van breaks down.

"I don't believe it, you're cheating at Monopoly!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES NINE

(1993)
13 episodes
Series Score: 100
Episode Average: 7.69
Perfect 10's: 2

S9E1

I'LL NEVER FORGET WHATS'ERNAME

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1993
Directed by: Lawrence Gordon Clark
Written by: William Ivory

Dave's worried about the Winchester being shown up in a quiz, Morley's hunting for an escaped prisoner, and Arthur's quest for knowledge gives him a funny turn.

"You'd helped me out once, Arthur, and you were a legend inside. There were blokes who swore they wouldn't be where they were now if it wasn't for you."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E2

NO WAY TO TREAT A DALEY

Originally broadcast: 14 January 1993
Directed by: Lawrence Gordon Clark
Written by: Tim Firth

Arthur picks up some fire-damaged stock from a local garden centre, an advertising blimp offers a business opportunity, and Ray questions the jobs he's asked to do.

"Oh, yes. Very easily emotionally disturbed, lawnmowers. They hate being out at night, that is why God invented sheds."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E3

UNEASY RIDER

Originally broadcast: 21 January 1993
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: Geoff Rowley

Arthur starts up a courier service, a rival offers access to contacts, and a desperate man tries to get his hands on nude photos of his girlfriend

"No, it didn't, and get your history right... Noah did not run a minicab firm."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E4

LOOKING FOR MR. GOODTIME

Originally broadcast: 28 January 1993
Directed by: Gordon Flemyng
Written by: David Yallop

The search for a new car turns into a search for a mystery dealer, Arthur's arrested for kerb-crawling, and Morley's subpoenaed to give evidence.

"Sid, just the man, how do you feel about a gross of clip-in car ashtrays that play 'Smoke Gets in Your Eyes'?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E5

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS AND BRUISES

Originally broadcast: 4 February 1993
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: Chris Kelly, Iain Roy

Ray tries to make room in the lock-up, Arthur does a deal at a travelling fair, and the Winchester gets flooded with Irish coinage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the beauty of telescopes is you can spot nefarious characters on Venus, never mind the end of the road. It is a great leap into the space age of crime prevention. I think you'll all agree."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E6

GONE WITH THE WINCHESTER

Originally broadcast: 11 February 1993
Directed by: Lawrence Gordon Clark
Written by: Bernard Dempsey, Kevin Sperring

A member of Arthur's childhood gang is released from prison, revelations about the past cause friendship to be questioned, and a new bar opens to take on the Winchester.

"This is what grieves me, Bert. Him, who I thought of as the brother I never had. Well, the other brother I never had."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E7

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS
WITHOUT REALLY RETIRING

Originally broadcast: 18 February 1993
Directed by: Richard Standeven
Written by: William Ivory

Arthur decides it's time to take things a bit easier, Ray takes over the business, and a deal for costume jewellery is more than it seems.

"Puree, that's all the rage. Anton whatsisname... Bossyman, he does his like that."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E8

THE ROOF OF ALL EVIL

Originally broadcast: 25 February 1993
Directed by: Gordon Flemyng
Written by: William Ivory

A television repairman's hired to install satellite dishes, Arthur's not happy about doing a job for an Italian businessman, and Ray's asked to help with relationship problems.

"You do not let Rossetti down, Ray. Not if you want to play Subbuteo again."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E9

LAST ORDERS AT THE WINCHESTER

Originally broadcast: 4 March 1993
Directed by: A.J. Quinn
Written by: Gary Lawson, Jon Phelps

Arthur's redecoration plans for the Winchester hit a snag, a new bar cashes in on the situation, and a charity football match against the police is refereed by Morley.

"No, no, no, it's a great tradition. British club ties are meant to look like a road accident."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E10

CARS AND PINTS AND PAINS

Originally broadcast: 11 March 1993
Directed by: Lawrence Gordon Clark
Written by: David Yallop

Ray suggests hiring out the motors to make up for slow sales, a new employee gets arrested, and Arthur's Daimler gets nicked.

"Winston, Winston, you will come to realise that Mr. Morley has been nominated for the first brain transplant operation."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E11

THE GREAT TRILBY

Originally broadcast: 18 March 1993
Directed by: Roger Bamford
Written by: Bernard Dempsey, Kevin Sperring

Ray has to rescue the Daimler from the pound, a man in a hat puts Arthur on edge, and good news comes from Woolomoroo.

"Be careful, my son. Variety may be the spice of life, but women have habit of creating routines and before you know where you are, you aren't any more."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E12

A TASTE OF MONEY (1/2)

Originally broadcast: 25 March 1993
Directed by: Roger Bamford
Written by: William Ivory

The Daleys head to Sydney, a shady businessman recruits a conman, and Arthur's shocked to find other claimants at the lawyer's office.

"Oh my Gawd. They should make those globes bigger, give you more of an idea."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E13

FOR A FEW DOLLARS MORE (2/2)

Originally broadcast: 1 April 1993
Directed by: Roger Bamford
Written by: Bernard Demspey, Kevin Sperring

The Daleys find themselves stranded in Australia, Ray turns to work to pay off the hotel bill, and Arthur manages to attract the attention of the police.

"Me... Me and Ray come to this flar flung corner of the Commonwealth... well, let's face it... they couldn't have flung it much further could they?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES TEN

(1994)
10 episodes
Series Score: 62
Episode Average: 6.2
Perfect 10's: 0

S10E1

A FRIDGE TOO FAR

Originally broadcast: 6 January 1994
Directed by: Charles Beeson
Written by: Bernard Dempsey, Kevin Sperring

Arthur does a deal with a feared Sicilian for a fleet of mopeds, a job lot of fridge freezers are too cheap to pass up, and an insurance job is seen as a way to ease cash flow problems.

"Oi, Dick Van Dyke, I want a word with you."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E2

ANOTHER CASE OF VAN BLANK

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1994
Directed by: Ken Hannam
Written by: William Ivcry

Dave's talked into buying cheap booze from the Continent, there's an unexpected welcome from a French café owner, and Arthur manages to get on the wrong side of the police.

"Dave, remember the words of Kennedy - 'Ask not what the Winchester can do for you, but rather what you can do for the Winchester. Ich einen Binliner'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E3

ALL THINGS BRIGHTON BEAUTIFUL

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1994
Directed by: Gordon Flemyng
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur deals with the sale of Dave's sister's caravan, a crate springs a surprise, and a businessman asks for protection from a man he hired to kill him.

"A nice select caravan site up on the downs."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E4

ONE FLEW OVER THE PARENTS' NEST

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1994
Directed by: John Reardon
Written by: Tony Hoare

Ray's parents go on holiday, an unwanted fare at the airport needs somewhere to stay, and a detective from Manchester heads south.

"Face it, Arthur, You haven't got a good side."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E5

THE IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1994
Directed by: Gordon Flemyng
Written by: Tony Hoare

Arthur sells a clapped out motor to a nun for way over the odds, problems with deliveries put deadlines under threat, and Ray's sent on a mission to find forgiveness.

"Still? Look, have I made myself perfectly clear? I am working on an extremely tight schedule. And in Chico's case, a shortlist of one to make the inside of a tin of Fray Bentos!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E6

ALL QUIET ON THE WEST END FRONT

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1994
Directed by: Diarmuid Lawrence
Written by: Bernard Dempsey, Kevin Sperring

Arthur gets his hands on a variety of poor quality waxworks, a new business idea is stolen from an established company, and Ray falls for the wrong woman.

"He does a line in themed cafés, you know, decks them out in different eras. He'll gobble this lot up. Early cinema, art-gecko, all that."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E7

THE GREAT DEPRESSION OF 1994

Originally broadcast: 17 February 1994
Directed by: George Flemyng
Written by: Arthur Ellis

Ray's uncle doesn't seem himself, Arthur has a hair-brained business idea, and a customer gets a bargain motor.

"Well, I mean, he's not always this down, is he? I mean, you've seen him smile sometimes. I mean, he could be bimolar like, um, Percy."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E8

ON THE AUTOFRONT

Originally broadcast: 24 February 1994
Directed by: Baz Taylor
Written by: William Ivory

A rival car dealer offers unbeatable prices, radio advertising is seen as a way of bringing the punters back, and a test drive threatens Arthur's unblemished record.

"You buy the vehicles in the hope you're going to shift 'em. Not so you can put together a motor museum that'll give Lord Beaujolais a run for his money."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S10E9

BRING ME THE HEAD OF ARTHUR DALEY

Originally broadcast: 3 March 1994
Directed by: John Stroud
Written by: Bernard Dempsey, Kevin Sperring

"I'm go to need all my wits about me here. Trying to get money out of old Grantham's like trying to prise a bit of black pudding off a vampire."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S10E10

THE LONG GOOD THURSDAY

Originally broadcast: 10 March 1994
Directed by: Lawrence Gordon Clark
Written by: Tony Hoare

"And there are rules about that. Chaps wives do not get up to hanky-panky, Frankie."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

Years: 2009
Broadcaster: Channel 5
Genre: Comedy Drama
Written by: Tim Loane, Jeff Povey
Stars: Shane Ritchie, Lex Shrapnel
Episodes: 6
Episode Average: 6.500

BEST EPISODE:
Thank Your Lucky Stars (2009)

SERIES ONE

(2009)
6 episodes
Series Score: 39
Episode Average:
Perfect 10's: 6.5

S1E1

BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW

Originally broadcast: 4 February 2009
Directed by: David Innes Edwards
Written by: Tim Loane

A cab driver's offered a new job, Petra refuses to sell the pub to developers, and the council threaten to close down Archie's warehouse.

"This is not a good time for levitation, Jamie."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

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S1E2

IN VINO VERITAS

Originally broadcast: 11 February 2009
Directed by: David Innes Edwards
Written by: Tim Loane

Archie agrees to provide wine for a wedding, Jamie's tasked with making sure the groom turns up for the big day, and the wedding singer somewhat misses the mood.

"One more toot out of uyou and I'll blow your bloody candle out."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E3

THE ART OF THE MATTER

Originally broadcast: 18 February 2009
Directed by: Karl Neilson
Written by: Tim Loane

An unsigned Banksy is found on a bedroom wall, Archie puts his own spin on modern art, and Jamie discovers the truth.

"Jamie, I may have profited in the past from those innocent enough to let me... but I've never, ever ripped off anyone who can't afford it. Not on purpose, anyway."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

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S1E4

A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEBT

Originally broadcast: 25 February 2009
Directed by: David Innes Edwards
Written by: Tim Loane

"Hurry up. This place is giving me the heebie-Beegees."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E5

THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS

Originally broadcast: 4 March 2009
Directed by: Karl Neilson
Written by: Tim Loane, Jeff Povey

Archie arranges security for a charity fashion show, a friend asks for his Porsche to be minded, and a millionaire poker player has to be stopped from collecting another trophy.

"Yeah, well I'm gonna be deadist unless we do something sharpish."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S1E6

TILL DEBT DO US PART

Originally broadcast: 11 March 2009
Directed by: David Innes Edwards
Written by: Tim Loane

Archie's wife threatens to expose his dealings, an up-and-coming boxer's seen as a perfect way to get revenge, and Jamie's asked to go against his principles.

"Yeah, I'm potless. Oh... if my Uncle Arthur could see me now."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

ARTHUR
DALEY

Played by George Cole
109 episodes (1979-1994)
in... Another Bride, Another Groom (1982)

DAVE
HARRIS

Played by Glynn Edwards
95 episodes (1979-1994)
in... It's All About Scoring, Innit? (1980)

TERRY
McCANN

Played by Dennis Waterman
73 episodes (1979-1989)
in... Why Pay Tax (1982)

RAY
DALEY

Played by Gary Webster
36 episodes (1991-1994)
in... A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in Shepherds Bush (1991)

BERT
DALEY

Played by Sidney Livingstone
8 episodes (1991-1994)
in... Gone with the Winchester (1993)

DES

Played by George Layton
7 episodes (1979-1983)
in... The Bounty Hunter (1979)

GLORIA

Played by Emma Cunningham
7 episodes (1991-1993)
in... No Way to Treat a Daley (1993)

DOREEN
DALEY

Played by Lill Roughley
6 episodes (1991-1994)
in... A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in Shepherds Bush (1991)

ARCHIE
DALEY

Played by Shane Richie
6 episodes (2009)
in... In Vino Veritas (2009)

PETRA
BENNETT

Played by Jenna Russell
6 episodes (2009)
in... Thank Your Lucky Stars (2009)

JAMIE
CARTWRIGHT

Played by Lex Shrapnel
6 episodes (2009)
in... A Matter of Life and Debt (2009)

DEBBIE

Played by Diana Malin
5 episodes (1979-1982)
in... Looking for Micky (1982)

JUSTIN
JAMES

Played by Mark Farmer
5 episodes (1984-1989)
in... Arthur is Dead, Long Live Arthur (1985)

PENNY

Played by Gennie Nevinson
4 episodes (1980)
in... Not a Bad Lad, Dad (1980)

ARNIE

Played by Ray Winstone
4 episodes (1984-1989)
in... The Car Lot Baggers (1984)

DETECTIVE SERGEANT
ALBERT CHISHOLM*

Played by Patrick Malahide
24 episodes (1979-1988)
in... Caught in the Act, Fact (1980)

*also known as 'Cheerful Charlie'

DETECTIVE CONSTABLE*
'TAFF' JONES

Played by Michael Povey
21 episodes (1982-1989)
in... The Balance of Power (1984)

*later promoted to Detective Sergeant

DETECTIVE SERGEANT
MICHAEL MORLEY

Played by Nicholas Day
16 episodes (1991-1993)
in... The Loneliness of the Long Distance Entrepreneur (1991)

DETECTIVE SERGEANT
RONALD RYCOTT

Played by Peter Childs
15 episodes (1979-1989)
in... Back in Good Old England (1982)

DETECTIVE CONSTABLE
JOHNNY PARK

Played by Stephen Tompkinson
9 episodes (1991)
in... A Bouquet of Barbed Wire (1991)

DETECTIVE CONSTABLE
TOM MELISH

Played by Michael Troughton
7 episodes (1984-1989)
in... Around the Corner (1984)

DETECTIVE CONSTABLE
PHIL FIELD

Played by Jonty Stephens
7 episodes (1993)
in... Uneasy Rider (1993)

TERRY'S BIRDS

LIZ

Played by Linda Regan
1 episode (1979)

ROSE MELLORS

Played by Ann Lynn
2 episodes (1979-1980)

DEBBIE

Played by Diana Malin
5 episodes (1979-1982)

PENNY

Played by Gennie Nevinson
4 episodes (1980)

VALERIE

Played by Denise Distel
1 episode (1980)

GLORIA BROMPTON

Played by Janet Key
1 episode (1980)

JACKIE

Played by Beth Morris
1 episode (1980)

BERYL

Played by Sharon Duce
1 episode (1980)

HELEN

Played by Annette Lynton
1 episode (1980)

JOAN

Played by Diana Berriman
1 episode (1980)

NANCY

Played by Suzi Quatro
1 episode (1982)

UNNAMED STRIPPER

Played by Candy Davis
1 episode (1982)

JANET

Played by Emma Garden
1 episode (1982)

DOLLY WARNER

Played by Kika Markham
1 episode (1982)

NICKY

Played by Christine Kavanagh
1 episode (1984)

SUSIE BLAKE

Played by Sheila Ruskin
1 episode (1984)

JULIE WALTERS

Played by Caroline Langrishe
1 episode (1984)

SARAH BATES

Played by Jan Francis
1 episode (1985)

CAROLINE SELBY

Played by Mel Martin
1 episode (1985)

ANNIE

Played by Linda Hayden
1 episode (1985)

NIKKI SOUTH

Played by Amanda Pays
1 episode (1985)

SYLVIE

Played by Kim Thomson
1 episode (1989)

VERONICA

Played by Cassie Stuart
1 episode (1989)

RAY'S BIRDS

GLORIA

Played by Emma Cunningham
7 episodes (1991-1993)

LUCY

Played by Allie Byrne
2 episodes (1991)

JOANNA

Played by Gina McKee
1 episode (1991)

DONNA

Played by Gabrielle Cowburn
1 episodes (1991)

MANDY

Played by Susie Ann Watkins
1 episode (1991)

SUSIE

Played by Sara Stewart
1 episodes (1993)

AMANDA

Played by Natalie Roles
1 episode (1993)

LINDA

Played by Juliette Grassby
1 episodes (1993)

SUSAN HAMILTON

Played by Nikki Coghill
1 episode (1993)

ROBYN

Played by Danielle Spencer
1 episodes (1993)

ONE HE LET GET AWAY...

MARIAN

Played by Samantha Womack
1 episode (1994)

VANESSA

Played by Natascha McElhone
1 episodes (1994)

JAMIE'S BIRDS

MARIA GRANT

Played by Jayne Wisener
1 episode (2009)