British Comedy: Red Dwarf

Years: 1988-1999 (BBC), 2009- (Dave)
Broadcaster: BBC / Dave
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Rob Grant, Doug Naylor,
Paul Alexander, Kim Fuller, James Hendrie,
Robert Llewellyn
Stars: Chris Barrie, Craig Charles
Episodes: 61*
Episode Average: 8.000

BEST EPISODES:
Back to Reality (1992), Legion (1993)

*We've only covered the 52 BBC episodes so far, we will look at the Dave episodes at some point. More are planned for 2016/2017 too.

I

(1988)
6 episodes
Series Score: 40
Episode Average: 6.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

THE END

Originally broadcast: 15 February 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister is sentenced to 18-months in stasis for keeping a cat, but isn't awakened for three million years, only to find that the crew are all dead.

"She won't be much use to you on Fiji now...
not unless it snows and you need something to grit the path with."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

FUTURE ECHOES

Originally broadcast: 22 February 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Strange things happen after the ship breaks light speed, Rimmer sees Lister die, and Lister meets his 117-year old self.

"But you are how you look, and I look... like a complete and total tit!."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

BALANCE OF POWER

Originally broadcast: 29 February 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer refuses to allow himself to be replaced in order for Lister to spend time with Kochanski, so Lister studies to become his superior.

"Are you crazy? This is my all-time best lucky find I ever found in the whole of today!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

WAITING FOR GOD

Originally broadcast: 7 March 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer discovers what he thinks is a stasis capsule containing alien life, and Lister meets The Cat Priest.

"Aow! Nice jump. Hey! Smooth, with a capital 'smoo'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

CONFIDENCE AND PARANOIA

Originally broadcast: 14 March 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister has hallucinations after contracting a mutated form of pneumonia, but his hallucinations take solid form, as do his confidence and paranoia.

"Hey, now I know what the 'H' stand for. 'Hidiot'. Am I right?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

ME²

Originally broadcast: 21 March 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer bunks up with his holographic duplicate, but the relationship soon turns sour, and one of them must be switched off.

"I don't believe it. I've been ippy-dippied to death."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

II

(1988)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's: 2

S2E1

KRYTEN

Originally broadcast: 6 September 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

The crew get excited at the prospect of meeting women after they receive an SOS call, but the only survivor is an android, who Rimmer tries to abuse and Lister tries to educate.

"You'll never get a cat to be a servant. You ever see a cat return a stick? 'Hey man, you threw the stick, you go get it yourself. I'm busy!'.'If you wanted the stick so bad, why you throw it away in the first place?'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

BETTER THAN LIFE

Originally broadcast: 13 September 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer finds out that his dad's dead, and that the Outland Revenue are looking for him, and the crew immerse themselves in a computer game, 'Better Than Life'.

"Rimmer, real dumpling, proper dumplings, when they're properly cooked to perfection, proper dumplings should not bounce"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY

Originally broadcast: 20 September 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

The crew wake up to a number of strange events after celebrating the anniversary of Rimmer's death, and soon discover that they've lost four days.

"It's impossible, it could be anywhere. It's like trying to find a fart in a jacuzzi."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

STASIS LEAK

Originally broadcast: 27 September 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer tries to take advantage of a stasis leak by trying to save himself from dying, and Lister tries to save Kochanski.

"Now kindly cluck off before I extract your giblets and shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

QUEEG

Originally broadcast: 4 October 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

The ship's backup computer, Queeg 500, takes over when the crew lose faith in Holly, but they soon have a change of heart.

"Hey, hey! Woah, woah, woah! I do not do the 'W' word. Cats do NOT work! I've got a note from my mommy."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

PARALLEL UNIVERSE

Originally broadcast: 11 October 1988
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

She accused me of wiggling my bottom in a provocative way. I was just walking!
Can I help it if I happen to be sexy?

"She accused me of wiggling my bottom in a provocative way. I was just walking! Can I help it if I happen to be sexy?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

III

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 8.83
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E1

BACKWARDS

Originally broadcast: 14 November 1989
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer and Kryten travel through a time hole during a flying lesson, and find they've landed on a strange version of Earth.

"Rimmer, you already are one glorious hole."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

MAROONED

Originally broadcast: 21 November 1989
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Holly spots five black holes, Lister and Rimmer crash land on an ice planet, and decisions have to be made when they run out of things to burn.

"Well, now I can see why dogs lick their testicles. It's to take away the taste of the food."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

POLYMORPH

Originally broadcast: 28 November 1989
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Holly detects a non-human life-form on the ship, and the crew have their emotions messed with.

"Well, that's certainly an option, David, yes. Um, but here's my proposal, let's get tough. The time for talking is over. Call it extreme, if you like, but I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign. And while it's reeling from that, we follow up with a whist drive, a car-boot sale, some street theatre and possibly even some benefit concerts. OK? Now, if that's not enough, I'm sorry, it's time for the T-shirts, 'Mutants Out' 'Chameleonic Life Forms? No, Thanks'. And if that's not enough, well I don't know what will be."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

BODYSWAP

Originally broadcast: 5 December 1989
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

There's panic when a skutter sabotages a food machine to initiate self-destruct, and Rimmer persuade Lister to lend him his body in order to get him fit.

"But kippers vindaloo? It can't be good for you. I mean, a curry every night, that cannot be good for you. It's certainly no good for me. I'm thinking of getting a canary in a cage."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

TIMESLIDES

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1989
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister's bored of silly games, Kryten's photographs come to life, and there's a battle for the invention of red bubble-wrap with white writing on.

"Kryten, unpack Rachel and get out the puncture repair kit."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

THE LAST DAY

Originally broadcast: 19 December 1989
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Kryten receives orders to shut himself down, Listers attempts to assemble a Marilyn Monroe robot, and Kryten's replacement arrives.

"We're on a mining ship, three million years into deep space. Can someone explain to me where the smeg I got this traffic cone?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

IV

(1991)
6 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 8.83
Perfect 10's: 2

S4E1

CAMILLE

Originally broadcast: 14 February 1991
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister tries to teach Kryten to lie and insult, Kryten defies Rimmer by going on a rescue mission, and the crew all fall for the same woman.

"Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

DNA

Originally broadcast: 21 February 1991
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

A strange technology turns Lister into a chicken and a hamster, Kryten becomes human, and a vindaloo attacks the crew.

"It's hideous! That's the best design they could come up with?! Are you seriously telling me there were choices, and someone said,'Ah, there, that's it. That's the shape we'relooking for, the last-chicken-in-the-shop look?'"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

JUSTICE

Originally broadcast: 28 February 1991
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister has space mumps, the crew decided to take a mysterious pod to Justice World to find out what it contains, and Rimmer's found guilty of 1,167 counts of murder.

"I'm supposed to wear these?! These look like Frankenstein's hand-me-downs. Haven't you got anything with a Cuban heel or a crêpe sole?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

WHITE HOLE

Originally broadcast: 7 March 1991
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Kryten repairs the toaster, an attempt to make Holly brilliant results in her having to switch herself off, and Lister tries a trick shot.

"The question is this - given that God is infinite, and that the universe is also infinite, would you like a toasted teacake?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

DIMENSION JUMP

Originally broadcast: 14 March 1991
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

A secret fishing trip is planned, Starbug crashes into a prototype craft from another dimension, and the crew meet a version of Rimmer who got a better break in life.

"Smoke me a kipper... I'll be back for breakfast."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

MELTDOWN

Originally broadcast: 21 March 1991
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister and Cat are sick of hearing about Risk conquests, Kryten discovers a matter transporter, and Rimmer leads an army of wax-droids into battle.

"Rimmer, can't you tell the story is not gripping me? I'm in a state of non-grippedness. I am completely smegging ungripped. Shut the smeg up!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

V

(1992)
6 episodes
Series Score: 50
Episode Average: 8.33
Perfect 10's: 2

S5E1

HOLOSHOP

Originally broadcast: 20 February 1992
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer's disgusted about the plot of a movie, contact is made with a ship crewed by holograms, and there's love in the air.

"Lister to Red Dwarf. We have in our midst a complete smeg-pot. Brains in the anal region. Chin absent, presumed missing. Genitalia small and inoffensive, of no value or interest."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E2

THE INQUISITOR

Originally broadcast: 27 February 1992
Directed by: Rob Grant, Doug Naylor
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

A time-travelling simulant seizes control of Starbug to establish whether the crew have led worthwhile lives, with the intention of deleting any who have not.

"Sir, if mechanoids could barf, I'd be on my fifth bag by now"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E3

TERRORFORM

Originally broadcast: 5 March 1992
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Kryten sends his hand to get help after crash-landing, Rimmer gets oiled up, and the crew find themselves trapped inside a twisted mind.

"This is one weird place. Strange animal noises, unbearable stench, squelchy underfoot...it's just like your laundry basket at the end of the month."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E4

QUARANTINE

Originally broadcast: 12 March 1992
Directed by: Rob Grant, Doug Naylor
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Rimmer is sick of hearing about Space Corp Directives, the others are chased by a homicidal hologram, and insanity appears wearing a red gingham dress.

"So, let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People, and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E5

DEMONS AND ANGELS

Originally broadcast: 19 March 1992
Directed by: Juliet May, Rob Grant, Doug Naylor
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Kryten creates a Triplicator, Lister discovers an edible Pot Noodle, and the crew meet two very different versions of themselves.

"Rude alert! Rude alert! An electrical fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle. Many Wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop! This is not a daffodil! Repeat, this is not a daffodil."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E6

BACK TO REALITY

Originally broadcast: 26 March 1992
Directed by: Juliet May, Rob Grant, Doug Naylor
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

The crew encounter a sea monster whilst investigating a wreck, but soon discover that they might not be who they think they are.

"So this is really me? A no-style gimbo with teeth the druids could use as a place of worship?!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

VI

(1993)
6 episodes
Series Score: 49
Episode Average: 8.17
Perfect 10's: 1

S6E1

PSIRENS

Originally broadcast: 7 October 1993
Directed by: Andy de Emmony
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Two hundred years have passed, Starbug is on the trail of Red Dwarf after Lister lost it, and strange creatures make Kryten meet his maker.

"He's right. Co-ordinates 5341 by 6163. Take a peek, gentlemen. There's a meteor bigger than King Kong's first dump of the day... and it's steaming straight towards us."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E2

LEGION

Originally broadcast: 14 October 1993
Directed by: Andy de Emmony
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Starbug is pulled into a space station by a tractor beam, where their minds are used to form a single entity, and Rimmer's holo-projection unit is modified so that he can touch, taste, and do all other things human.

"Just because I look like Herman Munster's stuntman,
doesn't mean I can't appreciate art, Sir."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E3

GUNMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1993
Directed by: Andy de Emmony
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Starbug's computer system is infected with a virus after a fluke victory against a simulant ship, Kryten tries to battle the virus in a wild-west dream, and the others use an alternative-reality machine to help him.

"No, the last thing they'll be expecting is for us to turn into ice-skating mongooses, and dance the Bolero. And your plan makes about as much sense."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E4

EMOHAWK: POLYMORPH II

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1993
Directed by: Andy de Emmony
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

The crew are accused of looting derelict ships, Lister gets married, and the hunt is on for a polymorph after it sneaks back onto Starbug with them.

"Dave, you crazy fool. We're all set to save your bacon.
There's no need for you to sling your love spuds on the barbecue."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E5

RIMMERWORLD

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1993
Directed by: Andy de Emmony
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

A simulant confronts the crew during a salvage operation, Rimmer escapes in a pod instead of helping the others, and a planet becomes populated with thousands of clones.

"Next time I see him, he'll be suffering from a fist-related teeth disorder."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E6

OUT OF TIME

Originally broadcast: 11 November 1993
Directed by: Andy de Emmony
Written by Rob Grant, Doug Naylor

Lister's discovered to be a droid, Starbug flies through bubbles of unreality, and the crew meet their future selves.

"Look, call me pretentious if you like, but for me, a future great wine should not leave you with a foam moustache that you can only remove with turps"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

VII

(1997)
8 episodes
Series Score: 62
Episode Average: 7.75
Perfect 10's: 2

S7E1

TIKKA TO RIDE

Originally broadcast: 17 January 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

The curry supplies have been wiped out, Lister switches Kryten's head, and the crew change history when they get mixed up in the assassination of JFK.

"Right, let's get out of here. I badly need to floss a piece of roasted dead person out of my teeth"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E2

STOKE ME A KIPPER

Originally broadcast: 24 January 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Paul Alexander, Doug Naylor

Ace Rimmer is fatally wounded while on a mission, Lister uses a book of cheats to get into the chastity belt of the Queen of Camelot, and Rimmer is offered a new challenge.

"Stoke me a clipper, I'll be back for Christmas... whatever."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E3

OUROBOROS

Originally broadcast: 31 January 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

A baby is found under a pool table in 2155, the crew meet an alternative crew with Kochanski as the sole survivor of the accident, and Lister discovers something about his father.

"Well, you're not good enough for him! That's all. Ok, he may go around smelling like a Balti house laundry basket, but he doesn't need the likes of you swapping dimensions like there's no tomorrow and bewitching him with all your... in-and-out bits, all pointy and unnecessary."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E4

DUCT SOUP

Originally broadcast: 7 February 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

Kochanski's struggling to adjust to life on Starbug, Kryten's struggling to ajust to life with Kochanski on Starbug, and the crew spend the night in the service ducts after an engine failure.

"It's so damn hot, I can barely breathe. It's like being stuck in a sauna with a fat man on your face."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E5

BLUE

Originally broadcast: 14 February 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Kim Fuller, Doug Naylor

Kryten's missing cold salad cream, Kochanski's missing her Lister, and Lister's missing Rimmer... a little too much!

"You're right, Kryten, I must be losing it, or I'd never be dreaming of stuff like that. Kissing Rimmer? I'd rather go bobbing for apples in a communal latrine at the Reading Festival."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E6

BEYOND A JOKE

Originally broadcast: 21 February 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Robert Llewellyn, Doug Naylor

A lobster supper leads to exploding heads, the crew take a trip to Jane Austen World, and Kryten meets his brother.

"Kryten, man, what's wrong? You look sadder than the salad you get with a takeaway shaami kebab"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E7

EPIDEME

Originally broadcast: 28 February 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Paul Alexander, Doug Naylor

A frozen survivor is rescued from a supply ship, Kryten insists on doing some emergency dusting, and an intelligent virus infects Lister.

"I've just been molested by Tutankhamun's horny grandma!
Of course I'm not smeggin' all right!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E8

NANARCHY

Originally broadcast: 7 March 1997
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Paul Alexander, James Hendrie, Doug Naylor

Lister struggles to cope with the loss of his arm, a search begins for Kryten's lost nanobots, and there's an unexpected discovery in the laundry basket.

"Hey, I like the sound of that. Dave Lister, the man with the galaxy-sized jockstrap."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

VIII

(1999)
8 episodes
Series Score: 57
Episode Average: 7.13
Perfect 10's: 0

S8E1

BACK IN THE RED: PART I

Originally broadcast: 18 February 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

Red Dwarf has been rebuilt by nanobots. Lister, Cat and Kochanski are charged with stealing and crashing a Starbug, and Kryten faces a factory reset.

"Generally, people with breeding, when they're bored and want my bridge club chums to wrap up and go home, people with breeding, generally, do not play 'Popeye the Sailor Man' with a kazoo inserted in their buttocks."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E2

BACK IN THE RED: PART II

Originally broadcast: 25 February 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

Kryten has his corrupt files removed, Rimmer's suddenly irresistible to the ladies, and Dwayne Dibbley assists with escape plans.

"What's the point of a disguise if you wear it under your normal outfit?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E3

BACK IN THE RED: PART III

Originally broadcast: 4 March 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

Lister, Cat, Kryten and Kochanski can't tell what's real from what isn't, Rimmer tries desperately to erase the truth, and envelope licking leads to the truth being discovered.

"So you mean nothing's been real since the? Blue Midget, the ground controller... none of that was real? You mean after all this, I still haven't got a date? Another year when I have to send a Valentine's card to my hand!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E4

CASSANDRA

Originally broadcast: 11 March 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

Lister signs the group up as Canaries, Rimmer finds out he's going to die, and Lister saves Kochanski from a moment she'd regret forever.

"When I'm in the men's toilets in prison, Rimmer, I tend not to look around, you know what I'm saying. It's like playing golf. I concentrate on me grip, keep me eye on the ball, and try not to veer off to the side."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E5

KRYTIE TV

Originally broadcast: 18 March 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor, Paul Alexander

Kill Crazy reprograms Kryten after finding out he has access to the women's showers, Rimmer's overjoyed at news of an appeal, and Lister sends Kochanski some flours.

"I'm a woman and proud of it. So if you'll excuse me, I'll be with my fellow sisters, doing it for ourselves."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E6

PETE: PART I

Originally broadcast: 25 March 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

Lister and Rimmer keep getting into trouble with Holister, the guards prove to be stiff competition for a cons basketball team, and Kryten, Kochanski and Cat find a time wand.

"They call this meat? My grandmother's buttocks deep-fried in old chip fat would taste better than this."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S8E7

PETE: PART II

Originally broadcast: 1 April 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor, Paul Alexander

There's a dinosaur causing mayhem, Kryten's new penis is on the loose, and Hollister is at his wit's end.

"Oh, I don't know, you make a couple of tiny mistakes... give the captain a virus that eats all his hair off, then you accidentally turn a sparrow into a dinosaur...and you never hear the last of it!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

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S8E8

ONLY THE GOOD...

Originally broadcast: 5 April 1999
Directed by: Ed Bye
Written by Doug Naylor

A metal eating virus arrives in an escape pod and starts consuming the ship, it's 'the wrong time for the month' for Kochanski, and Rimmer's sent into a mirror universe.

"Those complimentary pens the hospital guys were handing out. The 'Most Accident Happen in the Home, So Be Careful' ones. I accidentally stabbed meself in the head with one."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

DAVE LISTER

Played by Craig Charles
(61 episodes 1988-2012)
in... Ouroboros (1997)

ALTER EGOS

DEB LISTER

Played by Angela Bruce
in... Parallel Universe (1988)

SPANNERS

Played by Craig Charles
in... Dimension Jump (1991)

HIGH LISTER

Played by Craig Charles
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

LOW LISTER

Played by Craig Charles
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

VOTER COLONEL SEBASTIAN DOYLE

Played by Craig Charles
in... Back to Reality (1992)

FUTURE LISTER

Voiced by Craig Charles
in... Out of Time (1993)

ARNOLD JUDAS RIMMER

Played by Chris Barrie
(57 episodes 1988-2012)
in... Blue (1997)

ALTER EGOS

ARLENE RIMMER

Played by Suzanne Bertish
in... Parallel Universe (1988)

ACE RIMMER

Played by Chris Barrie
in... Dimension Jump (1991)

HIGH RIMMER

Played by Chris Barrie
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

LOW RIMMER

Played by Chris Barrie
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

BILLY DOYLE

Played by Chris Barrie
in... Back to Reality (1992)

FUTURE RIMMER

Played by Chris Barrie
in... Out of Time (1993)

THE CAT

Played by Danny John-Jules
(61 episodes 1988-2012)
in... Only the Good... (1999)

ALTER EGOS

THE DOG

Played by Matthew Devitt
in... Parallel Universe (1988)

HIGH CAT

Played by Danny John-Jules
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

LOW CAT

Played by Danny John-Jules
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

DUANE DIBBLEY

Played by Danny John-Jules
in... Back to Reality (1992)

FUTURE CAT

Played by Danny John-Jules
in... Out of Time (1993)

KRYTEN

Played by Robert Llewellyn
(49 episodes 1989-2012)
in... Camille (1991)

KRYTEN

Played by David Ross
(1 episode 1988)
in... Kryten (1988)

ALTER EGOS

HIGH KRYTEN

Played by Robert Llewellyn
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

LOW KRYTEN

Played by Robert Llewellyn
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

CYBERNAUTICS DIVISION DETECTIVE JAKE BULLET

Played by Robert Llewellyn
in... Back to Reality (1992)

FUTURE KRYTEN

Played by Robert Llewellyn
in... Out of Time (1993)

HOLLY

Played by Norman Lovett
(21 episodes 1988-1999)
in... Queeg (1988)

HOLLY

Played by Hattie Hayridge
(18 episodes 1989-1992)
in... White Hole (1991)

ALTER EGOS

QUEEG

Played by Charles Augins
in... Queeg (1988)

HILLY*

Played by Hattie Hayridge
in... Parallel Universe (1988)*an alter ego to the original Holly

HIGH HOLLY

Played by Hattie Hayridge
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

LOW HOLLY

Played by Hattie Hayridge
in... Demons and Angels (1992)

KRISTINE Z. KOCHANSKI

Played by Chloë Annett
(15 episodes 1997-2009)
in... Cassandra (1999)

KRISTINE Z. KOCHANSKI

Played by Clare Grogan
(4 episodes 1988-1993)
in... Stasis Leak (1988)