Best Alternative Christmas Music Vol. I

Father Christmas

This is one of my all-time favorite Christmas songs. And, you know what? One of my favorite songs in general. It absolutely rocks, it's funny, cynical, but has a little poignancy. I always appreciate a Christmas song that talks about the poor.

Fairytale of New York (with Kristy MacColl)

It's between this and Father Christmas for my all-time favorite. This is probably the better one. It's absolutely beautiful. And it's beautiful even with lyrics that include the words: "faggot," "scumbag," "slut" and other words you usually don't hear in Christmas music.

It's a song about love turned sour. At time's it's downright vicious, but most of it is vulnerability and sweet memories. Kristy MacColl's beautiful voice mixes so well with Shane MacGowan's rough and ragged tones.

Album:Snow Angels

Over the Rhine released one of the best Christmas albums I've ever heard. If I'm remembering correctly, it's all original songs. Alot of the music is slinky, a little jazzy, it's like it was made exclusively for cold nights, warm fires and small couches. A lot of good tracks: North Pole Man, Here it Is, Darlin' (Christmas is Comin')

My favorite is this one:

Christmass is for Fuckin'

Off of the Comedy Death-Ray Radio Christmas album, this funny, funky, raunchy and absolutely ridiculous song will get stuck in your head for days. Of course, it's obviously not safe for sensitive ears. For those who don't know Reggie Watts is a comedian/musician who improvises his songs and uses beatboxing and looping to make music.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Hyundai (with BJ Porter)

Yet another one from the Comedy Bang! Bang! Christmas Album. This one probably won't do much for most people. That's fine. I find it hilarious. The terrible parody work, the horrible subject matter, the canned music and the ending. I guess it helps if you're acquainted with Aukerman's humor too.

Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight Tonight)

Yes! That's right, the Ramones have a Christmas song and it's just what you want from them.

Daddy's Kissin' Blitzen

Another track from the CDR Christmas album. This one comes from Don't Stop Or We'll Die, a band consisting of actor and writer Paul Rust, comedian and writer Harris Wittels and a third guy. I enjoy their stuff quite a bit and this song's a real treat. It's a weird rocker that's exactly what it says on the tin.

Everything's Gonna Be Cool This Christmas

Oh, man, Eels are one depressing band. Thankfully E's Christmas song is one full of hope, love and it's got a little jump to it. It's got some jingly xylophone, hand claps, backing vocals, the works. Unfortunately, I can't find the electric version which is even peppier.

Santa Claus Go Straight to the Ghetto

It always amazes me that in a season about caring for your fellow man and bringing joy to all, there's not more songs about the poor on Christmas. At least the "mothers and soul brothers" have this great one from James Brown.

There's also kind of sort of cover by Snoop Dogg. It's worth checking out just for the crazy video.

Up on the Housetop

A great re-working of a standard. There should be more Christmas song that make you want to dance. And, more weird burns on family members ("Jackie's almost six feet tall/But no hotshot at basketball/Bring him a basket three feet tall/Maybe he'll play like a pro").

Christmas Bop

Oh, Marc Bolan, you so crazy. Of course this would be your Christmas song. Of course, it would contain the line "Get out your silk jeans/And your space shoes". I was always curious about what the devastating news was? Is it that Christmas is coming? Then why am I dancing, Marc? Because I am.

C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S/Gloria

I know I already gave you a warning that some of these songs will be dirty. But I need to reiterate it for this one. This is one of the most juvenile and filthy songs I've heard. And I love it. I'm almost ashamed. It's like it was written by middle schoolers, but it's one of my favorites. It's just so funny, because the song has NOTHING to do with Christmas. They just make a dirty accrostic out of the word for no reason. And the way it goes right into "Ding Dong Merrily Along" is perfect.

There's a couple other good tracks on the Yobs' Christmas Album, namely The Ballad of the Warrington. It's not a Christmas song per se, but it is a winter song about the trials of getting to the bar in the snow.

Christmas Lullaby

Of course, "Fairytale of New York" is Shane MacGowan's undisputed Christmas classic, but I think this one is a close second. Fairytale has the lovely vocals of Kristy MacColl and a story about love lost. This just has Shane, gruff, slurring, probably drunk and not a lot of hope. Sonically, it's more upbeat than Fairytale and though the lyrics aren't as sharp there's still some great stuff.

Note: For some reason the video says this is 10 minutes long. It's not.

Christmas in Hollis

The best rap song about Christmas.

Hang Myself From the Christmas Tree

The Vandals made a Christmas album called "Oi! to the World" (also known as "Christmas With the Vandals). If you like the Vandals it's worth checking out, it's got some good tracks like "Christmas Time for my Penis" and A Gun for Christmas.

But this is the most interesting song. Christmas is a really hard time for a lot of people. For the lonely and depressed, all the songs about cheer and being together and being happy are kind of mocking. It's not easy. Those people have a song now. It might not make them feel better, but sometimes it's nice to know someone else knows how you feel.

Merry Christmas From the Family

I actually only just heard this one and I don't know how I missed it. It's a great country song about how our drunken, redneck family can somehow be the best thing about Christmas. Don't have a drunken, redneck family? Well, this song will help you with that vicarious thrill.

Merry Christmas, Baby

There's not a lot to say about this song. Just a great, laid back, soulful R & B number. I'm a big fan of weird laughter in songs, so this gets bonus points for that.

Santa Claus

Want some '60s garage rock in your Christmas? The Sonics have you covered with great two tracks. There's fast and loose rocker ofI Don't Believe in Christmas. And then you've got this nice groove.

Stop the Cavalry

What are most Christmas songs missing? If you answered talk about war and nuclear fallout, you are correct. You can only listen to "Happy X-Mas (The War Is Over)" so many times. So, try on another anti-war Christmas song.

Cherry Cherry Christmas

I love incredibly bad movies and sometimes that love spills over into incredibly bad music. And Neil Diamond is just a ridiculous man. So, you have a couple options.

First, you should listen to him Neil Diamond the shit out of "Happy X-Mas (The War Is Over)".

Then, you should listen to this gem where Neil tells you how to have a "a very merry, cherry, cherry, holly, holy, rock and rolly Christmas". I'm love with this song.