Why the Oscars Can't Be Taken Seriously

Emma Stone - Best Actress Nominee and likely to be the winner

How dare they put Emma Stone in the same category as such great ones like Meryl Streep and Isabelle Huppert!

Matthew McConaughey - Best Actor Winner

A sure sign that the Oscars have gone downhill. Previous winners have included Denzel Washington, Jack Nicholson, Sean Penn, Tom Hanks, Robert DeNiro . . . .

Yes, I'm aware that the picture is from Magic Mike. I used it because it displays the real reason why Matthew McConaughey is successful.

Jennifer Lawrence - Best Actress Winner

Really? Out of all of the actresses in all of the films that year, Jennifer Lawrence was the best that they could find? Every time I've seen her in a movie, she has been pretty much the same. At least Zooey Deschanel (who was up for the role) can play diverse roles.

Mark Wahlberg - Best Supporting Actor Nominee

Mark Wahlberg is easily the worst thing about the Departed. He is the same in practically every fucking role! He doesn't seem to have changed much since his Marky Mark era.

Gwyneth Paltrow - Best Actress - Winner

Gwyneth Paltrow, (aka nepotism personified) acually beat both Cate Blanchett and Meryl Streep! That was no joke, but it should have been.

John Travolta - Best Actor Nominee
Maybe my memory sucks, but didn't John Travolta basically play just another stereotypically John Travolta role?

Uma Thurman - Best Supporting Actress Nominee
Oh, come on! You've got to be fucking kidding!

Quentin Tarantino - Best Original Screenplay - Winner
Really? Francis Ford Coppola could probably pull a better script out of his bunghole!