Not A Straight Stripe On 'Em
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Zebra Force (1976)
Zebras are gay. You know it, I know it. Honestly, is there any reason for me to write a blog-type list about this topic? I dunno, but Iâll write one anyway. So yeah, zebras are gay...So what? Theyâre not hurting anyone with their alternative lifestyles, so why in the world would I be writing about these equestrian queers? Because they refuse to admit their homosexuality, thatâs why.
Lies (2010)
If you ask them if theyâre gay, they wonât say âyesâ no matter how many times you ask...And yet they have no problem throwing out hints that theyâre gay at every waking moment. I mean seriously, zebras donât promote anything, but theyâll promote Fruit Stripe gum?
Candy Stripe Nurses (1974)
FRUIT Stripe gum? Gay, but theyâll never admit it. This is what makes me mad...Nobody cares if zebras are gay, so why are they hiding it? Just be honest with us, you stupid, striped stupids!
Now, some folks may be reading this right now and thinking, âThis guy is full of it. Zebras arenât gay. A gum package is his only proof?â
No, jerk. I have more proof...Like their stripes. I have never seen a straight stripe on the body of a zebra in my entire life. Have you? Theyâre always all jagged and odd-looking. What a surprise. Afterall, another word for 'odd' is 'queer.' Hmmm...makes you think, eh?
No, jerk. I have more proof...Like their stripes. I have never seen a straight stripe on the body of a zebra in my entire life. Have you? Theyâre always all jagged and odd-looking. What a surprise. Afterall, another word for 'odd' is 'queer.' Hmmm...makes you think, eh?
Practical Magic (1998)
I've got more proof for you, too. Sticking with the stripes, itâs a little known fact that the stripes of a zebra actually form a magic eye picture. If you shove your face into the side of a zebra, cross your eyes, and then slowly pull your face back, an image of Richard Simmons pops out at you.
True story. Try it the next time youâre at the zoo and discover that I am correct. Still not enough proof for you? Well, then strap on your thinking caps, âcause Iâm about to get all smart on you.
True story. Try it the next time youâre at the zoo and discover that I am correct. Still not enough proof for you? Well, then strap on your thinking caps, âcause Iâm about to get all smart on you.
Ernest Goes to School (1994)
Mathematics never lie, so to prove that zebras are gay, Iâve discovered a mathematical formula that will silence any and all doubters. Look at the word âzebra.â This word tells you what the formula will be. The word âzebraâ stands for Z Equals BRA. A bra is a type of support...So, Z must then equal the supporting letters in the word zebra, which would be e, b, r, and a. And since theyâre supporting letters, theyâre adding support...Which means weâll be adding. The end result is Z=E+B+R+A. Now, if you look at the alphabet and have A=1, B=2, C=3, etc....all the way down to Z, youâll have the numbers you need for the formula. When youâre all done the end result should look like this...
26 = 5 + 2 + 18 + 1
After solving this equation, youâre left with the answer of 26 = 26. How does this prove that zebras are gay, you ask? Simple. Substitute the number 26 with male and/or female and youâll begin to see what I mean.
MALE=MALE
FEMALE=FEMALE
MALEâ FEMALE
Which one of those doesnât work? Thatâs right. Male doesnât equal female. The equals sign acts like a love tube connecting the same gender zebras together in their homosexual happiness. Did you notice that the âdoes notâ equal sign has that line through it? It prevents the male and female from connecting love tubes with one another, which clearly explains why the entire zebra population is gayer than San Francisco.
FEMALE=FEMALE
MALEâ FEMALE
Which one of those doesnât work? Thatâs right. Male doesnât equal female. The equals sign acts like a love tube connecting the same gender zebras together in their homosexual happiness. Did you notice that the âdoes notâ equal sign has that line through it? It prevents the male and female from connecting love tubes with one another, which clearly explains why the entire zebra population is gayer than San Francisco.
Liar Liar (1997)
The numbers donât lie, zebras, so just come out of the closet already, you stinkinâ cowards. Until zebras finally come out and admit what we are already know, we might as well grab some paint and color those stripes along their backs yellow. They need to embrace their homosexuality and just let it be known by everyone that theyâre completely gay...Yâknow, just like how baboons have...And I don't think I need to explain myself there.
This is an experiment for an idea I've had for some time now -- Write short stories/rants in list form here on Listal. This is a pretty popular piece of comedy I wrote a few years ago that I thought would be a perfect bit of text to try this out on. If you folks like it, I may create a few more lists like this, but they'd likely be "Listal exclusives" meaning they'd be stuff I write specifically for the ol' site here, and not recycled material like this one is.
Soooo, like I said, this is an experimental list, so feel free to leave feedback and let me know what you think. It's an experiment, so if nobody likes it, no big deal. But, considering the feedback I get on some of the lists where I put out "comical" comments, I'm guessing (and hoping) that at least a few folks will enjoy this. :)
Soooo, like I said, this is an experimental list, so feel free to leave feedback and let me know what you think. It's an experiment, so if nobody likes it, no big deal. But, considering the feedback I get on some of the lists where I put out "comical" comments, I'm guessing (and hoping) that at least a few folks will enjoy this. :)