British Comedy: Inside No. 9

Years: 2014-
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Dark Comedy
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith, Ed Hime
Stars: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Episodes: 24 (+1 online)
Episode Average: 8.625*

BEST EPISODES:
The 12 Days of Christine (2015), The Riddle of the Sphinx (2017)

*includes the special, but not the online episode.

SERIES ONE

(2014)
6 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 8.83
Perfect 10's: 3

S1E1

SARDINES

Originally broadcast: 5 February 2014
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

The guests at an engagement party slowly squeeze into a wardrobe.

"Yeah, chill out bitch."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

A QUIET NIGHT IN

Originally broadcast: 12 February 2014
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A pair of bungling burglars try to steal a painting from a house.

STOP TEXTING ME YOU DUCKING IDIOT

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

ONLINE DIGITAL SPECIAL
(not included in series scores)

SPECIAL

THE INVENTORS

Originally broadcast: 12 February 2014
Directed by: Martin Stirling
Written by: Ed Hime

Two brothers have to decide how to pay the mortgage on their inherited flat.

"Tickle Attack!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

TOM & GERRI

Originally broadcast: 19 February 2014
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A teacher's life changes after a tramp returns his lost wallet.

"Shoe pumps or bottom pumps?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

LAST GASP

Originally broadcast: 26 February 2014
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A pop star dies while blowing up a balloon for a dying girl.

"Not any more, you're not. You went from Switzerland to Nazi Germany in one fell goose step."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

THE UNDERSTUDY

Originally broadcast: 5 March 2014
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

An understudy waits for the chance to take the lead role.

"So, when Banquo came on, you said, 'Fuck me, there's a ghost'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

THE HARROWING

Originally broadcast: 12 March 2014
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A girl is paid to look after a very strange house.

"God! Who lives here, the Munsters?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(2015)
6 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 8.83
Perfect 10's: 3

S2E1

LA COUCHETTE

Originally broadcast: 26 March 2015
Directed by: Guillem Morales
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Seven passengers share an eventful night in a train sleeper carriage.

"That's crab sticks, you idiot. What's a crab's dick?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTINE

Originally broadcast: 2 April 2015
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Christine's life becomes confusing after meeting a fireman at a party.

"Roses are red, violets are blue.
What is that smell, I need a poo."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
This episode is worth way more than 10/10, utterly fantastic!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

THE TRIAL OF ELIZABETH GADGE

Originally broadcast: 9 April 2015
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Two witch-finders are called in to investigate accusations of witchcraft.

"Very well, but we must hear more of the sabbat and all its rites. For example, is it just the devil who has his arse kissed or can anyone be forced to endure it?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

COLD COMFORT

Originally broadcast: 26 February 2015
Directed by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A new employee gets too involved with a call at the Crisis Support Line.

"We'll have to do something about this. There's more PPIs than wankers."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

NANA'S PARTY

Originally broadcast: 23 April 2015
Directed by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A practical joke is planned for a 79th birthday party.

"No, I've only got the one bag, You've met my wife, Carol."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

SÉANCE TIME

Originally broadcast: 29 April 2015
Directed by: Dan Zeff
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A young girl isn't sure what to expect from a séance.

"Do you know, I was very nearly Marple. They said I wasn't sweet enough. Fuckers!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SPECIAL

(2016)

SPECIAL

THE DEVIL OF CHRISTMAS

Originally broadcast: 27 December 2016
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A director provides commentary for a festive drama he made in 1977.

"And she ran out of stairs."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES THREE

(2017)
5 episodes
Series Score: 43
Episode Average: 8.60
Perfect 10's: 2

S3E1

THE BILL

Originally broadcast: 21 February 2017
Directed by: Guillem Morales
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

An argument about paying a restaurant bill gets a little out of control.

"Why's a wife like a hand grenade? Remove the ring and BOOM, your house has gone."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

THE RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

Originally broadcast: 28 February 2017
Directed by: Guillem Morales
Written by: Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A professor tries to teach a female intruder how to solve his crosswords.

"A cock?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

EMPTY ORCHESTRA

Originally broadcast: 7 March 2017
Directed by: Guillem Morales
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

A celebration karaoke night is tainted by rumours of a redundancy.

"Cuntgrotalaions."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

DIDDLE DIDDLE DUMPLING

Originally broadcast: 14 March 2017
Directed by: Guillem Morales
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

Finding a shoe abandoned in the street leads to an obsessive search.

"Found - One black man's shoe."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

PRIVATE VIEW

Originally broadcast: 21 March 2017
Directed by: Guillem Morales
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

A group of strangers are invited to view an artist's final exhibition.

"It depends on the piece and what it says to you. For example, what this piece is saying to me is... gas explosion at Debenhams."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

SERIES FOUR

(2018)
6 episodes
Series Score: 50
Episode Average: 8.33
Perfect 10's: 1

S4E1

ZANZIBAR

Originally broadcast: 2 January 2018
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

Newly arrived hotel guests create a web of confusion on the ninth floor.

"Oh, yeah, ages. 15 weeks. He is forever trying to drag me into one of the empty rooms for a bit of how's your father. But that turns me right off because my father's dead."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

BERNIE CLIFTON'S DRESSING ROOM

Originally broadcast: 9 January 2018
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

A double act disagree when they reunite after 30 years for one final gig.

"No, but it's a good thought. Call it Sweeney Turd - boom, we're off!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

ONCE REMOVED

Originally broadcast: 16 January 2018
Directed by: Jim O'Hanlon
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

A removal man suddenly finds himself in a house full of dead bodies.

"Just let me know when everything's under the bubbles. oh, good grief. That reminds me, I must get some sun-dried tomatoes."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

TO HAVE AND TO HOLD

Originally broadcast: 23 January 2018
Directed by: David Kerr
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

A wedding photographer struggles with his own marriage after 20 years.

"Mr... Shafter? Dick Shafter?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

AND THE WINNER IS...

Originally broadcast: 30 January 2018
Directed by: Graeme Harper
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

A jury try to work out who should win the Best Actress Television Award.

"I never even knew Marie Curie was a real person. I thought it was a magazine. And that made it even more... better, if that's not a stupid thing to say."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

TEMPTING FATE

Originally broadcast: 6 February 2018
Directed by: Jim O'Hanlon
Written by: Reece Shearsmith, Steve Pemberton

Three council contractors find a strange artefact in a dead hoarder's flat.

"Exactly. We were just trying to find his prostate."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES ONE

CARL

Series 1, Episode 1
SARDINES

EDDIE

Series 1, Episode 2
A QUIET NIGHT IN

MIGG

Series 1, Episode 3
TOM & GERRI

GRAHAM

Series 1, Episode 4
LAST GASP

TONY

Series 1, Episode 5
THE UNDERSTUDY

DOES NOT APPEAR IN

Series 1, Episode 6
THE HARROWING

SERIES TWO

JORG

Series 2, Episode 1
LA COUCHETTE

BOBBY

Series 2, Episode 2
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTINE

MR. CLARKE

Series 2, Episode 3
THE TRIAL OF ELIZABETH GADGE

ANDY

Series 2, Episode 4
COLD COMFORT

JIM

Series 2, Episode 5
NANA'S PARTY

PETE

Series 2, Episode 6
SÉANCE TIME

SPECIAL

JULIAN

Special
THE DEVIL OF CHRISTMAS

SERIES THREE

MALCOLM

Series 3, Episode 1
THE BILL

SQUIRES

Series 3, Episode 2
THE RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

ROGER

Series 3, Episode 3
EMPTY ORCHESTRA

CHRIS

Series 3, Episode 4
DIDDLE DIDDLE DUMPLING

KENNETH WILLIAMS

Series 3, Episode 5
PRIVATE VIEW

SERIES FOUR

ROBERT

Series 4, Episode 1
ZANZIBAR

LEN

Series 4, Episode 2
BERNIE CLIFTON'S DRESSING ROOM

HUGO

Series 4, Episode 3
ONCE REMOVED

ADRIAN

Series 4, Episode 4
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD

GILES

Series 4, Episode 5
AND THE WINNER IS...

KEITH

Series 4, Episode 6
TEMPTING FATE

SERIES ONE

STU

Series 1, Episode 1
SARDINES

RAY

Series 1, Episode 2
A QUIET NIGHT IN

TOM

Series 1, Episode 3
TOM & GERRI

DOES NOT APPEAR IN

Series 1, Episode 4
LAST GASP

JIM

Series 1, Episode 5
THE UNDERSTUDY

HECTOR

Series 1, Episode 6
THE HARROWING

SERIES TWO

MAXWELL

Series 2, Episode 1
LA COUCHETTE

STRANGER

Series 2, Episode 2
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTINE

MR. WARREN

Series 2, Episode 3
THE TRIAL OF ELIZABETH GADGE

GEORGE

Series 2, Episode 4
COLD COMFORT

PAT

Series 2, Episode 5
NANA'S PARTY

HIVES

Series 2, Episode 6
SÉANCE TIME

SPECIAL

KLAUS

Special
THE DEVIL OF CHRISTMAS

SERIES THREE

ARCHIE

Series 3, Episode 1
THE BILL

TYLER

Series 3, Episode 2
THE RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

GREG

Series 3, Episode 3
EMPTY ORCHESTRA

DAVID

Series 3, Episode 4
DIDDLE DIDDLE DUMPLING

MAURICE

Series 3, Episode 5
PRIVATE VIEW

SERIES FOUR

HENRY

Series 4, Episode 1
ZANZIBAR

TOMMY

Series 4, Episode 2
BERNIE CLIFTON'S DRESSING ROOM

VIKTOR

Series 4, Episode 3
ONCE REMOVED

MAX

Series 4, Episode 4
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD

CLIVE

Series 4, Episode 5
AND THE WINNER IS...

NICK

Series 4, Episode 6
TEMPTING FATE