British Comedy: Oh Doctor Beeching!

Years: 1995-1997
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove,
John Stevenson, John T. Chapman, Brian Leveson,
Paul Minett
Stars: Paul Shane, Su Pollard
Episodes: 19 (+pilot)
Episode Average: 6.895*

BEST EPISODES:
No Milk for the Minister (1997), Talking Turkey (1996)

*not including pilot

PILOT

(1995)

PILOT

PILOT

Originally broadcast: 14 August 1995
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

THIS EPISODE WAS REWORKED AS THE OPENER FOR SERIES ONE

"Harry, you know that man you gave a haircut to this morning? You know, the bald one. Well, his wife rang up to complain, said it was too short... His hair was too short!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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SERIES ONE

(1996)
9 episodes
Series Score: 64
Episode Average: 7.11
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

ALL CHANGE

Originally broadcast: 1 July 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

A trainee driver on the 7:59 struggles to brake in time for the platform, the signalman tries to fit a variety of jobs around his limited duties, and the new stationmaster is less than impressed by what he finds at Hatley.

"Of course I trust her. I just want to know where she's been, what she's been up to, and why... that's all!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E2

TALKING TURKEY

Originally broadcast: 8 July 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

The staff want to know whether Hatley has been targeted by Beeching, Wilfred spots that Christmas dinner is heading straight for the 7:58, and Jack starts to wonder how his wife knows so much about Cecil Parkin.

"That's the best thing for egg sandwiches is eggs."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S1E3

THE TRAIN NOW STANDING

Originally broadcast: 15 July 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

An Eccles cake makes Jack even more suspicious about Parkin and May, the staff learn that no final decision has been made about the station, and Ethel prepares for her role as the voice of station announcements.

"I smile at every train that passes my box... Not that anybody ever looks."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E4

A MOVING STORY

Originally broadcast: 22 July 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

The staff offer to help Parkin move into the stationmaster's cottage, Wilfred tries to get to grips with the correct way to enter an office, and Ethel does her best to relay May's confession about the past to Jack.

"Well shove it under the bed where it would be if there was a bed."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S1E5

THE LATE MR. BUCKLY

Originally broadcast: 29 July 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Harry threatens to go on strike after nine hours in the box without relief, Jack looks for somewhere to store a coffin that turns up unexpectedly, and Ethel does everything she can to stop Parkin going into his office.

"I've had a nightmare before, this is the first time I've had a daymare."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

HORSE PLAY

Originally broadcast: 5 August 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Wilfred needs help with negotiating a ladder to fix a smoking signal, Parkin buys May some silk underwear to make up for missed birthdays, and Ethel's told that a horsebox will soon be arriving at the station.

"Oh, charming, and what's Jack going to think has been going on between the pair of us for me to buy you something like this? He'll think we're lebanons!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E7

PAST LOVE

Originally broadcast: 12 August 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: John Stevenson

The staff take delivery of a pig destined for their dinner tables, Parkin's fiancée arrives at the station just as he leaves to meet with Dr. Beeching, and suspicion falls on the women of Hatley after the discovery of a letter.

"'Mr. Plumtree, we have very similar lives', Lord Hartley used to say. 'I spend my time hunting and shooting,. You, Mr. Plumtree spend yours shunting and hooting'."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S1E8

JOB OPPORTUNITY

Originally broadcast: 19 August 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: John Stevenson

A letter arrives inviting May to attend an interview at a bigger station, the men in her life worry about the wearing of clean underwear, and Harry's given a chance to confront the man who broke up his marriage.

"And you know what they say, 'A man without a woman is like a sailboat without a carburetor'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E9

SLEEPING AROUND

Originally broadcast: 27 August 1996
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Gloria has some explaining to do after spending the night at Parkin's, Ethel tries to find a man who actually wants to take her to the dance, and Jack has cause for concern when he receives a letter about his leg.

"It's always been me there, though, innit, eh? Leader. Personality. That's what counts."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES TWO

(1997)
10 episodes
Series Score: 67
Episode Average: 6.70
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1

NO MILK FOR THE MINISTER

Originally broadcast: 29 June 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Parkin's desperate for May to kiss him again after a sleepless night, an impatient passenger shows Ethel how to deal with teething troubles, and Jack and Wilfred are forced to hunt for milk ahead of an important visit.

"I am not ding-donging on any cow's terminals."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S2E2

FATHER'S DAY

Originally broadcast: 6 July 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Parkin considers telling the truth about what happened during the war, Jack states his intention to kill his rival with a bunch of bananas, and Percy surprises Ethel with a suggestion about moving in together,

"Oh, it's not easy having a confidential talk with you while you're rearranging me furniture."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E3

THE GRAVY TRAIN

Originally broadcast: 13 July 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: Brian Leveson, Paul Minett

Ethel gets into trouble for recommending that a passenger catch a bus, Harry manages to delay the 1:38 when he tries to pick up a penny, and Jack finds a bag of five pound notes dumped on the embankment.

"We tried that during the war. We planted the name HATLEY with salvias, pansies and lobelias except half of them died, and within a week we had a station called HITLER. It did not go down too well."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E4

THE VAN

Originally broadcast: 20 July 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Parkin's given a van to help with new responsibilities at other stations, Jack takes the buffet fridge to be mended when his gentle touch fails, and Arnold fears that his wife could be trapped in the outside toilet.

"Next time! I've heard of Second Hand Rose, but now it's Next Time Ethel."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

LUCKY STRIKE

Originally broadcast: 27 July 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: John T. Chapman

The staff are shocked when Ralph says he plans to join a wildcat strike, Jack's not happy about Gloria being the target of male attention, and Parkin's warned that industrial action could see the line closed down.

"Oh! The bells! The bells!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

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S2E6

LOVE IS A VERY SPLENDID THING

Originally broadcast: 17 August 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Ethel can't hide her delight when she meets the man of her dreams, Ralph worries that the one chosen for him might be Chinese, and an overheard conversation convinces Wilfred to take the Queen's shilling.

"Yes, Mr. Parkin. Certainly, Mr. Parkin. Three bags full, Mr. Parkin."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S2E7

A BOWL IN THE HAND

Originally broadcast: 7 September 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: John Stevenson

Parkin tries to get some time with May by excluding Jack from an outing, Mr. Orkindale steps in at the last minute with a devastating change of plan, and Ethel struggles to conceal the truth about a missing passenger.

"Don't worry, Jack. I'll see that nobody plucks her petals."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E8

ACTION STATIONS

Originally broadcast: 14 September 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: John T. Chapman

Ethel fails to hide her jealousy at Amy going out for a meal with Percy, the staff learn that Dr. Beeching will be arriving on the 6:30 from London, and Parkin chooses Harry to play the V.I.P. for a rehearsal of his arrival

"No, we was reading our stars the other day and his birthday's in December. So, he's a Saggytaurus"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E9

A PREGNANT PAUSE

Originally broadcast: 21 September 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: Brian Leveson, Paul Minett

Wilfred decides to decorate his bike to make it look like a motor scooter, a tearful May tells Ethel that she thinks she might be pregnant, and Arnold fears for the future after an accident with a new diesel engine.

"May I remind you this is a public utility, not a staff canteen. I'm trying to run an efficient station here, it's not a holiday camp."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S2E10

TON UP

Originally broadcast: 28 September 1997
Directed by: Roy Gould
Written by: David Croft, Richard Spendlove

Wilfred finds an old newspaper from the when the station first opened, District are asked to contribute to funds for a centenary street party, and an attempt to get press coverage means a return to Victorian costume.

"The train it be coming, it be, ooh arr!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

CECIL PARKIN

STATIONMASTER
Played by Jeffrey Holland
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Action Stations (S2E8)

*including pilot

JACK SKINNER

HEAD PORTER/DEPUTY STATIONMASTER
Played by Paul Shane
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... The Van (S2E4)

*including pilot

ETHEL SCHUMANN

TICKET CLERK
Played by Su Pollard
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Love Is a Very Splendid Thing (S2E4)

*including pilot

HARRY LAMBERT

SIGNALMAN
Played by Stephen Lewis
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Sleeping Around (S1E9)

*including pilot

MAY SKINNER

BUFFET MANAGERESS
Played by Sherrie Hewson
1 episode (1995)
in... Pilot (-)

MAY SKINNER

BUFFET MANAGERESS
Played by Julia Deakin
19 episodes (1995)
in... All Change (S1E1)

VERA PLUMTREE

CLEANER
Played by Barbara New
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Father's Day (S2E2)

*including pilot

WILFRED SCHUMANN

PORTER
Played by Paul Aspden
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Horse Play (S1E6)

*including pilot

GLORIA SKINNER

Played by Lindsay Grimshaw
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Sleeping Around (S1E9)

*including pilot

PERCY

GUARD
Played by Terry John
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... A Moving Story (S1E4)

*including pilot

ARNOLD THOMAS

TRAIN DRIVER
Played by Ivor Roberts
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... A Pregnant Pause (S2E9)

*including pilot

RALPH

FIREMAN/TRAINEE DRIVER
Played by Perry Benson
20* episodes (1995-1997)
in... Job Opportunity (S1E8)

*including pilot

AMY MATLOCK

Played by Tara Daniels
17* episodes (1995-1997)
in... No Milk for the Minister (S2E1)

*including pilot

MR. ORKINDALE

DISTRICT INSPECTOR
Played by Richard Spendlove
7 episodes (1996-1997)
in... Sleeping Around (S1E9)

BERNIE BLEASDALE

GUARD
Played by Felix Bowness
5 episodes (1996-1997)
in... Love Is a Very Splendid Thing (S2E6)