British Comedy: Coupling

Years: 2000-2004
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Stephen Moffat
Stars: Jack Davenport, Sarah Alexander
Episodes: 28
Episode Average: 8.321

BEST EPISODES:
The Girl with Two Breasts (2000), The Man with Two Legs (2001)

SERIES ONE

(2000)
6 episodes
Series Score: 53
Episode Average: 8.83
Perfect 10's: 3

S1E1

FLUSHED

Originally broadcast: 12 May 2000
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Steve's trying to break up with Jane, but instead ends up in the ladies' with her, where he arranges a date with Susan.

"Then why does she keep looking at my arse when we're talking?" "She's lip-reading."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E2

SIZE MATTERS

Originally broadcast: 19 May 2000
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Susan offers to cook for Steve, Jeff offers advice on foreplay, and there's much discussion about Patrick's manliness.

"Sod them! After all the men I've been out with, I deserve a full-size one."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

SEX, DEATH AND NUDITY

Originally broadcast: 26 May 2000
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jeff starts seeing everyone naked in preparation for an interview, and Steve's persuaded to attend a funeral as Jane's boyfriend because she hasn't told her family that they've split up, but Susan's having none of it.

"Sausage roll, Margaret? Oh no, you're dead."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E4

INFERNO

Originally broadcast: 2 June 2000
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Susan finds porn in Steve's VCR, prompting him to tell her that he loves her, which in turn causes Jane to visit her reluctant psychologist, who is later mistaken for her lesbian lover.

"Well, let's hope it doesn't get out of hand. We don't want
it to do develop into a vegetarian spank inferno."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

THE GIRL WITH TWO BREASTS

Originally broadcast: 9 June 2000
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jeff seems to have hit lucky when he gets the eye from a beautiful girl in the bar, but language difficulties lead her to think that he prefers her friend.

"Men are not people, we are disgustoids in human form."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

THE CUPBOARD OF PATRICK'S LOVE

Originally broadcast: 16 June 2000
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jane discovers Patrick's cupboard of sex tapes, Susan's in it, Sally wants to be in it, and Jeff just wants access to it.

"Is this true? Is Patrick a pole-vaulter donkey man?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES TWO

(2001)
9 episodes
Series Score: 72
Episode Average: 8.0
Perfect 10's: 2

S2E1

THE MAN WITH TWO LEGS

Originally broadcast: 3 September 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jeff goes from falling for one leg to only having one leg, and Sally's new boyfriend might be a surgeon.

"I've got the key to the gates of paradise, but I've got too many legs!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

MY DINNER HELL

Originally broadcast: 10 September 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Steve has a day to remember involving his dream woman, a mobile phone, whistling, and Junior Patrick.

"No, don't worry about it. I was about to go to the toilet anyway. Not that I was intending to wet my trousers, obviously. Although, I am pleased to meet you."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

HER BEST FRIEND'S BOTTOM

Originally broadcast: 17 September 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Steve sees Sally naked, Jeff explains about Captain Subtext, and Patrick has 'car trouble'.

"You've never understood about bottoms, Jane. Having a bottom is living with the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they flirt with men while we're looking the other way."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

THE MELTY MAN COMETH

Originally broadcast: 24 September 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jeff, Steve and Patrick talk about 'The Melty Man', and Sally and Jeff decide to take the 'car' for another spin.

"Don't say his name, Patrick. Don't even think his name, or he will rise from the shadow dimensions, to do his evil work inside your terrified pants."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

JANE AND THE TRUTH SNAKE

Originally broadcast: 1 October 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jane tries sock puppetry after getting sacked from her job, and Patrick tries to hide the dumping of his girlfriend when he discovers that she wants a threesome.

"I'm not bitter, I'm never at home to Mr. Bitter-Bottom."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

GOCHTA

Originally broadcast: 8 October 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Steve's horrified when he receives a wedding invitation, Patrick bumps into an old conquest, and Susan pranks Steve.

"Lesbians don't eat people, Susan!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E7

DRESSED

Originally broadcast: 15 October 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jane's a little short of clothes when she arrives at a dinner party, Sally gets dumped as Patrick's pretend-wife, and Jeff has fun with a torch.

"The thing is, Ivan... I don't share my woman. It's like finding the right tennis racket, once you've got one you really like using, you keep on using it until it falls apart and you have to buy a new one."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E8

NAKED

Originally broadcast: 22 October 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jeff has a moment with a superior at work, and a surprise party doesn't quite go to plan.

"It's not true, I never use my tongue on people. It's just for stamps and emergencies!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E9

THE END OF THE LINE

Originally broadcast: 29 October 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Susan pretends to be French, Steve gives his number to a girl in a bar, and there are Giselles everywhere.

"Experts can determine the age of a relationship from pants spreadage alone."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES THREE

(2002)
7 episodes
Series Score: 59
Episode Average: 8.42
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E1

SPLIT

Originally broadcast: 3 September 2001
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Steve can't pluck up the courage to ring Susan properly, the girls and boys have very different nights out, and Susan keeps grinding her teeth

"Jane, one of these days, you're going to start a sentence to me...and my teeth will just explode. People will die in the blast!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S3E2

FAITHLESS

Originally broadcast: 30 September 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Things get complicated for Jeff after he points his arse at a pretty girl in the office, and Jane takes a fancy to man of religion.

"He said 'behold ye angels, I have created the arse, throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab out of these and shout my name'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

UNCONDITIONAL SEX

Originally broadcast: 7 October 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Jeff accidentally tells Wilma that his girlfriend's dead, Julia's away for a business meeting, and Steve panics when he learns of 'Man Check'.

"It's the unthinkable, it's Satan with breasts!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

REMEMBER THIS

Originally broadcast: 14 October 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Patrick turns up at Sally's flat after a dream about a spider, and then they both recall how they first met,

"Men always want Susan's number. It's her tiny little bottom, isn't it? Tiniest little bottom in the world, like two tiny puppies in a tiny little sack."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

THE FRECKLE, THE KEY, AND THE COUPLE WHO WEREN'T

Originally broadcast: 21 October 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Steve discovers a freckle on his arse, Jeff buys a bag load of laxatives, and Julia's ex-boyfriend turns up out of the blue.

"Jeff, um, do you have a secret identity? Are you perhaps waging a one man war against the forces of evil? Can it be true, mild-mannered Jeff Murdock? Are you... Spankman?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

THE GIRL WITH ONE HEART

Originally broadcast: 28 October 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Susan redecorates the bathroom but doesn't put the lock back on the door, and Patrick tells his girlfriend something that leads to a misunderstanding between her and Sally.

"We do not even know what, what in the name of God's arse,is the purpose of pot pourri? Looks like breakfast, smells like your auntie!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E7

PERHAPS, PERHAPS, PERHAPS

Originally broadcast: 4 November 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Sally insists that all the girls take a pregnancy test so that she knows what negative looks like, and one of them comes back positive, but they don't know which is which.

"It's not easy loving a man who's in love with God. It's not acceptable to dress up in a long beard and robe, and shout 'I am the Lord, your God... take me now!'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FOUR

(2004)
7 episodes
Series Score: 49
Episode Average: 8.17
Perfect 10's: 0

S4E1

NINE AND A HALF MINUTES

Originally broadcast: 10 May 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Patrick has to choose between sex and golf, Jane's on a blind date, and Steve's worried about childbirth.

"Is it specially adapted for really tiny puppies?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S4E2

NIGHTLINES

Originally broadcast: 17 May 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Susan is on the phone to Sally, Sally is on the phone to Steve, Steve is on the phone to Patrick, Patrick is on the phone to Jane, Jane is on the phone to Oliver, it's phone overload!

"Jane, could you stop doing this! Could you stop just wandering in through my front door! Because this is not, I repeat... not an American sitcom!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S4E3

BED TIME

Originally broadcast: 24 May 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Patrick can't seem to find a way to go home after sex with Sally, Susan discovers that a song has been written about her, and Oliver's smuggling peanuts.

"Why do they do that? Why do they camouflage their beds during the daylight hours? Are people trying to steal their beds? 'Bed thieves are operating in your area. Secure all doors and windows and make a large pile of raggy-dolls in the centre of your duvet.'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S4E4

CIRCUS OF THE EPIDURALS

Originally broadcast: 31 May 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Susan asks Sally to be her backup birth partner, which leads to a chain of similar requests.

"Well, you seem healthy. So much for voodoo."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S4E5

THE NAKED LIVING ROOM

Originally broadcast: 7 June 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

Oliver chooses a bad time to realise that he no longer hides his porn, Sally finds out that Patrick has slept with Jane in the past, and Susan goes into labour.

"You see, tea isn't compatible with porn. The two aren't linked, they're never gonna be marketed together. I mean, how would that work? Double-pack... mags & bags! More than a cupful, rattle ya china! I'm a little teapot, short and stout,
here's my handle, here's my..."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

NINE AND A HALF MOUTHS

Originally broadcast: 14 June 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Stephen Moffat

An unexpected visitor returns to comfort Steve, Oliver struggles to get Jane's attention, and Sally wants access to Patrick's cupboard of love.

"What are you waiting for, Oliver? Mount Jane."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

STEVE TAYLOR

Played by Jack Davenport
28 Episodes
in... Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps (2002)

SUSAN WALKER

Played by Sarah Alexander
28 Episodes
in... The Cupboard of Patrick's Love (2000)

SALLY HARPER

Played by Kate Isitt
28 Episodes
in... Her Best Friend's Bottom (2001)

PATRICK MAITLAND

Played by Ben Miles
28 Episodes
in... Inferno (2000)

JANE CHRISTIE

Played by Gina Bellman
28 Episodes
in... Jane and the Truth Snake (2001)

JEFF MURDOCK

Played by Richard Coyle
22 Episodes
in... Naked (2001)

OLIVER MORRIS

Played by Richard Mylan
6 Episodes
in... Bed Time (2004)