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British Comedy: Black Books

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Decade: Rating: List Type:

564

8.2

8.5

Black Books (2000)

Years: 2000-2004
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Dylan Moran, Kevin Cecil,
Andy Riley, Graham Linehan, Arthur Mathews
Stars: Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey
Episodes: 18
Episode Average: 7.778

BEST EPISODES:
The Big Lock-Out (2000), Grapes of Wrath (2000)

9.1

Black Books: Series 1 (2000)

SERIES ONE

(2000)
6 episodes
Series Score: 51
Episode Average: 8.5
Perfect 10's: 2

S1E1
COOKING THE BOOKS
Originally broadcast: 29 September 2000
Directed by: Graham Linehan, Nick Wood
Written by: Dylan Moran, Graham Linehan

Bernard's struggling with his tax returns, Fran's confused about one of the items that she's selling in her shop, and Manny swallows 'The Little Book of Calm'

"Sorry, I need leather-bound pounds to go with my wallet."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2
MANNY'S FIRST DAY
Originally broadcast: 6 October 2000
Directed by: Graham Linehan, Nick Wood
Written by: Dylan Moran, Graham Linehan

Bernard offers Manny a job while slightly well oiled, and spends the next day looking for ways to get rid of him.

"Look! It's perfectly simple. 'No mobiles'. 'No Walkmans'.
None of that, or any of the others."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3
THE GRAPES OF WRATH
Originally broadcast: 13 October 2000
Directed by: Graham Linehan, Nick Wood
Written by: Dylan Moran, Graham Linehan

A bishop arrives on the island with news of a blasphemous film, and orders for there to be a protest at the local cinema.

"Everything's covered in filth, look. The whole place is a complete mess, you can't find anything. Right now, I'm eating scrambled egg with a comb, from a shoe!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4
THE BLACKOUT
Originally broadcast: 20 October 2000
Directed by: Graham Linehan, Nick Wood
Written by: Dylan Moran, Graham Linehan

Manny's Sweeney marathon sees him being mistaken for an actual police officer, and Bernard and Fran exchange stories about their injuries.

"You look like you should have 'Dorset - 5 miles' written on you."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5
THE BIG LOCK-OUT
Originally broadcast: 27 October 2000
Directed by: Graham Linehan, Nick Wood
Written by: Dylan Moran, Graham Linehan

Manny gets locked in, Bernard gets locked out, Fran's otherwise engaged, Manny eats bees, Bernard gets a job, and Fran gets excited.

"You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6
GRANT UNTO HIM ETERNAL REST

Manny gets fed up of Bernard's bullying and runs away from home, and ends up becoming the face of 'Big and Beardy'.

"Here I am, worrying myself away into a stick in the dark, and you're scoffing chips from some tart's lap. Where's my tart?! I want chips and tarts!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

8.1

Black Books - Series 2 (2000)

SERIES TWO

(2002)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1
THE ENTERTAINER
Originally broadcast: 1 March 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran

Fran enlists the help of a renowned teacher to learn the piano, but she struggles to cope with his methods, but she knows a Manny of many talents.

"You, what did you say to Kate? She thinks I'm the Renaissance. She'll think I've lied, I had to go along with all this reclusive genius stuff. She's gonna be very upset when she finds out I'm a reclusive wanker."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2
FEVER
Originally broadcast: 8 March 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran, Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley

Bernard wants a summer girlfriend, Manny wants to be able to cool down in the heatwave, and Fran wants her flat to stop getting smaller.

"Oh, will we? I don't know, it's an impossible choice... wall, thermometers...I'll just have to hope that when I flip the coin, it somehow explodes and kills me."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3
THE FIXER
Originally broadcast: 15 March 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran, Arthur Mathews

Fran gets a confusing new job, but only because Manny agrees to teach an illiterate thug how to read.

"She's playing with fire... he's not ready for Nibbly Pig!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4
BLOOD
Originally broadcast: 22 March 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley, Dylan Moran

Manny tries to move the shop upmarket, and Fran discovers she has family living locally.

"Well, use recipe books with pictures of plates on the front. Do I have to explain everything?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5
HELLO SUN
Originally broadcast: 29 March 2002
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran

Manny buys the complete works of Freud, Fran takes up yoga, and Bernard torments Manny about mental health.

"Oh, listen to you! You're becoming one of them, you're going over to the other side. The land of sandals, spoon- benders and yoghurt-fanciers. Where everybody farts all the time, because they don't know how to laugh."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6
A NICE CHANGE

Bernard, Manny and Fran go on holiday to get away from the noisy building work going on next door, but Bernard has a nasty surprise waiting for him when he gets back.

"Why does it have to be fancy? I just want sausage, mash, and a bit of cake. Not twigs fried in honey or a donkey in a coffin."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

8.3

Black Books: Series 3 (2000)

SERIES THREE

(2004)
6 episodes
Series Score: 43
Episode Average: 7.17
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1
MANNY COME HOME
Originally broadcast: 11 March 2004
Directed by: David McCarthy
Written by: Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley, Dylan Moran

Fran returns from holiday to find the shop in a mess, and Manny's working next door, but sometimes it's better the devil you know.

"Hang in there, Bernard. Fran get some hot towels and some fluffy water."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2
ELEPHANTS AND HENS
Originally broadcast: 18 March 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran, Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley

Fran goes to a hen party, leaving Bernard and Manny to write a children's book.

"It's hot in the worm!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3
MOO-MA AND MOO-PA
Originally broadcast: 25 March 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran, Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley

Manny's parents turn up virtually unannounced, but only because Bernard's wiped the messages, and it turns out that Manny hasn't exactly been truthful about his role in the shop.

"Unless they go in the next hour, I'm going to tell your mother that I'm a psycho-biker-junkie-whore."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4
A LITTLE FLUTTER
Originally broadcast: 1 April 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Dylan Moran, Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley

Manny accidentally gets Bernard hooked on gambling, who then loses almost everything at poker.

"No problem, if you want to put on a bet of £1, that fine. I'll be glad to accept that bet, as soon as you can find the other 93p."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5
TRAVEL WRITER
Originally broadcast: 8 April 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley, Dylan Moran

Bernard's landlord dies and leaves everything to her cat, leaving Bernard trying to kill it, and Manny and Fran compete for the attention of a travel-writer.

"Remember when you ran out of tobacco so you smoked your own pubic hair?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6
A NICE CHANGE
Originally broadcast: 15 April 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Kevin Cecil, Andy Riley, Dylan Moran

Manny's keen to go to a party to see a girl he likes, and Fran has a secret about Bernard's past.

"Oh, I see, Ro-weeena. And what am I supposed to do when you're doing the underpants-Charleston with this insane, blind tart?."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

CHARACTERS

Bernard Black

BERNARD LUDWIG BLACK
Played by Dylan Moran
18 Episodes
in... The Big Lock-Out (2000)

8.3

Manny Bianco

MANNY BIANCO
Played by Bill Bailey
18 Episodes
in... He's Leaving Home (2000)

Fran Katzenjammer

ENID FRANCESECA KATZENJAMMER
Played by Tamsin Greig
18 Episodes
in... Fever (2002)

Voters of this TV Show list - View all

Part of the
British Comedy Collection

Bernard Black owns a bookshop, but he has no real interest in buying or selling books, he prefers drinking, smoking and chasing customers away. His assistant, Manny, ends up in his world by accident, but he shows more business sense than his boss, always working to bring Bernard into the land of the living. The third misfit of the group is Fran, a hopeless figure who runs the shop next door. There always seems to be some sort of underlying tension between her and Bernard, but she usually finds herself siding with Manny when there are problems in the shop

SERIES SCORES
Series 1: 8.5
Series 2: 7.67
Series 3: 7.17

FAVOURITE EPISODES
Holy Godiva

1. Grapes of Wrath
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 2000)

2. Fever
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2002)

3. The Big Lock-Out
(Series 1, Episode 5 - 2000)

4. The Entertainer
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2002)

5. He's Leaving Home
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 2000)
Onion Jack
1. The Big Lock-Out
(Series 1, Episode 5 - 2000)

2. The Entertainer
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2002)

3. Fever
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2002)

4. Grapes of Wrath
(Series 1, Episode 3 - 2000)

5. He's Leaving Home
(Series 1, Episode 6 - 2000)