British Comedy: Citizen James

Years: 1960-62
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Sidney Green, Richard Hills,
Ray Galton, Alan Simpson
Stars: Sidney James, Sydney Tafler
Episodes: 32 (22 lost)
Episode Average: 6.600*

BEST EPISODES:
Crusty Bread (1961), The Watchdog (1962)

*based on surviving episodes

SERIES ONE

(1960)
6 episodes
Series Score: 38
Episode Average: 6.33
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

THE RACE

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1960
Directed by: Philip Barker
Written by: Ray Galton, Alan Simpson

Liz warns that she's not going to wait around forever as just a fiancée, Sid sees a chance to make a fortune on the back of a drunken stranger, and a bit of creative nobbling leads to odds of 100/1 for the waiters' race.

"Yes, he's an Australian. Came over here in 1945 for the Victory Parade, and got lost. To show you how bright he is, I found him begging... outside the labour exchange."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S1E2

THE ELIXIR

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1960
Directed by: Philip Barker
Written by: Ray Galton, Alan Simpson

Bill knocks up the latest batch of miracle medicine to sell on the market, Liz comes to the rescue when the boys are picked up by the police, and a doctor from the hospital phones the station asking for urgent help.

"You have another look. Here, have a good look. Look in-between the D and the R, you'll see a little dot. That's a full stop. Those happen to be my initials... Derek Robert Sidney James."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S1E3

THE RAFFLE

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1960
Directed by: Philip Barker
Written by: Ray Galton, Alan Simpson

Bill realises that he's helped himself to the Christmas raffle prize money, Sid panics and organises a bigger second raffle to pay for the first, and an attempt to sell enough tickets to cover it leads to the police station.

"You know what these blokes are like, they're primitive. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Can you imagine what they're gonna take for 250 nicker?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E4

THE MONEY

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1960
Directed by: Philip Barker
Written by: Ray Galton, Alan Simpson

Liz asks Sid to pay the takings from the club into the bank, Albert's faced with having to find £12000 when a 40/1 outsider crosses the line first, and Bill insists on authenticity while working on the details of a robbery.

"Oh, I dunno. Hell hath no fury like a woman done out of three hundred quid."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E5

THE BRAND IMAGE

Originally broadcast: 22 December 1960
Directed by: Philip Barker
Written by: Ray Galton, Alan Simpson

Sid comes up with an idea to make a fortune from homemade cigarettes, Albert offers to invest if a more professional approach is adopted, and an advertising agency pops up to find a famous name to put on the packet.

"Well, what do you want? There's er... long ones, small one, long ones with tips, small ones with tips, fat ones, thin ones, fat ones with gold tips, medicated ones, American ones, Turkish ones, strong ones, mild ones, lady ones, round ones, oval ones, cardboard packets, flip-top packets, round tins, flat tins, ones with coupons, ones without coupons... in fives, tens, fifteens or twenties."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E6

THE RIVALS

Originally broadcast: 29 December 1960
Directed by: Philip Barker
Written by: Ray Galton, Alan Simpson

Albert bets that he can get a date with Sid's girl by the end of the week, Liz defends her right to go to the pictures with anyone she chooses, and using a stripper to make her jealous turns out to be an expensive idea.

"You will lay me... Now, look here, Albert, that is not only cheeky but that is a definite attack on the moral character of my fiancée, and I ought to take you outside, mate, and punch you right in the kite... But the odds are too good... 10/1?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES TWO

(1961)
13 episodes (11 lost)
Series Score: 14
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E2

CRUSTY BREAD

Originally broadcast: 9 October 1961
Directed by: John Street
Written by: Sid Green, Dick Hills

The baker doesn't take too kindly to customers nibbling on his biscuits, the milkman explains why steam ovens have killed off crusty bread, and Sid struggles with the numerical side of knocking up a loaf of his own.

"That's got nothing to do with it! They call that coconut but it's got no cocoa in it. They call that an apple turnover but it doesn't. Go on, have a look at it. Go on, watch it."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E11

TEENAGERS

Originally broadcast: 11 December 1961
Directed by: John Street
Written by: Sid Green, Dick Hills

Sid tries to win his money back after a disagreement about a dance step, Charlie feels a bit out of place surrounded by loved-up teenagers, and advice about making decisions leads to the train to Gretna Green.

"A bit old? I'm only 21... I've just been living it up a bit, that's all."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES THREE

(1962)
13 episodes (11 lost)
Series Score: 14
Episode Average: 7.00
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E10

THE WATCHDOG

Originally broadcast: 2 November 1962
Directed by: -
Written by: Sid Green, Dick Hills

Charlie's horrified when Sid decides to take pity on a man who breaks in, the police are confused by a complaint about a lack of protection, and a new guard dog from Tibet refuses to let anybody out of the house.

"We're looking for a dog to protect us, he needs another dog to protect him."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S3E13

THE JURY

Originally broadcast: 11 December 1962
Directed by: -
Written by: Sid Green, Dick Hills

Charlie allows himself to be distracted by a blonde while on jury duty, Sid infuriates the other members when he prevents a unanimous decision, and an effort to reconstruct the crime confuses a passing policeman.

"Do yourself a favour, ask him first about the laws on personal liberties, because he's likely to take a few."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SIDNEY BALMORAL JAMES

Played by Sidney James
10 surviving episodes (1960-1962)

LIZ

Played by Liz Fraser
6 surviving episodes (1960)

BILL

Played by Bill Kerr
6 surviving episodes (1960)

ALBERT WELSHMAN

Played by Sydney Tafler
5 surviving episodes (1960)

CHARLIE

Played by John Bluthal
5 surviving episodes (1960)

CHARLIE DAVENPORT

Played by Sydney Tafler
4 surviving episodes (1961-1962)