Least Favorite Game Characters

Raincoat Killer

I don't necessarily dislike the character as a whole...But despite that whole 'judging a book by it's cover' stuff we're taught in school, I can't help but be annoyed by the Raincoat Killer based on his appearance alone. He looks like a goofball. I'm supposed to be intimidated by this guy...But he just looks like a taller, axe-carrying version of those glowing-eyed midgets from Star Wars.

Tom Nook

I’m already in debt due to student loans. When I play a game, the last thing I want to do is find myself in debt in-game. Tom Nook, the Sallie Mae of video game characters, makes sure that within minutes of popping in Animal Crossing, you’ll be in debt to him until the day you die. He’s a sneaky jerk, too. Almost done paying off your debt to him? Well, he can’t have that...So he trespasses into your house and redecorates it, causing you to plunge further into debt whether you want to or not. And the stupid raccoon has lazy eye. I’m wondering if he’s just tired all the time or if they’re swollen half-shut from angry folks taking swings at him. Oh, and by the way, Tom. You run a store, right? Whatever happened to “no shirt, no shoes, no service,” you slob?

Lars Alexandersson

I remember that Lars Alexandersson kind of annoyed me while playing Tekken 6...But I don’t remember specifics of what annoyed me about his personality. What I do remember, however, is that the absolute WORST hairstyle I have ever seen is sprouting from his Swedish skull. Now I can deal with bad hairstyles, but when he tries to act like a tough guy with that abomination atop his cranium...It just makes me angry that nobody makes fun of him for it. I don’t care if he’s strong enough to shove his fist through your chest, rip your heart out, and hold it in front of your face so it’s that last thing you see before you die...You need to spend those precious final seconds mocking him for that ridiculous-looking disaster on his dome. Oh, and did I mention that he’s got the hots for robots? I don’t know the actual term for that, so we’ll just call Lars a “watchesthejetsonsnakedbecauseofrosiephiliac.” Also, in case I didn't mention it, he's got a stupid haircut.

Poshul

I like most dogs...The kind I don’t like are dogs with two tails, pink fur, and a dumb lock on their collar like they're some sort of treasure or something. I also don’t like dogs that can speak, but have speech impediments and very, very annoying personalities. Generally speaking, those dislikes narrow down the field so that I only feel abhorrence towards a single mangey mutt...That mutt is Poshul, the self-proclaimed “wonder dog”. Personally, the only thing I wonder about Poshul is why her owners didn’t name her Old Yeller and take her out to the woodshed long ago. Honestly, I smiled when Karsh punted the mongrel off the edge of a cliff early on in the game...Then let out a disappointed sigh when the pooch with the slobber-induced lisp waddled back onto the screen not too long afterward.

Alex Mercer

"Hi, I'm Alex Mercer. I have super-human abilities. I can run up the sides of buildings with ease, glide in the air like a graceful bird, and change my appearance like a chameleon. I'm gonna kill the jerks that gave me these terrible skills. How dare they give me the ability to do things that people daydream about being able to do!!" Alex Mercer whines through the entire game of Prototype about how he has been cursed. Oh really, Alex? You just hurled an automobile at a helicopter like it was a baseball. You want to kill the person who gave you this ability? Ever think it was a birthday present, you ungrateful git? And why are you whining to me, someone who wishes he could step off the ledge of a twenty-story building and be perfectly fine after the landing like you can, about this supposed "curse?" That's like me complaining to a blind person about seeing too well....Makes you come across as an annoying jerk, you jerk.

Zack

This Dennis Rodman wannabe never seemed cool to me...In fact, I always looked forward to any fights that I may have with him just so I could pummel the ever-lovin' urine out of him and his stupid green hair and/or skin-tight alien outfit...Either or, I'm not picky. There aren't too many fighting game characters that I really despise, but Zack is on that short, little list. Good for him.

Robert Nightingale

Not only did he annoy me, but there was absolutely no reason for him to even be in the game to begin with, which annoys me even further. Much like many of the other characters in the game, he lacked any sort of dimensions to him to make me really hate or really like him....In fact, by the end of the game I had completely forgotten about him. But, all it took was witnessing him again later for the irritation to come flooding back. In the end I was just irritated by his obnoxious personality, and not so much by his actions during the game. I'm not one to talk to myself when playing games, but I recall muttering, "shut up" at the screen whenever Mr. Nightingale opened his moronic mouth.

Adoring Fan

I honestly had no problem with him at first. I let him tag along with me as I wandered around...Then after a while I began to realize that the jerk was just trying to make himself look cool by leeching off of my tremendous in-game successes. Then I looked into the beady face of this parasite and noticed a resemblance (an eerily similar resemblance, actually) between him and an old roommate of mine that I don't much care for. Sooooo, long story short, with him following me, I snuck into a cave filled with rats and told him to stay put while I crept back into the shadows and watched the adorable little mammals tear the lad to shreds. It's actually one of the most satisfying things I've done in a game.

Chauncey (Kirk Cameron)

I might not dislike Chauncey so much if the bumbling fool wasn't played by Kirk Cameron. I have no problem with Kirk and his body of work outside of the game industry...But his over-acting and weirdo facial-expressions just plain irritated me in this game. Yes, Chauncey, you fumbled a tray of food. No, it's not funny. There are starving children in China.

Grim Reaper

The Grim Reaper should be cool, right? He should be one of the most difficult enemies to battle, right? He should be powerful enough to fight you one-on-one and have a tremendous advantage over you, right? That's not how the makers of Kid Icarus saw it. They turned the Grim Reaper into a pansy that screams like a 6-year-old girl at the sight of you, bringing in an army of flying, midget Grim Reapers to fight you instead. A cowardly Grim Reaper isn't annoying...But one that shrieks like a valley girl that just saw, "like, the cutest shoes ever, totally on sale," definitely makes for one annoying Grim Reaper.

Rex Hudler

Like the picture above clearly shows, Rex Hudler is fond of poles. He enjoys humping them. I'm not like that sickie. When I see a pole in the same vicinity as Rex Hudler, I'm much more fond of the old-fashioned impaling that poles used to be used for...And you know, if Huddy got impaled, the pole and his body would form a 't' shape...Think he'd be called T-Rex then? Yeah, that was a good one. Anyway, Rex Hudler is the annoying commentator in the booth of three for MLB 10: The Show. "He just walked three guys! Why are you swinging at the ball?!?!" Relax, jerk. The game skips to my appearances only. I didn't get to witness these multiple walks you speak of. Your receding-hair-lined head kind of looks like a baseball, maybe I'll take a few swings at that and see what your comments are afterward. If there is an almighty being somewhere that controls all of us, I can only hope that at some point in Hudler's life, he somehow gets shrunken arms, like the extinct reptile that his name reminds you of, and is forced to sit at a piano and try to play, unable to reach the keys with his T-Rex arms, until the day he perishes. Maybe then, he'll experience the pain and frustration I go through whenever I have to hear his painfully high-pitched and annoying voice.

Captain Novolin
Honorable Mention: Doctor Fatty McDoublechin

You know what video games don’t need? A diabetes-based superhero. I mean honestly...If you pick up too many snacks during the course of a level, you die from your blood sugar level being too high. Yes, this lame-o can’t handle it if you pick up every snack in the level. On top of that, he goes out of his way to shove it in Ranger Ralph’s face that he has diabetes during the course of the game. Who’s Ranger Ralph? Who cares....But he still shouldn’t have been subjected to Captain Novolin’s attempts at getting pity. I mean, c’mon...are kids really supposed to look up to this weenie? Plus, he’s dumb enough to take dieting tips from a double-chinned doctor, who is also pictured and gets an honorable mention on this list - double-chinned doctors handing out healthy eating tips kinda rubs me the wrong way. Oh, and PLUS, his arch-enemy is a naked, fat, balding dude who needs a wheelchair because he has no legs. Captain Novolin is such a weak person that he needs to beat up people weaker than him (actually, he electrocutes him to death) to make himself feel better. Between the creepy doctors that talk to him, his picking on the nude and handicapped, and the fact that he has to shoot up via syringe multiple times during the game, it makes you glad Captain Novolin has diabetes...but kinda makes you wish that he had AIDS instead.

Butch DeLoria

I know that I'm supposed to dislike him early in the game and then possibly accept him as an ally later. But, I dislike him enough that the latter doesn't generally happen when I play the game...But even in the beginning of the game when I knock him unconscious before entering the classroom, I just want him to stay sprawled out on the floor and not re-animate. Luckily for me, later on in the game, he and his lame greaser jacket aren't as invincible. It's odd that I dislike him so much because I know full well that if he mentioned something about Mr. Kotter or Horshack, he'd probably turn into one of my favorites regardless of how much of a wiener he is.

Blue Oak

You know what gets on my nerves? Arrogance and the refusal to admit that you’re wrong. This cocky jerk is the epitome of that. He whines in the beginning of the game and then follows that up with trash-talk in your direction. He challenges you to whip out your Pocket Monster to take on his. Then your little Pocket Monster pulverizes his little Pocket Monster (it’s the Japanese name for the Pokemon series, folks...get your minds out of the gutter) and rather than back down and admit defeat, he claims to have let you won, or that you got lucky....and then he tells you that he’ll smell you later. What kind of sick freak goes around smelling people? And how in the world can he be such an arrogant twit when his name is ‘Blue Oak’? His name alone should cause him to back off in shame. They should’ve named him Poison Oak...Because that’s what his dialogue was for my eyes; it caused a sensation for me to scratch my pupils off so I wouldn’t have to read his lame remarks anymore.

Dude

His comments are slightly comical in the beginning of the game, but by the end you're often rolling your eyes. It makes me wish that I got to see what he looked like at some point in the game so if I happened to see him on the street one day, I could hurry over and slug him in the jaw.....Well, if video game characters could walk in the real world that is. Oh, and since you never see him, I couldn't technically get a picture of him...But I know full well that if you added some hamburger grease stains to that shirt, the image above would look EXACTLY like him.

Bubsy

Bubsy always annoyed me...But in 2D, his games were decent enough where I let it slide. Then he made the switch to 3D...I just couldn't take it anymore. Bubsy became one of the most annoying characters to ever grace a video game in my eyes once he entered three dimensions. With absolutely terrible gameplay, there was nothing hiding Bubsy's grating personality any more. I think the rest of the world also figured this out shortly after this game was released and Bubsy was put down by the video game vets soon after.

Carter Blake

Blake is what the children call a 'boogerlips.' I think I'm supposed to think he's cool because he's a rebel cop who plays by his own rules and has no problems roughing people up to get answers...Instead, I think he just comes across as a complete tool that would be screaming like the Kid Icarus Grim Reaper in a fight if he didn't have that little immunity of being a police officer.

Mario

Yes, that's right. I don't like Mario. I've always been a Luigi fan, and as such I kind of feel a resentment towards Mario when I'm playing a game and not given an option to play as Luigi. In fact, when I was a kid, I'd play a two-player game of Super Mario Bros. by myself just so I could immediately kill off Mario and enjoy a single-player experience as Luigi. And for the love of the guy in the sky, this plumber needs to get some baggier pants or underwear or something so his voice can lower to a normal level for a grown man...There's no reason for him to pick up the phone at the castle and have people mistake him as Princess Peach.

Claptrap

I haven't done a scientific study on this, but I have a theory that anyone who says that these annoying, robotic doofuses are funny and/or entertaining may have a mild form of retardation. Seeing a robot 'dance' while saying, "Uh, uh. Get down!" isn't funny. In fact, it made me glad that this game was a first-person shooter 'cause watching these abominations made me want to shoot something. If there was an option to let the first one you encounter die at the beginning of the game, I would have....Even when it's dying, you get no satisfaction; it's annoying until it stops moving. They should re-name these metallic creatures, that plague an otherwise enjoyable game, punchtraps; their performances do not make me clap, they make me want to throw punches. That joke was lame, but still better than all material that spews from the mouths(?) of those robotic twits.

N. Boss

The end boss in Clay Fighter, N. Boss, is a hoop made out of balls. This wouldn't annoy me except that through the entire fight, you have to try and maneuver around said balls because he hurls them at you constantly. If you get hit, you get pushed back, making him constantly out of reach for you, but still plenty in range for him. This boss is so cheap that I really wish I knew which of those balls were his testicles so I could kick him straight in them.

The Chupacabras

What's more annoying than having the special ability that you just received taken from you before you really get a chance to use it? Well, having all of your other abilities taken from you as well, of course. But wait, I bet it can become more annoying. Why don't we play hide-and-seek to find the creature that took our abilities away? And how about the creature mocks us continuously until we find it? And lets give that creature an annoyingly high-pitched, raspy voice! And you know what? I always thought that Don Rickels should have been in Braveheart...Let's make the creature look like Mr. Rickels if he were cast in that film!...I think we may have just created one of the most annoying characters in video game history...Radical!

Kaebora Gaepora

Most people would go with Navi. I'm not most people. Yeah, Navi was annoying, but I didn't hate her. This feathered jabberjaws, on the other hand...I was hoping to see roasted owl by the end of the game. When I play a game, I'd like to play a game...Not get stopped every now and then by this long-winded bird with stupid, feathered eyebrows. And sometimes you'll accidentally hit the wrong button when he's finally done...And when you do, you get to sit through it again. Navi's got nothin' on this jerk in my humble li'l opinion.

Tidus

I found him to be very whiney and annoying when I played this game...And how many times must one person feel the need to stretch? I mean good golly, at every cutscene was Tidus just waking up from a nap? I've been so scarred by my dislike of Tidus that I can't even watch any movies starring Meg Ryan when she's got a similar hairstyle to this schmuck 'cause it makes her look like a Tidus doppelganger. I'm planning on playing the game again down the road and maybe in the ten years since I've last played it I'll be less irritated by this dork.

EDIT: Played it again...Just as irritated, and tempted to add half of the game's characters to this list as well...Including that Auron fellow. That thing your arm isn't in is called a sleeve. Use it, chuck-o.

Edgar Ross

Edgar Ross....Edgar Ross. If I ever named my own turds prior to flushing ‘em, I think I’d name them all after this jerk. He thinks he’s so big with his stupid hat, pedophile mustache, and fancy-schmancy tie. The entire game, I just wanted to engage in fisticuffs with this jerk, since that head of his, which has swelled to tremendous size due to an unwarranted ego, would have made for a good punching bag. Unfortunately, I never got that opportunity...Which increases my dislike for him. Then again, punching a walking pile of steaming turds would probably be messy, so I suppose it’s best that Rockstar didn’t let us brown our fists by pummeling him...But that still doesn’t take away the desire to see this jerk get his just due. Personally, if there was a tank of piranhas, and you could toss this idiot’s flailing body into it, and then watch ‘em slowly rip him apart and transform the water’s hue to a lovely crimson color, I think that’d be a very satisfying demise to a character that I absolutely LOATHE...The turd named Edgar Ross.

Percy the persimmon

I’ve never had a persimmon, but after playing Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom, I felt the urge to buy persimmons for the sole purpose of chopping them up, throwing them in a blender, microwaving them until they exploded, etc. Percy the persimmon may be the absolute most annoying sidekick in the history of video games. The bumbling buffoon falls down and drops your items, throws away items without permission, and just plain loses items throughout the game. Hey Percy, I liked those items. How would you like it if I tripped over an imaginary rock so I could hurl your Michael Bolton albums into a wooded area where you wouldn’t be able to find them? Or your My Little Pony collection? Or heaven forbid, your Night Court DVD boxed set? Yeah, that’s what I thought. And I haven’t even gone into his annoying personality, the stupid stuff he says, or the fact that he’s a peeping tom. All I know is that Sir Cucumber must be a very patient man...er, fruit...To deal with this putz. Far, far more patient than I.

Raiden

Yes, that's right. I'm using MGS4 Raiden instead of MGS2 Raiden. I honestly didn't mind Raiden in Sons of Liberty...But this over-the-top Raiden that was supposed to be cool had the opposite effect on me...I just wanted him out of the game. Call me crazy, but I took this guy more seriously when he was running around completely naked than when he got limbs chopped off and a white liquid oozed from the wounds. Am I supposed to be impressed that he bleeds white stuff? Commercials taught me that cool kids would rather bleed Sunny D.