British Comedy: The Smoking Room

Years: 2004-2005
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Brian Dooley
Stars: Robert Webb, Jeremy Swift
Episodes: 17
Episode Average: 8.353*

BEST EPISODES:
Last Night a Graphic Designer Saved My Life (2005), Quitters (2005)

*including special

SERIES ONE

(2004)
8 episodes
Series Score: 65
Episode Average: 8.13*
Perfect 10's: 2
*not including special

S1E1

DO DE DUM DE DA

Originally broadcast: 29 June 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Robin tries to remember the theme tune to 'Little House on the Prairie', Sally isn't impressed when the drinks machine gives her what she asks for, and Barry learns of a serious threat to his hopes of promotion.

"Jammy sod. I can't wait to retire. I've got it all mapped out. I'm gonna swim with the dolphins. Not for me whole retirement, I mean, I'd be knackered. But as a one off."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E2

R.I.P.

Originally broadcast: 6 July 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Annie's more upset about the death of her rabbit than the demise of a recently retired colleague, Len tells of the night he saw two ghosts by the photocopier, and Clint's in no rush to rescue people trapped in the lift.

"Sharon, I don't think given the size of the buffet, he'd single out a single pasty."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E3

PANTBALL

Originally broadcast: 13 July 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Annie gets upset when she claps eye on Clint, Robin worries about how team-building might damage his fruity region, and Lilian discovers that her moment in the Nag's Head has been caught on camera.

"Well, for a start, one across should be Leicester. There's no such cheese as Red Liverpool."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S1E4

LIGHT MY FIRE

Originally broadcast: 20 July 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

An important client isn't the only one to be desperate for a light, Sally insists that she is not willing to talk to Annie, and Lilian points out that the theft of Len's Jacket is just the latest in a series of such incidents.

"And Jim Bowen on Bullseye. There is nothing to be gained when two darts lie in the same area. Please restrict your darts to portions that are red. And please observe what you failed to obtain."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E5

CHOCOLATE BOX

Originally broadcast: 27 July 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Nobody wants to see Heidi's pictures when she returns from having a baby, the staff try to work out who 'The Worlde's Most Sexist Smoker' is, and Janet questions Robin's contribution to Ben's engagement card.

"Keith bought me some lovely chocolates. They were brown."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E6

FEEDING TIME

Originally broadcast: 3 August 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Janet tries to avoid going out in the rain to get Sharon's lunch, an over-exercised Annie has her eye on everyone else's food, and an unwelcome newcomer comes up with a smoking game to help pass the time.

"Everything comes in a giant Yorkshire pudding. Bangers and mash in a giant Yorkshire pudding. Breaded scampi in a giant Yorkshire pudding. Chicken biryani in a giant Yorkshire pudding. Very tasty. Although I'm not so keen on the giant Yorkshire pudding."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E7

ONLY TEMPORARY

Originally broadcast: 10 August 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Lilian struggles to find anyone interested in her holiday snaps, Barry has to be leant a pair of shorts after a run in with a cup of coffee, and Sally isn't best pleased about having to work with a pretty temp.

"Shitting it are you, Barry? I'll tell you the best trick... before you board that plane, knock back six or seven whiskies. Never fails. And that was told to me by a pilot."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E8

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Originally broadcast: 17 August 2004
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

There are two parties in the building as Lilian and Roger celebrate their birthdays, Gordon finds himself back on the booze when his wife leaves him, and Sharon manages to suck the life out of the occasion.

"Whenever Diana, my wife, was in the bathroom doing... womanly things, I'd never go in for a shit. Even when I was busting. You have to preserve your mystique."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SPECIAL

(2004)

SPECIAL

DO THEY KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS?

Originally broadcast: 21 December 2004
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Brian Dooley

The staff put on a Christmas concert for the elderly, Barry's over the moon when he finally manages to complete a crossword, and Lilian has problems with her nerves as she prepares for a tough crowd.

"Hm. And you've completely ignored the Christmas theme with 'supernatural being', nine letters. That's 'archangel', not 'Spider-Man'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(2004)
8 episodes
Series Score: 69
Episode Average: 8.63
Perfect 10's: 2

S2E1

BZZZZZZZZZ

Originally broadcast: 26 July 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Robin finds himself shadowed as part of a study into workplace dynamics, Len's attempts to identify glue leave him feeling a little strange, and Annie freaks out when she spots a bee in the room.

"Aren't hands strange? They're like feet. Only on your arms."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E2

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

Originally broadcast: 2 August 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Heavy snow means that the staff are stranded at work, Sally has to settle for pasta sauce as an accompaniment to vodka, and Barry's put through his paces ahead of a talk about hill-walking.

"Jesus, the snow's getting heavier. We're gonna be stuck here forever. At least."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S2E3

1987

Originally broadcast: 9 August 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Robin finds a box of old photographs taken for a company brochure, Sally worries about what the future will offer if she doesn't change job, and Sharon's reminded of a time when she worked as Barry's secretary.

"Ah. 'Barry Owens is our newest recruit. This...' Well, that can't be right. No, it is... 'dynamic young graduate of... Oxford... Polytechnic, is ably assisted by his secretary, Sharon McDonald, who is a real...' Oh that isn't right. Oh. It's 'cont.' As in 'continued over'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E4

SMASHED

Originally broadcast: 16 August 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Robin's black eye makes him the prime suspect for an act of vandalism, Barry uses his detective skills to try and find the real culprit, and Annie worries that a bit of opportunism will land her and Sally in trouble.

"Yes. Luring lonely women back to his flat. Doing away with them, probably with a wok. WHACK! And then propping them up beside him on the sofa. Watching a weepie."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E5

PITY THE FOOL

Originally broadcast: 23 August 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

A company directive about April Fools leaves Janet looking for suitable pranks, Robin's shocked to learn that Ben from the Post Room has a boyfriend, and Len struggles to hold back on National No Swearing Day.

"Lucy Wu? Oh, I hope it isn't terminal. Again."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S2E6

QUITTERS

Originally broadcast: 30 August 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Janet prepares the smoking room for a cessation seminar, Annie claims that she doesn't need help since she's not a real smoker, and Lilian manages to find another reason to love nicotine.

"Erm... The smell, I suppose. Although I have a plug-in thing at home that covers that. But that smells slightly of piss."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S2E7

LAST NIGHT A GRAPHIC DESIGNER SAVED MY LIFE

Originally broadcast: 6 September 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

A moment of heroism sees Sally on the front page of the local paper, Clint's told he has to go on a course to help him do his job properly, and the staff don't know what to do when Gordon has a heart attack.

"Yeah, I know, but he's been on all the daytime quizzes on the telly. He got a stack of tapes of himself like that. 'What's the capital of France?' Bzzzz! 'Fuck knows!' 'How many feet in a yard?' Bzzzz! 'Fuck knows!' 'Who wrote Bleak House?' Bzzzz! 'Fuck knows!' Well, you'd have to bleep him, like, but it was proof he was here. Getting things wrong in the afternoon."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S2E8

SIGNIFICANT OTHERS

Originally broadcast: 13 September 2005
Directed by: Gareth Carrivick
Written by: Brian Dooley

Janet's in a mood to celebrate after her boyfriend proposes to her, nobody's interested in Heidi's big news until they realise the benefits, and Robin discovers that almost everyone knew his little secret all along.

"But how can you be gay? You're so good at crosswords."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

ROBIN

Played by Robert Webb
17 Episodes
in... Bzzzzzzzzz (S2E1)

BARRY

Played by Jeremy Swift
17 Episodes
in... Do De Dum De Da (S1E1)

SALLY

Played by Nadine Marshall
17 Episodes
in... Light My Fire (S1E4)

LILIAN

Played by Paula Wilcox
17 Episodes
in... Pity the Fool (S2E5)

ANNIE

Played by Debbie Chazen
17 Episodes
in... Do They Know It's Christmas? (Special)

JANET

Played by Selina Griffiths
16 Episodes
in... Feeding Time (S1E6)

LEN

Played by Leslie Schofield
16 Episodes
in... Smashed (S2E4)

CLINT

Played by Fraser Ayres
15 Episodes
in... Quitters (S2E6)

SHARON

Played by Siobhan Redmond
13 Episodes
in... Pantballing (S1E3)

HEIDI

Played by Emma Kennedy
11 Episodes
in... Chocolate Box (S1E5)

GORDON

Played by Mike Walling
5 Episodes
in... 1987 (S2E3)

MONIQUE

Played by Sunetra Sarker
2 Episodes
in... Doo Di Dum Di Da (S1E1)