British Comedy: Mind Your Language

Years: 1977-1979
Broadcaster: ITV (LWT)
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Vince Powell
Stars: Barry Evans, Zara Nutley
Episodes: 29
Episode Average: 6.552

BEST EPISODES:
All Through the Night (1978), Come Back All Is Forgiven (1978)

SERIES ONE

(1977-1978)
13 episodes
Series Score: 98
Episode Average: 7.54
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

THE FIRST LESSON

Originally broadcast: 30 December 1977
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Mr. Brown struggles to take the names of his new English class students, asking a Sikh to sit with a Muslim leads to a rather heated exchange, and Greece and Italy battle for the right to negotiate an alliance with France.

"There will be no throat-slicing in my class. If you want to do that sort of thing, you should have joined the sports and pastimes."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E2

AN INSPECTOR CALLS

Originally broadcast: 6 January 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney informs Mr. Brown that an African will be joining his class, Jamila has a good evening when she manages two words of English, and
a shocked education inspector is shown to a seat at the back of the class.

"Fly... in a big iron bird. Quite a change from riding an elephant. Unless you came by jumbo... English joke."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E3

A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Giovanni sells completed homework assignments to the other students, Mr. Brown introduces a ban on foreign languages in the classroom, and
Ranjeet talks about committing suicide to avoid marriage to an elephant.

"Not at all! Only lady can change mind. I am up the creek without a poodle."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E4

ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The caretaker causes confusion when he talks in Cockney rhyming slang, Miss Courtney's unimpressed when the students identify food items, and the class get locked in when Mr. Brown holds them back for half an hour.

"Ah, shut your plates of meat, you Uncle Ned!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S1E5

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Ali's delight at getting eight score draws proves to be rather short-lived, the class get confused when they act out some everyday situations, and Mr. Brown is asked to help when the police arrest Jamila for shoplifting.

"Yeah, well, it's more correct to say that you want to send a letter to Switzerland, not a Swiss letter. It could be rather embarrassing if you were writing to someone in France."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S1E6

COME BACK ALL IS FORGIVEN

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The students surprise Mr. Brown by buying him presents on his birthday, Juan has problems with his feet during a lesson about vowel sounds, and the class are upset when their teacher's trial period ends with dismissal.

"Oh, yes I can, and I won't say it's been a pleasure, because it hasn't. All I can say is... In India, you'd be sacred."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S1E7

THE CHEATING GAME

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney reveals why graffiti must be the work of a foreign student, Mr. Brown tries to explain how Danielle came to be sitting on his lap, and Giovanni suggests that theft might be the only way to pass a mock exam.

"Sure! Every Saturday I play football, and I am being the goaliekeeper, because I like playing indisposition."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E8

BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST

Originally broadcast: 17 February 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Anna tells the class about an awkward experience with an old boyfriend, Ali and Su-Lee announce that they are soon to be husband and wife, and Mr. Brown creates confusion when he tries to explain how cricket works.

"Excuse me. This draw you're selling tickets for... What sort of draw is it? Is it from a dressing table, or what?

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E9

KILL OR CURE

Originally broadcast: 24 February 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The class end up being sent home when flu puts Mr. Brown out of action,
the students use the free time to try and make him feel a bit better, and Miss Courtney's shocked when she finds Danielle half-naked in his home.

"Oh, blimey! He will not be needing to wear any gloves."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E10

HELLO SAILOR

Originally broadcast: 3 March 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The students experience difficulties as they work through the alphabet,
Miss Courtney wants to know why there's a foreigner in the canteen, and Mr. Brown discovers why the Russian sailor is asking for political asylum.

"Now, Max. The correct form of address for a cardinal is not Westminster Cathedral."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E11

A POINT OF HONOUR

Originally broadcast: 10 March 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The class take part in a knockout competition to prepare for their exam, Danielle claims to be engaged when a teacher takes a fancy to her, and
Mr. Brown is mortified when the lie sees him challenged to a punch-up.

"That's easy! An epistle is the wife of an apostle."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E12

HOW'S YOUR FATHER

Originally broadcast: 17 March 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The students are asked to prove how fluently they can speak in English, Mr. Brown tells the class that his parents dumped him at an orphanage, and an attempt to get a bit of quiet leads to a rather alarming discovery.

"All we need is a little electrocution."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E13

THE EXAMINATION

Originally broadcast: 24 March 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Ali's furious when Ranjeet steps in to win the jackpot on a fruit machine, Mr. Brown soon regrets putting a very demanding man in his place, and the students find that they're just not smart enough to cheat in an exam.

"Sure, he's teaching me more of his cockeyed slanging rhyme."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES TWO

(1978)
8 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 5.75
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

ALL PRESENT IF NOT CORRECT

Originally broadcast: 7 October 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Mr. Brown gets a shock when all of his old class return for another year, Danielle's not too pleased when she finds that she has competition, and a Hungarian student asks for help with writing a letter to an English girl.

"Get your big Spanish bottom out of my chair!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E2

QUEEN FOR A DAY

Originally broadcast: 14 October 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Mr. Brown's forced to make a new rule when students keep arriving late, news about a royal visit sees Miss Courtney get a little carried away, and the class decide that they should all be wearing their national costumes.

"Most definitely. The man is telling me is jolly good bargain. 21 jewelies and real gold case, 18 turnips."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S2E3

BRIEF RE-ENCOUNTER

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney's ecstatic when her ex-fiance gets in touch after 25 years, Giovanni and Max try to dance each other to death after falling out, and Mr. Brown confiscates a selection of very inappropriate reading material.

"I am reading all about Bugs the Bunny and Woody the Pecker."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E4

MANY HAPPY RETURNS

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Mr. Brown agrees to hold £230 that Ranjeet has saved for a plane ticket,
the class are asked to debate whether television is a good or a bad thing, and Sid makes the most of finders keepers when he has a stroke of luck.

"Right, now for the rest of this evening we are going to have a debate. Now, can anybody tell me what the word 'debate' means? And I don't want to hear anyone say, 'debate is what you put on de fishing line.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E5

DON'T FORGET THE DRIVER

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney orders Mr. Brown to take part in a trip to a stately home,
Sid gets a coach from his brother-in-law after an error with the booking, and a disagreement about who sits with who leads to a drawing of lots.

"Aah, now I am understanding. Ch is K.... Oh, blimey! Then last night I'm eating a sandwik with keese and kutney."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S2E6

A HARD DAY'S NIGHT

Originally broadcast: 11 November 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Mr. Brown looks for somewhere to stay while his flat is being repainted, Giovanni and Max make the most of the situation by having a party, and a neighbour calls the police when she sees a burglar out on the balcony.

"Yes, we are not wanting to miss Starkers & Crutch."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S2E7

TAKE YOUR PARTNERS

Originally broadcast: 18 November 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney blackmails Mr. Brown into buying two tickets for a dance, the students are asked to use their imaginations for a continuous story, and three possible dates for the evening are told to come to a decision.

"Hey, I know a good game... Postman's Knockers."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E8

AFTER THREE

Originally broadcast: 25 November 1978
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The students are told to report back about their various weekend tasks, Mr. Brown is asked about what his class plan to do at the school concert, and Miss Courtney's horrified when she sees what they all have to offer.

"Sure I can. Jimmy Cagney, in a scene from the film Disaster ona the 5th Avenue... 'You dirty rat! Dirty, dirty! Dirty! I'm gonna fix you!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES THREE

(1979)
8 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 5.75
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1

I BELONG TO GLASGOW

Originally broadcast: 27 October 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Danielle causes confusion when she talks about problems in her love life, a Sheikh pays £2000 for his Scottish chauffeur to join the class midterm, and the rest of the students wonder what language the man is speaking.

"Do you know last night there was only one thing that stopped me putting my head in the gas oven... We're all electric."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S3E2

WHO LOVES YA BABY?

Originally broadcast: 3 November 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The students meet in the canteen to work on their homework together, Mr. Brown guides the class through a crossword on the blackboard, and Gladys loses Danielle's employers' baby when she brings him into school.

"Easy! He's got what every little boy has... blue clothes."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S3E3

NO FLOWERS BY REQUEST

Originally broadcast: 10 November 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

The students show that they have a complete lack of general knowledge, Juan goes to hospital when stomach pains are put down to appendicitis, and Miss Courtney takes over when Mr. Brown manages to break his leg.

"We are learning very much the well English."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S3E4

JUST THE JOB

Originally broadcast: 17 November 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Giovanni and Max insist that they know how to win on the football pools, the students are paired up for an exercise about the art of conversation, and Mr. Brown soon regrets accepting a well-paid job at another school.

"Minks are bred for defer."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S3E5

GUILTY OR NOT GUILTY?

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney's shocked when familiar faces appear before her in court,
Mr. Brown points out that he is there to speak on behalf of his class, and the students reveal what happened when they were set a series of tasks.

"I am be swear to tell the obsolete truth, and nothing but the obsolete truth."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

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S3E6

REPENT AT LEISURE

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Mr. Brown gets in trouble when Miss Courtney gives him a tape recorder,
Ali can't believe his ears when he hears how badly he speaks English, and the class look for a husband for Anna so that she can stay in the country.

"Oh, blimey! I can be reporting you to the Monastery of Education!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E7

THE SCHOOL FETE

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney looks through student donations for the fete jumble sale, Max is asked to talk to his celebrity friend about opening the event, and Sid unexpectedly accepts the job while pretending to be Arthur Mullard.

"That's no good. It's much better we get somebody who reads the news now, like that Angela Ripoff."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S3E8

WHAT A TANGLED WEB

Originally broadcast: 15 November 1979
Directed by: Stuart Allen
Written by: Vince Powell

Miss Courtney decides to test the students herself ahead of their exams, a series of telephone calls make Ali think that his wife is having an affair, and Mr. Brown seeks advice after tailing the woman to Ranjeet's house.

"Good. Correction, not so good... The coreect answer to sex is not 'At least once a week.' You should put 'male' or 'female'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

JEREMY BROWN

Played by Barry Evans
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... A Fate Worse Than Death (S1E3)

MISS DOLORES COURTNEY

Played by Zara Nutley
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... Kill or Cure (S1E9)

DANIELLE FAVRE

Played by Françoise Pascal
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... A Hard Day's Night (S2E6)

ALI NADIM

Played by Dino Shafeek
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... The First Lesson (S1E1)

GIOVANNI CUPELLO

Played by George Camiller
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... A Hard Day's Night (S2E6)

MAXIMILLIAN PAPANDRIOUS

Played by Kevork Malikyan
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... Better to Have Loved and Lost (S1E8)

RANJEET SINGH

Played by Albert Moses
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... Come Back All is Forgiven (S1E6)

JUAN CERVANTES

Played by Ricardo Montez
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... After Three (S2E8)

JAMILA RANJHA

Played by Jamila Massey
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... An Inspector Calls (S1E2)

ANNA SCHMIDT

Played by Jacki Harding
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... Take Your Partners (S2E7)

TARO NAGAZUMI

Played by Robert Lee
29 episodes (1977-1979)
in... All Present If Not Correct (S2E1)

CHUNG SU-LEE

Played by Pik Sen Lim
27 episodes (1977-1979)
in... Many Happy Returns (S2E4)

GLADYS

Played by Iris Sadler
20 episodes (1978-1979)
in... Queen for a Day (S2E2)

SID

Played by Tommy Godfrey
20 episodes (1978-1979)
in... All Through the Night (S1E4)

INGRID SVENSON

Played by Anna Bergman
8 episodes (1978)
in... Don't Forget the Driver (S2E5)

ZOLTAN SZABO

Played by Gabor Vernon
8 episodes (1978)
in... Don't Forget the Driver (S2E5)