British Comedy: The Lovers

Years: 1970-1971
Broadcaster: ITV (Granada)
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Jack Rosenthal, Geoffrey Lancashire
Stars: Richard Beckinsale, Paula Wilcox
Episodes: 13
Episode Average: 4.154

BEST EPISODES:
Sardine Sandwiches (1970), Freckle Face (1970)

SERIES ONE

(1970)
6 episodes
Series Score: 27
Episode Average: 4.50
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

SARDINE SANDWICHES

Originally broadcast: 27 October 1970
Directed by: Michael Apted
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Geoffrey and Beryl meet by chance 409 days after deciding to part ways,
a pile of sandwiches suggests that the encounter was not accidental, and it soon becomes clear that their needs are as different as they ever were.

"She's been cutting sardine sandwiches for 409 days... has she got her own trawler?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E2

THE DATE

Originally broadcast: 3 November 1970
Directed by: Michael Apted
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Beryl insists on spending a Tuesday date at a café rather than her house, Geoffrey tries to be masterful when he's told to be more dominant, and his list of places to go leads directly to the sixteenth row from the back.

"Geoffrey, the bus will arrive when it arrives. It's only human."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S1E3

FRECKLE FACE

Originally broadcast: 10 November 1970
Directed by: Michael Apted
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Beryl's mum encourages her to be more open to the idea of Percy Filth, Roland suggests that you get further with women by playing it cool, and Geoffrey finds that a girl at night school has been gazing in his direction.

"He has said one thing... If God had meant sardines to be in oil, he'd have given them dipsticks."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

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S1E4

BRAINWASHING

Originally broadcast: 17 November 1970
Directed by: Michael Apted
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Beryl decides to visit friends who have settled down and started a family, Geoffrey wonders about the real motivation behind making the trip, and the couple offer their own experiences of life after their very special day.

"Mr. Appleton is a very busy man. He's out at work all day working, sweating his... brows off."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S1E5

A PIPE AND A MOUSTACHE

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1970
Directed by: Michael Apted
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Beryl's mum protests when she makes a list of ways to change her man, Roland's not exactly enthusiastic when he's set up for a foursome, and a desperate attempt to make Geoffrey jealous leads to a confusing night.

"Are you alright, Beryl? You look just that trifle demented."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S1E6

THE TRUTH GAME

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1970
Directed by: Michael Apted
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Beryl suggests a game that involves pointing out irritating mannerisms, the decision is made to call things off when things get out of hand, and Roland tells Geoffrey that there'll be plenty of spare crumpet at a party.

"Yes, I could, couldn't I? And I don't suppose Paul McCartney walks a bit funny, does he? Probably not got colourblind feet either."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

SERIES TWO

(1971)
7 episodes
Series Score: 27
Episode Average: 3.86
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

THE ENGAGEMENT

Originally broadcast: 7 October 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Geoffrey's not happy about listening to a pointless telephone call at 2am, Beryl calls things off to avoid getting grey hair before a wedding ring, and Roland decides to make a move on a bird who doesn't even turn him on.

"Are pale puce ears trendy, Beryl?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E2

BREAKING IT OFF

Originally broadcast: 14 October 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Geoffrey tries to find a way to get out of his all too sudden engagement, Beryl decides to announce the progress of the relationship in the paper, and Roland suggests that the World Cup comes before a bedroom suite.

"I must go to bed, I've got to get up."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E3

THE BIRTHDAY

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Geoffrey struggles to come to terms with the ending of his engagement, Beryl's not happy when she sees him laughing with a busty barmaid, and Mrs. Battersby's entertained by someone pacing up and down the street.

"Would you prefer a periscope for Christmas or two-way curtains?"

HOLY GODIVA 1 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 2

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S2E4

JOINT BANK ACCOUNT

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Beryl decides to start saving money for her future as a married woman, Roland reveals that he's got tickets for Thursday's big European match, and Geoffrey faces questions about exactly what he earns at the bank.

"Honestly, one egg and sex sandwich..."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 5

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S2E5

THE BETTER HOMES EXHIBITION

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Beryl sets her heart on finding and furnishing the perfect marital home, Geoffrey protests at the idea of spending their savings on a dishwasher, and an attempt to rush off leads to thoughts that things are cooling off.

"Girls have to feel they're desirable, Geoffrey, you don't blow down them like a trombone."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E6

A TRIAL MARRIAGE

Originally broadcast: 11 November 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Beryl announces that her mother is staying with relatives in Altrincham, Geoffrey's offered a bed for the night when he misses his last bus home, and a knock at the door soon puts the lid on any ideas about Percy Filth.

"It's tooth lacquer, Geoffrey, for keeping your teeth in place on a windy day."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

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S2E7

THE BEST LAID PLANS

Originally broadcast: 18 November 1971
Directed by: Les Chatfield
Written by: Geoffrey Lancashire

Beryl turns to superstitions to confirm the name of her future husband, Mrs. Battersby reveals that a lot of work has been done on the wedding, and Geoffrey sees a 12-month secondment in Fleetwood as a way out.

"You know, that's one town that I've always been crazy about. Where was it again?"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

FILM

(1973)

FILM

THE LOVERS!

Released: 1973
Directed by: Herbert Wise
Written by: Jack Rosenthal

Geoffrey and Beryl get off to a bad start when they first meet each other, a date reveals differences of opinion when it comes to sex and marriage, and an obsession with Percy Filth forces them to go their separate ways.

"He only had one ambition in life... Send my knickers to Oxfam."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

GEOFFREY SCRIMGEOR

Played by Richard Beckinsale

13 episodes
(1970-1971)
in... Freckle Face (S1E3)

Film
(1973)

BERYL BATTERSBY

Played by Paula Wilcox

13 episodes
(1970-1971)
in... A Pipe and a Moustache (S1E5)

Film
(1973)

MRS. BATTERSBY

Played by Joan Scott

11 episodes
(1970-1971)
in... Sardine Sandwiches (S1E1)

Film
(1973)

ROLAND LOMAX

Played by Robin Nedwell

10 episodes
(1970-1971)
in... Breaking It Off (S2E2)

Played by Nikolas Simmonds

Film
(1973)