Worst of 2008

The irony of the title is inexplainable...Disaster Movie is a disaster of unspeakable proportions. Poorly made, poorly acted, poorly paced, obnoxiously funny, stupid and primitive. I pity anyone who has endured more than 5 seconds of the horrific mess of a motion picture.

Don't even look at the DVD cover! It hurts!

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The creators of Date Movie and Epic Movie release another spoof!!!

What...you're still reading? I would've thought that'd be enough to make you run away and vomit profoundly.

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If a year elapses, and an Uwe Boll movie doesn't land on my annual Worst Of list... There's a big problem.

Far Cry could have been a faithful adaptation of the video game. Or it could have been a fun, old-fashioned, violent action film. Boll, however, is the Anti-Christ. He could not achieve either thing. What we're left with is this...painful example of cinema.

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It's a shame when a hyped blockbuster results in catastrophic consequences. Roland Emmerich should never be allowed on a film set ever again. Every movie studio should file a restraining order.

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Two words: Uh oh.

Mike Myers used to be funny. He was actually really funny a few years ago. The Austin Powers movies weren't masterpieces, but they were funny.
The Love Guru is shit! I really, really wish that I gave this one a miss and took advice from the critics who gave fair warning to global movie-goers.

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Oh dear...
I don't think I can remember a time when I actually found Adam Sandler funny. It's too long ago to remember.
After 2007's I Now Pronounce You Chucky & Larry ended up on my Worst of 2007 list, I could have predicted the next Adam Sandler vehicle suffering the same fate.

Please make your career stop, Mr. Sandler! PLEASE! It hurts!

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It was hard to miss the criticisms and incessant panning of this latest The Mummy flick, yet I decided to go see it for the sake of seeing a bad movie. My brother works at the cinema, so he got us in for $2.50. I dragged him along so we could get the cheap ticket, and he didn't have any money on him so I paid for both of us and he promised to pay me back.
After the movie, I cancelled the debt. I was responsible for my poor brother witnessing this pile of shit.

It's awful! Truly, it's just painful stuff!

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Sometimes people like to milk a cow over and over and over again until the milk turns sour and undrinkable.
George Lucas has milked the Star Wars franchise far too much, and now the milk is sour.

This is an embarrassment to the SW banner. I hated the prequels, but every painful moment of this shit heap made me hug those prequels more tightly.

This ain't worth it.

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While I was sitting in the cinema...the "thrills" were met with roars of laughter from everyone in the crowd. The audience was predominently girls except for me. Throughout the film there was non-stop laughter, even at times when typical girls would scream uncontrollably. People were yelling "This is crap!" and at the end of the movie someone yelled "That was the worst movie I've seen in my life!"
My faith in contemporary movie audiences was reinstated with that one screening. Normally I abhor people who yell out things during a movie, but at least I knew I wasn't alone in my opinions.

With my faith in audiences reinstated, my faith in moviemakers unfortunately dropped dramatically to an all-time low after suffering through this screening.

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ANOTHER studio-produced Christmas offering? Seriously?

Vince Vaughn must be on a vendetta to destroy the Christmas spirit after Fred Claus and this film.

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Ladies and gentlemen...here's how to ruin a cult classic in 5 every steps:

1. Cast the half-brother of the star from original cult classic...even if this half-brother can't act.

2. Erase what audiences loved about the first film (in this case humour and appealing young teens).

3. Make it an essential remake, without a scrap of originality.

4. Hire a cheap director, a hack writer, and a cast with as much charm as an Alsation Dog that's just been skinnned alive.

5. And the worst insult: make it a direct-to-DVD affair, with an obvious low-budget.

Voila - these 5 easy steps will ruin a cult favourite.

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I must admit the trailer did look kind of cool. It didn't ever emerge as one to immediately rush to on opening night...but it never seemed like the pile of crap that ended up transpiring!
Listen to the critics. Ignore the lovers. My advice will be useful if you like having your brain.

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Overproduced superhero tosh!
Poorly written, unengaging, offensive and ultimately very hollow.

Hancock had the potential to be good...but it fails unforgivably.
There are a few nice action scenes, but lack of a solid plot and such a crap script proves detrimental.

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This is a two-hour snoozefest that fails on an intellectual level. The emotional undercurrents are manipulative as opposed to earned. Above all, the protagonist's behaviour is unbelievable.

It just isn't engaging enough, and it drags on for far too long after a viewer has lost interest.

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I doubt that anyone thought a direct-to-DVD sequel (well...it's technically a prequel) would be any good. If that's what you thought, then you'd be very correct. It's easily superior to The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor as well as the original Scorpion King, but that isn't saying much. After all, what wouldn't be?!

This is a classic case of being so bad it's kinda good. It goes so over-the-top and preposterous that it's kinda good entertainment - not great, but passable.
The third Mummy flick tries too hard and takes itself too seriously, which adds insult to injury.

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Another Uwe Boll movie reaches my annual Worst of list, I hear you think? Correct, dear reader.

Tunnel Rats was the only Boll film to date which had real potential to be good. The trailer and early reviews made me rethink my stance on Boll - maybe he has made a decent film?

I was wrong. I will never be so foolishly fooled again.

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In theory, giving a legendary graphic novel artist the reigns for a cinematic feature is a decent idea. However, this is evidence to suggest the opposite.

The Spirit is an exercise in self-indulgence. Cardboard characters, no soul, emotionally hollow. It's just BORING!

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Hollywood are desperately out of ideas. So now they're remaking virtually every classic film there is. This is a remake that should have NEVER materialised.

It's not that it's necessary bad - it's reasonably entertaining - but it's just not ambitious enough. It feels like a clone of every disaster/alien epic of the past decade. The messages are hollow. Worst of all, intelligence is replaced with special effects sequences. It's all very humdrum.

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This is a flick I had incredibly (pardon the pun) high expectations for. However, these expectations died when I saw the dreadful trailer. I was turned off for the duration of its theatrical run, but had to give it a shot on DVD.

This is a big-budget disaster!
It's so sluggish, dumb and underwhelming. The special effects didn't enhance...they overwhelmed. I was continually reminded that I was in fact watching a movie, which destroys its intended magic.

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I'm still wondering why I decided to waste $12 of my hard-earned money on this horror tosh. It's a piece of rubbish - a forgettable horror fest lacking originality and brilliance. It's too contrived, too false, too stupid.

Performances are piss poor, plot points (stolen from the original film [Rec]) seem there for the sake of being there, all the scares are the same, and so on. It's also far too Hollywood. Example? More guns being fired.

The good? The atmosphere is effective, as are the visual effects. Sound mix is also terrific.

Quarantine is stupid and instantly forgettable. Miss it.

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The lonely, pitiful tweens can praise it, but it doesn't change the fact that this screen adaptation of Twilight truly sucks. I know I'll get comments from people saying that it's awesome and I should lighten up (look at my gorram review comments!)... I don't care.

The 15 year olds can have their precious Twilight and the (disaster-in-the-making) sequel, I'll stick to something more artistic...Let the Right One In, for instance.

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Speaking strictly from a technical perspective, Street Kings is a proficient effort, but it's also stale. Half the problem with the flick is that this stuff has been done before (usually done better), and is incapable of bringing anything new to the genre. The other half of the problem is the stilted dialogue, the questionable casting choices, a lot of contrived character action and an appalling ending.

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The action is excellently-staged and utterly exhilarating. The acting is decent. The script, on the other hand, is appalling.

Director D.J. Caruso attempts to disguise the stupid plot overflowing with preposterous moments by keeping the pace fast and furious. It doesn't work too well. For the time you watch the movie, it's exciting. But hindsight is a very dangerous thing for such an absurd actioner.

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