Movies I Don't Like That Everybody Else Does

This is a good example of a movie that I do think is good, but I found to be overrated. It was very well done and interesting to see, but people really had only first heard of it from the hype it was getting when awards season came around that year. And I know there was a huge issue with the portrayal and the child actors not receiving compensation, but that's not what urkes me about this movie.

What really urkes me is what it represents as far as that year's award season (particularly, the Oscars). When you take a look at what was nominated and winning all of the awards that year, it was all these independent films that either all came out at the very end of the year or just right the f@%k out of nowhere. But do we remember those movies at all? Aside from them receiving all the hype, no. We remember movies like The Dark Knight, Iron Man, Wall-E, and so on. All blockbusters, yes (something I know the Academy and critics turn the other cheek to easily), but avoiding mainstream movies that badly was just downright hipster status. And for this coming right out of nowhere (at least for someone who lives in the States) and sweeping away Best Picture, that association will always remain with Slumdog Millionaire for me.

I know that Daniel Craig's Bond has received much praise, so it's actually a pretty stupid reason why I didn't hit it off with this interpretation. Just because this was the version I had grown up with and knew all my life, I was expecting something like the Pierce Brosnan Bond. Again, stupid reason, but that's what really hindered my experience when I saw this and Quantum of Solace (well that and I thought the pacing was kind of slow). Of course, I still have yet to see them again, so I'd like to give these movies a try again.

Before I get too into this, there is a bias that I feel you guys should know (something that-without giving too much away-you will see again later in the list). I...HATE...James Cameron with the burning intensity of a thousand suns. That I will admit is the driving force into me trying to find reasons to not like this movie. With that said, and for how low this movie is on the list, I'll try to make this fair. I will admit (even if a little of me dies inside) that this movie is actually very well done. But in its context and for what it was trying to accomplish. That-after seeing the first Alien-is what I didn't like about the sequel. In its predecessor, Alien focuses on the mystery and adaptability that surrounded the creature. It was dark and suspenseful and became very much more like a horror movie. Aliens on the other hand was more like...Rambo in space.

It took what was a great interpretation of sci-fi and shoved the 80's action movie cliche down its throat. Ripley went from a traumatized crew member of a cargo ship and all of a sudden transformed into this badass Alien killing machine who knows everything about them only after one encounter. The marines I thought were over the top and corny (then again, what do you expect when you cast Bill Paxton?). The aliens were supposed to be adaptable, yet they turn the colony into a nest that they're familiar with. The aliens are also supposed to be independent, yet they acted as an army. And of course, in just about every James Cameron movie (except for maybe Terminator), you have the douchebag sabotaging everything who's just in it for the money (like we haven't seen that over 9000 times).

I know, I'm just nitpicking at this point. But like I said, for what it was trying to do, I'll admit it did a good job with it and went all the way. It was exciting and thrilling, it had a pretty big climax (even for being very reminiscent of Alien's climax), and I do think the concept of making the aliens like a colony of insects with a queen and everything pretty interesting. It was all well done, but it all was still a step in the wrong direction from the source material. And that folks, is what grinds my gears with this movie. Tom?

Like just about any slasher movie with a masked killer, the only thing I even knew about this movie was the villain. I did see quite a bit of Scary Movie beforehand, but I didn't know just how much of the story was close to Scream (I didn't think they started spoofing the whole premise of the story verbatim until the third one. Stupid me I guess). I read before I watched it that it was supposed to be a satire of horror flicks. Being a fan of satire, I thought I would find it enjoyable. And.....eh. The premise I thought was very weak for a slasher movie. I didn't find the satire very satirical either. More along the lines of spoofing everything like they did in Scary Movie. But what really kind of confused me was that I honestly couldn't tell whether I was supposed to take it seriously or not. If I did than it would be a crappy slasher movie, and if I didn't than it would essentially be a downplayed Scary Movie. In the end, Scream just didn't do it for me.

Once again, we have another horror franchise with a popular masked killer. For all the hype people make over Jason Vorhees, I really had my expectations for these movies. I rented the first one, popped it in, and.....It was...ooookaaaay. Though I was disappointed, I had hopes that the 2nd one would start bringing it into fruition, and.......it was...essentially the first one, but with a bag on his head. But the third one had to be good. This was the one where he finally got the hockey mask. It was in 3D when it was in theaters. It!.....was worse than the other two? What the f@%k!?

I ended up calling this series quits after the fourth one because I just couldn't see it getting any better. So it leaves me asking this. How the hell did it all become so popular!? The movies have absolutely nothing to them! In fact, they're all pretty much carbon copies of the original with some quirk thrown into the plot to make it "stand out." It's lazy filmmaking that's basically there to cash in on a character who by some miracle became popular.

If you're a Kingdom Hearts fan, then you'll understand just how much it can make you hate Wonderland (or exploit it for the annoyance it truly is, I don't know which). So being a KH fan at the time, I was just dreading this one. But more so, I was even more annoyed by all the Wonderland fangirls who harped oooon and oooon and oooon about wanting to go see it and AAAAAAAUGH!!!! So yeah, you can sense my frustration by now.

Lucky for me, my high school girlfriend wanted me to go see it as a trade off for me wanting to see Green Zone. So I went (blowing a few bucks on 3D nonetheless). I will admit, the visuals were really good and the acting was well done. But leaving the theater, I couldn't help but find the plot familiar somehow. It was about a teenage girl living dissatisfied in our world but then finds a doorway into a strange fantasy world. The inhabitants of the world tell her of how an evil queen took over their land and believe that it's Alice who's destined to liberate them from her control. Though reluctant throughout the first two acts of the movie, she finally comes around and leads the inhabitants against the evil queen and those loyal to her. They defeat her, regain control of the land once more, and Alice returns to her world as if it had never happened (dressed the same and all). I can't put my finger on it, but I swear I've seen this somewhere before. Is it the fantasy land? Hmm...could be. Is it the doorway in to the fantasy land? Yeah, I think so. Is there a reluctant hero up until the third act? Yeah, yeah, it's coming back to me now. Is there an evil queen they need to take control back from? Yes! It's on the tip of my tongue!.......eh, I've got nothing. So close though. Hmm.....this is probably me just being really weird, but for some reason, a lion acting as an allegory to Jesus comes to mind. Hmmmm..................*snaps* oh, that's right! THIS IS ESSENTIALLY NARNIA ON ACID!!!

I know this was supposed to take elements from the rest of the book as well as Through The Looking Glass, but from a film stand point, The Chronicles of Narnia beat Wonderland to the punch. The story had already been done, so the least Tim Burton could have done was give it all a different set up. And to add insult to injury, the first half of the movie up until the Red Queen and her minions come into play just seems like Disney's first interpretation all over again. I will say that with its visuals and the unique take on the characters (surprisingly enough, I found myself not wanting to shoot the Cheshire Cat in the face at all), this movie could have had something, but it just didn't. Oh yeah, and if I hear anybody ask why a raven's like a writing desk again, I swear I'm going to roundhouse kick them in the face!

Everybody has that one movie they didn't like that everyone else is surprised by. Like how Peter Griffin didn't like The Godfather, I found myself not liking The Last of the Mohicans. Why is that? Well, to the movies credit, I will give it this. First, with a title like The Last of the Mohicans (and cover art to match), it came off to me like it was the first movie that did what was done in The Last Samurai and 300. I went in with that judgment to find it was nothing like it, but it was my own foolish judgment nonetheless. And second, I only ever saw it on DVD, so the botched sound editing of the score overpowering the rest of the sound hindered the experience (whoever thought that was a good idea should never be allowed to work in the sound department ever again). I've heard that the real experience is in the VHS edition, so I would love to try and watch it again for that. But of course, it wouldn't pull me away from my real criticism of this movie.

The movie, as shown by the action of the characters, the progression of the story, and even the sound of the music, is very much on the move as a journey. But there comes an issue that stood out to me in that. Once everything started happening, I didn't feel it became a cohesive story at all. It felt more like a series of events with the characters just so happening to be there. I didn't feel like (in the sense of the three act structure, that is) it was a real story. Maybe that's something that could prove to be a point I missed if I ever watch again, but my next point I'm dead sure of. The romances are so sporadic. The girls falling for the Mohicans seemed to just come out of nowhere, and I didn't feel that Daniel Day-Lewis even had any chemistry with the main girl. And on top of that, there was just too much going on and getting in the way to even let those romances develop. Like the story, they just sort of happen. Perhaps that's the angle that this movie was trying to approach was showing things just happening as a result of life. Maybe that's the point that I've been missing. But it still doesn't dismiss where my real hatred of this movie lies.

Magua. All I read online after I saw the movie was how much people like him and saying how great of a portrayal it was. Which leads me to ask, am I really the only person who absolutely could NOT stand this guy? He had NO emotions or expression or fluctuation of his voice AT ALL!!! Hell, when he's cutting the f&#king heart out of some guy's chest, he has less facial expression than the Terminator! Without the skin!!! I know, I know, the point of Magua was that he was supposed to be devoid of a heart or anything really human, but that still gives him no reason whatsoever to go the full Kristen Stewart! That's right! I'm taking it that far! Because I just can't stand it that f@%king much!!! .....................um...I think I need to lie down.

Ok, now we're onto the movies that I genuinely hate. So what's better to start off with than another movie that I have absolutely no idea as to how it got so popular? The very first time I saw this, I thought it was just any other crappy Christmas movie. Except it made absolutely no sense. It was a year later when I found out that TBS has a 24-hour marathon of this every Christmas Day. ".......WHY!?" I found myself asking. It was a couple years after this discover until I made the mistake-I mean, decided to actually sit down and watch this thing from start to finish. And here's what I got out of it. A dorky kid in the 40's who looks like an older version of the Stuart Little kid wants a BB gun for Christmas. A bunch of random sh@t happens in the meantime, a bunch of people keep telling him that he'll shoot his eye out, and after he dresses up in a pink bunny suit on Christmas morning, he finally gets it. In short (as George Carlin and the Nostalgia Critic have loved to say), this is essentially BULLSH$T, BULLSH%T, BULLSH&T!!!

This movie (if you'd honestly call it that) has absolutely no point. Like Last of the Mohicans, it's just a series of events, yet it has a clear point (that being a kid wants a f%#king BB gun). But the events are so random and have absolutely NOTHING to do with the main point. I have no idea how this became considered as a Christmas classic. If this were made today, it would be ripped a new asshole faster than they could say "Farararara, rarara-" oh yeah, and there's racial profiling in it too! God, this was a dumb one!!!

...before I wrap this all up with the two biggies, let me take a quick breather and to take this moment to say this. This one came out before I had the stance on film that I have now. So just like everyone else on the planet, I too wanted to go see this movie. And I did. In 3D. The whole nine yards (of course, lucky for me, it was a first date for me, and there's a fair bit that I can't recall. So for that Angelina, I thank you :P but anyway-). At first...I thought it was good. It wasn't until after when some things were made clear to me about it (along with a hatred for the next movie on the list made by the same director to fuel it) when I started to see this for what it really is. I know I said I was going to try to keep my own bias against James Cameron out of this, but at this point, I'm sorry I just have to go all out. So balls to the wall, here we go.

Looking at this now, I straight up refuse to acknowledge this as a film.

-ON A BREAK. BE BACK SOON.-