British Comedy: Phoenix Nights

Years: 2001-2002
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Neil Fitzmaurice, Peter Kay,
Dave Spikey, Paddy McGuinness
Stars: Peter Kay, Dave Spikey
Episodes: 12
Episode Average: 8.250

BEST EPISODES:
Series 2, Episode 6 (2002), Series 2, Episode 1 (2002)

Brian Potter first appeared in 'That Peter Kay Thing', the list can be found here.

SERIES ONE

(2001)
6 episodes
Series Score: 47
Episode Average: 7.83
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 14 January 2001
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

Roy Walker opens the club, but a power cut and a racist folk band soon put a dampener on the opening night.

"Neither do I, I don't gamble. That my friend there's a gamble. Where's Eric? I wanna speak to the organist, not the monkey grinder."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 21 January 2001
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

The Das Boot fruit machine provides an unlikely finale for a war veteran's funeral, and a horse tries breeding with a bucking bronco on wild west night.

"How do I know? I know a pissed horse when I see one. Get it a kebab."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 28 January 2001
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

On the back of a recommendation from Den Perry, Jerry books a psychic, but a visit from a fire safety officer threatens the big night.

"Spellin' it wrong! Spellin' it wrong! Piss-kick? What's a piss-kick? Supposed to be 'psychic'! Tit!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 2 February 1988
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

Brian hits lucky on 'Singles Night' and falls head over wheels for Beverley, but love is never that simple.

"I know who you are... who are ya?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 11 February 2001
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

There's Robot Wars and alternative comedy at the Phoenix Club, but all's not well with Jerry, who's worried about his hospital tests.

"Look at the state of that. It's filthy, Shirley, can you give it a wipe?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 18 February 2001
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

Jerry gets the all-clear, but not before Potter lies about his health to get the 'Talent Trek' final held at the Phoenix, a reluctant Jerry agrees to compère, but Den Perry is not a man who takes defeat well.

"Get back, you bastard! I'll break your legs!
Get back, you bastard! I'll break your legs!
Get back, you bastard! I'll break your legs!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(2002)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 8 August 2002
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

Brian has his license revoked, but it doesn't stop him planning to raise the club from the ashes, all he needs is someone to front the business.

"Garlic bread, that's right, Max. Garlic bread, it's the future... I've tasted it!."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 15 August 2002
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

A family fun day's arranged to raise awareness of the rebuilding of the club, complete with an inflatable love-length and portaloo play area, and Max and Paddy are off to France to stock up on alcohol, due to the absence of brewery backing.

"Rubber Burns? Weren't he a Scottish poet?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 22 August 2002
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

After Den Perry forks out for a full page ad in the local paper, Brian sees a chance to outdo him by going on Crimetime, and it might even help to prove that it was Den who burnt the club down.

"Hey Jerry, look at that, what have you got on? Have you dyed your hair, or have you gone prematurely maroon?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 29 August 2002
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

Brian offers to promote Japanese beer when he sees a chance for the club to win a years supply of Kamikaze lager, but Jerry isn't in agreement with the plan.

"I'll name that tune in one!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 5 September 2002
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

Brian gets stuck on the stairs, Paddy turns on the ladies, and Max arranges a hit.

"Bitches. If I hadn't have farted, they'd have ripped me head off."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 12 September 2002
Directed by: Jonny Campbell
Written by: Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice, Dave Spikey

A dead man makes a surprise appearance, Den tries to sabotage the big night at the Phoenix, and the truth finally outs.

"Well, it sounded like buck. Close your legs, you little slut!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

Years: 2004
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuinness
Stars: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuinness
Episodes: 6
Episode Average: 7.667

BEST EPISODE:
Episode 5 (2004)

SERIES ONE

(2004)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 12 November 2004
Directed by: Peter Kay
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness

After buying a telly with no speakers from a man in a van, the boys go out on the pull, but Max has a lot to learn, and Paddy's his man.

"How dare you? I might not be Bluezone, but I can still strut me stuff."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 19 November 2004
Directed by: Peter Kay
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness

Paddy has a go at being a porn star, before the van breaks down and they have to sleep in the woods, giving plenty of time for a bit of man chat.

"Look, buddy.. I'm tired... Ive not changed me underpants... Gimme the keys, or I'll be doin' a bit bustin', Mick Bustin."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 26 November 2004
Directed by: Peter Kay
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness

Max spots an announcement in the paper about an old school friend's birthday party, so they go along, only to find that his old friend is with his old flame, and one things leads to another, which leads to the hijacking of a school bus.

"There's another bus? Oh, you mofo! That's proper whack that!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 3 December 2004
Directed by: Peter Kay
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness

Their fellow inmates might be impressed with tales of crime and gold, but a tea tray to the wrong face leaves a real criminal wanting a slice of their pie, and now they must get out before he learns the truth.

"You play with feathers, you get your arse tickled."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 10 December 2004
Directed by: Peter Kay
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness

After hitting a cow with the van, Max and Paddy head for the nearest farm looking for money for repairs, but end up being sold a pig instead, on the basis that they can sell it for a profit.

"Oh, no, not my wife. she's gone too. Dead three years this spring. Got knocked down by a combine harvester. She's buried over there. And over there. And just over there."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 17 December 2004
Directed by: Peter Kay
Written by: Peter Kay, Paddy McGuiness

A visit to an old friend of Max's leads to a hold up of a Little Chef cafe, and a bullet to the arse.

"She's shaking like a shitting dog, this girl!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

BRIAN POTTER

Played by Peter Kay
12 episodes (+2 Max & Paddy)

JERRY 'ST. CLAIR' DIGNAN

Played by Dave Spikey
12 episodes

RAY VON

Played by Neil Fitzmaurice
12 episodes

MAXWELL BYGRAVES

Played by Peter Kay
12 episodes (+6 Max & Paddy)

PATRICK O'SHEA

Played by Paddy McGuinness
12 episodes (+6 Max & Paddy)

KENNY SENIOR

Played by Archie Kelly
12 episodes (+1 Max & Paddy)

LES CAMPBELL

Played by Toby Kelly
12 episodes (+2 Max & Paddy)

ALAN

Played by Steve Edge
12 episodes (+2 Max & Paddy)

YOUNG KENNY

Played by Justin Moorehouse
12 episodes (+1 Max & Paddy)

HOLY MARY

Played by Janice Connolly
12 episodes (+1 Max & Paddy)

DEN PERRY

Played by Ted Robbins
8 episodes

SPENCER

Played by Daniel Kitson
5 episodes