British Comedy: Only Fools and Horses

Years: 1981-2003
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: John Sullivan
Stars: David Jason, Nicholas Lyndhurst
Episodes: 64
Episode Average: 8.453*

BEST EPISODES:
Danger UXD (1989), Heroes and Villains (1996)

*including specials

SERIES ONE

(1972-1981)
6 episodes
Series Score: 50*
Episode Average: 8.33
Perfect 10's: 0
*not including special

S1E1

BIG BROTHER

Originally broadcast: 8 September 1981
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del struggles to shift twenty-five briefcases that he bought from Trigger, Grandad has a good old moan when he's given the wrong kind of burger,
and Rodney insists that he is more than capable of surviving on his own.

"Do you realise we've always had something missing in our lives? First, we was motherless, then we was fatherless. Now we're flogging one-legged turkeys from a three-wheel van."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

GO WEST YOUNG MAN

Originally broadcast: 15 September 1981
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del picks up an old banger to get himself into the secondhand car game, Boycie needs to hide a motor that he's bought for his bit on the side, and the Trotters try make an impression when they head off to the West End.

"What did you say just now? You dreamt that you were drowning? Is that a gentle way of trying to tell us that last night you wet the bed?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #20 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S1E3

CASH AND CURRY

Originally broadcast: 22 September 1981
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del's left stranded after stepping in to help out a new business contact, talk of a long feud over a religious heirloom leads to an offer to mediate, and Rodney's not happy about a plan to make two grand from the deal.

"Oh yeah, he told me! 'Del Boy's been captured by the Indians,' he said. I didn't know whether to phone the police or the Texas Rangers."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

THE SECOND TIME AROUND

Originally broadcast: 29 September 1981
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's not best pleased when Del's ex-fiancée turns up on the scene, news that she had been widowed twice only adds to the negativity, and the woman soon makes her presence felt when she moves into the flat.

"Pork scratchings?! Sounds like a pig with fleas."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

A SLOW BUS TO CHINGFORD

Originally broadcast: 6 October 1981
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney complains about his new uniform when he gets a job in security, Del offers to take his girlfriend out to stop her seeing anybody else, and leaflets are distributed to bring in the punters for Trotters Ethnic Tours.

"I think that dream of yours contains a subliminal message... A sort of subconscious truth. You see this skyscraper belonging to 'Trotters Independent Traders', right? And on the roof are the company's initials, and you're standing on the penthouse balcony? Well, don't you see what the dream's trying to tell you? As you're standing on that balcony with your red drink, just above your head, in 50-foot-high neon lettering, is the word... 'TIT'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #15 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S1E6

THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING

Originally broadcast: 13 October 1981
Directed by: Martin Shardlow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del finds three tons of lead hidden under bricks at a demolished factory,
a police stop ruins a four-minute warning test run to the allotments, and
Grandad comes up with a perfect place to build a nuclear fall-out shelter.

"Yeah? And who was it during the Brixton riots, drove down in the van, selling paving stones to the rioters? I mean, what did you think they were gonna do with 'em, eh? All run off home and start building patios?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIAL

(1981)

SPECIAL

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

Originally broadcast: 28 December 1981
Directed by: Bernard Thompson
Written by: John Sullivan

Grandad gets upset when he realises that he's ruined Christmas dinner, Rodney finds himself getting more and more bored by the minute, and Del's only reason for not going out announces that he's going to a party.

"I don't know why they want these drug addiction centres anyhow. I mean, ain't we got enough drug addicts without them recruiting 'em?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SERIES TWO

(1982)
7 episodes
Series Score: 62*
Episode Average: 8.86
Perfect 10's: 4
*not including special

S2E1

THE LONG LEGS OF THE LAW

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Grandad tells Del that Trigger's been round with a box of cheap watches, Rodney's accused of betraying the family when he starts seeing a copper, and panic sets in when an evening at the pictures ends with a nightcap.

"It's a good think your mum died when she did 'cause that would've killed 'er."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

ASHES TO ASHES

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney protests when he's roped into going to Trigger's gran's funeral, Del spots a chance to make money from a pair of her antique urns, and Grandad gets a fright when he finds an old love rival inside one of them.

"Arthur's Ashes? That's the black bloke who won Wimbledon, innit?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

A LOSING STREAK

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's furious when he discovers that Del has lost £150 playing poker, Grandad advises using a double-headed coin to win some of it back, and extra funds are plucked out of thin air when the losing streak continues.

"You give my arse an 'eadache, Rodney! You really do! You know nothing about cards, do ya? You and your little mates are still playing strip snap, ain't ya? One of these days, they're thinking of inviting some girls along."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

NO GREATER LOVE

Originally broadcast: 11 November 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's not happy about having to pay for an ill-fitting camel hair coat, Del has words when his brother gets involved with a convict's wife, and lager is replaced by scotch when the relationship comes to a sudden end.

"I'm not a kid, if that's what you mean. I'm 23½."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

THE YELLOW PERIL

Originally broadcast: 18 November 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del does a deal to repaint the filthy kitchen at a local Chinese takeaway, Rodney struggles to feel anything on the anniversary of his mum's death, and Grandad comes up with a way to get big brushes into tiny paint pots.

"You give me half of everything? You'd nick the hole out of me last Polo if I didn't keep me mouth shut!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

IT NEVER RAINS...

Originally broadcast: 25 November 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del wangles a cheap holiday when a shower puts a damper on business, Rodney's sent back onto the street to earn a bit of spending money, and Grandad has some explaining to do when he gets arrested in Benidorm.

"Sssh, keep your voices down! You'll get him chucked out of here."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #2 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S2E7

A TOUCH OF GLASS

Originally broadcast: 2 December 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney and Grandad are unimpressed with a consignment of china cats, the Trotters visit a stately home after helping the Lady of the Manor, and Del overhears a conversation about the cleaning of a pair of chandeliers.

"Oh, toujours la politesse, toujours. I mean, this is beautiful, innit, eh? I bet you've held a few balls in here, m'lady."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1982)

SPECIAL

DIAMONDS ARE FOR HEATHER

Originally broadcast: 30 December 1982
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del hits it off with the only girl who sticks around to listen to Old Shep, spending time with her and her young son turns him into a family man, and talk of settling down leaves Grandad worried about paying the rent.

"And that's another thing, I wish he'd get rid of this sign. I mean, whenever I'm sitting in the passenger seat, people look at me sort of funny!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES THREE

(1983)
7 episodes
Series Score: 58*
Episode Average: 8.29
Perfect 10's: 3
*not including special

S3E1

HOMESICK

Originally broadcast: 10 November 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney protests when he's elected chairman of the Tenants' Association, Del blackmails the doctor into coming out when Grandad collapses, and a diagnosis of exhaustion sees a need for ground floor accommodation.

"Well, I shall have to get used to calling you Rodney... Basil, are you going to get this meeting started? Me and Dave ain't got all night."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

HEALTHY COMPETITION

Originally broadcast: 17 November 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del's annoyed when his dozy lookout fails to notice the law approaching, Rodney announces that he's going into business with Mickey Pearce, and a foolish bid lumbers the pair with a pile of broken lawnmower engines.

"Oh, well, the opposition are floundering somewhat. Well, to be more precise, they're going down like a one-legged man doing the hokey-cokey!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #7 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S3E3

FRIDAY THE 14TH

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

The Trotters head to Boycie's cottage in Cornwall to do a bit of poaching, the police inform them that a crazed killer has escaped from an institute, and Rodney insists that a horrible face at the window wasn't a reflection.

"Shadows? Until they start singing 'Summer Holidays', we'll expect the worst."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

YESTERDAY NEVER COMES

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del advertises a battered old piece of furniture as a Queen Anne cabinet,
a Chelsea antiques dealer shows more interested in an old painting, and Rodney laughs off the idea of an intelligent woman fancying his brother.

"Distressed? Del, this thing looks panic-stricken!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #12 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S3E5

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

An unwelcome face from the past turns up in Peckham asking about Del, Rodney makes the mistake of leading the 'old friend' back to the flat, and
the discovery of a microwave oven sees the Trotters placed under arrest.

"It's easily done, Constable. You're walking along the street, your mind on other things, you take you handkerchief out of your pocket, bang, your microwave falls out!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

WANTED

Originally broadcast: 15 December 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney protests innocence when a drunken woman makes accusations, Del makes the most of it when he realises the truth of the situation, and Grandad reveals that the Peckham Pouncer has run off with all the tins.

"You wanna be a bit careful, Del Boy. A joke's a joke but you never know when to stop. What about that April Fool's Day? You told me the pools had rung to say I'd won half a million... Wonderful! But you could at least have stopped me going up west with me pension money!... Oh, it wasn't funny, Del! I mean, there was I in a Soho nightclub drinking champagne with a bird called Camilla and I suddenly realised I didn't even do the bloody pools!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #18 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S3E7

WHO'S A PRETTY BOY?

Originally broadcast: 22 December 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del lies his way into a decorating job to get his own back on an Irishman, Denzil's wife isn't too pleased when she finds the Trotters in her flat, and a steam-filled kitchen leaves Grandad hunting for an emergency canary.

"I want you tell me the truth, Corinne. Am I white?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SPECIAL

(1983)

SPECIAL

THICKER THAN WATER

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1983
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del and Rodney react very differently when their dad suddenly turns up, news of a hereditary blood disorder sees them both have tests done, and the results show that the brothers might not be as close as they thought.

"Don't be fooled by him, Rodney! He'd had everything from galloping lurgy to Saturday night fever! Do you know once when I was a kid doing me homework, I asked him what a cubic foot was. He said he didn't know but he'd try to have a week off work with it!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

SERIES FOUR

(1985)
7 episodes
Series Score: 61
Episode Average: 8.71
Perfect 10's: 3

S4E1

HAPPY RETURNS

Originally broadcast: 21 February 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

A mischievous kid leads Del to the woman he was engaged to back in '64, Rodney gets a nasty shock when he goes to see his pretty girlfriend, and an upcoming birthday party reveals the truth after nearly twenty years.

"Yeah, I used to miss my dad - till I learnt to punch straight."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #11 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S4E2

STRAINED RELATIONS

Originally broadcast: 28 February 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

Family and friends gather when the time comes to say ta-ra to Grandad, Rodney's not best pleased about all the music and laughter at his wake, and the sound of a flushing toilet turns out to be an abandoned sea dog.

"I can't eat that... It's nothing like Grandad's, is it? It tastes nice."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

HOLE IN ONE

Originally broadcast: 7 March 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney invests the last £500 in suntan lotion during a very hard winter, Uncle Albert tumbles down the open cellar door at the Nags Head, and Del turns down an out of court settlement in the hope of winning more.

"Well, that's it, innit? I'm gonna have to pawn all the jewellery again. Honestly! These rings know more about hock than a German wine-taster."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

IT'S ONLY ROCK AND ROLL

Originally broadcast: 14 March 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

Del discovers that the Shamrock Club have a St. Patrick's night problem, Rodney's suspicious when his brother offers to manage the band he's in, and the first gig goes badly when the singer gets involved in a pub brawl.

"You're very good. All right, you're not quite up to the standard of Spanner Ballet or Durram Durram."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #14 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S4E5

SLEEPING DOGS LIE

Originally broadcast: 21 March 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

Boycie pays Del to look after Marlene's puppy when they go on holiday, Rodney fears the worst when he finds the dog unresponsive in the van, and Uncle Albert is rushed into hospital after eating some leftover pork.

"Yeah! I've got a GCE in maths and art. I ain't got a GCE in pork."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

WATCHING THE GIRLS GO BY

Originally broadcast: 28 March 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney bets Mickey Pearce that he has a date for the Saturday night do, Del rings round when the truth comes out about not having a girlfriend, and Uncle Albert shares a story about a girl he met in Hamburg in 1946.

"I don't know, Uncle. Don't know what the younger generation's coming to. Can't even swear without effin' and blindin'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E7

AS ONE DOOR CLOSES

Originally broadcast: 4 April 1985
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: John Sullivan

Del needs to find two grand to buy enough louvre doors for a huge refit, Rodney's ridiculed when he suggests hunting around for a butterfly, and plans change after Denzil's talked into handing over his redundancy pay.

"I'm busy doing the housework, Del. I've made all the beds except yours and Rodney's."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1985)

SPECIAL

TO HULL AND BACK

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1985
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del's offered fifteen grand to pick up thirty diamonds from Amsterdam, Rodney races up the A1 when Denzil sets off with a Trotter in his trailer, and Uncle Albert's needed in Hull when Slater has the airports watched.

"The first rule of surveillance is... don't look conspicuous. We'll have to get you something, Hoskins. You look a right tit."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES FIVE

(1986)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's: 3

S5E1

FROM PRUSSIA WITH LOVE

Originally broadcast: 31 August 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney gets a shock when a girl he tries to pull turns out to be pregnant, Del agrees to help her when she explains more about her situation, and Boycie and Marlene are given an opportunity to finally become parents.

"Yeah, I bet you can. Yeah, cor blimey! What a turn-up, eh? He thought he was gonna bull a Swede, and she gets lumbered with a cabbage!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #17 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S5E2

THE MIRACLE OF PECKHAM

Originally broadcast: 7 September 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's informed that he left the Nags Head with a big fella's trumpet, Del causes confusion by suddenly announcing that he's going to church, and a statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary provides a way to save a hospice.

"Well, what am I supposed to tell Biffo? I let Uri Geller have a go on it?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #10 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S5E3

THE LONGEST NIGHT

Originally broadcast: 14 September 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: John Sullivan

The Trotters deny that they tried to leave a supermarket without paying, a cocky shoplifter gets himself picked up to gain access to the safe, and a dodgy watch leads to a fourteen hour wait for the time lock to switch off.

"They seek him here, they seek him there, those policemen seek him everywhere. Is he in heaven, or is he in hell? That damned, elusive,
Sha-a-dow!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #4 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S5E4

TEA FOR THREE

Originally broadcast: 21 September 1986
Directed by: Mandie Fletcher
Written by: John Sullivan

The brothers do battle when they see how Trigger's niece has developed, Rodney's left red-faced when the timer on the solarium is adjusted, and Del's horrified when arrangements are made for him to go hand-gliding.

"No, I do not! I prefer to keep my feet firmly on the old terracotta"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E5

VIDEO NASTY

Originally broadcast: 28 September 1986
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's art class puts him in charge of making a local community film, Del tries to help out by coming up with an idea for a disaster movie, and Boycie's not happy when Marlene tells everyone about a little problem.

"Oh, this is something else! A rhinoceros has escaped from a zoo, there are three hundred dead bodies covered in rhinoceros footprints, there's a lock-up garage two-and-a-half foot deep in rhinoceros crap, and Charlton Heston suspects the butler!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E6

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

Originally broadcast: 6 October 1986
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

An old face flies in from Australia to sort out a business deal with Boycie, Del's offered a chance to reform an old partnership in pastures new, and Rodney puts a spanner in the works when his visa application is rejected.

"Well, that a hell of a parting you've got there, son!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIAL

(1986)

SPECIAL

A ROYAL FLUSH

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1986
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney gets a shock after he hits it off with a posh girl down the market, Del makes no effort to fit in when he spoils an evening at the opera, and a weekend in the country is ruined by a gatecrasher in a three-wheeler.

"It's not supposed to get going. It's culture. You don't come to an opera to enjoy it, you come because it's there."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

SPECIAL

(1987)

SPECIAL

THE FROG'S LEGACY

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1987
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Del tries to clear out the faulty computers that he's had for over a year, Trigger's Aunt explains how hidden gold bullion was left to the Trotters, and Rodney's not too happy when he learns the truth about his new job.

"Yeah, you know, he's the sort of bloke who buys a tin of baked bins on Tuesday so he can have a bubble bath on Wednesday."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIAL

(1988)

SPECIAL

DATES

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1988
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Uncle Albert uses his old photographs to drop a hint about his birthday,
Del meets an actress at Waterloo Station after a visit to a dating agency, and Rodney takes a nervous barmaid for a drive that she'll never forget.

"All right. So I might occasionally tell the odd porkie or two. But I'll tell you something I don't do. I don't go round pubs dressed in stockings and suspenders flashing my boobs at geezers! Do I, Rodney?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES SIX

(1989)
6 episodes
Series Score: 57
Episode Average: 9.50
Perfect 10's: 5

Voted #6 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S6E1

YUPPY LOVE

Originally broadcast: 8 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del starts carrying a filofax around after watching Wall Street six times, Rodney gets talking to a girl at night school after taking the wrong coat, and Trigger's left more confused than usual after going into a wine bar.

"Do you know what he wants me to do? He wants me to stand in a market flogging raincoats with 'Dry clean only' on the label!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #16 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S6E2

DANGER UXD

Originally broadcast: 15 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's not too pleased when he get tomato juice all over his best suit, Del's shocked when dolls picked up from Denzil turn out to be inflatable, and a batch of video recorders are found to be all but useless in the UK.

"I shall tell the truth, Rodney. I shall say, 'Yes, Your Honour, the other evening my brother and I decided to go out for a drink with two life-sized inflatable dolls which were wearing my late mother's clothing'. They can't put you in prison for that, Rodney."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E3

CHAIN GANG

Originally broadcast: 22 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

A retired jeweller offers Del 250 gold chains at half the wholesale price, Uncle Albert uses his Post Office savings to join a consortium of buyers, and a medical emergency at a restaurant ends any talk of a quick profit.

"I don't care if he redecorates Regent Street with Arnie! This is business! No, I have every sympathy for Arnie's predicament, but at the end of the day, it's a bit like Mike's pub grub - tough!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #8 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S6E4

THE UNLUCKY WINNER IS...

Originally broadcast: 29 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney wins a holiday to Mallorca in a competition that he didn't enter, Del refuses to help his brother deal with an embarrassing problem, and Cassandra's left little choice but to become her boyfriend's stepmother.

Cor blimey! Captain Birdseye's 'ere an' all! I thought you were supposed to be going out with the old woman who lived in a shoe?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E5

SICKNESS AND WEALTH

Originally broadcast: 5 February 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

The council threaten the Trotters with eviction for not paying their rent, Uncle Albert's lady friend suggests that their bathroom is haunted, and Del's mum tells him to go and see a doctor about his stomach problems.

"Mr. Trotter! When I said strip to the waist, I meant the top half!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E6

LITTLE PROBLEMS

Originally broadcast: 12 February 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del promises to give his brother £2,000 as a deposit on his marital home, Rodney worries about losing out on a new job after failing his exam, and Micky and Jevon make the mistake of dealing with the Driscoll Brothers.

"'Ere', he's got one of our phones up his nose!'"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1989)

Voted #1 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

SPECIAL

THE JOLLY BOYS' OUTING

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Cassandra upsets Rodney by inviting her boss to their anniversary party, the Nags Head crowd head to Margate for their bank holiday beano, and a problem with the coach leaves them all looking for a bed for the night.

"Ain't this coach fitted with a fire distinguisher?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1990)

SPECIAL

RODNEY COME HOME

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1990
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney and Cassandra's marital problems see them split for a third time, Del reveals that he and Raquel have yet to spend the night together, and Uncle Albert's horrified about a date with a girl from the Kwik Fit centre.

"The British toy industry reckons this is the most lifelike doll they've ever seen in their life. I'll prove it to you, look at this. Here it is, a genuine little baby's bottle. You can feed her from the bottle. She wets herself. She laughs. She cries. And if you keep her till she's thirteen, she breaks out in acne and wants to go to a Bros concert."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES SEVEN

(1990)
6 episodes
Series Score: 54
Episode Average: 9.00
Perfect 10's: 3

S7E1

THE SKY'S THE LIMIT

Originally broadcast: 8 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Cassandra gets away from everything by going to Spain with her mother, Alan starts asking about all the time Rodney's been taking off work, and Boycie tells Del to keep an eye out when his new satellite dish is stolen.

"Yes, I want to get away as quick as possible. I've left the Mercedes parked downstairs. You know what they're like on this estate. They'd have the wheels off a jumbo if it flew too low."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E2

THE CHANCE OF A LUNCHTIME

Originally broadcast: 15 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Raquel hopes that an audition for a play will kickstart her acting career,
Del tries to shift a consignment of tacky national anthem doorbells, and Rodney's seen with another woman after sorting things with Cassandra.

"Yes, I noticed you approaching my wife and shaking her warmly by the 'arris!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #3 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S7E3

STAGE FRIGHT

Originally broadcast: 22 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's told that there soon won't be enough room for him at the flat, Raquel's not happy when Del signs her up to sing at a cabaret club, and
a singing dustman is delighted when he's asked to partner her on stage.

"What about me? Eh? I got lumbered with a star whose props come from Lilley & Skinners, Crown Toppers and Mattesons."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #19 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S7E4

THE CLASS OF'62

Originally broadcast: 29 January 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del's invited to a school reunion that's been arranged at the Nags Head, Boycie's shocked when his friends show willing to forgive and forget, and Raquel gets a nasty surprise when she finds someone asleep on the sofa.

"Yeah, and I remember the time you followed me in the van and you nicked me for doing 70mph in a built-up area. It was just my word against his and guess who the magistrate believed? I mean, you couldn't get that van to do 70mph if you pushed it off a cliff!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E5

HE AIN'T HEAVY, HE'S MY UNCLE

Originally broadcast: 5 February 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Boycie suggests that it's time for the Trotters to become a two-car family, Rodney's taken on as the new Director of Commercial Development, and
Uncle Albert refuses to go out of the flat after he's mugged on the estate.

"Most frightening thing in all my life happened while I was in Africa. We docked in Durban and a couple of black blokes came up to us and asked if me and my mates wanted to go and see the jungle. We jumped at the chance. Well, you're like that when you're young, ain't ya? So we got up on this open lorry and went off. And after about two hours, the undergrowth got thicker and thicker, deep in the heart of the jungle. Anyway, somehow or another I got cut off from the rest of the party. I found myself in this clearing. I just started to retrace me steps when I heard a noise. I looked round and standing there was the biggest lion I've ever seen. I looked at him. He looked at me. We just stood there looking at each other. Then suddenly, he went... GRRRRR-AAAAAAAAGH! I did a very childish thing. I wet meself. A full-grown man and I wet meself! ... I don't mean when I was in the jungle, I meant now when I went GRRRRR-AAAAAAAAGH!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Voted #13 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

S7E6

THREE MEN, A WOMAN, AND A BABY

Originally broadcast: 12 February 1989
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney's left depressed when a day out with Cassandra ends with a row, Del's hope of making a tidy profit from a box of wigs is dealt a blow, and Uncle Albert panics when Raquel announces that the baby is on the way.

"If it's a girl, they're calling her Sigourney after an actress, and it it's a boy, they're naming him Rodney... after Dave."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIALS

(1991)

SPECIAL

MIAMI TWICE: THE AMERICAN DREAM

Originally broadcast: 24 December 1991
Directed by: Gareth Gwenlan
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney decides against reinvesting an unexpected £935 pension payout, Del stuns the vicar at Damien's christening with a communion wine idea, and Cassandra reveals that she's far too busy to go on holiday to Miami.

"You've got to be very careful. I mean, Trig gets very emotional. He's Italian on his dad's friend's side."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

David Jason's Favourite Episode

SPECIAL

MIAMI TWICE: OH TO BE IN ENGLAND

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1991
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

A mafia family notice how Del could help their boss avoid a prison term, the brothers are offered help when their money and luggage are stolen, and the vicar explains why all of the communion wine is being returned.

"'Public enemy number one?' But he only left Tuesday!"

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

SPECIALS

(1992)

SPECIAL

MOTHER NATURE'S SON

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1992
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Raquel's far from ecstatic when Del announces that he's bought the flat, Trigger and Denzil are recruited to clear an environmental health hazard, and Rodney's not happy when he finds a spring on Grandad's allotment.

"What are the chances of your bumping into a bald-headed, anti-apartheid, deep sea diving Bros fan who has a Betamax video recorder, likes Romanian Riesling and whose name is Gary?!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIALS

(1993)

SPECIAL

FATAL EXTRACTION

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Cassandra expects Rodney to be waiting on call when they try for a baby, Raquel walks out when she gets sick of late nights out at the casino, and Del wastes little time in arranging a date with an attractive receptionist.

"We could all wake up one morning and find we was killed while we was asleep."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SPECIALS

TRILOGY PART 1
(1996)

Voted #5 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

SPECIAL

HEROES AND VILLAINS

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1996
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del learns that his application for a council grant has been turned down, Raquel has a concern when her parents suddenly get back in touch, and the van gives up the ghost on the way to the publicans' fancy dress ball.

"Yeah, and that's what I done, I've maintained it for twenty years. This old brooms has had seventeen new heads and fourteen new handles in its time."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIALS

TRILOGY PART 2
(1996)

SPECIAL

MODERN MEN

Originally broadcast: 27 December 1996
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

News of Cassandra's pregnancy leaves the Trotters in celebratory mood, Rodney starts looking for another job so he can provide for his child, and Raquel's left stunned when Del announces that he's having a vasectomy.

"I look like a human cannonball who's just crashed into a washing line!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

SPECIALS

TRILOGY PART 3
(1996)

Voted #9 in Only Fools and Horses: The Favourites (2015)

SPECIAL

TIME ON OUR HANDS

Originally broadcast: 29 December 1996
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Raquel's desperate to get everything just right for when her parents visit, Del tries to help his brother come to terms with Cassandra's miscarriage, and an item found in the garage leaves an expert quivering in his shoes.

"I don't believe you! Not only have you managed to sink every aircraft carrier and battleship that you've ever sailed on, but now you've gone and knackered a gravy boat!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIALS

(2001)

SPECIAL

IF THEY COULD SEE US NOW

Originally broadcast: 25 December 2001
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

A market crash in Central America leaves the Trotters without a penny, Del suggests that he can fix things by winning a quiz show jackpot, and the problems are put to one side when news arrives about Uncle Albert.

"It's Mozart's Symphony No. 38 in D Major. It's the karaoke version."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SPECIALS

(2002)

SPECIAL

STRANGERS ON THE SHORE

Originally broadcast: 25 December 2002
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

A letter arrives for Uncle Albert about a naval reunion in a French village, Denzil makes the mistake of explaining his booze cruise suspicions, and Rodney learns the truth about how Cassandra managed to fall pregnant.

"Well, that's true. Some are more ugly than others. 'Cos when Boycie was born, the midwife held him up and slapped his mother!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIALS

(2003)

SPECIAL

SLEEPLESS IN PECKHAM

Originally broadcast: 25 December 2003
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: John Sullivan

Del finds himself dealing with solicitors' letters and the Official Receiver, Sid digs out an old photograph from the very first Jolly Boys' Outing, and Boycie's far from happy when he's accused of doing away with Marlene.

"No, Marlene, get out of the pub! You're barred! Get off home and take your foster tits with you!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

OTHERS

MINI-EPISODE

CHRISTMAS TREES

27 December 1982
Written by: John Sullivan
Directed by: Ray Butt

Del's struggling to sell Christmas trees down the market until he realises that a seasonal gesture of goodwill might help to kickstart sales.

EDUCATIONAL SPECIAL

LICENSED TO DRILL

1984
Written by: John Sullivan
Directed by: Malcolm Taylor

Del's bought an oil rig for £400, but Rodney informs him of the facts and that he's been conned.

PROMOTIONAL SPECIAL

RADIO TIMES

December 1985

The Trotters talk about what's on TV over Christmas.

SPECIAL EDITION

WHITE MICE

24 December 1985
Written by: John Sullivan

Del is confronted by someone from a consumer rights programme.

MINI-EPISODE

ROYAL VARIETY SHOW

29 December 1986
Written by: John Sullivan

The Trotters stumble onto the stage while making a delivery.

GULF WAR SPECIAL

THE ROBIN FLIES AT DAWN

1 December 1990
Written by: John Sullivan

A message of goodwill to the troops in the Gulf, from a not-so secret location.

SPECIAL EDITION

COMIC RELIEF SPECIAL

14 March 1997
Written by: John Sullivan

Rodney can't afford to go on holiday, and Del is short of money, but Albert tells them both about real suffering in Africa.

SPORTS RELIEF SPECIAL

BECKHAM IN PECKHAM

21 March 2014
Written by: Jim Sullivan & Dan Sullivan
Directed by: Tony Dow

Del fails to sell signed Golden Balls underwear on the market, but David Beckham tells Rodney to glide and oscillate when modelling the pants.

DEREK EDWARD
'DEL BOY' TROTTER

Played by David Jason
65 Episodes (1981-2003)
in... The Jolly Boys' Outing (1989)

DEL'S SORTS

PAULINE HARRIS
(Jill Barker)

HEATHER
(Rosalind Lloyd)

MIRANDA DAVENPORT
(Juliet Hammond)

JUNE SNELL
(Diane Langton)

RAQUEL TURNER
(Tessa Peake-Jones)

TRUDY
(Helen Blizard)

BEVERLEY
(Mel Martin)

RODNEY CHARLTON
TROTTER

Played by Nicholas Lyndhurst
65 Episodes (1981-2003)
in... Dates (1988)

RODNEY'S SORTS

JANICE
(Gaynor Ward)

SANDRA
(Kate Saunders)

IRENE MACKAY
(Gaye Brown)

ZOE
(Lisa Price)

DEBBY
(Oona Kirsch)

YVONNE
(Carolyn Allen)

LADY VICTORIA
(Sarah Duncan)

NERYS
(Andrée Bernard)

CASSANDRA PARRY
(Gwyneth Strong)

...and...

TRUDY
(Lusha Kellgrenin)

'TRIGGER'
COLIN BALL

Played by Roger Lloyd Pack
39 Episodes (1989-2003)
in... Heroes and Villains (1996)

ALBERT GLADSTONE
TROTTER

Played by Buster Merryfield
37 Episodes (1985-1996)
in... It's Only Rock and Roll (1985)

TERRANCE AUBREY
BOYCE*

Played by John Challis
33 Episodes (1989-2003)
in... Tea for Three (1986)

previously called Herman Aubrey Boyce

MIKE
FISHER

Played by Kenneth MacDonald
30 Episodes (1983-1996)
in... Who's a Pretty Boy? (1983)

EDWARD KITCHENER
'GRANDAD' TROTTER

Played by Lennard Pearce
23 Episodes (1981-1983)
in... Who's a Pretty Boy (1983)

CASSANDRA LOUISE
PARRY

Played by Gwyneth Strong
21 Episodes (1989-2003)
in... Danger UXD (1989)

MARLENE
BOYCE

Played by Sue Holderness
20 Episodes (1985-2003)
in... Dates (1988)

MICKEY
PEARCE

Played by Patrick Murray
20 Episodes (1983-2003)
in... Watching the Girls Go By (1985)

RACHEL 'RAQUEL'
TURNER

Played by Tessa Peake-Jones
19 Episodes (1988-2003)
in... Stage Fright (1991)

DENZIL
TULSER

Played by Paul Barber
18 Episodes (1983-2003)
in... To Hull and Back (1985)

SID

Played by Roy Heather
14 Episodes (1982-2003)
in... Fatal Extraction (1993)

DAMIEN DEREK
TROTTER

Played by Various Actors
11 Episodes (1991-2003)
in... Three Men, a Woman and a Baby (1991)

ALAN
PARRY

Played by Dennis Lill
8 Episodes (1989-1992)
in... The Sky's the Limit (1992)

JEVON

Played by Steven Woodcock
5 Episodes (1988-1989)
in... The Jolly Boys' Outing (1989)

PAMELA
PARRY

Played by Wanda Ventham
4 Episodes (1989-1992)
in... The Jolly Boy's Outing (1989)

ROY
SLATER

Played by Jim Broadbent
3 Episodes (1983-1991)
in... May the Force Be With You (1983)

REG
TROTTER

Played by Peter Woodthorpe
1 Episodes (1983)
in... Thicker Than Water (1983)