British Comedy: Citizen Smith

Years: 1977-1980
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: John Sullivan
Stars: Robert Lindsay, Mike Grady
Episodes: 30
Episode Average: 8.310

BEST EPISODES:
The Party's Over (1979), Don't Look Down (1979)

PILOT

(1973)

PILOT

ROOF OVER MY HEAD

Originally broadcast: 12 April 1977
Directed by: Peter Whitmore
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie's in trouble when he forgets his girlfriend's birthday, the TPF has wheels, and Shirley's dad isn't best impressed to learn that she's engaged to Chairman Mao.

"Oh Christ! That is typical of Tory councils, that is. Small walls!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES ONE

(1977)
7 episodes
Series Score: 58*
Episode Average: 8.29
Perfect 10's: 2
*not including the Christmas special

S1E1

CROCODILE TEARS

Originally broadcast: 3 November 1977
Directed by: Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Remake of the pilot episode.

"Do you want a red or white claret?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER

Originally broadcast: 10 November 1977
Directed by: Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Shirley isn't too keen on busking outside the shop, Wolfie has to buy Harry a fresh pint, and Mr. Johnson suggests finding a job.

"Well, they didn't like me singing 'Who's Sorry Now' outside the pregnancy testing clinic."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

ABIDE WITH ME

Originally broadcast: 17 November 1977
Directed by: Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie and Ken get evicted, Shirley tries to persuade her dad to make use of the flat upstairs, and Mr. Johnson works to have caravans removed from his lodge's car park.

"Next time I walk that dog, I'm not takin' 'im."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

THE WEEKEND

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1977
Directed by: Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Ken falls for Speed's dancer girlfriend, Mr. Johnson's shocked to learn of a dirty weekend in Bury St Edmunds, and Wolfie books in Mr & Mrs Smith... twice.

"Hard to get? She's about as hard to get as measles!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

THE HOSTAGE

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1977
Directed by: Ray Butt, Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

The TPF have a bad night at the by-election, plans are made to kidnap the local MP, and the lads take a trip to the seaside.

"Citizens, I'm convening a meeting for the Tooting Popular Front, as from now. Before I start, would anyone like to pass a motion?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

THE PATH OF TRUE LOVE

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1977
Directed by: Ray Butt, Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Shirley and Wolfie date other people, Mr. Johnson blows up his TV, and Harry wipes the slate clean.

"Here, Charlie. It's either someone called Tucker, or it's a dirty phone call."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E7

BUT IS IT ART?

Originally broadcast: 15 December 1977
Directed by: Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Ken gives Wolfie and Shirley an unusual wedding gift, Mr. Johnson breaks his ankle, and an art dealer comes calling.

"Original? It's unique. It's the only painting comprising of chalk,
plip-plops and rhesus negative."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SPECIAL

(1977)

SPECIAL

A STORY OF CHRISTMAS

Originally broadcast: 22 December 1977
Directed by: Dennis Main-Wilson
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie spots some potentially valuable stamps, the music box nativity scene needs some new animals, and Florence gets something naughty for Christmas.

"Oh yeah, I thought it'd be my fault. I get the blame for everything,
I only hope Shirley never becomes pregnant."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES TWO

(1978-1979)
5 episodes
Series Score: 38
Episode Average: 7.6
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1

SPEED'S RETURN

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1978
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Desiree has bad news for Speed, Wolfie tries to put two and two together, and Mr. Johnson has a shock when he listens at Shirley's door.

"Oh, yeah, but, he'll be a little baby, dear. I mean, you look like a Charlie."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

REBEL WITHOUT A PAUSE

Originally broadcast: 8 December 1978
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Mr. Johnson's lost his job, Wolfie has a queer experience during a march, and Ken gets a cold bum during a sit-down protest.

"Is that your own mouth or are you breaking it in for an idiot?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

THE TOOTING CONNECTION

Originally broadcast: 15 December 1978
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

The police show an interest in Mr. Johnson's car, Speed and Tucker steal some stereos, and Harry's new motor get nicked.

"It's not loaded, but I know how to use it!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

WORKING CLASS HERO

Originally broadcast: 29 December 1978
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

A protest doesn't quite go to plan, Wolfie's new boss turns out to be a real pain, and Florence is surprised when Mr. Johnson comes home early.

"Chosen profession? You're down on their files as a shepherd."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

ROCK BOTTOM

Originally broadcast: 5 January 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

A successful school-friend's back in Tooting, Wolfie bumps into Tucker and Ken at the auditions for a new group, and Shirley's upset when Los Angeles gets in the way of her plans.

"Take my advice. Don't have nothing with Parmesan cheese on it. The chef's got dandruff."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1979)

SPECIAL

SPANISH FLY

Originally broadcast: 12 April 1977
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

A Spanish revolutionary visits after receiving a letter of support, Mr. Johnson plays cupid, and Wolfie's keen to talk business.

"Aye, and a bloody duck. It doesn't mean Donald. In Spanish, Don means royalty. Don't you remember that play Don Creosote?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SERIES THREE

(1979)
7 episodes
Series Score: 64
Episode Average: 9.14
Perfect 10's: 3

S3E1

DON'T LOOK DOWN

Originally broadcast: 20 September 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Shirley moves abroad and eviction looms, Wolfie threatens to throw himself off the pub roof, and a copper hopes for third time lucky.

"What? Millwall? They're like an old brassiere - no cups and little support."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

ONLY FOOLS AND HORSES...

Originally broadcast: 27 September 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

The council plan to evict a gypsy so they can build a squash court, Wolfie organises a protest, and an elderly lift attendant enjoys some company.

"Yeah. See, we're not like the Angry Brigade, We're more the Slightly Niggled Mob."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

THE BIG JOB

Originally broadcast: 4 October 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie's hiding from Harry, Florence points out how to get by on a rainy day, and the hunt's on for the right motor.

"Here she comes - the Oliver Newton-John of Tooting."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

TOFKIN'S REVENGE

Originally broadcast: 11 October 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Stolen coal is given to local pensioners, PC Tofkin wants revenge on his cousin, and the earth moves all over Tooting.

"I was having no 'humpy-wumpy' with Cuddles... Joan!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

WE SHALL NOT BE MOVED

Originally broadcast: 18 October 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie and Ken get evicted, squatters move into the Johnson's, and Florence gets a fright.

"Bloomin' shops! In future I'm gonna do my late night shopping in the morning."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

THE PARTY'S OVER

Originally broadcast: 25 October 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie's invited to a party by a posh girl, Ken offers a word of warning, and the punch really gets things flowing.

"Take a tip from me- never try to shut the door in my face again. Otherwise he won't just tweak your hooter, he'll bend your head."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E7

THE GLORIOUS DAY

Originally broadcast: 1 November 1979
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

The TPF go to Salisbury Plain on night manoeuvres, Smith's army experience comes in handy for the journey home, and it's finally time for direct action.

"Because in years to come, artists will try and capture my triumphant entry into the portals of Westminster and there is no way, Kenneth, I will be seen on the same canvas as a geezer dressed up like a gay Action Man."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

SERIES FOUR

(1980)
7 episodes
Series Score: 56*
Episode Average: 8.0
Perfect 10's: 1
*not including the Christmas special

S4E1

BIGGER THAN GUY FAWKES

Originally broadcast: 23 May 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

A contract is signed that see's the TPF released from prison, Tucker gives Wolfie's barnet a makeover, and the puppet tries to break free of his strings.

"I don't believe this. I do not believe that this conversation is taking place. Do you think Bob Dylan and his disciples sat in Greenwich Village discussing the sociological implications and philosophical consequences of spitting on someone's head?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

CHANGES

Originally broadcast: 30 May 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie and Ken move back into the Johnson's... with Tucker in tow, The Vigilante has seen a few changes, and all ink blots appear to point to one thing.

"Oh! He's about as romantic as an ironmongers vest."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

THE FINAL TRY

Originally broadcast: 6 June 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

The TPF try to halt a South African tour bus, Mandy's dogs are kidnapped, and Wolfie gets knocked out by a ransom note.

"Work, Mr. Smith. That four-letter word that causes itching teeth
and perspiring eyeballs in the unwashed masses."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

THE LETTER OF THE LAW

Originally broadcast: 13 June 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Charlie thinks he's been called for jury service, Ronnie Lynch is accused of bribery, and Wolfie thinks his luck's in when a pretty girl passes him a note.

"Yeah, Humphreys turned up with two squad cars and a van with one of them dogs that can smell drugs. Came in here, sniffing in the kitchen, sniffing under the bed, sniffing in the cupboards. When he couldn't find anything, he went and got the dog."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

PRISONERS

Originally broadcast: 20 June 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Speed and a fellow prisoner are on the run, Charlie's held hostage, and the TPF are really digging the situation.

"Here, I reckon that doctor was geeing you up, Tucker. how could his pigeons land here at 6:30 in the morning? The park doesn't open till eight."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

CASABLANCA WAS NEVER LIKE THIS

Originally broadcast: 27 June 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Speed convinces Wolfie of his innocence, the TPF enlist the help of a familiar face with a Humphrey Bogart fixation, and the Johnson's look after a dog.

"Mr. Rossman's gone up north to buy a farm. He didn't want to take little
Toby with him in case he caught Andrex."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E7

SWEET SORROW

Originally broadcast: 4 July 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Wolfie learns that there are plans for a bypass in Tooting, the TPF are not the only ones with crooked plans, and Ronnie isn't best pleased when he catches his missus with another man.

"Six grand? Ooh, that's not bad is it? Phew. Just think, I could commit suicide and buy a Jag."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SPECIAL

(1980)

SPECIAL

BUON NATALE

Originally broadcast: 31 December 1980
Directed by: Ray Butt
Written by: John Sullivan

Shirley phones home, there's a dodgy raffle in The Vigilante, and Wolfie and Ken head to Italy.

"Look. Just trust me will you? Just trust me. Nobody's gonna know that's not a real Chippendale or if that's a... Van Gogh. People round here know nothing about art. Most people think that Hertz Van Rental was a Dutch painter."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

WALTER 'WOLFIE' HENRY SMITH

Played by Robert Lindsay
(30 episodes 1977-1980)
in... Working Class Hero (1977)

AKA: Chairman Mao, Foxy, Red Leader, Smiffy, Smudger, Thingy,
Trotsky, Ugly, Yeti

KEN MILLS

Played by Mike Grady
(30 episodes 1977-1980)
in... The Party's Over (1979)

AKA: Gandhi

TUCKER

Played by Tony Millan
(22 episodes 1977-1980)
in... Changes (1980)

ANTHONY KING

Played by George Sweeney
(13 episodes 1977-1980)
in... The Glorious Day (1979)

AKA: Speed

SHIRLEY JOHNSON

Played by Cheryl Hall
(15 episodes 1977-1979)
in... Abide With Me (1977)

FLORENCE JOHNSON

Played by Hilda Braid
(30 episodes 1977-1980)
in... The Final Try (1980)

CHARLIE JOHNSON

Played by Tony Steedman
(15 episodes 1979-1980)
in... The Big Job (1979)

CHARLIE JOHNSON

Played by Peter Vaughan
(14 episodes 1977-1979)
in... Spanish Fly (1979)

CHARLIE JOHNSON

Played by Arto Morris
(1 episode 1979-1980)
in... Roof Over My Head (1977)

HARRY FENNING

Played by Stephen Greif
(11 episodes 1977-1979)
in... The Tooting Connection (1978)