British Comedy: Wild West
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Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Simon Nye
Stars: Catherine Tate, Dawn French
Episodes: 12
Episode Average: 7.333
BEST EPISODES:
Swingers (2002), Cornish Flu (2004)
SERIES ONE


6 episodes
Series Score: 48
Episode Average: 8.00
Perfect 10's: 0
S1E1 ONE HOME GOOD, TWO HOMES BAD
Originally broadcast: 22 October 2002
Directed by: Jonathan Gershfield
Written by: Simon Nye
Locals are upset about the number of holiday homes in the area, Old Jake finds a bag of Tupperware washed up on the beach, and Mary talks Angela into occupying a house that belongs to an actress.
"There was a time when we had a queue from the door here down to the beach of customers who wanted everything from apple to... what begins with 'z'? Yoghurt?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E2 FEAR OF BUNGEE
Originally broadcast: 29 October 2002
Directed by: Jonathan Gershfield
Written by: Simon Nye
There's an outbreak of vandalism by kids in the village, Mary hopes a mural will secure her an arts council grant, and Angela starts to worry about taking part in the bungee jump that she's arranged.
"Cyril, are you painting tits on that druid?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E3 SWINGERS
Originally broadcast: 5 November 2002
Directed by: Jonathan Gershfield
Written by: Simon Nye
Mary and Angela are intrigued by events at the Coach & Horses, suicide is suspected when Old Jake's clothes are found on the beach, and a surprise stash of frocks find new homes.
"They're in trouble picking Harry. He couldn't re-enact a fart in a whoopee cushion factory."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E4 TIN, TIN, TIN
Originally broadcast: 19 November 2002
Directed by: Jonathan Gershfield
Written by: Simon Nye
A storm takes out the power, Jake takes advantage of being the only person to own a generator, and Mary soon grows sick of Harry and Holly making their own kind of electricity.
"Yeah, but Holly isn't weird, is she? Holly's scratching at the door. Can somebody let her out, please."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E5 A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM DOUBLED
Originally broadcast: 26 October 2002
Directed by: Jonathan Gershfield
Written by: Simon Nye
Angela's troubled when she spots a face from her childhood, Holly gives Mary a piercing kit when she discovers she needs a license, and there's more than a sprinkling of embellishment as a story does the rounds.
"Go on, tell me. Your secret's safe with me and whoever I tell it to."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E6 UN, DEU, TRY, FIGO, QUIGGLY
Originally broadcast: 3 December 2002
Directed by: Jonathan Gershfield
Written by: Simon Nye
Angela falls in love with a visitor from London, Mary uses every trick in the book to make sure she won't be left on her own, and a language barrier causes problems at Holly's Cornish evening.
"Slig woo spicktoo. That's 'Fetch my knitting'."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
SERIES TWO


6 episodes
Series Score: 40
Episode Average: 6.67
Perfect 10's: 0
S2E1 THE EXPLODING CAR
Originally broadcast: 12 March 2004
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by: Simon Nye
Mary and Angela realise the spark's gone out of their relationship, PC Alan is trying to find out who's responsible for a burnt out car, and the single men of the village are checked for relationship suitability.
"PC Alan. Is that a Mini Milk in yer 'and or are you just pleased to see me?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E2 MAGICAL HORSES
Originally broadcast: 19 March 2004
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by: Simon Nye
Old Jake tries to make money from three white horses that appear on the beach, Angela becomes obsessed with books, and Mary's not too pleased that her ideal man fancies someone else.
"Come back, you bastards! You disgust me! You've got a face like an horse!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E3 ANGELA LEARNS TO DRIVE
Originally broadcast: 26 March 2004
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by: Simon Nye
Angela needs to learn to drive after making a promise to her dad, Mary's shocked by a rather personal confession, and PC Alan finds himself in trouble after an article in the local newspaper.
"I said bruise a grape. Not mash it into a cocking pulp!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E4 CORNISH FLU
Originally broadcast: 2 April 2004
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by: Simon Nye
Cornish flu starts taking out the villagers of St. Gweeps, Jeff utters something about a hidden stash of cash, and Mary and Angela do their best to deal with the Bank Holiday tourists.
"Mary, you're not wearing your anti-flu cabbage necklace."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E5 THE FILM CREW
Originally broadcast: 9 April 2004
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by: Simon Nye
The filming of a television drama causes a nuisance in the village, Jake struggles to communicate with his newly discovered daughter, and Mary tries a hand at a spot of blackmail.
"Have you ever said, 'Oo-arr, cocker, my loverly?' Have you ever knowingly formed your craggy Cornish features into an ancient flinty grimace?"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E6 HOLLY LOSES FAITH IN WITCHCRAFT
Originally broadcast: 13 April 2004
Directed by: Juliet May
Written by: Simon Nye
Mary makes it clear what she thinks of Angela's new boyfriend, an already depressed Holly overhears a conversation in the pub, and the villagers work together to make sure the main attraction stays open.
"Can I get you anything, Archie? Taxi to Truro? Cup of steaming bile? Something very sharp to stick up your backflap?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
Characters

We've got a special kind of love,
The kind that toughens you up,
That you're never sure of,
And it's not enough,
Out where the sunsets hover,
We tear apart each other,
All day you got me going,
There's no way I'll let you know,
That's OK 'cause we're as good as it gets,
In the Wild West.
Mary and Angela are a lesbian couple, if only because there are no better offers. Since they run the local post office, they find themselves in the centre of the local Cornish community, a very strange local Cornish community.
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