British Comedy: Open All Hours

Years: 1976-1985
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Roy Clarke
Stars: Ronnie Barker, David Jason
Episodes: 25 (+pilot)
Episode Average: 8.038*

BEST EPISODES:
The Ginger Men (1982), The Housekeeper Caper (1985)

*including pilot

PILOT

(1973)

PILOT

OPEN ALL HOURS

Originally broadcast: 25 March 1973
Directed by: Roy Clarke
Written by: Sydney Lotterby

Arkwright offers advice about lusting for a life outside of the shop door, Nurse Gladys is confronted about spending time with Wesley Cosgrave, and Granville spots something rather eye-catching whilst on his round.

"Oh, heck, have I? I've st-started stuttering in writing now!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES ONE

(1976)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

FULL OF MYSTERIOUS PROMISE

Originally broadcast: 20 February 1976
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright claims to know what's inside some unlabelled tins he's bought, Nurse Gladys is encouraged to get married before the iron gets cold, and Granville's ears prick up when he hears about the woman at number 87.

"So much for T-Teach Yourself Kung Fu! 98 weekly parts! Huh! If you ask me, you've got m-more weakly parts now than when you started!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

A MATTRESS ON WHEELS

Originally broadcast: 27 February 1976
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville fantasises about having a Eurasian mistress with almond eyes,
Arkwright's offered one very good reason to invest in a delivery van, and a used car salesman complains about having to deal with time-wasters.

"G-Granville, how do you spell p-p-p-p-pepper, is it six p's or seven?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

A NICE COSY LITTLE DISEASE

Originally broadcast: 5 March 1976
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Nurse Gladys rushes to help when Granville takes a fall outside the shop, worries about strange men have a terrible effect on a packet of biscuits, and Arkwright searches a medical book for a way to get some attention.

"Granville, come and sweep the front. This dust'll need laying an' all. Get some water and sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp... Get some water and sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp... Get some water and sp-sp-sp-sp-sp-sp... Oh, don't bother, I've done it meself!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

BEWARE OF THE DOG

Originally broadcast: 12 March 1976
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville finds that he may have become a father while drunk at a party, Arkwright puts up a 'Beware of the Dog' sign to scare away burglars, and Nurse Gladys can only laugh at an idea to keep her safe while she sleeps.

"All right, d-don't crit there siticising."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

WELL CATERED FUNERAL

Originally broadcast: 19 March 1976
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright prepares to attend a funeral when an old friend passes away, Granville insists that he'll be fine looking after the shop on his own, and Nurse Gladys suggests the unthinkable when the collection plate arrives.

"I like that blouse you've got on there. Ooh, I'd l-like to browse through that blouse!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

APPLES AND SELF SERVICE

Originally broadcast: 26 March 1976
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright demands a bit of extra effort when it comes to selling apples, Granville has some fun when he finds a pair of dummy display legs, and a new self-service department is found to have a rather large drawback.

"By 'eck, Gladys, I'll pamper you, all right! I'll pamper ya till there isn't another p-pamp left in me!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(1981)
7 episodes
Series Score: 59
Episode Average: 8.43
Perfect 10's: 2

S2E1

LAUNDRY BLUES

Originally broadcast: 1 March 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright manages to drag completely the wrong man back to the shop, Nurse Gladys insists that it's time to invest in some modern appliances, and the VATman is told to look out for a mouse with huge alligator teeth.

"Oh, dear, dear, dear, you certainly seem to have got your f-fifteen percent of that lot!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

THE RELUCTANT TRAVELLER

Originally broadcast: 8 March 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright prepares to spend a first night away from the shop since 1957, Granville looks forward to an exciting evening with the milk woman, and the contents of an old Oxo tin leave things a bit nippy around the middle.

"You look like the Hunchcrotch of Notre Dame."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

FIG BISCUITS AND INSPIRATIONAL TOILET ROLLS

Originally broadcast: 15 March 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville finds himself serving a particularly hairy incontinent customer, Arkwright has to think creatively to shift an overstock of fig biscuits, and
a badly parked shop bike leads to the purchase of two dozen toilet rolls.

"Well, I c-can't cut them in half, Mavis. It all p-plops out, you see. I'll tell you what I will do. I'll sell you one large tin but will only charge you for t-two small tins."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

THE NEW SUIT

Originally broadcast: 22 March 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville gets a bit carried away when he mops the shop step in the rain, Nurse Gladys refuses to go out with Arkwright unless he gets a new suit, and the tailor struggles to keep up when his van suddenly starts moving.

"All right then. If you want my opinion, I must s-stress that this is only a layman's opinion, mind you, but I think if the average man had been
r-responsible for shaping his own end, then things would have t-turned out a lot better looking."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

ARKWRIGHT'S MOBILE STORE

Originally broadcast: 29 March 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville's given a place to rest his head after coming off the shop bike, Nurse Gladys threatens to call things off unless the empire is expanded,
and Arkwright fails to impress when he invests in an old ice-cream van.

Don't... don't forget to p-pay for those things your dog ordered, Mrs.
Ta-Ta-Tattersall. Would she like to join the Christmas Club?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

SHEDDING AT THE WEDDING

Originally broadcast: 5 April 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Nurse Gladys isn't impressed by a late night reminder about a wedding,
a customer in a motorcycle helmet has to be rescued from his visor, and Granville insists that nobody is interested in buying mothballs any more.

"It says here tha-that Scotland Yard are looking for a very s-small man with one eye. If he's th-that small, you'd think they'd use b-both eyes, wouldn't ya?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E7

ST. ALBERT'S DAY

Originally broadcast: 19 April 1981
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Nurse Gladys demands that something be done about the sticking door, Arkwright gets a scare when a foreign visitor turns out to be Hungarian, and concerns about a shoplifter leads to the creation of a new feast day.

"Prices what? Granville, f-fetch a cloth! We're not reducing things all that much, so you have no right to go having a s-slash on that window."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES THREE

(1982)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 1

S3E1

AN ERRAND BOY BY THE EAR

Originally broadcast: 21 March 1988
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright insists that there's always a way to sell customers extra items, a passerby soon regrets stopping to assist a distressed shopkeeper, and Nurse Gladys has words when she sees Granville being dragged around.

"See what I would have missed? If I'd been stooging around up there with me gun sights glowing, cruising at a steadyMach 6, there'd be no hot news like that coming over the old squawk box. 'Hello, Tango to Red Leader. I hear George Madeley's got a f-f-first for his Brussels sprouts.'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

GINGER MEN

Originally broadcast: 28 March 1982
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

A clever dick pays the price for spotting an intentional mistake on a sign, Arkwright tries everything to shift an overstock of Jamaican ginger cake, and Granville attempts to fix an old lawnmower engine to the shop bike.

"Yes, I think if I'm not careful, you're going to turn out to be one of those eagle-eyed customers who before I can say J-J-J-Jack R-R-R... Before I can, before I can s-s-s-say-s-s-say J--Jack-J-J-Jack... before I can say Ron Micklethwaite... you are going to be s-spotting all my little bargains, aren't you? And cleaning me out of profits for the week."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

DUET FOR SOLO BICYCLE

Originally broadcast: 4 April 1982
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright manages to sell something to a passerby asking for directions, Granville's furious when the shop bike ruins his chances of romance, and Mrs. Featherstone's lack of marital emotion leads to talk about funerals.

"That is it. Finished. Never again! How's a young man supposed to feel with that squeaking thing between his legs?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

HOW TO IGNITE YOUR ERRAND BOY

Originally broadcast: 11 April 1982
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville discovers that the milk round supervisor doesn't want flowers, Nurse Gladys proves that she's learnt the art of never giving credit, and Arkwright tries to cut out the middle-man by making his own firelighters.

"It seems a pity you sitting there holding your chest and me standing here holding this c-car door. Couldn't we come to some d-different arrangement?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

THE MAN FROM DOWN UNDER

Originally broadcast: 18 April 1982
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Granville smiles as a plastic rose makes its way up to the wrong window, Arkwright worries when Nurse Gladys' admirer flies back from Australia, and word spreads quickly about a customer being given his money back.

"It's worth its weight in g-grope, is this - er, gold, is this. I present her with it, which p-puts her in a good mood. I t-take advantage of that good mood which puts her in a bad mood! She throws it at me, I catch it, and I'm r-ready for the next time. And n-n-not a penny spent!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

THE COOL COCOA TIN LID

Originally broadcast: 25 April 1982
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

A trainee milkman is far from impressed when he's groped in the street, Granville begs for help after swapping his pinny for a cool new look, and a glossy magazine gives Arkwright an idea for an advertising campaign.

"Oh! Is that the best you want the world to say of your d-dangler? 'It looks all right from a distance'?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FOUR

(1985)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's: 3

S4E1

SOULMATE WANTED

Originally broadcast: 1 September 1985
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Nurse Gladys reveals that Granville has advertised for a bit of romance, Mrs. Featherstone decides that she wants to be on first-name terms, and Arkwright has to deal with the consequences of his constant interfering.

"Well, they say it's so you can get your tongue around the flavour of more of the pe-pe-pe-pe... More of the pe-pe-pe-p-pe-pe-pe-pe-peppermint. It doesn't work with me, though. I still can't get me tongue around it."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

HORSE-TRADING

Originally broadcast: 8 September 1985
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright manage to come up a new use for old tins of black lead polish,
a rival shopkeeper shows his appreciation for the level of grottiness, and Granville struggles to complete a delivery of ten wooden clothes horses.

"Now, now, Granville, we'll have no r-racial prejudice here. Mr. Gupta has every right to be c-conned same as anybody else."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

THE HOUSEKEEPER CAPER

Originally broadcast: 17 September 1985
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Nurse Gladys sees through the latest scheme to force her into marriage, word quickly spreads that Arkwright is looking for a live-in housekeeper, and Granville has to be removed from his trousers when he gets stuck.

"Oh, look, don't start going to pieces. All you've got to do is to put the woman off. I don't want her to live here any more than you do. I mean, who wants a live-in zombie? What I want to know is, how come when she died, they buried her husband?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

THE ERRAND BOY EXECUTIVE

Originally broadcast: 22 September 1985
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright challenges an ace salesman to sell him a commercial cleaner, Granville tries to impress a pretty girl who's just moved to the area, and Mrs. Featherstone's horrified when a taxi pulls up in front of the shop.

"Oh, I'm going to work. I haven't time to be standing here with middle-aged gropers. Grocers. How's that for a Freudian slip?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARKWRIGHT

Originally broadcast: 29 September 1985
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright insists on using old unsold stock to fill his birthday tea table, Mrs. Featherstone is shocked by comments from a much younger man, and Granville warns that the Good Shop Guide are inspecting the area.

"No, course I'm not. I-I'm very f-fond of her, always w-was. Ever when she came out in that d-d-dreadful big lump. Oh, that was awful, wasn't it?
It t-turned out to be you."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

THE MYSTICAL BOUDOIR OF NURSE GLADYS EMMANUEL

Originally broadcast: 6 October 1985
Directed by: Sydney Lotterby
Written by: Roy Clarke

Arkwright decides that burglars hold the key to Nurse Gladys' bedroom, plans to invest in a new till are hampered by the small matter of money, and Granville's not too impressed when he's told to go out on the prowl.

"You what? Your mother's found a f-fly in a Chelsea bun? Well, I-I'm sorry, it's not our policy to exchange goods. But I'll tell you what, if y-you bring the fly back, I'll g-give you a currant for it."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

Still Open All Hours appeared in 2013 with Granville now running the shop. While it's a nice nod to Ronnie Barker, it relies a lot on jokes from the original series, and feels awkward. We haven't rated this as above simply because we don't have the episodes to go through properly, we may visit this later.

ALBERT E.
ARKWRIGHT

Played by Ronnie Barker
(25 episodes 1976-1985)
in... Happy Birthday Arkwright (S4E5)

Also appeared in the pilot

GRANVILLE

Played by David Jason
(25 episodes 1976-1985)
in... Full of Mysterious Promise (S1E1)

Also appeared in the pilot

GRANVILLE'S GIRLS

GIRL FROM PETROL STATION

Played by Elissa Derwent

GLORIA

Played by Gillian McClements

MAUREEN

Played by Shirley Steedman

THE MILK WOMAN

Played by Barbara Flynn

WENDY

Played by Liz Whiting

JULIE

Played by Helen Cotterill

MICHELLE

Played by Jean Warren

GIRL WHO ANSWERS ADVERT

Played by Gilly Coman

STEPHANIE

Played by Julie Shipley

NURSE GLADYS
EMMANUEL

Played by Sheila Brennan
(1 episodes 1973)
in... Open All Hours (Pilot)

NURSE GLADYS
EMMANUEL

Played by Lynda Baron
(25 episodes 1976-1985)
in... Beware of the Dog (S1E4)

THE
MILK WOMAN

Played by Barbara Flynn
(11 episodes 1981-1985)
in... How to Ignite Your Errand Boy (S3E4)

MRS. DELPHINE
FEATHERSTONE

Played by Stephanie Cole
(10 episodes 1982-1985)
in... How to Ignite Your Errand Boy (S3E4)

MAVIS

Played by Maggie Ollerenshaw
(7 episodes 1981-1982)
in... The Reluctant Traveller (S2E2)

MRS.
BLEWETT

Played by Kathy Staff
(5 episodes 1976-1981)
in... Well Catered Funeral (S1E5)

MRS.
PARSLOW

Played by Frances Fox
(5 episodes 1981-1985)
in... How to Ignite Your Errand Boy (S3E4)