British Comedy: Early Doors

Years: 2003-2004
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey
Stars: John Henshaw, Craig Cash
Episodes: 12
Episode Average: 8.083

BEST EPISODES:
Episode 6 (Series 2) (2004), Episode 2 (Series 2) (2004)

SERIES ONE

(1988)
6 episodes
Series Score: 42
Episode Average: 7.0
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 12 May 2003
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

There's temporary traffic lights on Samuel Street, someone's done over the off-license, and Ken's sick of fag ends in the urinals.

"And hey, remember, keep your hand on your ha'penny!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 19 May 2003
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

It's Melanie's birthday, Joe's been caught pissing in the wardrobe, and the lads find out just what Melanie sees in Liam.

"She's giving us a good description of him and then I says to her, and you've got to ask this, by the way, 'was he in a state of arousal?'. And she says, 'No, he was in a Ford Escort'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 26 May 2003
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

Joe's missus wants to try marriage counselling, Melanie's furious that Liam's going on the pub outing to York, and Ken wants Jean to stay at home to look after Melanie rather than go on holiday.

"Oh yeah, he's seen more tits than Bill Oddie!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

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S1E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 2 June 2003
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

In the back room, Ken's police friends tell him about cheap helicopter flights, while the lads warn Liam about the perils of apologising to Melanie.

"Right, you've got to pace the evening. Start of with 'Don't You Want Me Baby?', The Human League. Let the gateau settle. Then pick up the pace 'Lessons in Love', Level 42. Send the girlfriend round with little pieces of paper for requests. You always get the odd smart-arse ones... 'Get Off, You Prick. You're Shit', that type of thing. That's before they all start chanting it when they're bladdered. You've got all that to deal with. That's proper DJing."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 9 June 2003
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

Jean falls victim to a Malteser thief, Eddie and Joan celebrate their wedding anniversary, and Melanie goes to meet her real dad.

"Mam, see if you can help us out with this, I think I've gone wrong here. Right, 16 across, 4 letters, ends in 'IT'. 'Found in the bottom of a birdcage'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 16 June 2003
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

The group go on their day out to York, Joe struggles to find a way to tell Duffy that his missus is being unfaithful, and Ken's worried about losing Melanie.

"Happiness is a cigar you haven't paid for."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(1988)
6 episodes
Series Score: 55
Episode Average: 9.17
Perfect 10's: 3

S2E1

EPISODE 1

Originally broadcast: 13 September 2004
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

An old friend's passed on, there's crisis talks between Duffy and his missus, and the brewery's insisting that its pubs up their takings.

"You know when they find a body in the river, or the lake, or something, and they don't know who it is? And the police have to identify them by their dental records... Well, how do they know who their dentist is?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S2E2

EPISODE 2

Originally broadcast: 20 September 2004
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

Ken's not feeling too well, Duffy's struggling to cope with the breakdown of his marriage, and Tanya's trying to drum up interest in the quiz night.

"Oh aye, I remember seeing it on ER last week. He's flatlining, Doctor, I think we're losing him. Well don't just stand there, Nurse, go and chop some eggs up in a cup."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

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S2E3

EPISODE 3

Originally broadcast: 27 September 2004
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

It's quiz night at The Grapes, the sock machine's broken, and Jean's keen to prevent Ken getting too close to Tanya.

"That's what the last one said, and then he dropped her like a ton of bricks, bloody shameless he was!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

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S2E4

EPISODE 4

Originally broadcast: 4 October 2004
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

Ken and Melanie have fallen out, Jean discovers something about Tanya that might be in her interest, and everyone chips in to help Eddie and Joan.

"You can't waste this, you know, there's not much left.
Your nana's got to have a shave after me."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E5

EPISODE 5

Originally broadcast: 11 October 2004
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

Duffy and his missus are back together, Ken's sick of pressure from the brewery, but he's finally finding the courage to deal with his feelings for Tanya.

"Bloody hell! She's got an arse like a badly packed parachute."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E6

EPISODE 6

Originally broadcast: 18 October 2004
Directed by: Adrian Shergold
Written by: Craig Cash, Phil Mealey

It's Melanie's 21st birthday party, and Ken's struggling to deal with the presence of Keith and the possibility of losing Tanya.

"This is for my Kenny, who isn't just here for one day of Melanie's life."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

KEN

Played by John Henshaw
(12 episodes)

JEAN DIXON

Played by Rita May
(12 episodes)

EDDIE BELL

Played by Mark Benton
(12 episodes)

JOE

Played by Craig Cash
(12 episodes)

TOMMY

Played by Rodney Lichfield
(12 episodes)

JOAN BELL

Played by Lorraine Cheshire
(12 episodes)

DUFFY

Played by Phil Mealey
(12 episodes)

PHIL

Played by James Quinn
(12 episodes)

NIGE

Played by Peter Wight
(12 episodes)

MELANIE DIXON

Played by Christine Bottomley
(11 episodes)

TANYA

Played by Susan Cookson
(11 episodes)

WINNIE

Played by Joan Kempson
(9 episodes

DEBBIE

Played by Lisa Millett
(9 episodes

LIAM

Played by James McAvoy
(4 episodes)

JANICE

Played by Maxine Peake
(4 episodes)

DEAN

Played by Lee Ingleby
(4 episodes)