The Best of John C. Reilly

Officer Jim Kurring
"Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things - those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see?"

Dewey Cox
"I think I'm doing okay for a 15 year old with a wife and a baby."

John Finnegan
"I will fuck you up if you fuck with me, ok? I know three kinds of Karate: Jujitsu, Aikido, and regular Karate."

Dale Doback
"Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, " Oh, my God, I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf," and she grabs me by the weiner."

Eli Sisters
"Charlie, when you kill a man, you end up with his father or his friends on your tail. It usually ends badly."

Reed Rothchild
"Let's get some of that Saturday night beaver."

Cal Naughton Jr.
"So when you say psychosomatic, you mean like he could start a fire with his thoughts?"

Franklin
"Hey, Kev. Listen buddy, it's easy to misunderstand something when you hear it out of context."

Sgt. Storm
"I look at that boy dyin', I don't feel nothin'. I don't care about nothin' anymore."

Dean Ziegler
"There's a separation between religion and insurance. It's in the constitution."

Noah Dietrich
"You've just placed the largest order for aircraft in the history of the United States, Howard! I've got a bill here from Lockheed-Martin for forty million dollars! Do you think I've got that just sitting around in petty cash?"

Happy Jack
"Pennies in their pockets and hope in their eyes. They peer to the west. Searching the horizon for a glimpse of land and salvation. Ah, a glimpse of America."

John
"Been in kind of a dark, existential place, to tell you the truth and then... I met your mom."

Lisping Man

Tucker Van Dyke
"Listen, I saw a guy at the state fair who was... a little bit bigger."