Ten Beloved Games That Just Aren't For Me.

I know people love it. I've heard from many how great the story is supposed to be. I want to like it. Chainsaw guns seem cool and make me think of Warhammer 40k. The art style is gritty, detailed and awesome. But I'm not a big shooter fan, and when said shooter seems to have minimal depth and the supposedly great story line revolves around a man named "Marcus Fenix" with a roided out physique and a penchant for words like "sweet" you can color me disinterested. I have little interest in playing as a futuristic frat boy with a gun in a genre I seldom enjoy.

See above, only with an even more generic sci-fi story and even more generic shooting gameplay. Then throw in an online community consisting of 98% foul mouthed ten year olds. At least Master Chief isn't as annoying as Fenix, mind you he's not all that likable either. He's just a soldier in a suit who lost his die when he rolled for personality.

I get it, I really do. COD is a solid, if not breathtakingly original, FPS series with a fervant online community and respectable RPG elements in multiplayer. But at the end of the day I just can't get into FPS's that aren't heavy in style, RPG elements and a cool story (See:Bioshock) and I could give a crap about any war in modern history. Sorry.

I wanted to like it. I like noir, and this game oozed with noir style. I like graphic novels, and this was presented as one. But I loathed the control system so much I gave up on it within an hour or two and never looked back.

It's ok. I like puzzle games, if you could call this that. I get down on some tetris for hours at a time. But all it took was an hour of this and I was done. A few days later I tried again with the same results. It's not bad at all, just not for me I guess.

I played this heavily for a week or so. I always wanted to be into MMORPGS. I love RPG's and MMO's kind of remind me of pen and paper RPG's, which I always want to play but never have anyone to join me. But I think I'm just too much of a loner for MMO's. I enjoy some split screen co-op, but I'm mostly a single player guy. Running around, adjusting my gaming habits for my twenty man guild just isn't for me, but is apparently necessary to complete everything, and the completionist in me must do just that. I've tried several other MMO's and none of them won me over, not even Shin Megami Tensei: Imagine which I was sure would change my mind. I'm still looking to give Secret World and maybe Star Wars: The Old Republic a try, but I get the feeling I'm probably done with the genre.

I thought Sonic was pretty cool as a kid. Then I saw his cartoon and learned that he was a cocky, chilli dog eating douche. Being a mild mannered flat footed vegetarian I didn't find him very likable. Now as an adult I have gone back and played the games and learned that Mario won there little war for a reason. Sonic is Mario without the branching level paths, unique power ups or much of any strategy. Sure the games move fast, but I want to take my time exploring and enjoy the levels, not speed through them in 30 seconds. I just don't get it.

Oh Assassin's Creed. I thought you would be so cool! Medieval Metal Gear Solid with free running thrown in? Yes, please! Too bad the admittedly interesting story plods, the combat is repetitive, and free running feels so inorganic that it quickly loses it's charm. Throw in a huge world that all looks the same and quickly becomes a chore to travel through and you can count me out. I hear the rest of the series is way better though so maybe they can assuage my hunger for stealthy medieval free running and conspiracy craziness. A man can dream.

Oh how sure I was this would go down as one of my favorites of all time. I still say it's one of the most gorgeous games I ever. Sometimes I still watch the trailers and ogle them. The review in Play magazine had me all hyped up. For the first few hours I loved it. The next few I liked it. Around the ten hour mark it felt like the same thing constantly repeating, and a few hours later I gave up, depressed, and returned it to gamefly. It still makes me sad to think about. Maybe one day I'll give it another go, or maybe Muramasa will be what I hoped Odin Sphere would be. We shall see, Hamato Yoshi. We shall see...

Yup, it's pretty. Yup, it's original. Yup, the horse riding is the best I've ever experienced. But only five hours in I realized I just wasn't enjoying it. I neither loved or hated it. I nothinged it. And nothinging something is just not something I have time to waste on.