SwornShadow's WORST FILMS SEEN

Okay so what does this film promise?
Nazis IN SPACE!!!!!!

Wow! That sounds awesome!
What does it give us?
Bad acting.....

Generic boring bland action.....

The most unfunny impression of Sarah Palin or a satire of American politics I've EVER seen.......

For example the films pokes fun at America saying that the only reason they would send a "black man" up into space is to help their popularity with minorities. Yet the film makers make him a stereotype....... sort of defeats the joke they were going for there. They claim the American government to be ignorant but instead come off pretty ignorant themselves.........

So, to sum up this is my last say:
You may noticed that there isn't a rating for this film. But, there is it receives ZERO STARS OUT OF FIVE.
This is one of the most humorless, mean spirited, bland, boring, worthless, detestable, so called "films" I have seen in recent years. Do yourselves a favor skip it, no avoid, no better yet smash it into a million little pieces because anything would be better then giving money to the hacks that came up with this sub-human garbage they wanted to make a quick buck so they threw this together called it a film. Their are no surprises, no risks, no twists, no laughs, generic action, and I know it was independently made but honestly that's no excuse for having zero humor and zero common sense with what to do with an idea like this. I mean it's Nazis in SPACE how do you fail to deliver on that!?! How!!!! This is insulting to me as a critic, to me as a viewer, to me as a person. I would not like to sit through this ever again and I advise you to do the same!

Alright what does this film promise?

An exciting adventure for the whole family with that classic cartoon cat Felix! :P Because, you always wanted to see a movie with him??? Right?
Well what does it give us?
First off the animation..... it's bad, but not only bad it's hard to look at I mean look how the lights from the robots take away from the characters that are actually having a conversation!

Not only that but if you were to watch this (don't!!!) you would notice that this film almost always has noise either playing in the background or playing so loud you have a hard time understanding the characters conversations!

Also, if you were to watch it (don't) the frame rate and the way these characters move about the screen is so choppy and distracting along with never seeming to stop moving! It's pretty hard to watch.....

The story is too bizarre, the animation is just a mess, the sound mixing is way off as it over laps with actual dialogue, so if it doesn't have a compelling story, makes me sick to actually watch it because its a strain on my eyes and ears, and to top it all off it has no real climax or threatening villain along with characters who are either annoying or stupid then why watch it?

The answer is don't. Now I consider myself a fan of animation especially animated films so a animated film has to be pretty bad for me to hate it. Friends Felix the Cat: The Movie might be one of the worst if not thee worst animated film I have ever seen. Do yourself a favor go out there and find some great animated films for the whole family because nearly anything is better then this piece of garbage. ZERO STARS.

The Brothers Solomon a comedy film about "a pair of well-meaning, but socially inept brothers try to find their perfect mates in order to provide their dying father with a grandchild." Played by Will Arnett and Will Forte respectively. Alright! A comedy with two really funny actors as front runners :D and what do we get?

Well aside from having one of the most creepy movie posters with one of the creepiest tag lines ever: "They want to put a baby in you." .......... yeah that's a way to bring in viewers make a poster with a rape vibe to it.......... but I'm sure in the film they don't give off those vibes.

.......................


.........................moving on.
The actual film itself is just not funny. There's a lot of moments where you find yourself dead silent as our two main characters try to awkwardly get the audience to laugh.

But, this could be forgivable if the characters were likable. And they aren't. The film tries to play them off as a couple of socially distant brothers who want to make their Dad proud by giving him a grand child. However, their childlike and socially awkward behavior doesn't come off as funny or charming it comes off as well creepy........ really creepy..........



So in total, no comedy, no likability, no reliability, and the film has thee Lee Majors asleep for most of the film!!!! Come on how do you get The Six Million Dollar Man and give him nothing to do! That's just unforgivable! ZERO STARS.

Alright so what does this film promise us?
An adventure for the kids by kids........ oh boy this is going to hurt isn't it?

What does the film give us?
Bad kid actors.......

Some of the worst, unnecessary, and distracting 3D effects ever in a movie.........

One of the most non threatening, annoying, obnoxious villains I've ever seen in a kids movie.........

I've heard that Rodriguez co wrote the script based on ideas from his 7 year old son. And man does it show. It's perfectly fine for kids to have an imagination and come up with stories of their own. However, just because you can make it into a movie doesn't mean you should!!!! Honestly, just everything about this film is a mess: the writing, the characters, the 3D, the story, and the majority of characters are either really mean spirited or really stupid or really forgettable. Again forget this movie because it cuts the adults out of the family feature. I know adults won't be able to enjoy this in fact I don't think most kids will be able to enjoy it. Because in my opinion this film not only talk don't to adults but kids as well and I know kids are smarter then this film ever could be! ZERO STARS!

Kangaroo Jack ...... an adventure "comedy" film as we follow two bumbling Brooklyn buddies sent to deliver a $50,000 mob envelope cross paths with a hip-hopping prankster of a kangaroo who sprints off with the loot. Oh man so wacky :D
So I guess it will be a nice, fun distraction for the kids and maybe even the family can get into it I mean everyone's bound to love CGI Kangaroo Jack right :D?????

(God they look unnatural like they can feel their careers dying) I mean yeah Kangaroo Jack! Actually despite the film's title Jack really isn't the focus in fact despite the movie being built up as a wacky talking hip-hop spewing animal messing with our two "heroes". In fact Jack only talks twice during the whole film! Once during a dream sequence and the other are deleted scenes at the end of the movie? What? Why would they make these choices.... WHY?!? I mean the what they actually promised wouldn't have been much better but it would have given us something.

Thus, whenever we see Jack he is just sort of acting like an animal with zero comedic results.

Really the plot centers around this whole losing the mob's money story while chasing after Jack across Australia. So nothing happens throughout the film at least nothing to make us care.

We just see Jack kick and stress our leads out and run from them. There's just no fun to be had in this film. Because one it doesn't deliver one it's promise. Two the films humor falls flat. Three this whole Mob subplot is just a strange choice to put into a family film. And four the film is just so boring ....... I'm getting bored just writing this. This film just exists like a rock you pick it up look at it toss it and never bother to pick it up again. But give a rock some credit you might want to collect it. But, as for this movie this is a film you'll want to skip (ahhh see what I did there :D a better joke then those in the movie and I feel dirty for writing it imagine how these creators must feel).