Favorite TV show quotes

Evil Abed: You're VH1, Robocop 2 and Back to the Future 3. You're the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I'm the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You're Jim Belushi.

Britta: Everything is terrible.
Annie: Have you been watching Dance Moms again?

Troy: Chang you're insane. You're still into keytar?

Jeff: If you pull any Ferris Bueller, Parent Trap, Three's Company, F/X, or F/X 2: The Deadly Art of Illusion bullshit, I will beat you, and there will be nothing macap or wacky about it.

Jeff: Does Ricky Nightshade do birthday parties? I can supply black balloons.

Troy: You are human tennis elbow, you are a pizza burn on the roof of the world's mouth, you are the opposite of Batman!

Shirley: I can't believe Jeff attacked a table with a fire axe and is still only the second craziest person in the room.

Chang: What do I do if I see a crime?
Security Cop: Do what a security guard does and call a cop.

Phoebe: Oh, sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like!

Phoebe: Soap Opera Digest. That's one of my favorite digests.

Ross: Stupid British snack food.
Chandler: Did they teach you that in your anger management class?

Rachel: So are things between you and Joey getting any better?
Chandler: It couldn't get any worse. Last night, I spent eight hours calling him, trying to get him to talk to me.
Rachel: Oh, wow. Eight hours. So you could probably really use one of those plug-in telephone headsets, huh?
Ross: Should we all expect Christmas gifts that can be stolen from your office?
Rachel: You shouldn't.

Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won!
Chandler: Ross came fourth and cried!

Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.

Monica: Whoa. Where you going in those pants? 1982?

Chandler: I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Joey: All right, Rach. The big question is, "does he like you?" All right? Because if he doesn't like you, this is all a moo point.
Rachel: Huh. A moo point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion. It just doesn't matter. It's moo.
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?

Teddy: You want to stay inside the wall, Bob?
Bob: Don't judge me, Teddy. Don't judge me. Sometimes a man just needs to be alone with his crawlspace.

Mr. Fischoeder: People go to baseball games for the same reason people go to the amusement park: To be entertained! Do people care if the games are rigged? No!
Bob: Wait, the games are rigged?
Mr. Fischoeder: Yes!

Bob: I can't go because I have to take care of the restaurant. You don't abandon the restaurant for some fancy dancing.
Tina: If I were a hamburger you'd come and watch!
Linda: See what you've done, Bob? Come on, kids. Let's go to Tina's karate concert.

Louise: So you won't be going to revenge then?
Bob: No.
Louise: Then I guess you won't be needing your credit card, which I have carved into a ninja star.
Bob: Wait, you carved my credit card?
Louise: Into a ninja star!

Louise: Two tickets left for Dreamatorium, the hit show that three people have been blogging about.

Louise: That's very manipulative, dad. I can see where I get it from.
Bob: You should see my taxes.

Mort: I've been murdered... to DEATH!

Emma Leroy: I'm going out to get plant food Oscar, do you need anything?
Oscar Leroy: What are you getting plant food for?
Emma Leroy: Because my tomatoes are pathetic and wrinkling. And when things are pathetic and wrinkly they need food. Eat your sandwich.

Lacey: Karen, I'm glad you're here. Look, we need to talk about the book club.
Karen Pelly: I thought the first rule of book club was, you don't talk about book club.
Lacey: That's fight club.
Karen Pelly: How do you know about fight club?

Karen Pelly: How stupid are you? You can't just fire your gun off willy-nilly!
Davis: It wasn't willy-nilly, it was at crows.

Emma Leroy: You gotta stop with this revenge.
Oscar Leroy: This is not about revenge, this is about getting even!

Homer: Got any of that beer that has candy floating in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
Apu: Such a beer does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.

Homer: When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie "Spaceballs." But instead it was dark and disturbing, like that movie "Police Academy."

Homer: I'm like that guy who single-handedly built the rocket and flew to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

Homer: I've got more trophies than Wayne Gretzky and the Pope combined.

Lionel Hutz: This is the most blatant case of false advertising since my suit against the movie The Neverending Story.
Homer: So, do you think I have a case?

Homer: How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy that gives those sermons in church? Captain What's-his-name. We live in a society of laws, why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing. Did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Vroom. Beep. Honk. Honk. Ha-ha. Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.

PBS Pledge Drive Host: It's easy to see why it's England's most long-running series, and we're showing all of them, all 7 episodes.

Bart Simpson: Buy me "Bonestorm" or go to hell!
Marge Simpson: Bart!
Homer Simpson: Young man, in this house, we use a little word called "please".
Bart Simpson: It's the coolest video game ever!
Marge Simpson: I'm sorry, honey, but those games cost up to and including $70. And they're violent, and they distract you from your schoolwork.
Bart Simpson: Those are all good points, but the problem is, they don't result in me getting the game.
Homer Simpson: I know how you feel, Bart. When I was your age, I wanted an electric football game more than anything in the world. And my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life.
Homer Simpson: Well, good night.

Chuck Bartowski: I defused a real bomb! I defused a real bomb! I defused a real bomb!... What if I had been wrong?
Major John Casey: Don't puke on the C-4.

Sarah Walker: Come any closer, I shoot!
Major John Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.

Harry: You young, over-sexed, underworked kids. You don't mess with the Repo Man. NOT EVER!

Lorne: Only in a post-apocalyptic Night of the Comet kind of way.

Nick: I don't dance. I'm from the town in Footloose.