British Comedy: Nightingales

Years: 1990-1993
Broadcaster: Channel 4
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Paul Makin
Stars: Robert Lindsay, David Threlfall
Episodes: 13
Episode Average: 7.923

BEST EPISODES:
Takeaway (1990), Trouble in Mind (1993)

SERIES ONE

(1990)
6 episodes
Series Score: 47
Episode Average: 7.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

MOONLIGHT BECOMES YOU

Originally broadcast: 27 February 1990
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

There's a new inspector and he wants to check things out, which means a lot of covering up must be done, including the truth about the new lad.

"You know, I wouldn't be surprised if this was not some cruelly wrought metaphor about the education system creating monsters beyond its control."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E2

TAKEAWAY

Originally broadcast: 6 March 1990
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

When one of them has to go because of cutbacks, Carter and Bell turn all Shakespearian and plot against Piper.

"Get rid of Piper, Sarge, he's the one to go, not us. The old man must fall. He's a knave, a rascal, a lecherous, treacherous eater of broken meats. A proud, base, filthy, worsted-stocking knave, and what's more... He's a prat!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S1E3

KISS AND MAKE UP

Originally broadcast: 13 March 1990
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

Carter wins the booby prize in a competition, but can't get the night off to enjoy it.

"Have you got any tips for the older woman?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E4

OPENING NIGHT

Originally broadcast: 20 March 1990
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

When Sarge needs an operation, Carter remembers that Swan's a medical student, but stupidly leaves it to Ding-Dong to check the calendar.

"Eric, Eric, it's not on, you can't eat the patient, Eric. It's unethical, besides that, it shorten his chances of survival."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S1E5

SCRUTINY OF THE BOUNTY

Originally broadcast: 27 March 1990
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

The lads are relocated to the men's bogs when police surveillance take over the staff room.

"Yeah, well I was worried you know, because the woman in she shop said I should have gone for more of a flesh tone, or something with a seam, ya know?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

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S1E6

TERENCE IN THE MIDST

Originally broadcast: 3 April 1990
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

A strange new employee arrives, and all the lads want rid of him, until he wins them over one by one.

"Woman sitting on bended knee, selling johnnies for 1/3,
Some are 6d, some are a bob, it all depends on the size of the..."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(1992-1993)
7 episodes
Series Score: 56
Episode Average: 8.0
Perfect 10's: 0

S2E1

SILENT NIGHT

Originally broadcast: 30 December 1992
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

The lads are singing Christmas carols when there's a knock at the door, it's Mary, and she's with child.

"Is the Pope pregnant?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E2

TROUBLE IN MIND

Originally broadcast: 6 January 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

When Bell is caught doing unmentionable things to a horse, a psychiatrist is called upon to explore his inner feelings.

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

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S2E3

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT

Originally broadcast: 13 January 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

A burglar seems to have proof that all three men are his father.

"Yeah, alright but I want the helmet first, I've always wanted my own helmet"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E4

ALL AT SEA

Originally broadcast: 20 January 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

There's mutiny when an over-the-top new Inspector turns up.

"Sir, I hope the stench from my shirt hasn't put you off your meal, sir."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

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S2E5

Originally broadcast: 27 January 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

The lads are relocated to the men's bogs when police surveillance take over the staff room.

"What a poetic description, what a concise summary of one of the greatest works of art known to civilisation. Leonardo da Vinci's proportions of the human figure, otherwise known as 'a man with his knob hanging out'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E6

KING LEAR II

Originally broadcast: 3 February 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

Carter and Bell try to make Sarge think he's going mad so that he might be retired off, but then Eric's return and puts a spanner in the works.

"Who invented fish?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

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S2E7

SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME

Originally broadcast: 10 February 1993
Directed by: Tony Dow
Written by: Paul Makin

The company install CCTV, leading Sarge to think that they'll soon be gotten rid of, but then they spot something strange on the screens.

"Remember to look after me shed!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

CARTER

Played by Robert Lindsay
13 Episodes
in... Moonlight Becomes You (1990)

BELL

Played by David Threlfall
13 Episodes
in... Scrutiny of the Bounty (1990)

SARGE

Played by James Ellis
13 Episodes
in... Terence in the Midst (1990)