British Comedy: Hi-de-Hi !

Years: 1980-1988
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: David Croft, Jimmy Perry
Stars: Paul Shane, Ruth Madoc
Episodes: 58
Episode Average: 7.224

BEST EPISODES:
The Partridge Season (1981), The Wind of Change (1988)

SERIES ONE

(1980-1981)
7 episodes
Series Score: 51
Episode Average: 7.29
Perfect 10's: 1

S1E1

HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE

Originally broadcast: 1 January 1980
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted shows Spike the ropes, Jeffrey struggles to fit in as the new Entertainment Manager, and an elderly couple show their appreciation.

"And I'll give you a tip. Whatever you do, don't get thrown in the pool wearing that. Cos the armour gets rusty. Not only that, you'll drown."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E2

MICKEY MOUSE GROTTO

Originally broadcast: 26 February 1981
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted gets a bit naughty with the daughter of friends of Joe Maplin, Peggy expresses her determination to become a Yellowcoat, and Jeff has the finger of suspicion pointed at him.

"Yeah, I wouldn't have it. I made my agent get it written into my contract. I told him, look, 'I'm engaged as jolly Uncle Willy. the children's entertainer, and I finish the minute those rotten kids are in bed'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E3

THE BEAUTY QUEEN AFFAIR

Originally broadcast: 5 March 1981
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

A beauty queen's father tries to bribe Jeff, Ted tries to scam gifts from the campers, and Spike freezes his tentacles off in the pool.

"I shouldn't do that business with the truncheon up the girl's skirt. It's very suggestive."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E4

THE PARTRIDGE SEASON

Originally broadcast: 12 March 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Jeff can't find it in himself to sack Mr. Partridge, there's drunkenness and singing from Mr. Punch's chalet, and Gladys isn't impressed to see Sylvia in a tight spot with Jeff.

"Well, I was packing up the Punch and Judy, and I couldn't find the sausages. So, I looked around and there was this snotty nosed kid sucking on an ice cream cornet. 'Have you got my sausages?' I said.'Get lost, granddad' he said, and I could see them sticking out of his pocket. So, I grabbed them off him, snatched his ice cream cornet, stuck it in his face, give it a twist, then I clipped him round the earhole and kicked him up the arse."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E5

THE OF RECKONING

Originally broadcast: 19 March 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Fred panics when he hears a name from his past, Peggy overhears a conversation in one of the chalets, and an exchange is arranged to put a stop to any mischief.

"I don't know why they're called 'Curiously Strong'. Fancy bothering me with a question like that! All I know is, every time I take a deep breath, I nearly blow the top of my head off."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E6

CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME

Originally broadcast: 26 March 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin's request that everyone smile gives Ted an idea for a scam, Jeff's trying to put a stop to pilfering, and an old couple tell of a robbery from a teapot.

"Take my tip, Spike. Never marry a woman."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S1E7

NO DOGS ALLOWED

Originally broadcast: 2 April 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted's told that he has to wear his yellow coat, Jeff sneaks a female into camp, and a photographer's trying to catch Jeff in the act.

"Well, you will keep changing the steps. You're supposed to circle round before you do-si-do, you dozy cow!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SERIES TWO

(1981-1982)
6 episodes
Series Score: 45
Episode Average: 7.5
Perfect 10's: 1

S2E1

IF WET - IN THE BALLROOM

Originally broadcast: 29 November 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Rain puts a stop to outdoor entertainment, Mr. Partridge ties up a kid during a magic act, and the singing competition is rigged... twice.

"Don't be too hard on Mr. Partridge. He doesn't want much in life. Just a lot of drink"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E2

PEGGY'S BIG CHANCE

Originally broadcast: 6 December 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin insists that more of the staff get thrown in the pool, Peggy gets a role as part of the entertainment, and an interview with the Entertainment Director doesn't go as hoped.

"I should have it printed in the programme. 'Jeffrey Fairbrother - Wheeze in the Pool'."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E3

LIFT UP YOUR MINDS

Originally broadcast: 13 December 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Jeff decides to offer the campers a bit of culture, Joe Maplin isn't happy with the increased breakfast bill, and Ted steps up when disillusionment sets in.

"Sit next to me. I don't mind being put off. It's nice to see a pair of legs without horseshoes on the end."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E4

ON WITH THE MOTLEY

Originally broadcast: 20 December 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

An opportunity comes up for Ted, Peggy accompanies him in the hope of impressing a talent scout, and Gladys struggles to understand Jeff.

"I'd give anything to be like him. Without the moustache, of course."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E5

A NIGHT NOT TO REMEMBER

Originally broadcast: 27 December 1981
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Gladys discovers that she has an admirer, Jeff gets a little the worse for wear, and there's gossip about hanky-panky between two of the staff.

"If you remember, dear, I changed my mind and nobody came to my rescue."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S2E6

SAUSAGES OR LIMELIGHT

Originally broadcast: 3 January 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Spike has a big decision to make about his future, Joe Maplin's not happy about how much is being spent on food, and Ted has an idea to keep the campers busy.

"When you're up at six o'clock in the morning, and you're hanging them carcasses on them hooks in the deep freeze, are you going to feel... fulfilled artistically? Because you've got to face it, Spike... when you shout 'Hi-de-hi!', them frozen pigs are not going to shout back, 'Hi-de-ho!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SERIES THREE

(1982)
6 episodes
Series Score: 43
Episode Average: 7.17
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1

NICE PEOPLE WITH NICE MANNERS

Originally broadcast: 31 October 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Peggy's asked to hand out invitations to a party to which she isn't invited, Jeff isn't impressed when he finds out about the 'That's Your Bum' competition, and Barry and Yvonne are horrified when their chalet is filled with common people.

"Oh, yes, it is. Clause 5c.'When required by the management, the artist agrees to use his best endeavours to take over any duties on the staff or to fill any position left temporarily vacant.' That porthole on the side of the ship is a position. It's temporarily left vacant and you've got to fill it with your bum."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E2

CARNIVAL TIME

Originally broadcast: 7 November 1982
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

It's carnival time in Crimpton-on-Sea, the Dean of Jeff's old college tries to persuade him to return, and Ted gets a little heavy-handed with the meths.

"What we need is drama. We'll have the girls with short skirts up to here doing a war dance round a white virgin tied to a stake in her underclothes. Gladys can be the white virgin. You've done a bit of acting, haven't you?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E3

A MATTER OF CONSCIENCE

Originally broadcast: 14 November 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin blackmails Jeff into helping with his plans to stop a hospital being built next to the camp, Ted organises a noisy competition, and Peggy's more than happy to end her day as a Yellowcoat.

"It's not the way you walk, love, it's who you point it at."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E4

THE PAY-OFF

Originally broadcast: 21 November 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Jeff's furious when Joe Maplin asks him to bribe officials, Ted gets picked up the police, and Fred's horse is sick.

"Well, you get a tube and you blow 'em down his throat. If the horse blows first, you're cured of worms for the rest of your life."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E5

TROUBLE AND STRIFE

Originally broadcast: 28 November 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted faces being arrested unless he pays maintenance to his wife, chalet 17 sees guests come and go at an alarming rate, and Jeff's good nature gets in the way of a deal.

"You hate kids, you hate horses, and you hate people." "That's right, three 'ates are 24."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S3E6

STRIPES

Originally broadcast: 5 December 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin secretly inspects the camp, a display of authority leads to widespread one-upmanship, and Gladys' half-brother visits.

"There's a poser for ya, Jeff... Gladys refuses to have it off."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES FOUR

(1982-1983)
7 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 7.43
Perfect 10's: 0

S4E1

CO-RESPONDENT'S COURSE

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Jeff's asked to give his wife grounds for divorce, Peggy's asked for incriminating information, and Gladys storms out of camp.

"Well, look what happened the other night when we had the Ouija board out. We'd just got through to your Aunt Alice, on the other side, who said she had a message for you and you
said in quite a low voice, 'Give it to me. Give it to me.' And Ted was knocking on the wall offering to help."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E2

IT'S A BLUE WORLD

Originally broadcast: 19 December 1982
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted sells tickets for a late night movie, the vice squad are soon on the scent, and Spike does his best to save the day.

"Oh, I'm glad you've come. I've just took a message for Mr. Fairbrother. I better tell you quick before I forget it. It's from a man named Ron and if you've got one, you've got to take it out and put a match to it. Oh, and if you squeal, he knows a man who can come and stitch it up for you."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E3

ERUPTIONS

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1982
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Mr. Partridge is in trouble for being drunk on duty again, Ted's not happy that the model volcano is interrupting his performance, and Jeff and Gladys spend the night locked in the 'Three Bears' Cottage'.

"Certainly not. I am management. I don't go around giving out leis."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E4

THE SOCIETY ENTERTAINER

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Jeff opts for a different voice on Radio Maplin, Spike changes his act to impress a pretty girl, and Gladys plots to get rid of her rival.

"When that next lot comes in I'll go for the brunette. Long dark hair right down her back. None on her head, just down her back."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E5

SING YOU SINNERS

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1983
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Jeff proves to be no replacement for the departing vicar, Ted hosts a gospel-style show, and Reverend Fulljames returns in time to spoil a carefully laid plan.

"Well, it's for this joke, you see. Fred Quilly asks, 'What's that?', I say,'It's a Greek urn', he says, 'what's a Greek urn?', I say, 'About £5 a week.'"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E6

MAPLIN INTERCONTINENTAL

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin;ss opening a new camp in the Bahamas, Gladys and Sylvia do battle in a competition for most popular female Yellowcoat, and Peggy gets the chance she's been waiting for.

"Excuse me, Mr. Fairbrother, if one of the girls is going to the Bananas, there'll be a vacancy for a Yellowcoat won't there?"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S4E7

ALL CHANGE

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The camp is overbooked, Joe Maplin sends in someone to sort out efficiency, and sleeping arrangements are complicated further when Barry and Yvonne split up.

"It's not my cooking, the bed's alight! Barry left his curling tongs on! Get the hose, Peggy."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FIVE

(1983-1984)
7 episodes
Series Score: 55
Episode Average: 7.86
Perfect 10's: 0

S5E1

CONCESSIONS

Originally broadcast: 27 November 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted pretends to be ill so he can do a gig, Peggy overhears plans that might be of interest to Joe Maplin, and Spike tries to break new ground in comedy.

"Perhaps he'll dress up as a lettuce and do slug jokes."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E2

SAVE OUR HERITAGE

Originally broadcast: 4 December 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Peggy's invited for a fish supper by a vicar, Jeff is horrified to learn that Joe Maplin is trying to kick an elderly woman off his land, and the staff play a game of hide the bulldozer.

"Don't you start. If you weren't sitting on my crust, I'd move to another table."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E3

EMPTY SADDLES

Originally broadcast: 11 December 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Fred is upset when Joe Maplin orders him to get rid of some of the old horses, Barry and Yvonne complain about noise from the tennis courts, and a new kind of guest starts to arrive at the camp.

"I just can't work with you in that new ball gown again, Yvonne. It's cut far too low at the back. You can see all your ribs, You look like a xylophone."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E4

THE MAGGIAGE SETTLEMANT

Originally broadcast: 18 December 1983
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Gladys is upset when she learns that Jeff's wife is visiting, Ted replaces Spike's foot with an apple, and Peggy's left short of cups when she's asked to walk in on a compromising situation.

"Of course. You know me, Mr. Fairbrother. I'm the soul of indiscretion."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E5

THE GRAVEN IMAGE

Originally broadcast: 8 January 1984
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin sends statues of himself to each of his holiday camps, Spike has an artistic moment after a day on the drink with Ted, and Peggy gets a little carried away.

"I think it's an improvement, it shows what Joe Maplin really is - a stupid clown"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E6

PEGGY'S PEN FRIEND

Originally broadcast: 15 January 1984
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Peggy reveals that she has had a lover for two years, a proposal causes concern amongst the staff, and there's spying in the sand dunes.

"Do you mean carnivore knowledge?"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S5E7

THE EPIDEMIC

Originally broadcast: 22 January 1984
Directed by: John Kilby
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The campers are horrified when there are no chips, Joe Maplin warns of a graffiti epidemic, and Barry has to watch Yvonne dancing with an old rival after he hurts his back.

"You remember, dear. You lost your falsies. And when we got back to the dressing room, someone had drawn a Chad on the mirror which said, 'Wot, no boobs?'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES SIX

(1984)
6 episodes
Series Score: 41
Episode Average: 6.83
Perfect 10's: 0

S6E1

TOGETHER AGAIN

Originally broadcast: 3 November 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The staff meet up for the 1960 season at the train station, there's news from Jeffrey, and Ted contacts Joe Maplin.

"She read that letter and collapsed into a chroma."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E2

TED AT THE HELM

Originally broadcast: 10 November 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted's hopes of promotion are raised when he's asked to London, Peggy's dreams of becoming a Yellowcoat seem to be as distant as ever when three new girls arrive, and Ted might have met his match when a new man makes an appearance.

"Put them down to me. A box of bum bumf isn't going to break the bank."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E3

OPENING DAY

Originally broadcast: 17 November 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Fred gives money to Clive in the hope of getting his license back, the staff welcome the new batch of campers at the train station, and Ted wonders if he will ever be able to get the better of Clive.

"Yes of course. My office door is an ever open door. Shut the door, Fred."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E4

ON WITH THE MOTLEY

Originally broadcast: 24 November 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Clive borrows money to pay Ted, Gladys gets revenge on Sylvia, and Peggy misses the fun side of her job when she's promoted to a different part of the camp.

"I think we must be out of toilet roll."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E5

HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE, WHO'S ON THE FIDDLE?

Originally broadcast: 1 December 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Peggy finds a letter that suggests there's a spy in the camp, Spike does his best to put s stop to all the little scams and fiddles, and Gladys pays for Clive's generosity.

"Don't hit him, Ted. He's only a little girl. Calm down, for goodness sake"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S6E6

RAFFLES

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Ted comes up with a scam involving two cars, Clive has debts to settle, and the ballroom is full of Bogarts.

"Well move about a bit, you look like two vultures perched on a rock."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

SERIES SEVEN

(1985-1986)
7 episodes
Series Score: 50
Episode Average: 7.14
Perfect 10's: 0

S7E1

THE GREAT CAT ROBBERY

Originally broadcast: 25 December 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Peggy recognises a face in the paper, Ted sees a chance to win a reward, and the contents and occupants of three chalets get rearranged in the night.

"Peggy... I thought we just agreed that you weren't potty."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E2

IT'S MURDER

Originally broadcast: 5 January 1986
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Yvonne and Barry complain about Mr. Partridge, there's trouble at the Punch & Judy show, and there's a grim discovery in the pool.

"Dear Mr. Maplin. A word to the wise. What a rotten lot of entertainment staff you've got. They're a load of merchant bankers."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E3

WHO KILLED MR PARTRIDGE?

Originally broadcast: 12 January 1986
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin tells Ted not call the police about the body in the pool, Fred cuts the power, and an hysterical camper is tied up in the radio room.

"Wait a minute, I heard Mr. Partridge in his chalet about tea-time. You were having a row with him, Fred. I heard you say, 'If you say I smell of horses once more, I'll put your head down the pan and pull the plug.'"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E4

SPAGHETTL GALORE

Originally broadcast: 19 January 1986
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The 'Smiling Viper' arrives to check the camp over, Peggy borrows a motorbike from her boyfriend, and Gladys has a very Italian birthday.

"I can keep me mouth shut. Wild hearses wouldn't drag it out of me."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E5

A LACK OF PUNCH

Originally broadcast: 26 January 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The staff have to entertain the children in place of Mr. Partridge, Joe Maplin's trophies are put on display, and Ted finds a down-on-his-luck children's entertainer on a beach.

"Spike, you're trying to put out a bonfire with paraffin."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E6

IROVY CASTLES IN THE AIR

Originally broadcast: 9 February 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The Yellowcoats compete to keep the sponsors happy, Peggy gets to star in the show as Miss San-Kill 1960, and Gladys gets the wrong idea when Clive invites her to meet his father.

"There'll be bluebirds over the white teeth of Dover."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S7E7

MAN TRAP

Originally broadcast: 16 February 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Gladys wants to leave the camp because of the newspaper article, Spike's relationship with April looks to be ending in tears, and Ted convinces Clive to propose to Gladys.

"I'm afraid your marriage to Gladys is off. You've got to marry this
Australian girl who's good at parking kangaroos."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SERIES EIGHT

(1986)
6 episodes
Series Score: 37
Episode Average: 6.17
Perfect 10's: 0

S8E1

PIGS MIGHT FLY

Originally broadcast: 8 November 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Clive wants the Gladys situation to go away, Yvonne won't leave her chalet after Barry disappears during the night, and Spike realises that he's in love with two women.

"Don't bother about making them laugh, just go on and do your act."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E2

THE NEW BROOM

Originally broadcast: 15 November 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Uncle Sammy arrives at camp with news about his new position, Clive tries to put off Gladys, and Peggy finds herself in an awkward situation with the Camp Controller.

"Come outside and I'll murder you in the open air, you big long tall streak of wind. Come on!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E3

ORPHAN OF THE STORM

Originally broadcast: 22 November 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Alec Foster fires Peggy for theft, Spike and Clive both end up with black eyes, and there's an unlikely hero to save the day.

"First Peggy got the sack, and now Clive. Who's next, I wonder? It calls into question the whole work ethnic."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E4

GOD BLESS OUR FAMILY

Originally broadcast: 6 December 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Peggy fills a Rolls-Royce with toilet rolls, Julian tells Yvonne exactly what he wants to do to her, and Clive goes against his family by declaring that he will marry Gladys.

"Good morning. Do you want your bed made?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E5

ONLY THE BRAVE

Originally broadcast: 13 December 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin bans staff parties after events at another camp, Ted arranges a showing of Bambi for April's birthday, and Gladys has a dream.

"Huh! I've had two seasons of it! I used to tidy up after him, but I got no thanks for it. He just used to call me an old woman."

HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 1
TOTAL: 3

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S8E6

SEPTEMBER SONG

Originally broadcast: 27 December 1986
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Don't you wave your chop at me.

"Don't you wave your chop at me."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES NINE

(1987-1988)
6 episodes
Series Score: 45
Episode Average: 7.5
Perfect 10's: 2

S9E1

TELL IT TO THE MARINES

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1987
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

The Royal Marines put on a gymnastics display, there's talk of a musical genius in camp, and Ted bets that the Yellowcoats can beat the Marines over an assault course.

"Come on, Spike! Get your leg over!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E2

MARRY GO ROUND

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1988
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Spike's having a comedy crisis, Yvonne sees Spike leaving Gladys's chalet in the early hours, and Joe Maplin tells Sammy to get on with his job.

"I'm not vague any more. I want to marry you, April, then everyone will laugh at me."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E3

THE PERILS OF PEGGY

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1988
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Yes, you have. You played bat and ball with her and turned her
on and off like a cat and mouse.

"Yes, you have. You played bat and ball with her and turned her on and off like a cat and mouse."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E4

LET THEM EAT CAKE

Originally broadcast: 16 January 1988
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Joe Maplin wants changes to bring the visitors back, a faulty guillotine puts a stop to the Marie Antoinette reenactment, and a comic brought in by Alec Foster gets booed off after he insults his audience.

"Julian, how can I possibly play an old hag?"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E5

WEDDING BELLS

Originally broadcast: 23 January 1988
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Clive obtains a special wedding license so he can marry Gladys, Yvonne tries to put a spanner in the works, and Ted works to put Clive's family off the scent.

"Well, I promise not to show you up and embarrass you in any way and I'll try not to cry and I won't jump up and down and whistle."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

S9E6

THE WIND OF CHANGES

Originally broadcast: 30 January 1988
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jimmy Perry, David Croft

Dawn's rushed into hospital, Peggy gets a little carried away after finally getting her yellow coat, and there's news about the new season.

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

TED BOVIS

Camp Host
Played by Paul Shane
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Hey Diddle Diddle (1980)

GLADYS PUGH

Chief Yellowcoat
Played by Ruth Madoc
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... The Day of Reckoning (1981)

SPIKE DIXON

Camp Comic
Played by Jeffrey Holland
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... The Society Entertainer (1983)

FRED QUILLEY

Riding instructor
Played by Felix Bowness
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Peggy's Pen Friend (1984)

PEGGY OLLERENSHAW

Chalet Maid/Yellowcoat
Played by Su Pollard
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Stripes (1982)

YVONNE STUART-HARGREAVES

Dancing Instructress
Played by Diane Holland
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Lift Up Your Minds (1981)

SYLVIA GARNSEY

Yellowcoat
Played by Nikki Kelly
58 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Peggy's Big Chance (1981)

STANLEY MATTHEWS

Yellowcoat
Played by David Webb
57 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... It's Murder (1986)

BRUCE MATTHEWS

Yellowcoat
Played by Tony Webb
57 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Pigs Might Fly (1986)

GARY BOLTON

Yellowcoat
Played by Terence Creasey (7 episodes)
Played by Chris Andrews (50 episodes)
57 Episodes (1980-1988)
in... Empty Saddles (1983)

BARRY STUART-HARGREAVES

Dance Instructor
Played by Barry Howard
46 Episodes (1980-1986)
in... If Wet – In the Ballroom (1981)

WILLIAM PARTRIDGE

Children's Entertainer
Played by Leslie Dwyer
36 Episodes (1980-1984)
in... Save Our Heritage (1983)

PROF. JEFFREY FAIRBROTHER

Entertainment Manager
Played by Simon Cadell
33 Episodes (1980-1984)
in... A Night to Remember (1981)

BETTY WHISTLER

Yellowcoat
Played by Rikki Howard
33 Episodes (1980-1984)
in... Eruptions (1982)

SQUADRON LEADER, THE HONOURABLE CLIVE DEMPSTER

Entertainment Manager
Played by David Griffin
24 Episodes (1984-1988)
in... Hey Diddle Diddle,
Who's on the Fiddle? (1984)

APRIL WINGATE

Yellowcoat
Played by Linda Regan
24 Episodes (1984-1988)
in... Ivory Castles in the Air (1986)

DAWN FRESHWATER

Yellowcoat
Played by Laura Jackson
24 Episodes (1984-1988)
in... The Great Cat Robbery (1985)

TRACY BENTWARD

Yellowcoat
Played by Susan Beagley
20 Episodes (1982-1984)
in... Trouble and Strife (1982)

JULIAN DALRYMPLE-SYKES

Dancing Instructor
Played by Ben Aris
13 Episodes (1984-1988)
in... The New Broom (1986)

SAMMY MORRIS

Children's Entertainer
Played by Kenneth Connor
12 Episodes (1986-1988)
in... September Song (1986)

BABS WEAVER

Yellowcoat
Played by Julie-Christian Young
12 Episodes (1984-1986)
in... Ted at the Helm (1984)

RAMONA

Camp Organist
Played by Jane Lear
12 Episodes (1981-1988)
in... Nice People With Nice Manners (1982)

MARY

Yellowcoat
Played by Penny Irving
7 Episodes (1980-1981)
in... The Partridge Season (1981)

VAL

Yellowcoat
Played by Gail Harrison
6 Episodes (1981-1982)
in... A Night to Remember (1981)

ALEC FOSTER

Camp Controller
Played by Ewan Hooper
5 Episodes (1986-1988)
in... Orphan of the Storm (1986)

HAROLD FOX

General Manager
Played by Gavin Richards
3 Episodes (1984-1986)
in... Spaghetti Galore (1986)

JOAN WAINWRIGHT

Controller of Yellowcoats
Played by Cheryl Murray
1 Episodes (1983)
in... All Change (1983)