G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Reviews

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra… is one of the worst action movies I've ever seen in my life! Yes, this was one of the most miserable two hours I've ever had! It's almost as bad as Transformers 2 – and believe me, coming from me, that is very, very bad indeed!
I should clarify first that I never watched the 80s GI Joe show, and I don't know how well this movie represents the characters from the toy line-up.
I can say, though, that the performances are all dull and uninspired, and the CGI is awful – some of the worst I've ever seen!
But I think the biggest problem is that the pacing is too fucking fast! The whole narrative rushes along far too quickly to allow you to take anything in. Even by about the five-minute mark, I was going, "Slow the fuck down!" Every scene feels like the movie's in a hurry to just get it over with.
The fact that the action scenes are so frequent, and so terribly shot and edited, makes things even more insufferable. Again, it's all cut far too quickly, and the pacing doesn't let anything set itself up properly, so no moment is given the chance to be exciting.
And the last act is a symphony of woefully predictable clichés.
In a nutshell, this movie is way too fast-paced for its own good. The inconsiderate pace and absolutely abysmal effects make it a raw showcase of pure frustration.

My rating: turkey

Honestly, I wasn't expecting much from this flick but Nick, my step-son, really wanted to watch it so we ended up watching it in the movie theater. Well, it was definitely not really good, I’m afraid. The point is that I did watch the cartoon as a kid back then, and of course, the whole thing was terribly cheesy but it could have worked but the makers seriously messed up the whole thing. Indeed, there were some rather spectacular action scenes, I’ll give you that but they all really look fake. Of course, the story is never really important with this kind of flicks but, come on, they could have done much better than this. Eventually, the best surprise was Sienna Miller who really looked awesome as the Baroness but that’s seriously the only thing that more or less impressed me. Somehow, they thought they could salvage this failure and they released a sequel and even though they did include Bruce Willis, one of the biggest action stars that ever lived and Dwayne Johnson who has pretty much become the franchise savior (see also ‘Fast Five’ and ‘Journey 2: The Mysterious Island’), this second installment was pretty much as much underwhelming as this one. To conclude, it was a rather disappointing feature and I don’t think it is really worth a look.

''Technically, G.I. Joe does not exist, but if it did, it'd be comprised of the top men and women from the top military units in the world, the alpha dog's. When all else fails, we don't.''

An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.

Dennis Quaid: General Abernathy / Hawk

The man behind The Mummy series and Van Helsing explodes his latest project G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra upon audiences.
Although knowing Director Stephen Sommers you instantly assume CGI, effects and colourful meanderings will take precedence over any substantial material or dialogue. So what is the result? Well, it is an overblown fest of nonsense with no defining plot.



Sommers never truly develops his characters thus we can never relate to them. By all means you could argue he tries, by using flashbacks, used at the strangest possible interludes. The acting doesn't help matters either because performances range from dastardly villainy to macho good guys cracking lame jokes.
Going back to the flashbacks, which merely include a few of the main members of G.I. Joe and Cobra, the rest of the cast, which is many do not have the necessary fleshing out to define them.
Needless to say, Joseph Gordon-Levitt impressed me the most, if I had to choose a defining, stand out actor. He plays the nefarious evil Doctor whom is also the brother to Sienna Miller's Baroness, although supposedly recognizable to the untrained eye he instantly was spotted by me. He gives a chilling, over the top, twisted definition to bring to life his character. What else? He's clearly having fun and I guiltily admit watching him.
The rest of the cast range from the eye candy females there to drawn in the mindless male audiences whom don't know any better, and the strong, buff men used to draw the females. Yet, this is a very boyish film much like the Hasbro toys the film is based upon.

''They feel no fear. Cortical nerve clusters showed complete inactivity. They feel no pain. Concepts of morality are disengaged. They feel no regrets. No remorse.''

Sienna Miller utilizes the advantages of the push up bra and a sexy exotic black costume while red headed Rachel Nichols does exactly the same thing with her shaped body suit. G.I. Joe clearly is style over substance in a dizzying array of CGI mayhem.
Villain arms dealer Christopher Eccleston has a Scottish accent that quite honestly makes milk curdle with it's comical tones of stereotypicalist provocation. Whereas Dennis Quaid's Hawk expects us to believe he's an American General leading an Elite Unit of technologically blessed block heads.
Ray Park reprises a silent role from his days of The Phantom Menace, Marlon Wayans is the black guy cracking jokes, and Arnold Voosloo pops into this Sommers outing to whistle. Speaking of Voosloo, G.I Joe is littered with The Mummy old cast churning out odd cameos which essentially back fire because the film becomes a ''Spot The Mummy cast member!'' outing instead of just a contorted mess. I'm actually puzzled as to whether Brendan Fraser and Kevin J. O'Connor appearing randomly in scenes is good or bad.
As for Jonathan Pryce being cast as the US president someone is clearly having a lovely laugh at our expense.
Channing Tatum as duke, the so called lead man, shows not everyone in this World has the ability to act or say lines correctly. He's essentally a walking, talking bloke whom just found his way out of the gym.
He does succeed in being more wooden than a cemented lama which one night became fossilized by non-movement.

What's funny is that little kids, young teenagers and handfuls of geeks or fans of the toys will love this chaotic, colourful rainbow of action and CGI.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra for me, was at times fun yet mostly a confusing experience. I mean, they actually fooled me into for a moment indulging a thought that the film may have a story to back itself up. The beginning has a period flashback in Scotland reminiscent of The Man In the Iron Mask yet the illusion is dispelled with the jump back to modern reality and G.I. Joe prominently shows it's true colours. A hyper actioned affair with no defining plot. Gigantic set pieces and CGI over-kill may impress the simple minded film junkies who need a quick fix but alas for those more intelligent viewers, like I, I can boldly say we're not fooled. Try again Sommers. Reading books might help Stephen discover what substance and story means.

''The time has come for the cobra to rise up and reveal himself. You will call me Commander.''

I had zero interest in watching this at all because it looked an absolutely shit film but when I saw it at the cinema, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. It still wasn't a very good film but I was quite surprised that it wasn't awful which is what I was expecting, really. One thing that this film does have that pretty much all fantasy and science fiction films have are breathtaking visual and sound effects. The effects in the action were good but it sort of looks like something that Michael Bay would do because there were loads of mindless explosions. I think that the only Oscar that it could be on the list to be nominated for would be for Best Visual Effects.


Channing Tatum's performance wasn't good because I don't think he made very much effort to get into the character. To me, Channing is like another Zac Efron. Yes, Channing is a charming actor to play a character like Duke but I think he could have made a better effort. Marlon Wayans was actually quite humourous in this one. No, he wasn't hilarious but I did have little chuckles under my breath a few times. Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller weren't bad as their characters. I was blown away and taken completely by their looks.


Stephen Sommers isn't a very good director at all, really especially with The Mummy, The Mummy Returns and Van Helsing. However, his work on G.I. Joe wasn't that bad. It was just for entertainment but I am ever so glad that Sommers didn't direct this film like Michael Bay has done in the past in his action films. Sommers didn't have that much overloaded and mindless explosions like Michael Bay usually have in his films. It wasn't top-notch filmmaking but it was decent enough for entertainment which I accepted.


Overall, G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra is a neither bad nor good film adaptation of the famous toys that is just a piece of entertainment. I find it a typical action film that has breathtaking technical effects but not that decent acting and directing.

Not bad for what it is. Not as campy as lets say Speed Racer. But pretty good, great CGI & special effects. Storyline pretty good. Down falls to the movie Dennis Quaid as General Hawk, and the kid from 3rd Rock from the sun as Cobra Commander. Costumes where great except for giving Snake Eyes lips. What the hell that all about? First Optimus Prime and now Snake Eyes. For good old fashion fun when watching a movie definately one to check out

"Technically, GI Joe does not exist. But if it did, it would be comprised of the best men and women from the top military units in the world, the alpha dog's. When all else fails we don't."

Built on the philosophy that any line of Hasbro action figures will translate to the big screen with lucrative results (à la Michael Bay's Transformers), G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is exactly the type of overblown, loud, mindless summer blockbuster it clearly aspired to be - a cartoonish actioner of ornately costumed good vs. evil with large explosions, plenty of CGI, very few nuances and some woeful acting. The filmmakers behind G.I. Joe visibly intended to replicate what a 10-year-old boy's imagination might conjure up while playing with his action figures, and the result is an action film highlight reel that's pleasing to the eye but not to any other organ. On this note it's an awful movie by any standard, but it's also a great deal of fun.

For those unaware, G.I. Joe is not a person - it's an organisation (a bit like the X-Men, except the G.I. Joes gain superpowers through technology and training rather than innate ability). General Hawk (Quaid) is the one who presides over this elite unit of warriors. The plot, so to speak, concerns the Joes whose mission is to defend a bunch of cutting edge NATO weapons from an evil organisation. The bad guys plan to steal these weapons and use them to destroy strategic global targets in an effort to (what else?)...take over the world! Of course, none of this detail matters because the whole storyline is an excuse to showcase action sequences that'll just be interrupted by a poorly-placed flashback or a silly joke.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is virtually wall-to-wall action, delivered at such a brisk pace that the lull is very noticeable during brief breaks for exposition. The dialogue is expectedly risible, while the story is at once elemental and incomprehensible; jumping from 1640s France to the near future before zipping to Tokyo 20 years earlier, and so on. The screenplay (credited to five writers) is a clichéd mess of fanboy pandering (the famous "knowing is half the battle" line is of course spoken) which struggles to introduce a cumbersome roster of one-note characters while a world domination scheme unfolds that wouldn't pass muster in the most self-indulgent efforts of the James Bond franchise. The script also spends an absurd amount of time on flashbacks that help establish all the characters in the Joe universe. Half the bad guys were originally good guys, the Cobra back-story is turned into a chintzy soap opera, and the origins tale of Snake Eyes is compressed into a few short flashbacks (usually concerning fights between two kids). Even despite the attempts to offer an origins tale for most of the protagonists, they remain as plastic as the toys that inspired them. Sure, expecting character development in a G.I. Joe motion picture is foolhardy, but tension and excitement in action movies are tied to the viewer's ability to root for the protagonists - and it's hard to root for underdeveloped characters.

On the other hand, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a devilishly fun and entertaining guilty pleasure. Why? Because it gets it - it knows the pedigree it wants to be, and it pursues it. All that's missing from this film is the hands of an 8-year-old on the screen making the characters move. Director Stephen Sommers only operates in one gear; infusing G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra with a blistering pace that makes it somewhat easier to overlook the film's numerous shortcomings. The atmosphere of unapologetic cartoonishness is exacerbated by the eye-rolling overuse of computer-generated special effects, with the pervasive lack of reality reinforcing the film's proud status as a big-budget summer blockbuster.

In any case, this film is far better than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - not because it's more creative or thoughtful (it isn't) but because Sommers is a more sure-handed director than Michael Bay. An audience may not have a great deal of emotional investment in the action, but at least it's comprehensible (the camera never experiences a sudden seizure). Admittedly, too, the action sequences are frequently exhilarating, and the inclusion of several better-than-expected set-pieces (like a breathless chase through the streets of Paris) allow the film to be far more fun than it should be. Yet the quality of the CGI is inconsistent (at times bordering on photorealism, at other times embarrassingly phoney), and the climax erodes interest by splicing together a few hundred concurrent battles instead of just one conflict. While far too long at almost two hours, G.I. Joe is at least not as excruciating or unending as Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

The only aspect of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra which does resemble Transformers is the attempt on the part of the filmmakers to have it both ways - to make it as childish and blood-free as possible to draw in kids and obtain a PG-13 rating for maximum profits (though it still underperformed at the box office), while also including enough shooting and violence to keep the older demographic entertained. Like most of Sommers' other work, it's impossible to take the deeply stupid material seriously, and it's therefore jarring that there's a semi-serious tone to everything. It's like Team America minus the winks and overt humour.

Unsurprisingly, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra features atrocious acting. Channing Tatum is the most glaring offender in the bad-acting department, with a performance that's beyond unconvincingly wooden. Sienna Miller is equally dreadful. An audience should become invested in the relationship between Tatum's Duke and Miller's Ana, but poor writing and lack of chemistry between the leads fails to sell the romance as anything more than a feeble plot element. Christopher Eccleston and Joseph Gordon-Levitt provide a few giggles; they understand they're playing cartoons, and have suitably hammed it up. Marlon Wayans is the film's comic relief, but he's only slightly amusing. Also in the cast is a stale Dennis Quaid, and a few actors from Sommers' The Mummy who are given small roles (Brendan Fraser, Arnold Vosloo and Kevin J. O'Connor).

The subtitle The Rise of Cobra is actually misleading - the Cobra doesn't bother to rise until the last few minutes. There are also loose ends dangling everywhere, which suggest the filmmakers were thinking of a sequel before producing this chapter. The film is therefore not a standalone entity but a tease for future instalments, which makes it an unsatisfying standalone experience before those sequels have been made.

If any film of 2009 has suffered bad buzz and worse marketing, it's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. The result is nothing excruciating, but at its best moments it's still entirely forgettable. Then again, the 10-year-old boys for whom the movie is tailor-made aren't seeking Oscar-calibre performances or anything thought-provoking. They want eye-candy and no-holds-barred action, which G.I. Joe delivers at mind-numbing pace. Is it perfect? Fuck no. It's rubbish. But it's still fun.

5.3/10

O que você costuma procurar num filme? E o que faz com que você goste dele? Normalmente a resposta depende de com que tipo de filme estamos lidando, e do nosso humor na hora em que nos sentamos diante da telona ou da TV de casa e apertamos play. Mas é basicamente a idéia de “ser convencido” e “ser envolvido com a história” que procuramos e que nos faz sorrir de satisfação quando as luzes do cinema se acendem após uma boa sessão.
Em G.I. JOE, se você espera ver cenas de ação eletrizantes, lutas que grudem você na poltrona e movimentos acrobáticos ultra bem filmados, sinto muito, você vai esperar sentado até as luzes acenderem. Tudo bem, talvez eu é que não seja tão impressionável, mas as cenas de luta são tão mal exploradas que dá sono. Cansa de ver.

Se você então tem esperança em ver efeitos visuais incríveis, CGI altamente realistas e design de produção convincentes, você também se decepcionará amargamente. Passaram longe da tecnologia e qualidade de Transformers. Aeronaves que parecem ter esquecido de finalizar o rendering, Chroma key evidente em cenas bestas. Virou moda explicar tudo com nanotecnologia no cinema ultimamente, até controlar humanos para que obedeçam a controles remotos com tela touch-screen e sejam imunes a veneno de cobra o que até o fim do filme isso não revela nenhuma justificativa, mas merece animação didática à la "Dr. House" e tudo. Foi demais pra minha cabeça...

Pessoas em CGI dando saltos absurdos com movimentos tão mal modelados que você ri e faz de conta que não viu o que viu. No fim todo mundo nota. Nessa hora é comum ouvir gargalhadas no cinema. Lembra que você percebeu que Neo parecia um bonequinho de borracha em Matrix 2? Pois é...
Se você então deposita suas fichas em pelo menos algum humor, um pouco de comédia , algum alívio cômico e atuações convincentes que paguem o ingresso, você se frustra novamente. A menos que você tenha se divertido com o Marlon Wayans de “Todo Mundo em Pânico” e “As Branquelas”. Ele só arranca risos de vergonha alheia mesmo porque sua tentativa de convencer no papel de um soldado de elite é completamente falha. Channing Tatum é bem mais técnico e sua cara-de-mau até convence nesse aspecto, mas sua atuação também não vai mais longe que isso. Sienna Miller faz o papel da mulher vilã gostosona de decote que luta corpo a corpo contra a mulher do bem quando todo mundo luta contra todo mundo no alto do filme.
Byung-hun Lee no papel de Storm Shadow (Ninja Branco) talvez seja o cara que faria você sentir algum alívio quando entra em cena. Expressões convincentes e postura de um verdadeiro vilão implacável. Mas a alegria acaba quando começam a contar a história que remonta à infância dele e do Snake Eyes. Não dava para ser mais clichê. Simplesmente jogaram uma motivação infantil besta no vilão e deixaram assim mesmo.

O filme fica sendo constantemente atrapalhado por atuações e detalhes irritantes, como o bigodinho e franja de Saïd Taghmaoui e seu jeitinho estranho... A boca torcida e o cenho franzido do Dennis Quaid pra nos convencer que ele é o militar valentão e sério, a burrice dos “heróis” diante do óbvio plano dos vilões e aquela historinha padronizada de “Sequestrem o herói! Quero-o vivo! Contarei a ele todo o meu plano maligno antes que ele me mate de uma maneira altamente irônica.”

O filme exagera na tecnologia militar e mostra pessoas dirigindo carros e motos perfeitamente comuns em Paris, enquanto aeronaves movidas a propulsão elétrica de todos os tamanhos com piloto automático e comando por voz circulam por todos os lados. Complexos militares gigantescos de fora e aparentemente minúsculos por dentro construídos sob o gelo do pólo norte são coisas típicas dos vilões mais batidos e psicodélicos de um filme de James Bond.
Stephen Sommers (O Escorpião Rei, A Múmia, Van Helsing, Deep Rising) decidiu não se furtar do exagero possível de ser compreendido em algum filme de “Star Wars” mas completamente descabido em qualquer “futuro-não-muito-distante” que se possa meramente imaginar. Exagero em dimensões, exagero de tecnologia, exagero de clichês, exagero de atores ruins, exagero de atores melhores fazendo pontinhas...

Do meu ponto de vista, fico martelando na minha consciência o desperdício de dinheiro que foi aquele ingresso. Se fosse pra ver o que vi, ficaria contente em reassistir “Doom: A porta do Inferno” e “007: Um Novo Dia Para Morrer”. E quando “Boom-Boom-Pow” (música do Will.i.am) tocou nos créditos eu fiquei imaginando uma forma de reaver meu dinheiro e tempo gastos... Mas daí eu me dei conta: Eu gostava disso quando era criança, e gostaria se fosse criança hoje. Naqueles tempos quando eu nem sabia o que era clichê, e quando qualquer caixa de papelão convencia minha imaginação fértil transformando-se em uma aeronave de altíssima tecnologia... Preferia ter visto esse filme antes dos 10 anos, e nunca mais. Hoje, quase 20 anos depois, talvez eu me lembrasse dele com a fantasia de que teria sido um bom filme.

Seeing the trailer for this made me nervous, you know; another awesome idea for an adaptation put into the wrong hands and flunking. Wrong. This is one that stuck with me.. for the better. To create an entire movie as dedication to one of the best action figure lines imaginable is awesome, and the film actually brought me back to my childhood days. For example, they follow the snow outfits to a T and the personal hellecopters make their way onto the screen as well. Each side, both the Joe's and their enemy had futuristic weapons that weren't too over the top or unbelieveable. The nano technology actually gave me goosebumps, hopefully that can't be achieved by humans anytime soon (if it isn't already out being tested) The overall story wasn't bad at all, not too lovey and/or boring, and even though the flashbacks had no real creative way to show back stories of each character, they still worked and didn't become a flaw throughout the plot. Fully trained soilder Duke is hired for the safe military trasnport of newly made nanomite atomic bombs; capable of infitate destruction unless a killswitch is thrown, eating away at anything they touch until terminated. When the convoy is destroyed by others in an attempt to steal the 4 deadly bombs, the two survivors (Duke and Rip Chord) join the Joes in helping defend the weapons. The ending wasn't too confusing either, had it's twist but didn't leave too many people wondering what happened. Experimentation and genetic mutations always have a special spot in my heart and this movie possesses characters full of scars and facial defects all with their own traits and characteristics. One of the only flaws I thought was how each of the soilders under the command of McCullen looked like his descendant (and soon enough his new self Destro), but either way, this film did it for me, can't wait for a new one.. if anything came up after the credits let me know, I didn't stay for them all.

Duke: Ok, that was crazy... What happened to you?
Ripcord: I went through the train. What happened to you?
Duke: I jumped over it.
Ripcord: [pause] You can do that?