Our Idiot Captain (Pt. 1)

"And, you know, Star Trek 1 isn't even worth bashing; nobody likes it; Sheldon doesn't like it; nobody likes it. So let's skip that."

Technically speaking, this did not belong in a review of the second movie, I guess. But, hey.

.......

And, hey, since a lot of Trek films basically suck, maybe it's poetic justice that the first one, actually called, "The Motion Picture" is universally lauded as a failure, hahahaha. I mean, the ONLY reason that anyone remembers it, is that they *numbered* them. Think about it.

And, since it's the "best Star Trek movie", or at least one them, (I like "Undiscovered Country" better, and I think that one's actually decent drama, actually very good drama), so I wanted to see if it was.... a good movie. And yeah I think that, "the best Star Trek movie" is actually a pretty decent average movie.

I mean, it's more entertaining than "Shattered Glass" with Darth Vader.... an assessment that I would not extend as a blanket statement over the entire franchise, lol.

And I'm sorta still liking "Our Idiot Brother" better.

"I love you Ned bye."

"He's a little boy. Little boys fight. It doesn't mean that he's going to end up being a frat boy or a rapist."

(Lenard: Yeah, Captain Sweatpants here really isn't helping the point I'm trying to make.

Penny: Kirk cheated.)

"Ned, interviewing is an art form, and when you're asking someone to be vulnerable, or naked, you have to be naked too, to make them feel comfortable. That make sense?" "Yeah." "Great."

Russian ballet (greater than sign) Star Trek.

^^

But, sure.

I'm sorry, *Klingon aphrodisiacs*?

Wow.

{("It is very cold in space."

Clinical, too.

"Matter is reorganized; life is the result."

Russian ballerinas?

"They're locking phasers."

"Raise shields."

Maybe not.) }

{(It does seem a bit like Vietnam too. It was made in 1982. Kinda strange.)}

[(*flipping channels because he's waiting for 'Hall Pass' to come on*

~Wait, Colin Firth was in "The Last Legion" two years after being in "Pride & Prejudice"?

*slams fist* The bastard!

*blinks* Sorry.)

(*checks* Oh no wait, he was in the *other* one-- so twelve years, or something.... I always get that confused. Sorry."

Sorry, I guess. I used to write in a mental way, you know.....

" "It is not logical."

I said I was sorry!)]

But, you know.

It is more entertaining than "Shattered Glass", that's for sure.

"It's in my notes."

Or, "Speed".

"What would you do? What would you do?"

I guess that he would cheat.

....."

"Speed" really is a bad film. So, I guess, in a partisan way, Trek scores negative points or something against the Matrix trash and.... 'Wars', too, I guess? But how could this paramilitary nonsense be *against* anything about War? This isn't a Byrds album, you know....

This was the double-barbed point I was *attempting* to make.

...............

".....

And I know that we always go, "TOS", "TNG", etc., but we should really do it by decade, I'm starting to think. Like, this is 80s Trek."

I should really start a blog or something, to get some freedom about tackling thematic crap like this.... But, what, would be the blog, 'be about', as the popular phrase has it?

............

Here, I really do have to trip around a little bit. (I can only use each thing once in each list, so I can't.... blah, what so you care about my engineer's crap....) The idea is, since this is the "best one", if you're going to pick *one* to trip around from, right....

Okay, right, so I decided to do a chronological.... or, to *attempt* such, at least....

"Ok, it starts with the 60s--" with the Original Series/TOS, but, since that's a TV show, it has to go in the other list....

But, then, the 70s, the first movie-- tripping around, you see....

"70s Trek: Basically, this is a blank.

Apparently, they made an "Animated Series" (1973-4), although this has been completely forgotten; it's the sort of thing that only Wikipedia knows. It's like one of those alternate-universe Star Trek board games, or Star Wars TV shows.

Completely forgotten.

Also, Gene Rodenberry tried to make a movie (1979), which nobody liked, not even the fans. (And again, the tenacious quasi-military fanaticism of the fans, (read criticisms of "Twilight"-- some of it gets ugly), was always Trek's life support.) This movie, with the inspiring title, (Star Trek:) "The Motion Picture", well, it actually did do well at the (1979) box office, beating out "The Muppet Movie", and "Alien" {*Kirk voice* "If only there were some way to make Ridley Scott suffer." "I'm a doctor, Jim, not a war-lord!"}, although being trumped by "Apocalypse Now", but.... *it would probably have been totally forgotten as well, except that every subsequent film was numbered.* (Even though some of them have very little to do with each other-- the TNG films, in particular, are "sequels" to each other, and the William Shatner films, only the broadest, most vague sense.)"

But, I was trying to be fair, a little bit-- Trek is somewhat less anathema to Disney, and, uh, "Dusk", if you will, than Ridley Scott and the Crusaders and the horror movies and the god-damn Vietnam War.....

Chronological viewpoint-- "Like, this is 80s Trek." Like the Wrath of Khan. And, unlike most of the movies, this actually is a sequel, in the sense that the.... plots line up, and it's not just the same cast, with totally unrelated plots, like a TV show, on some level, right.

"At some point, somebody apparently realized that William Shatner would do a good job with action movies, and so they made five of them, through to 1991, their Cold War finale-finale."

Does that make some sense?

And these are 80s films-- in "Khan", for example, at one point one of of the scientists on the "Genesis" team (remember Reagan? He was president back then), mumbles something cynical about 'scientists being pawns of the military' (remember the hippies? In the 80s they were still only slightly falling from popularity).

And these movies were made, a long time ago. With "The Search for Spock" (1984), or "The Voyage Home" (1986), I can't help but be reminded of "The Breakfast Club" (1985), or "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (1986)-- {and it is interesting to note, that "The Voyage Home" was actually the one that made the most money, taking home significantly more than either "The Wrath of Khan" or "The Search for Spock".... again, it is unusual that the last film "The Undiscovered Country" made as much as the first, "The Wrath of Khan"-- again, by geopolitical gift.... well, actually "The Motion Picture" made the most money, even though everyone agrees that it sucks....}.... I wouldn't be shocked if I saw any of that stuff on TV, and some of it is good, but it is way back in the day-- the B.S. days: Before Seinfeld.

And these films really did all make alot of money-- there's a reason why, when people think of Captain Kirk, they think of ("Admiral") Kirk from "The Wrath of Khan", ("Khan!"), and not the guy that, fifteen years earlier, gazed at weird pink mist and such.

Many of the movies can reasonably be seen as being part of some sort of story arc, and apparently people found them entertaining, although "The Final Frontier" (1989) was a bit of a flop, at least by Star Trek's blockbuster expectations, not unlike "Nemesis" (2002), the last TNG film.

But since the Klingon Empire collapsed in 1991, they made "The Undiscovered County" the same year-- which is actually a good movie, actually, as well as the final hurragh of 80s Trek.

{80s Trek (1982-1991)-- five installments in ten years, and they made about half a billion dollars.}

Also, half of the TOS movies use actors as directors, which seems vaguely fanboy-ish to me.

But, I guess that maybe I'll.... God, this is difficult. On a *list*, it would make sense to deal with each one individually, but, they are all so similar.... I think, at any rate....

I don't know what to tell ya.