A Complete Review of Eli Roth's work

Unfortunately, I haven't seen this one yet...

Cast : Jack Black, Cate Blanchett, Kyle MacLachlan, Lorenza Izzo, Eli Roth

What was it about?
A young orphan named Lewis Barnavelt aids his magical uncle in locating a clock with the power to bring about the end of the world.

My two cents:
Well, even though the idea of having Eli Roth directing a family feature was intriguing, to be honest, I was surprised by how underwhelming the damned thing turned out to be after all. Sure, the title did sound promising and the house looked pretty neat. On top of that, Jack Black and Cate Blanchett are always fun to watch but everything else just seriously bored me. No offense to Owen Vaccaro but he was basically a mix of Young Sheldon with many roles played by Jacob Tremblay and I wish they chose a more original approach for this character. But the poor kid was not the biggest issue though. Indeed, even if I have never been a huge fan of the Harry Potter franchise, I have to admit that these movies at least displayed a sense of wonder. Here, it was terribly missing though. Eventually, it was rather disappointing that Roth, a director famous for his horror flicks, didn’t try to make a really creepy horror flick for children and went instead for something terribly generic, predictable and to be honest rather sleep inducing. Anyway, to conclude, even though Eli Roth doesn’t really have a stellar track-record, this movie might still be his most disappointing and most boring movie so far.

My rating: 05/10

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Cast : Bruce Willis, Vincent D'Onofrio, Elisabeth Shue, Camila Morrone

What was it about?
Dr. Paul Kersey is an experienced trauma surgeon, a man who has spent his life saving lives. After an attack on his family, Paul embarks on his own mission for justice.

My two cents:
At least, this movie was more ambitious than all the garbage Bruce Willis has been making recently but, unfortunately, it was only slightly better though. Indeed, the original ‘Death Wish’ (a movie I still haven’t watched at this point) has always been the grandfather of the vigilante genre but, to be honest, I never really cared for this genre. To make things worse, in this case, they just didn’t add anything new or interesting. First of all, you might wonder if Bruce Willis was really the best choice for this character. I mean, the whole point was to see a mild-mannered man becoming really badass killing a whole bunch of bad guys in the process but the problem was that Willis has spent most of his career playing such badass characters and it clearly undermined this process. Furthermore, there was barely any psychology or moral compass involved. Indeed, it could have been interesting to see the main character actually losing his grip with reality but I guess it would be asking too much from Bruce Willis who never really acts anymore but just passes by to cash his check. Finally, this kind of movies always becomes some kind of commercial for the NRA showing to us how guns are actually really cool, how killing thugs is awesome, and trying to convince us that, if we would all have guns, we would live in a better world which is something I obviously don’t believe whatsoever.

My rating: 05/10

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Cast : Keanu Reeves, Lorenza Izzo, Ana de Armas

What was it about?
A devoted father helps two stranded young women who knock on his door, but his kind gesture turns into a dangerous seduction and a deadly game of cat and mouse.

My two cents:
Well, eventually, I didn't care much about the damned thing. At least, it was nice that Eli Roth went for a (somewhat) erotic thriller instead of his usual gross horror stuff but that was pretty much the only positive thing I could find about this flick. I mean, it was rather well made and I don't blame the cast who did what they could with this material but the concept was just so limited and, on top of that, rather poorly developed. Basically, the whole thing was based on the concept of 'what would you do if you were alone at home and two hot girls would stand on your doorstep and offered to f*ck you senseless?'. Well, even though it might be a favorite subject of conversation for many guys, I think it is rather tedious and pointless and it is definitely not enough to spend more than 90 minutes of running time. To make things worse, the guy in this case was actually pretty decent as he didn't flirt with them and made clear that he didn't want to have anything to do with them. Eventually, the morality of this tale is that you should never open your door to anyone for any reason whatsoever which was just rather sad. Finally, the last thing that annoyed me with this movie was that the motivations of these two girls were completely unclear. Seriously, what was actually their goal?

My rating: 05/10

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Cast : Lorenza Izzo

What was it about?
A group of student activists travels to the Amazon to save the rain forest and soon discover that they are not alone, and that no good deed goes unpunished.

My two cents:
Even though this movie barely got noticed when it was released, I still wanted to check it out. Indeed, I still haven’t watched ‘Cannibal Holocaust’ and I really liked the idea of a modern horror flick taking place in the Amazon with some cannibals. Unfortunately, it turned out to be another seriously weak directing effort from Eli Roth, I’m afraid. Seriously, the first half, pretty much until their plane crashed in the jungle, was just cringe-inducing to behold. Above all, it was due to the fact that the damned thing was so poorly written. I mean, you had a bunch of characters who were all barely/badly introduced and Lorenza Izzo was the only one who was at least a little bit charismatic but she couldn’t do much with this rather abysmal material. The cast was still pretty weak though. The political agenda of this movie was also pretty much impossible to follow. I mean, on one hand, it was supposed to be a trashy horror flick involving a cannibal tribe living in the Amazon so they were basically the evil bad guys but, on the other hand, they tried also to be realistic about the environmental threat going on in the Amazon and the fact that such tribes should be protected so we should care about them after all? Seriously, it was just priceless to see the main character coming back from this ordeal and reporting that there was nothing wrong with this tribe…. Seriously, just WTF?!? At least, when they finally got to this village, after 45 mins of pretty much nothing interesting going on, the mayhem was not bad and pretty gruesome to behold but even these scenes became rapidly repetitive and rather tedious to behold.

My rating: 05/10

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Cast : Daniel Brühl

What was it about?
This short film is a movie-within-a-movie as briefly presented in 'Inglourious Basterds'. It's the fictional propaganda film produced by Joseph Goebbels featuring war hero Frederick Zoller and his courageous act while trapped inside of a tower where he managed to kill several Allied soldiers all by himself.

My two cents:
Even though it was an effective and actually rather entertaining short feature making fun of the propaganda movies made at the time, there was still one detail that did bother me though. Indeed, with 'Thanksgiving', they made sure that there were scratches and other imperfections on the film to make it look like as if it was an actual grindhouse picture but, here, the quality of the picture was pretty much perfect. Sure, it was black and white but it never felt like I was watching a movie shot in the 40's. Eventually, it didn't seem that Roth really got inspired by the movies produced back then. Anyway, it was still a decent short though.

My rating: 07/10

Cast : Bijou Phillips, Heather Matarazzo, Jay Hernandez, Jordan Ladd

What was it about?
Three American college students studying abroad are lured to a Slovakian hostel, and discover the grim reality behind it.

My two cents:
Eventually, I have to admit, it was not worse than 'Hostel', but it wasn’t better either, that’s for sure. Of course, this time, the victims were girls instead of boys and there you had the first issue. Indeed, how do you attract some girls to a remote and lugubrious Slovakian village? By promising a spa and a lame festival! I mean, come on, doesn't it sound exciting and irresistible to you?! Well, not to me… At least, in the first installment, even though the execution was terribly lame and underwhelming, the whole concept of some horny boys being lured by the idea of some huge sexual orgy was actually rather believable. However, this time around, the whole spa thingy was kind of hard to swallow though. Still, there were a few good ideas like, for example, showing the whole process from the other point of view, from the perpetrators’ side. Unfortunately, even this idea was poorly developed and, in my opinion, they should have dropped the whole story of those girls ‘going to the spa’ and focus on those two buddies going for some hunting trip. So, I didn’t like this flick so much and, personally, I think that the whole Hostel franchise was a huge step down for Eli Roth who actually impressed me with his directing debut ‘Cabin Fever’.

My rating: 05/10

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Cast : Jay Hernandez, Jordan Ladd, Eli Roth

What was it about?
Included in Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's double-feature, 'Grindhouse', it is the fourth fake trailer out of five. Inspired by classic slasher films from the 80's, Roth's segment recounts the killing spree of the insane serial murderer known as "The Pilgrim" on the 4th Thursday in November.

My two cents:
To be honest, I thought it was rather tricky to judge this fake trailer. Indeed, on one hand, the damned thing was really well made and a perfect parody of these trashy slasher flicks made back then in the 80's. However, on the other hand, with 'Machete' which was easily the best of these fake trailers, you really had the feeling that they could make an awesome movie from this concept (they did make after all a full length feature which was only decent at best though). However, here, I think it was obvious that the concept was only fun for the 2 mins given in this trailer and would never work with a real movie. Still, it was decent effort from Roth, no doubt about it.

My rating: 07/10

Cast : Jay Hernandez, Eli Roth

What was it about?
Three backpackers head to a Slovak city that promises to meet their hedonistic expectations, with no idea of the hell that awaits them.

My two cents:
To be honest, it must be one of the most disappointing horror movies I have ever seen… The point is that, beforehand, I was told the first half was really like pornographic and the second half was some very hardcore unsettling horror stuff. But, eventually, none of it was true. Above all, I thought the first half was just really tepid. Indeed, first, they got to the Netherlands where everybody spoke German…. For someone like me who has been living for almost 20 years in Holland, it was quite unacceptable and just plain stupid. But then, those guys got to Slovakia where they were supposed to find this hotel where they would have the greatest sex orgy ever but, eventually, the only thing they find were 2 reasonably good-looking chicks, that’s it. Was it really worth all this hassle?!? I thought it was just so underwhelming and I really had a hard time caring about the rest of this flick. Then, the butchery started and I have to admit it was not that bad. Indeed, the concept was pretty decent but, still, it was nothing really horrifying. Once again, the whole thing was truly overblown. Eventually, even though it is not a really bad horror movie, the whole thing is just so dim-witted, it made it really hard for me to enjoy it.

My rating: 05/10

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Cast : Jordan Ladd, Eli Roth

What was it about?
Five college graduates rent a cabin in the woods and begin to fall victim to a horrifying flesh-eating virus, which attracts the unwanted attention of the homicidal locals.

My two cents:
To be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from this flick. Indeed, I thought that 'Hostel' was seriously really disappointing and easily one of the most overrated horror movies I have ever seen. So, I wasn't expecting much from Eli Roth’s directing début but since I bumped into a very cheap DVD, I thought I might as well give it a try. Eventually, I thought it was not bad at all and I was in fact really positively surprised. Indeed, I really liked the fact that there was no actual bad guy, killer, psychopath serial killer or whatever but, this time, it was an invisible threat which was mighty interesting. I also enjoyed the combination of humor and horror which was rather well done (in fact, in his review, Roger Ebert didn’t like this aspect at all. Well, in my case, I have rarely seen a movie handling both genres so well). Of course, the acting was not great and the plot remained rather predictable but, in my opinion, the damned thing was pretty effective. Anyway, I really have a weak spot for this flick and it is still easily my favorite directed by Eli Roth. In fact, it is probably the only film I really enjoyed from this director.

My rating: 06/10

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