British Comedy: The League of Gentlemen
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"ESKEWED BEEF! HAVE ANYBODY GOT ANY BOKKLE ORAN DOOVE?!"
The League of Gentlemen (1999)
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Dark Comedy, Sitcom
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss,
Steve Pemberton, Rudolf Rocker, Reece Shearsmith
Stars: Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Episodes: 22
Episode Average: 7.727*
BEST EPISODES:
Death in Royston Vasey (2000), Yule Never Leave! (2000)
SERIES ONE


6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 0
S1E1 WELCOME TO ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 11 January 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Benjamin arrives in the village to stay with his aunt and uncle, Tubbs and Edward dispose of a stranger, Pauline threatens to stop Mickey's benefit, and Geoff demands that a joke be told properly.
"Don't touch the things! This is a local shop for local people. There's nothing for you here."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E2 THE ROAD TO ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 18 January 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Tubbs and Edward are horrified to learn that a new road will bring more customers, Pauline suggests selling the Big Issue as a job option, and Les McQueen reminisces about his time in a shit business.
"The Big Issue. Now, for those of you not in the know, the Big Issue is a magazine. It's a bit like Bunty, but written by tramps"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E3 NIGHTMARE IN ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 25 January 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
The heavy machinery moves in for the new road, Tubbs learns that Edward has been lying to her, Benjamin loses his thirst, and Pauline fails a job interview.
"Oh dear. Benjamin thinks there's something odd in drinking one's own peewee."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E4 THE BEAST OF ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 1 February 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
A strange discovery halts the new road, the animals have escaped from Roundabout Zoo, Legs Akimbo perform a play about homosexuality, and Benjamin finds that kids and toads don't mix.
"Did you know that this afternoon some of you lot are going to be watching a play, instead of doing proper lessons? It's going to be performed by Legs Akimbo Theatre Company, and it's a show about homosexuality aimed at nine to twelve year olds. Some people call this Theatre in Education. I call it AIDS in a van."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E5 LOVE COMES TO ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 8 February 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Manny gets locked in, Bernard gets locked out, Fran's otherwise engaged, Manny eats bees, Bernard gets a job, and Fran gets excited.
"Your mum died, and mine didn't. I won that."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S1E6 ESCAPE FROM ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 15 February 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Tubbs and Edward have a surprise when there son returns, and informs them that he is responsible for the new road, and Pauline loses her job.
"Conducting yourself in a solo symphony."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
SERIES TWO


6 episodes
Series Score: 51
Episode Average: 8.5
Perfect 10's: 2
S2E1 DESTINATION: ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 14 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Papa Lazarou brings his circus to town, Pauline meets her replacement at restart, and there's a strange beast in the shadows.
"You listen to me, you tubby little tit-witch! These poor bastards rely on me! I'm the only reason they've got to drag themselves out of bed first thing in the afternoon! You can't just come marching in here telling them that they're useless! THAT IS MY JOB!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E2 LUST FOR ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 21 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Herr Lipp brings a coach of strangers to the village, Pauline and Mickey get new jobs, and the hospital sees an increase in cases of nosebleeds.
"You are a shop aren't you?" "No, I am a lady!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E3 A PLAGUE ON ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 28 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Edward and Tubbs try to trap a bride for David, Pauline and Mickey take Ross hostage, and Hillary isn't happy about requests for 'specials'.
"Ian McKellen? I thunked he was a weather man."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E4 DEATH IN ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 4 February 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Harvey and Val trick Benjamin by getting naked, Tubbs and Edward steal a car to find a wife for David, and there's a cross-country hike to get to a business conference.
"ESKEWED BEEF! HAVE ANYBODY GOT ANY BOKKLE ORAN DOOVE?!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E5 ANARCHY IN ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 11 February 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Pauline is still holding Ross hostage, Tubbs and Edward are still looking for a bride for David, and Les McQueen discovers that his old band have reunited without him.
"Tubbs, Tubbs, Tubbs! The young of today hold no store in the sanctity of marriage. They live in sin, rutting like beasts between filthy sheets!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S2E6 ROYSTON VASEY AND THE BEAST FROM HELL
Originally broadcast: 18 February 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Barbara looks set to marry David, the nosebleeds are now at epidemic levels, and Benjamin finally decides to make a break for it.
"I've seen some of the people on your estate staggering around the car park at the Chained Bull on a Saturday afternoon, half-cut, with their skirts tucked in their knickers."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
CHRISTMAS
SPECIAL


SPECIAL YULE NEVER LEAVE!
Originally broadcast: 14 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Bernice hates Christmas because of something that happened when she was a child, but has to deal with three visitors to the church, each with their own disturbing tale.
"Oh, God, it's getting like bloody Jackanory in here!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
SERIES THREE


6 episodes
Series Score: 44
Episode Average: 7.33
Perfect 10's: 0
S3E1 THE LESBIAN AND THE MONKEY
Originally broadcast: 26 September 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Tubbs and Edward survive the fire, as does Barbara who is now pregnant to David, and Pauline finds herself assisting Ross after being released from prison.
"I wanted to come and see you in prison, Pauline, but our Craig said it weren't allowed. He said it was full of...librarians."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E2 THE ONE-ARMED MAN IS KING
Originally broadcast: 3 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Lance gets a new arm on the cheap, but it's not quite a perfect fit, and its control over him compels him to leap to Pauline's rescue.
"Cheer up. Look on the bright side. You can open a jam jar,
ride a bike, and hold your tiddly in two hands"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E3 TURN AGAIN GEOFF TIPPS
Originally broadcast: 10 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Legz Akimbo are in London preparing for a production about the disabled, while Geoff heads south to become a stand-up comedian, but he steals Legz Akimbo's van and heads for home when things get complicated.
"Scott says you look like that queer off 'Gimme, Gimme'."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E4 THE MEDUSA TOUCH
Originally broadcast: 17 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
There's a swingers night at The Windermere, Alvin's goes to see Judith, and a TV crew turn up for a garden makeover.
"Ah! Sue and Tank. Or should I say Mr. and Mrs. Armoured Personnel Carrier? Interesting alias there."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E5 BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (OR COME INTO MY PARLOUR)
Originally broadcast: 24 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Charlie and Judee go into business together, with him massaging blindfolded customers, but things get complicated when special services are requested.
"Did you know? If you buy a Spit & Polish gold card, you can come as many times as you want in a week."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
S3E6 HOW THE ELEPHANT GOT IT'S TRUNK
Originally broadcast: 18 February 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
When Vinnie dies, she is replaced by Keith at the charity shop, who sells a customer something very familiar.
"Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Ah..."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9
THE LEAGUE
OF GENTLEMEN'S
APOCALYPSE


FILM THE LEAGUE OF
Released: 3 June 2005
GENTLEMEN'S APOCALYPSE
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Things are not going well in Royston Vasey, and it's all because the writers have moved onto other things, well three of them have. Hillary, Geoff and Herr Lipp find themselves fighting for the lives of the whole village.
"I made a little brown fish!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9
ANNIVERSARY
SPECIALS


SPECIAL RETURN TO ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 18 December 2017
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Bernice is given reason to fight plans to make Royston Vasey disappear, Benjamin gets a nasty reminder when he returns for his Uncle's funeral, and Ross struggles to deal with recreating the past for Pauline's benefit.
"I want you all to breathe in through your noses and remember that stench. Cos that is the smell of idleness. It's the smell of dirty little bum cracks pumping out the gas from a Kwik Save No Frills pasty. Eaten cold at four in the morning cos time has no meaning for you. That is your smell, job-seekers... and I... am an aerosol."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
SPECIAL SAVE ROYSTON VASEY
Originally broadcast: 19 December 2017
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
Geoff reassures Mike as he gets himself all tooled up to deal with Cheryl, the BBC send a news crew to cover a hostage story in Royston Vasey, and Ollie Plimsoles dreams about being reunited on stage with Legz Akimbo.
"Edward, Edward! I've been catched in the tephelome!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
SPECIAL ROYSTON VASEY MON AMOUR
Originally broadcast: 20 December 2017
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith
A negotiator is met by Edward and Tubbs when he ventures inside no.9, Harvey's not too happy when he sees what's happened to his home, and Murray Mint discovers who is responsible for the boundary line changes.
"The toilet is no place for a duck!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6
The Mayor
This is the only character listed that isn't played by one of the three acting members of The League, he is included because the village is named after him. Chubby Brown's real name is Royston Vasey.
LARRY VAUGHAN
Mayor
Played by Roy 'Chubby' Brown
in... Death in Royston Vasey (2000)
The Local Shop
The Job Center
PAULINE CAMPBELL-JONES
Restart Officer
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)
VICTORIAN PAULINE
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
CATHY CARTER-SMITH
Restart Officer
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Destination: Royston Vasey (2000)
ROSS GAINES
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Nightmare in Royston Vasey (1999)
VICTORIAN ROSS
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
The Dentons
HARVEY DENTON
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)
VICTORIAN HARVEY
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
The Butchers
Pandemonium Circus
Plastic Injection Mouldings
St. Mary of Bethlehem Hospital
DR. LUCAS WESLEY
Doctor
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)
DR. EDGAR FISH
Doctor
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)
DR. SIMON
Doctor
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)
OWEN FALLOWFIELD
Mortician
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)
MR. BEST
Porter
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)
MIKE KING
Hospital Radio DJ
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)
LES MCQUEEN
Hospital Laundry Worker
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)
MR. MATTHEW CHINNERY
Veterinarian
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)
He's a vet, but filled in as a doctor when needed.
MR. BAMFORD
Patient
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)
Veterinarian
MR. MATTHEW CHINNERY
Veterinarian
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Welcome to Royston Vasey (1999)
DR. EDMUND CHINNERY
Veterinarian
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
DR. TIMOTHY MAJOLICA
Veterinarian
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
DR. SINGLETON BOOTHBY
Veterinarian
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
CONNECTED CHARACTER BOBBY HART
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)
CONNECTED CHARACTER AVA DE COURCEY
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Death in Royston Vasey (2000)
Crรจme Brulee
LES McQUEEN
Hospital Laundry Worker
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)Former bass guitarist
PATCH LAFEYETTE
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)
BOB CHAGNALL
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)
DORIAN
Played by Jeremy Dyson
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)
Legz Akimbo
The Hulls
STELLA HULL
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Beast of Royston Vasey (1999)
CONNECTED CHARACTER LEE
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)
The Foots
The Lipps
The Charity Shop
The Glass'
The Windermere
Pop's News
Dog Cinema
The Video Shop
Attachments Dating Agency
JG Debt Recovery
Load more items (2 more in this list)

Part of the
British Comedy Collection
The League of Gentlemen is a quartet of writers, and in this sitcom (is it more sketchy or sitcomy?) they use their abilities to create perhaps the weirdest village you'll ever experience. From shopkeeper serial killers to a transsexual taxi driver, and even a vicar who hates religion... all the weirdos somehow find themselves in a village with the same name as a sweary comedian... who also pops up along the way as the mayor. There are so many characters, and most of them are played by three of the writers, and even the non-acting member of the group appears in cameo roles throughout the series, like here, where he buys lighters from Les McQueen...
SERIES SCORES
Series 1: 7.67
Series 2: 8.50
Series 3: 7.33
FAVOURITE EPISODES
HOLY GODIVA 1. Death in Royston Vasey
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 2004)
2. Yule Never Leave!
(Special - 2000)
3. Lust in Royston Vasey
(Series 2, Episode 2 - 2000)
4. Destination: Royston Vasey
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2000)
5. How the Elephant Got Its Trunk
(Series 3, Episode 6 - 2002)ONION JACK 1. Yule Never Leave!
(Special - 2000)
2. Death in Royston Vasey
(Series 2, Episode 4 - 2004)
3. Lust in Royston Vasey
(Series 2, Episode2 - 2000)
4. Nightmare in Royston Vasey
(Series 1, Epispde 3 - 1999)
5. Destination: Royston Vasey
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 2000)
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