British Comedy: The League of Gentlemen

SERIES ONE

(1999)
6 episodes
Series Score: 46
Episode Average: 7.67
Perfect 10's: 0

S1E1

WELCOME TO ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 11 January 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Benjamin arrives in the village to stay with his aunt and uncle, Tubbs and Edward dispose of a stranger, Pauline threatens to stop Mickey's benefit, and Geoff demands that a joke be told properly.

"Don't touch the things! This is a local shop for local people. There's nothing for you here."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

S1E2

THE ROAD TO ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 18 January 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Tubbs and Edward are horrified to learn that a new road will bring more customers, Pauline suggests selling the Big Issue as a job option, and Les McQueen reminisces about his time in a shit business.

"The Big Issue. Now, for those of you not in the know, the Big Issue is a magazine. It's a bit like Bunty, but written by tramps"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

S1E3

NIGHTMARE IN ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 25 January 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

The heavy machinery moves in for the new road, Tubbs learns that Edward has been lying to her, Benjamin loses his thirst, and Pauline fails a job interview.

"Oh dear. Benjamin thinks there's something odd in drinking one's own peewee."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

S1E4

THE BEAST OF ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 1 February 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A strange discovery halts the new road, the animals have escaped from Roundabout Zoo, Legs Akimbo perform a play about homosexuality, and Benjamin finds that kids and toads don't mix.

"Did you know that this afternoon some of you lot are going to be watching a play, instead of doing proper lessons? It's going to be performed by Legs Akimbo Theatre Company, and it's a show about homosexuality aimed at nine to twelve year olds. Some people call this Theatre in Education. I call it AIDS in a van."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

S1E5

LOVE COMES TO ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 8 February 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Manny gets locked in, Bernard gets locked out, Fran's otherwise engaged, Manny eats bees, Bernard gets a job, and Fran gets excited.

"Your mum died, and mine didn't. I won that."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

S1E6

ESCAPE FROM ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 15 February 1999
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Tubbs and Edward have a surprise when there son returns, and informs them that he is responsible for the new road, and Pauline loses her job.

"Conducting yourself in a solo symphony."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(2000)
6 episodes
Series Score: 51
Episode Average: 8.5
Perfect 10's: 2

S2E1

DESTINATION: ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 14 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Papa Lazarou brings his circus to town, Pauline meets her replacement at restart, and there's a strange beast in the shadows.

"You listen to me, you tubby little tit-witch! These poor bastards rely on me! I'm the only reason they've got to drag themselves out of bed first thing in the afternoon! You can't just come marching in here telling them that they're useless! THAT IS MY JOB!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

S2E2

LUST FOR ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 21 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Herr Lipp brings a coach of strangers to the village, Pauline and Mickey get new jobs, and the hospital sees an increase in cases of nosebleeds.

"You are a shop aren't you?" "No, I am a lady!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

S2E3

A PLAGUE ON ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 28 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Edward and Tubbs try to trap a bride for David, Pauline and Mickey take Ross hostage, and Hillary isn't happy about requests for 'specials'.

"Ian McKellen? I thunked he was a weather man."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

S2E4

DEATH IN ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 4 February 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Harvey and Val trick Benjamin by getting naked, Tubbs and Edward steal a car to find a wife for David, and there's a cross-country hike to get to a business conference.

"ESKEWED BEEF! HAVE ANYBODY GOT ANY BOKKLE ORAN DOOVE?!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

S2E5

ANARCHY IN ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 11 February 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Pauline is still holding Ross hostage, Tubbs and Edward are still looking for a bride for David, and Les McQueen discovers that his old band have reunited without him.

"Tubbs, Tubbs, Tubbs! The young of today hold no store in the sanctity of marriage. They live in sin, rutting like beasts between filthy sheets!"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

S2E6

ROYSTON VASEY AND THE BEAST FROM HELL

Originally broadcast: 18 February 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Barbara looks set to marry David, the nosebleeds are now at epidemic levels, and Benjamin finally decides to make a break for it.

"I've seen some of the people on your estate staggering around the car park at the Chained Bull on a Saturday afternoon, half-cut, with their skirts tucked in their knickers."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

CHRISTMAS
SPECIAL

(2000)

SPECIAL

YULE NEVER LEAVE!

Originally broadcast: 14 January 2000
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Bernice hates Christmas because of something that happened when she was a child, but has to deal with three visitors to the church, each with their own disturbing tale.

"Oh, God, it's getting like bloody Jackanory in here!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES THREE

(2002)
6 episodes
Series Score: 44
Episode Average: 7.33
Perfect 10's: 0

S3E1

THE LESBIAN AND THE MONKEY

Originally broadcast: 26 September 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Tubbs and Edward survive the fire, as does Barbara who is now pregnant to David, and Pauline finds herself assisting Ross after being released from prison.

"I wanted to come and see you in prison, Pauline, but our Craig said it weren't allowed. He said it was full of...librarians."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

S3E2

THE ONE-ARMED MAN IS KING

Originally broadcast: 3 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Lance gets a new arm on the cheap, but it's not quite a perfect fit, and its control over him compels him to leap to Pauline's rescue.

"Cheer up. Look on the bright side. You can open a jam jar,
ride a bike, and hold your tiddly in two hands"

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

S3E3

TURN AGAIN GEOFF TIPPS

Originally broadcast: 10 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Legz Akimbo are in London preparing for a production about the disabled, while Geoff heads south to become a stand-up comedian, but he steals Legz Akimbo's van and heads for home when things get complicated.

"Scott says you look like that queer off 'Gimme, Gimme'."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

S3E4

THE MEDUSA TOUCH

Originally broadcast: 17 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

There's a swingers night at The Windermere, Alvin's goes to see Judith, and a TV crew turn up for a garden makeover.

"Ah! Sue and Tank. Or should I say Mr. and Mrs. Armoured Personnel Carrier? Interesting alias there."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

S3E5

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (OR COME INTO MY PARLOUR)

Originally broadcast: 24 October 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Charlie and Judee go into business together, with him massaging blindfolded customers, but things get complicated when special services are requested.

"Did you know? If you buy a Spit & Polish gold card, you can come as many times as you want in a week."

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

S3E6

HOW THE ELEPHANT GOT IT'S TRUNK

Originally broadcast: 18 February 2002
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

When Vinnie dies, she is replaced by Keith at the charity shop, who sells a customer something very familiar.

"Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave. Ah..."

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

THE LEAGUE
OF GENTLEMEN'S
APOCALYPSE

(2005)

FILM

THE LEAGUE OF
GENTLEMEN'S APOCALYPSE

Released: 3 June 2005
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Things are not going well in Royston Vasey, and it's all because the writers have moved onto other things, well three of them have. Hillary, Geoff and Herr Lipp find themselves fighting for the lives of the whole village.

"I made a little brown fish!"

HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

ANNIVERSARY
SPECIALS

(2017)

SPECIAL

RETURN TO ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 18 December 2017
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Bernice is given reason to fight plans to make Royston Vasey disappear, Benjamin gets a nasty reminder when he returns for his Uncle's funeral, and Ross struggles to deal with recreating the past for Pauline's benefit.

"I want you all to breathe in through your noses and remember that stench. Cos that is the smell of idleness. It's the smell of dirty little bum cracks pumping out the gas from a Kwik Save No Frills pasty. Eaten cold at four in the morning cos time has no meaning for you. That is your smell, job-seekers... and I... am an aerosol."

HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

SPECIAL

SAVE ROYSTON VASEY

Originally broadcast: 19 December 2017
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

Geoff reassures Mike as he gets himself all tooled up to deal with Cheryl, the BBC send a news crew to cover a hostage story in Royston Vasey, and Ollie Plimsoles dreams about being reunited on stage with Legz Akimbo.

"Edward, Edward! I've been catched in the tephelome!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

SPECIAL

ROYSTON VASEY MON AMOUR

Originally broadcast: 20 December 2017
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Written by: Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, Reece Shearsmith

A negotiator is met by Edward and Tubbs when he ventures inside no.9, Harvey's not too happy when he sees what's happened to his home, and Murray Mint discovers who is responsible for the boundary line changes.

"The toilet is no place for a duck!"

HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

This is the only character listed that isn't played by one of the three acting members of The League, he is included because the village is named after him. Chubby Brown's real name is Royston Vasey.

LARRY VAUGHAN

Mayor
Played by Roy 'Chubby' Brown
in... Death in Royston Vasey (2000)

MURRAY MINT

Mayor's Assistant
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Royston Vasey and the Monster
From Hell (2000)

EDWARD TATTSTYRUP

Shopkeeper
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)

TUBBS TATTSYRUP

Shopkeeper
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)

DAVID TATTSYRUP

Civil Engineer
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)

BARBARA DIXON

Taxi Driver
Voiced by Steve Pemberton
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)

PAULINE CAMPBELL-JONES

Restart Officer
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

VICTORIAN PAULINE

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

CATHY CARTER-SMITH

Restart Officer
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Destination: Royston Vasey (2000)

ROSS GAINES

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Nightmare in Royston Vasey (1999)

VICTORIAN ROSS

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

MICKEY M. MICHAELS

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Welcome to Royston Vasey (1999)

VICTORIAN MICKEY

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

HARVEY DENTON

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)

VICTORIAN HARVEY

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

VAL DENTON

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)

BENJAMIN DENTON

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Royston Vasey and the Monster From Hell (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

MARTIN

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Welcome to Royston Vasey (1999)

HILLARY BRISS

Butcher
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

MAURICE EVANS

Magistrate
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

SAMUEL CHIGNELL

Councillor
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)

PAPA LAZAROU

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

DAVE #1

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Destination: Royston Vasey (2000)

MAMA LAZAROU

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Destination: Royston Vasey (2000)

GEOFF TIPPS

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

DON LYNCH

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Turn Again Geoff Tipps (2002)

MIKE HARRIS

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)

BRIAN MORGAN

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Welcome to Royston Vasey (1999)

DR. LUCAS WESLEY

Doctor
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)

DR. EDGAR FISH

Doctor
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

DR. SIMON

Doctor
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)

OWEN FALLOWFIELD

Mortician
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)

MR. BEST

Porter
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)

MIKE KING

Hospital Radio DJ
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)

LES MCQUEEN

Hospital Laundry Worker
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)

MR. MATTHEW CHINNERY

Veterinarian
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Escape from Royston Vasey (1999)
He's a vet, but filled in as a doctor when needed.

MR. BAMFORD

Patient
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

MR. MATTHEW CHINNERY

Veterinarian
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Welcome to Royston Vasey (1999)

DR. EDMUND CHINNERY

Veterinarian
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

DR. TIMOTHY MAJOLICA

Veterinarian
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

DR. SINGLETON BOOTHBY

Veterinarian
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

BOBBY HART

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

AVA DE COURCEY

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Death in Royston Vasey (2000)

LES McQUEEN

Hospital Laundry Worker
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)Former bass guitarist

PATCH LAFEYETTE

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)

BOB CHAGNALL

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)

DORIAN

Played by Jeremy Dyson
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)

DAVE PARKES

Actor
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Royston Vasey and the Monster From Hell (2000)

OLLIE PLIMSOLES

Actor
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in...Turn Again Geoff Tipps (2002)

PHIL PROCTOR

Actor
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The Beast of Royston Vasey (1999)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

TISH GUPPY

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Turn Again Geoff Tipps (2002)

CHARLIE HULL

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

STELLA HULL

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Beast of Royston Vasey (1999)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

LEE

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

TONY BELL

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Royston Vasey and the Monster
From Hell (2000)

ERNEST FOOT

Widower
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Love Comes to Royston Vasey (1999)

PETER FOOT

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Lesbian and the Monkey (2002)

SHEILA FOOT

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The Lesbian and the Monkey (2002)

HERR WOLF LIPP

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

FRAU LOTTI LIPP

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Anarchy in Royston Vasey (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

MATTHEW PARKER

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Yule Never Leave! (2000)

REENIE CALVER

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... How the Elephant Got Its Trunk (2002)

VINNIE WYTHENSHAW

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... Royston Vasey and the Monster From Hell (2000)

KEITH DROP

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... How the Elephant Got Its Trunk (2002)

NOEL GLASS

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Medusa Touch (2002)

NANCY GLASS

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The Medusa Touch (2002)

ALVIN STEELE

Guest House Proprietor
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

JUDITH BUCKLE

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Medusa Touch (2002)

CONNECTED CHARACTER

DADDY

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The Medusa Touch (2002)

POP

Newsagent
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

AL

Newsagent
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... Lust for Royston Vasey (2000)

RICHIE

Newsagent
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)

KENNY HARRIS

Played by Mark Gatiss
in... How the Elephant Got Its Trunk (2002)

SHELLEY SHIRLEY

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... How the Elephant Got Its Trunk (2002)

OSHI KUROSAWA

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... How the Elephant Got Its Trunk (2002)

HENRY PORTRAIT

Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)

ALLY WELLES

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The Road to Royston Vasey (1999)

OLIVE KILSHAW

Dating Agent
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)

IAIN CASHMORE

Played by Steve Pemberton
in... A Plague on Royston Vasey (2000)

JOSEPH NIGEL LISGOE

Debt Collector
Played by Reece Shearsmith
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)

GLENN BAGGS

Debt Collector
Played by Mark Gatiss
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)

BARRY BAGGS

Debt Collector
Played by Steve Pemberton
in... The One-Armed Man Is King (2002)