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Added by Onion Jack on 17 Oct 2015 11:12
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British Comedy: 'Allo 'Allo!

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Decade: Rating: List Type:
People who added this item 202 Average listal rating (147 ratings) 7.2 IMDB Rating 8.3
'Allo 'Allo! (1982)
Years: 1982-1992
Broadcaster: BBC
Genre: Sitcom
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft,
Paul Adam, John T. Chapman, Ronald Chesney,
Ian Davidson, Ronald Wolfe
Stars: Gorden Kaye, Carmen Silvera
Episodes: 85
Episode Average: 7.859*
BEST EPISODES:
The British Are Coming (1982), The Sausage in the Wardrobe (1986)
*including pilot & specials

PILOT

(1982)




PILOT

THE BRITISH ARE COMING

Originally broadcast: 30 December 1982
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René's café is declared a safe house by the Résistance, two British airmen arrive before preparations are complete, and a Gestapo officer is on the lookout for one of Hitler's favourite paintings.

"She's been prepared to die for 30 years, but she doesn't go. I think God does not want the aggravation."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10


SERIES ONE

(1984)
7 episodes
Series Score: 57
Episode Average: 8.14
Perfect 10's: 0
S1E1

THE BRITISH 'AVE COME

Originally broadcast: 14 September 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Colonel von Strohm has an idea to get rid of the Gestapo, René suggests making a copy of the missing painting instead, and finding a forger proves more difficult than first though.

"He is a very bad pianist, but when my wife sings, nobody notices."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E2

PIGEON POST

Originally broadcast: 21 September 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm and Geering find themselves in unfamiliar attire, the Communist Resistance capture the two British airmen, and efforts are made to have German uniforms made in London.

"I say, they can't have much confidence in the soup."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E3

SAVILE ROW TO THE RESCUE

Originally broadcast: 28 September 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle delivers a bottle of nitroglycerine to the café, Gruber fancies something different to drink, and Von Strohm needs his replacement uniform so he can meet a visiting General.

"I've no idea. French is all Greek to me."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E4

THE EXECUTION

Originally broadcast: 5 October 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm is persuaded into helping the Resistance, an unexpected explosion sees the group arrested, and René is identified as the ringleader.

"I once heard a proverb about the best laid plans of mice and men. This plan was definitely laid by a mouse."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E5

THE FUNERAL

Originally broadcast: 12 October 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René has to pretend that he is his own twin-brother, the undertaker visits to arrange the funeral, and the Resistance ask for anti-tank mines to be hidden at the café.

"Excuse me, may I say something? They shot him. You cannot have 'sadly missed'."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E6

REDS NICK COLONEL

Originally broadcast: 19 October 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm and Geering are kidnapped by the Communist Resistance, René's given an opportunity to avenge his own death, and Herr Flick gets his hands on 'The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies'.

"Take this. Insert it into the hole at the front and turn it rapidly."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S1E7

THE DANCE OF THE HITLER YOUTH

Originally broadcast: 26 October 1984
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm plots to steal back the real painting of 'The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies', René has problems with the delivery of the new radio transmitter, and the British airmen are smuggled to the coast.

"You stupid woman! There was only one thing I could possibly be doing with my arms around Yvette. I am teaching her self-defence."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES TWO

(1985)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52*
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's: 2
*not including the Christmas special
S2E1

SIX BIG BOOBIES

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Edith finds René's hidden will, Herr Flick needs help determining the difference between real and fake boobies, and the Resistance return the British airmen to the café.

"Why are you wearing on your head, a dead hen?"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E2

THE WOOING OF WIDOW ARTOIS

Originally broadcast: 28 October 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René realises that he must do something drastic to protect the café, word comes in that a plane is to be sent to pick up the British airmen, and Herr Flick gives orders that nobody is to nibble his sausage.

"Why do we need guns? Mushrooms do not fight back."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E3

THE POLICEMAN COMETH

Originally broadcast: 4 November 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
A change of plan sees a British intelligence officer parachuted in, the Resistance refuse to blow up the train carrying Hitler's sausage, and Helga comes up with a plan involving Gruber's armoured car.

"I have brung grutings from British Untelligence headquitters."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E4

SWIFTLY AND WITH STYLE

Originally broadcast: 11 November 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick destroys his own Gestapo car, René is horrified to learn of Monsieur Alfonse's intentions towards Edith, and the Resistance are in need of silk knickers.

"I shall not be informing Berlin of this incident. I do not wish to look a right nana."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E5

THE DUEL

Originally broadcast: 18 November 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm offers to kill Alfonse before the duel takes place, the balloon is repaired in the back of the café, and word reaches Herr Flick that Hitler's sausage was empty.

"Edith! My life is at stake and you're talking about catering?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S2E6

HERR FLICK'S REVENGE

Originally broadcast: 25 November 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Monsieur Alfonse learns that his rival is an important part of the Resistance, René finds himself locked up with Von Strohm and Geering, and the British airmen are waved off as they head for home.

"He has a better life than we do even when his love life is down the drain."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10


SPECIAL

(1985)





SPECIAL

THE GATEAU FROM THE CHÂTEAU

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1985
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The British airmen score a direct hit, General Von Klinkerhoffen takes over the whole district because of Resistance activity, and enemies from all sides plot to get rid of him.

"René, you do not need to kill the General, we have already arranged to kill the General. Do you not see? If we kill him with the pill from the till by making with it the drug in the jug you need not light the candle with the handle on the gateau from the château!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

SERIES THREE

(1986-1987)
6 episodes
Series Score: 52
Episode Average: 8.67
Perfect 10's: 2
S3E1

THE NICKED KNOCKWURST

Originally broadcast: 5 December 1986
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle injures herself while delivering details of the latest Resistance plan, Herr Flick's sausage is stolen from the café, and René must pay a ransom to save the town.

"I'm sorry, Colonel. I am having a problem with a squirrel. I think he's looking for some nuts."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E2

GRUBER DOES SOME MINCING

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Monsieur Alfonse wants the money back that he leant for ransom, Herr Flick discovers that his sausage has been minced, and the Resistance steal a motor from the General's lawnmower.

"Before I was a window dresser, I was employed in an art gallery. Occasionally I was allowed to touch up old masters."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E3

THE SAUSAGE IN THE WARDROBE

Originally broadcast: 19 December 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The General gets his hands on the Colonel's sausage, Maria's held pending the return of the stolen lawnmower engine, and all the interested parties break into the château to retrieve the painting of 'The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies'.

"Could you shoot her first? She's causing a lot of trouble."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E4

FLIGHT OF FANCY

Originally broadcast: 26 December 1986
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René is shocked to learn of his role in helping the airmen escape in an old aeroplane, Herr Flick discovers that his sausage lacks something, and Von Strohm and Geering get into trouble with a steam tractor.

"Oh, how cosy. Zis is the first time that I have seen your rear quarters."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E5

PRETTY MAIDS ALL IN A ROW

Originally broadcast: 2 January 1987
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Klinkerhoffen takes a liking to two new waitresses, René's hiding place for the painting of 'The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies' hits a snag, and an elaborate plan includes the death of the British airmen.

"I was pissing by the door... when I heard two shats."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S3E6

THE GREAT UN-ESCAPE

Originally broadcast: 9 January 1987
Directed by: Robin Carr, David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René and his staff are drafted in to help with the tunnel, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen try to make sense of a communication, and Gruber takes orders for copies of paintings by both Van Klomp and Van Gogh.

"A tunnel?! How did that get in there?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FOUR

(1987)
6 episodes
Series Score: 49
Episode Average: 8.17
Perfect 10's: 1
S4E1

PRISONERS OF WAR

Originally broadcast: 7 November 1987
Directed by: David Croft, Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen try to dig their way to the truth, Michelle comes up with a not so ingenious escape plan, and the British airmen insist on performing in the camp concert.

"I have just seen a pair of nun's knickers."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E2

CAMP DANCE

Originally broadcast: 14 November 1987
Directed by: David Croft, Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The British airmen ruin a perfectly planned escape, Maria and Hans both disappear in very different circumstances, and the sound of Herr Flick on the line makes René destroy the radio.

"You will not need a disguise. Just go as yourself - a perfectly normal idiot."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E3

GOOD STAFF ARE HARD TO FIND

Originally broadcast: 21 November 1987
Directed by: David Croft, Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm's assigned a new assistant, the Resistance deliver a new waitress and a new radio, and Gruber asks René for some dark red lipstick.

"Captain Bertorelli, officers in the German army do not kiss the lady privates."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E4

THE FLYING NUN

Originally broadcast: 28 November 1987
Directed by: David Croft, Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick sets about planting a microphone when he suspects there's a plot to kill Hitler, the Resistance need to get an aerial high enough to receive messages, and Monsieur Alfonse catches René with Yvette.

"I quite agree. Now, Gruber, you have got to help me. We must get rid of this terrible Italian. He does nothing but hang around my office and get in my hair."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E5

THE SAUSAGE IN THE TROUSERS

Originally broadcast: 5 December 1987
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The Resistance arrange for new batteries to be delivered for the radio, Von Klinkerhoffen has Herr click thrown in the dungeon, and Gruber's secret sausages get mixed up with an assortment of similar sausages.

"Go away, we are oversausaged."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S4E6

THE JET-PROPELLED MOTHER-IN-LAW

Originally broadcast: 12 December 1987
Directed by: David Croft, Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
A spy camera sent from London gets blown off-course, Von Klinkerhoffen orders the locals to work in his requisitioned vineyard, and a backup plan has to be used when poisoned wine gets spat out.

"My room is next to hers. I am half-price."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES FIVE

(1988-1989)
26 episodes
Series Score: 203
Episode Average: 7.81
Perfect 10's: 2
S5E1

DESPERATE DOINGS IN THE DUNGEON

Originally broadcast: 3 September 1988
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The Resistance need a film for the spy camera, Von Klinkerhoffen orders for Herr Flick to be killed, and Von Smallhausen comes up with an escape plan that requires René to disguise himself as Himmler.

"The bicycle which produces electrocity for the rudeo when you piddle in your wife's mother's bedroom."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E2

THE CAMERA IN THE POTATO

Originally broadcast: 10 September 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
A plan to steal a camera film needs a distraction, Crabtree delivers a battery disguised as a cake, and René's mission to photograph a safe takes him a little too close to an amorous lieutenant.

"Thank God he is safe. The bravest transvestite in all of France."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E3

DINNER WITH THE GENERAL

Originally broadcast: 17 September 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick tries to get more information about the plot to kill Hitler, Von Klinkerhoffen insists on spending time alone with Helga, and Gruber gets excited when a fireman climbs through his window.

"I will repeat the question. What is your name, Helga?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E4

THE DREADED CIRCULAR SAW

Originally broadcast: 24 September 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick jumps to the wrong conclusion after hiding in Gruber's wardrobe, the contents of the safe are not as expected, and René and Leclerc are captured by the Communist Resistance.

"Get out of my way. I can spray this only once."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E5

OTHERWISE ENGAGED

Originally broadcast: 1 October 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The British airmen decide to surrender, René is told that he must marry his captor and childhood sweetheart, and Monsieur Alfonse asks for permission to marry Madame Edith.

"Don't-a shoot. It's a fair-a cop."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E6

A MARRIAGE OF INCONVENIENCE

Originally broadcast: 8 October 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm tells Gruber to find out where the paintings are, Edith asks Michelle to help her put a stop to the wedding, and Herr Flick receives a threatening letter from his uncle.

"There's a dead chicken on your head."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E7

NO HIDING PLACE

Originally broadcast: 15 October 1988
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René's afraid that Denise will try and kill him so seeks protection, Yvette and Mimi are not happy when they see competition in the street, and Crabtree tells the airmen that the Resistance may not be up to the job.

"Why would she want to talk to an old, lame, bent old man? Can you not see that I am my father?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E8

THE ARRIVAL OF THE HOMING DUCK

Originally broadcast: 22 October 1988
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Edith uses her mother's clothes to hide from the Communist Resistance, Von Strohm learns the location of the missing paintings, and Michelle tells René that he is to do the catering for a conference at the château.

"I have seen one of these before. It is a long-distance dick."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E9

WATCH THE BIRDIE

Originally broadcast: 29 October 1988
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle delivers a special camera to the café, Mimi acts quickly on information received about a French general, and Monsieur Alfonse and Leclerc try to recapture the duck after it escapes.

"Feel around you find, um... You will find a little knob... Have you got it?"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E10

RENÉ - UNDER AN ASSUMED NOSE

Originally broadcast: 5 November 1988
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Klinkerhoffen orders for René to be shot, Michelle of the Resistance declares her love for 'the bravest man in all France', and Herr Flick searches for a tall French general with a big nose.

"Fortunately, I have my stethoscope. We undertakers cannot be too careful. If we bury people before they are dead, they get very cross."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E11

THE CONFUSION OF THE GENERALS

Originally broadcast: 12 November 1988
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Gruber has good news for René, Von Klinkerhoffen comes up with a plan to continue the meeting of the generals, and Mimi receives a message about the arrival of more British airmen disguised as onion sellers.

"Ah, yes. He wants you to give René's fallen bum a massage."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E12

WHO'S FOR THE VATICAN?

Originally broadcast: 19 November 1988
Directed by: Susan Belbin
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm learns that he is to be blamed for the Berlin cock-up, René is instructed to recover the hidden paintings from the sawmill, and the Resistance see an opportunity to boost their finances.

"My name is Herr Otto Flick of the Gestapo. One more crack like that and you will be shot with the pistol concealed in my dolly."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E13

RIBBING THE BONK

Originally broadcast: 26 November 1988
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Klinkerhoffen refuses to pay a ransom demand to the Communist Resistance, Michelle sees an opportunity to wipe out many enemies at once, and Mimi and the paintings end up in the line of fire.

"But, madame, think of our future. Burn your knickers!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E14

THE RELUCTANT MILLIONAIRES

Originally broadcast: 3 December 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René comes up with a way to stop Edith driving away customers, Von Klinkerhoffen attacks the Communist Resistance headquarters, and Crabtree brings news that the stolen money belongs to the Gestapo.

"Oh, yes, I see. My, my, you do have a big bundle there."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E15

A DUCK FOR LAUNCH

Originally broadcast: 10 December 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René discovers that the long-distance duck is not alone, Michelle reports that a photograph of the invasion map is now ready for delivery to England, and a pair of fish sellers are on the lookout for forged notes.

"I have ze crabs. I have ze crabs. Alive, alive-o!"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E16

THE EXPLODING BEDPAN

Originally broadcast: 17 December 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Strohm wants to eliminate the risk of information getting to the Gestapo, Denise isn't happy with the disguises bought by Yvette, and Michelle comes up with a plan to rescue Monsieur Alfonse from the hospital.

"My God, there is another one at the other end."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E17

GOING LIKE A BOMB

Originally broadcast: 24 December 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick orders a search of the mortuary, Helga informs Von Strohm that the stolen money is counterfeit, and Michelle has a plan that involves hiding the British airmen inside empty land mines.

"They will each have a spinner. As they descond, they will unscrew their nuts."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E18

MONEY TO BURN

Originally broadcast: 31 December 1988
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Madame Fanny tries to bake the wrong potato, Yvette finds a poster carrying a threat to execute Leclerc, and Gruber's instructed to find out about the missing land mines.

"Listen to me, pillow stuffer. An anonymous person informed us on the telephone that you have something of great value in your trousers."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E19

PUDDINGS CAN GO OFF

Originally broadcast: 7 January 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
The Resistance tell René to prepare for a large delivery of exploding Christmas puddings, the sight of a coffin in the café upsets Madame Fanny, and the Gestapo disguise themselves as monks.

"I have instructions from Michelle of the Resistance. She said no matter what opposition I encounter, that goes down your back passage."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E20

LAND MINES FOR LONDON

Originally broadcast: 14 January 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen learn the location of the stolen land mines, Von Strohm makes use of Bertorelli's shambolic platoon, and Michelle instructs René to deliver the airmen to a German airbase.

"Oh, Edith. Edith, what a treasure I have in you. I look at your beautiful young face, hidden by all those careworn lines. My heart misses a beat."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E21

FLIGHT TO GENEVA

Originally broadcast: 21 January 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle outlines the latest crazy plan to get the British airmen back to England, Von Klinkerhoffen orders for the paintings to be returned, and René grabs an opportunity to elope to Switzerland with his one true love.

"Then you had better start running before you touch the ground."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E22

TRAIN OF EVENTS

Originally broadcast: 28 January 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René's horrified to find himself eloping with the wrong woman, the hunt for the paintings brings chaos to the train to Geneva, and Leclerc warns that the Resistance are about to blow up the train.

"What sort of life are we going to have together in Switzerland, with her climbing every mountain looking for us."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E23

AN ENIGMA VARIATION

Originally broadcast: 4 February 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René finds the finger of suspicion pointing in his direction, Helga devises a plan to steal the painting from the château, and Michelle instructs Mimi to steal an Enigma machine.

"Good. You have ten feet of film nestling in your left booby. Make the most of it."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E24

WEDDING BLOSS

Originally broadcast: 11 February 1988
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: John T. Chapman, Ian Davidson
Von Klinkerhoffen has Von Strohm's office searched for the missing gold, René has to act fast when Monsieur Alfonse proposes to Madame Edith, and Herr Flick sends Helga to the café armed with her feminine charm.

"My God! Three swastikas!"
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E25

DOWN THE DRAIN

Originally broadcast: 18 February 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Ronald Wolfe, Ronald Chesney
The Germans search the café for the stolen Enigma machine, Michelle arrives with a surprise package and instructions about what to do with it, and the whole of Nouvion prepare for one big war effort.

"Oh, very well. I will take him upstairs, close my eyes, think of the Eiffel Tower."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S5E26

ALL IN DISGEESE

Originally broadcast: 25 February 1989
Directed by: Richard Boden
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
British Intelligence decide to send in experts to look at the Enigma machine, Von Klinkerhoffen gives orders for René to be shot if the machine is not found, and Herr Flick trials a new truth drug.

"You know the saying: Lipstick, powder and a little bit of paint makes a girl look like what she jolly well ain't."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES SIX

(1989)
8 episodes
Series Score: 62
Episode Average: 7.75
Perfect 10's: 0
S6E1

DESPERATE DOINGS IN THE GRAVEYARD

Originally broadcast: 2 September 1989
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle tells René that the Resistance are building a communications centre in his grave, Crabtree reports on the latest plan to rescue the British airmen, and Madame Fanny finds love with Leclerc's twin brother.

"All-a the way from Italy. The silk liberty bodice. See?In it, there is a lot of liberty."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E2

THE GESTAPO FOR THE HIGH JUMP

Originally broadcast: 9 September 1989
Directed by: David Croft
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Gruber tells René about a Gestapo plot to find Resistance headquarters, Crabtree is far from happy about a forgotten message, and Von Klinkerhoffen demands action to take credit away from Herr Flick.

"so I should thonk. You made me look a right duckhead."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E3

THE NOUVION OARS

Originally broadcast: 16 September 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Madame Fanny's bedroom is made more radio-friendly, Von Klinkerhoffen orders Helga to marry Herr Flick, and the Germans are alerted to suspicious activity on the estuary.

"Captain Bertorelli, get out and give us a push-start."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E4

THE NICKED AIRMEN

Originally broadcast: 23 September 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
News comes in that the Germans have captured the British airmen, Gruber gives René the keys to the château, and Herr Flick suddenly finds himself outranked by Von Smallhausen.

"Give it to me. Jack and Jill are in the nick, Nighthawk's in a funk. If you call with no reply, it means he's done a bunk."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E5

THE AIRMEN DE-NICKED

Originally broadcast: 30 September 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Gruber volunteers information about the collection of the British airmen, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are arrested for impersonating German officers, and the Resistance outline a plan to hijack a staff car.

"Oh, what s surprise. I supposed if I am not back by midnight, I will turn into a pumpkin."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E6

THE CROOKED FENCES

Originally broadcast: 7 October 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Herr Flick wants to sell the contents of his sausage, Madame Edith comes up with a plan after making a worrying discovery, and Von Strohm decides it might be the right time to cash in on the painting.

"You idiot! We're supposed to be anonymous, Bertorelli."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E7

CRABTREE'S PODGEON PIST

Originally broadcast: 14 October 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle comes up with another plan to get the British airmen home, Madame Fanny's wedding has to be brought forward to hide a balloon, and Von Klinkerhoffen threatens to blow up the village.

"Are you a min or a moose?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S6E8

RISING TO THE OCCASION

Originally broadcast: 21 October 1989
Directed by: Martin Dennis
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
René's horrified to discover that there's a bomb under the café, the Communist Resistance threaten to blow up Von Strohm, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen, and the airmen are prepared for departure.

"How beautiful they... That one has a moustache."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES SEVEN

(1991)
10 episodes
Series Score: 78*
Episode Average: 7.8
Perfect 10's: 2
*not including the Christmas special
S7E1

A QUIET HONEYMOON

Originally broadcast: 5 January 1991
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Madame Fanny and Monsieur Leclerc are arrested after their adventure, General Von Flockenstuffen takes over command from General Von Klinkerhoffen, and Bertorelli catches a burglar in Von Strohm's office.

"Listen very carefully, I shall gasp this only once."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E2

AN ALMIGHTY BANG

Originally broadcast: 12 January 1991
Directed by: Sue Longstaff
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Von Flockenstuffen tells of secret plans to kidnap Churchill, Herr Flick insists on interrogating Madame Fanny and Monsieur Leclerc, and Von Strohm plots to free Von Klinkerhoffen from the hospital.

"Oh, Mama. To think, this knob was the last thing she held before she disappeared."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E3

FLEEING MONKS

Originally broadcast: 19 January 1991
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
A collaborator's medal puts René's life in danger, a plan to rescue the British airmen is seen as a chance to escape to England with Yvette, and Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as monks.

"He is not known as 'Ménage Artois' for nothing."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E4

UP THE CRICK WITHOUT A PIDDLE

Originally broadcast: 26 January 1991
Directed by: Sue Longstaff
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
René finds himself escaping to England with Madame Edith, the need for an interpreter brings a surprise, and there's talk of a medal when Churchill calls the two war heroes to Number 10.

"Helga, in my current state of nooky deprivation, the sight of your garter drives me wild."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 9

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E5

THE GESTAPO RUINS A PICNIC

Originally broadcast: 2 February 1991
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen escape from the monastery, Von Klinkerhoffen is left fuming after finding a Resistance propaganda poster, and Michelle sees an opportunity from René being made editor.

"Helga, you come and sit by me. It looks good to show German officers being friendly with their privates."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E6

THE SPIRIT OF NOUVION

Originally broadcast: 9 February 1991
Directed by: Sue Longstaff
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
The Resistance decide to break into Gestapo headquarters to raise funds, Helga discovers that Herr Flick has the painting of 'The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies', and a newspaper competition creates rivalry between the women of the café.

"Certainly not. I do not buy champagne for ugly girls like you."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E7

LEG IT TO SPAIN!

Originally broadcast: 16 February 1991
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
René hands over the painting when confronted by Von Strohm, Herr Flick tries to make up with Helga, and Michelle explains the latest plan of sending the British airmen down the canal in wine barrels.

"Yes, but it keeps wiggling one if its little things at me."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E8

PRIOR ENGAGEMENTS

Originally broadcast: 23 February 1991
Directed by: Sue Longstaff
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Von Klinkerhoffen orders Bertorelli to marry Madame Edith, Michelle sees the reception as an opportunity to rescue the British airmen, and Herr Flick's plan to steal the painting from the château hits a snag.

"My word. It is the first time I've seen mutton actually dressed as mutton."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E9

SOUP AND SAUSAGE

Originally broadcast: 2 March 1991
Directed by: Mike Stephens
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Monsieur Alphonse needs cover to work on the grate to free the trapped airmen, Gruber catches René dangling his sausage in public, and Helga's temporary replacement wastes no time getting to grips with Herr Flick.

"Are the bangers in your pants?"
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S7E10

RENÉ OF THE GYPSIES

Originally broadcast: 16 March 1991
Directed by: Sue Longstaff
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, David Croft
Michelle tells René to organise a fair in the town, Von Klinkerhoffen makes arrests when the painting's found in Von Strohm's desk, and the staff of the café have to run the show following a bad omen.

"Two will be enough. Any more might sink the tray."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7


SPECIAL

(1991)




SPECIAL

A BUN IN THE OVEN

Originally broadcast: 24 December 1991
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Yvette announces that she's pregnant, Gruber and Von Strohm consider their options if the Allies invade, and Helga makes sure that she gets a cut of the painting of 'Tha Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies'.

"Oh! For a moment, I thought it was a dream and I was in bed with Louis XVI."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 5

SERIES EIGHT

(1992)
7 episodes
Series Score: 51
Episode Average: 7.29
Perfect 10's: 0
S8E1

AROUSING SUSPICIONS

Originally broadcast: 5 January 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
The Resistance acquire a new battery from Gruber's tank, news comes in that a Spanish art expert will arrive as part of a flamenco dancing troupe, and two phonograph cylinders fall into a chimney at the château.

"Helga, you must produce your booby."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E2

A WOMAN NEVER LIES

Originally broadcast: 12 January 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
The Resistance attempt to blackmail Von Strohm, rehearsals are held in the café for the propaganda recording, and Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen arrive too late to prevent a robbery.

"I hope we are not going to make a habit of it. This suspender belt is killing me."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E3

HITLER'S LAST HEIL

Originally broadcast: 19 January 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen wait to be executed for robbing the garrison pay truck, René and Yvette ask to be married in secret, and the Resistance plot to blow up Hitler and Göring with a clockwork bomb.

"Who does that jumped up little corporal think he is? Hitler?"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E4

AWFUL WEDDED WIFE

Originally broadcast: 26 January 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Lead is needed from the church roof for the new transmitter battery, the Communist Resistance think they've hit it big, and René finds himself in an awkward spot when the priest recognises his voice.

"It would take years for an honest working girl to earn this. Lucky I'm a tart."
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E5

FIRING SQUASHED

Originally broadcast: 2 February 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
The Communist Resistance want to broadcast a surrender from Hitler, Michelle plots to kidnap the prisoners so the Resistance get credit for ending the war, and a telegram thwarts Von Klinkerhoffen's plans.

"This is ridiculous. We have come here to discuss a radio broadcast, not to fight over some balding bartender."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E6

A FISHFUL OF FRANCS

Originally broadcast: 9 February 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
René's worried that Hitler and Göring will be found in the café, the Resistance demand that the ransom be stuffed inside a dogfish, and Von Klinkerhoffen comes up with a plan to wipe out the Communists.

"Hollandaise sauce is made with egg yolk and butter not tulips."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S8E7

SWAN SONG

Originally broadcast: 1 March 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Michelle takes over the café in René's absence, the Resistance send the incriminating photograph to Von Klinkerhoffen, and Von Strohm and Gruber try to sell the painting so they can flee to Spain.

"I vill try to attract someone's attention, Colonel. Edith! Edith! Will no one hear the cries of a poor old woman!"
HOLY GODIVA 4 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 8

SERIES NINE

(1992)
6 episodes
Series Score: 39
Episode Average: 6.5
Perfect 10's: 1
S9E1

GONE WITH THE WINDMILL

Originally broadcast: 9 November 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Madame Edith comes up with a plan when Von Strohm and Gruber arrive back at the café, posters are put warning of target practice, and Herr Flick undergoes plastic surgery in anticipation of defeat.

"A place ver the vind alvays blows? Don't tell me it's the baked bean factory."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E2

A TOUR DE FRANCE

Originally broadcast: 16 November 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Bad news leaves the women of the café devastated, Von Strohm and Gruber ask Helga to retrieve the booby from Herr Flick, and an enslaved René gets more woman than he even he can handle.

"Please, please! Stop! Stop! Your knickers are boiling over."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 4
TOTAL: 7

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E3

DEAD MAN MARCHING

Originally broadcast: 23 November 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Madame Fanny and Monsieur Leclerc return from Paris, René's forced to hide in the waxwork museum when plans are delayed, and Herr Flick tries to get information about the painting from Madame Edith.

"René? Ah, there you are. I did not recognise you from this side."
HOLY GODIVA 2 - ONION JACK 2
TOTAL: 4

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E4

TARTS AND FLICKERS

Originally broadcast: 30 November 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
The wrong pigeon is chosen to deliver a microfilm to England, Von Klinkerhoffen demonstrates how he plans to assassinate Hitler, and Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as working girls.

"If you have problems, flash me. With your torch, dunderhead."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E5

A FISHY SENDOFF

Originally broadcast: 7 December 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
Monsieur Alphonse has problems finishing the statue of René, Herr Flick listens in to discussions about blowing up Hitler, and the parade float heads to the coast with the defence plans.

"Walk carefully. You have just dropped a winkle."
HOLY GODIVA 3 - ONION JACK 3
TOTAL: 6

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


S9E6

A WINKLE IN TIME

Originally broadcast: 14 December 1992
Directed by: John B. Hobbs
Written by: Jeremy Lloyd, Paul Adam
The British airmen arrive back at the café, Nouvion prepares for the arrival of allied troops, and old friends make a surprise discovery.

"That is none of your bosiness. Bog off."
HOLY GODIVA 5 - ONION JACK 5
TOTAL: 10
Add items to section

THE FRENCH

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (3 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 0

RENÉ FRANÇOIS
ARTOIS

Played by Gorden Kaye
85 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... Watch the Birdie (S5E9)

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (3 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 0

EDITH MELBA
ARTOIS

Played by Carmen Silvera
85 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... Reds Nick Colonel (S1E6)


YVETTE
CART-BLANCHE

Played by Vicki Michelle
85 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... The Camera in the Potato (S5E2)

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (3 ratings) 6 IMDB Rating 0

MADAME FANNY
LA FAN

Played by Rose Hill
78 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... Pigeon Post (S1E2)


MONSIEUR
ALFONSE

Played by Kenneth Connor
64 Episodes (1984-1992)
in... The Funeral (S1E5)

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (2 ratings) 9 IMDB Rating 0

MIMI
LABONQ

Played by Sue Hodge
62 Episodes (1987-1992)
in... The Dreaded Circular Saw (S5E4)


MARIA
RECAMIER

Played by Francesca Gonshaw
21 Episodes (1982-1987)
in... Savile Row to the Rescue (S1E3)


The Résistance

Named members only

MICHELLE
'OF THE RESISTANCE'
DUBOIS

Played by Kirsten Cooke
82 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... The Wooing of Widow Artois (S2E2)

MONSIEUR ROGER
LeCLERC

Played by Jack Haig
51 Episodes (1982-1989)
in... Good Staff Are Hard to Find (S4E3)


MONSIEUR ERNEST
LeCLERC

Played by Derek Royle
8 Episodes (1989)
in... The Nicked Airmen (S6E4)


MONSIEUR ERNEST
LeCLERC

Played by Robin Parkinson
22 Episodes (1991-1992)
in... A Quiet Honeymoon (S7E1)

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (2 ratings) 5 IMDB Rating 0

HENRIETTE

Played by Phoebe Schofield
14 Episodes (1984-1989)
in... Rising to the Occasion (S6E8)



OTHERS



LISETTE

Played by Sherry Louise Plant
2 Episodes (1986)
in... Flight of Fancy (S3E4)


HELEN

Played by Jacqueline Ashman
2 Episodes (1988)
in... Money to Burn (S12E18)


ELAINE
CERISE

Played by Rikki Howard
2 Episodes (1989)
in... The Gestapo For the High Jump (S6E2)


AGNETTE

Played by Annabel Lambe
1 Episode (1992)
in... Awful Wedded Wife (S8E4)


The Communist Resistance

Named members only
People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 8 IMDB Rating 0

LOUISE

Played by Carole Ashby
16 Episodes (1988-1992)
in... Otherwise Engaged (S5E5)


DENISE
LAROQUE

Played by Moira Foot
9 Episodes (1988)
in... No Hiding Place (S5E7)

People who added this item 0 Average listal rating (1 ratings) 5 IMDB Rating 0

MAXINE

Played by Elizabeth Ash
3 Episodes (1992)
in... Firing Squashed (S8E5)



OTHERS



NORA

Played by Linda Styan
1 Episode (1992)
in... A Tour de France (S9E2)


CLAUDETTE

Played by Debi Thomson
1 Episode (1992)
in... A Tour de France (S9E2)


DESIRÉE

Played by Cheryl Fergison
1 Episode (1992)
in... A Tour de France (S9E2)



AND...
(included because she's played by Vicki Michelle's sister)


-

Played by Ann Michelle
1 Episode (1992)
in... A Tour de France (S9E2)

Add items to section

THE GERMANS


COLONEL KURT
VON STROHM

Played by Richard Marner
85 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... The Policeman Cometh (S2E3)


LIEUTENANT HUBERT
GRUBER

Played by Guy Siner
85 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... The Jet Propelled Mother-in-Law (S4E6)


PRIVATE HELGA
GEERHART

Played by Kim Hartman
85 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... Six Big Boobies (S2E1)


GENERAL ERICH
VON KLINKERHOFFEN

Played by Hilary Minster
59 Episodes (1984-1992)
in... The Execution (S1E4)


CAPTAIN
HANS GEERING

Played by Sam Kelly
24 Episodes (1982-1991)
in... The Sausage in the Wardrobe (S3E3)


GENERAL LEOPOLD
VON FLOCKENSTUFFEN

Played by Ken Morley
6 Episodes (1988-1991)
in... A Quiet Honeymoon (S7E1)


PRIVATE ELSA
BIGSTERN

Played by Louise Gold
2 Episodes (1991)
in... Soup and Sausage (S7E9)


The Gestapo


HERR OTTO
FLICK

Played by Richard Gibson/David Janson
79 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... Swiftly and with Style (S2E4)


HERR OTTO
FLICK

Played by David Janson
6 Episodes (1992)
in... Dead Man Marching (S9E3)


HERR ENGELBERT
VON SMALLHAUSEN

Played by John Louis Mansi
63 Episodes (1985-1992)
in... Puddings Can Go Off (S5E19)

Add items to section

THE ITALIANS


CAPTAIN ALBERTO
BERTORELLI

Played by Gavin Richards/Roger Kitter
35 Episodes (1987-1991)
in... The Arrival of the Homing Duck (S5E8)


CAPTAIN ALBERTO
BERTORELLI

Played by Roger Kitter
9 Episodes (1991)
in... Leg It to Spain! (S7E7)

Add items to section

THE BRITISH


OFFICER
CRABTREE

Played by Arthur Bostrom
75 Episodes (1985-1992)
in... Prisoners of War (S4E1)



AND


AGENT
GRACE

Played by Sarah Sherborne
3 Episodes (1989)
in... Crabtree's Podgeon Pist (S6E7)


RAF FLIGHT LIEUTENANT
FAIRFAX

Played by John D. Collins
64 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... The Gateau from the Château (SPECIAL)


RAF FLIGHT LIEUTENANT
CARSTAIRS

Played by Nicholas Frankau
64 Episodes (1982-1992)
in... Flight of Fancy (S3E4)


Part of the
British Comedy Collection
René Artois runs a small village café in occupied France. His wish is for a quiet life where he can have fun with his waitresses. The Resistance has other ideas, and they use the café for sending messages to London, and for hiding British airmen. To make matters worse, the occupying German forces are among his customers. René Artois - a reluctant French hero.
SERIES SCORES
Series 1: 8.14
Series 2: 8.67
Series 3: 8.67
Series 4: 8.17
Series 5: 7.81
Series 6: 7.75
Series 7: 7.80
Series 8: 7.29
Series 9: 6.50
FAVOURITE EPISODES
Holy Godiva
1. The British Are Coming
(Pilot - 1992)

2. The Gateau From the Château
(Special - 1985)

3. The Sausage in the Wardrobe
(Series 3, Episode 3 - 1986)

4. A Winkle in Time
(Series 9, Episode 6 - 1992)

5. René - Under an Assumed Nose
(Series 5, Episode 10 - 1988)

6. Six Big Boobies
(Series 2, Episode 1 - 1985

7. Herr Flick's Revenge
(Series 2, Episode 6 - 1985)

8. The Nicked Knockwurst
(Series 3, Episode 1 - 1986)

9. The Spirit of Nouvion
(Series 7, Episode 6 - 1991)

10. Soup and Sausage
(Series 7, Episode 9 - 1991)
Onion Jack
1. The British Are Coming
(Pilot - 1992)

2. The Sausage in the Wardrobe
(Series 3, Episode 3 - 1986)

3. The Gateau From the Château
(Special - 1985)

4. A Winkle in Time
(Series 9, Episode 6 - 1992)

5. René - Under an Assumed Nose
(Series 5, Episode 10 - 1988)

6. Herr Flick's Revenge
(Series 2, Episode 6 - 1985)

7. Watch the Birdie
(Series 5, Episode 9 - 1988)

8. Up the Crick Without a Piddle
(Series 7, Episode 4 - 1991)

9. Good Staff Are Hard to Find
(Series 4, Episode 3 - 1987)

10. The Spirit of Nouvion
(Series 7, Episode 6 - 1991)

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