From Fiction to Fact (Defictionalization)

I know I'm breaking the first rule about Fight Club, but fuck it. In the movie, the two characters, The Unnamed Narrator and Tyler Durden, start up an actual Fight Club in the basement of a city bar. The whole point of it that since the corporations have bogged the men down, they have found a way to regain their confidence.



The movie was controversial, and one of the reasons why because later when the it picked up a cult following, ACTUAL Fight Clubs started to pop up. Even if you don't know how, WikiHow has you covered".

Not only that, but now you can your very own Fight Club brand soap!



And let me tell you something, I am NEVER buying that soap! The soaps aren't made out human fat like it is in the original, so whats the point of using it all?! It's a rip-off if you ask me.

As for the Fight Clubs...it's a mixed bag. On one hand, it's a great way to get aggression out. On the other hand, who's to say that those clubs won't turn into Project Mayhem groups?!

Eh, either way, at least the ideas of them are messed up the more you think about them...just like what made Fight Club so great.

It was going to happen as soon as the first one became a hit.



Of course Pixar would milk the hell out of it! What's not awesome about the fact that if you believe it, the Toys will come alive once you leave the room! Now with technology moving forward, you can attach a camera in your room and watch the internet go wild! This is one of many possibilities that will happen as well as...others that we may one day see in the Porn Parody (And then make freakish toys out of that).

You're welcome.

No, there was no real-life Psycho who followed in Norman Bates footsteps. But who knows because now, you'll likely encounter one in this:



So, imagine this scenario. You check yourself in. You're a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and act out Psycho, then all of a sudden, BLAM! The owner of the hotel comes dressed up as his mother and stabs you until you die a horrible death! That's not even the worst part! No, the worst thing is that because this is real life, unless you brought your music, because of so-called "reality laws", there won't be any Psycho strings playing! The least life can do in a situation like that is choose to be smart...but then, again, why would you ever want to stay in a real-life Bates Motel?!

You that at the time Spinal Tap was released, there people who thought that it was an actual documentary (Imagine Paranormal Activity released in that era), since it is, after all, the first mockumentary ever created.

Well...guess those people were right.



Reader(s), my life needs to be thought over again.

I mean, I mentioned the reality laws holding us back, but maybe these laws CAN be broken. Scientists will spend years, possibly even decades figuring out how the fuck this hap-

Oh wait, this list is called Defictionalization...

..."sigh" There goes my plans of visiting the Bates Motel.

Hello, I'm Director Black, and you don't me because in the future, I'm an a-list director in the future. Yup. Time Travel has been defictionalized. But don't think about it to hard, I need to get on with the commercial!

Anyway, this Christmas, it's time to help not only you, as a husband, distract yourself from the harshness of married life, but to help your son blossom in the awkward time of puberty.



Sure, your wife may be angry with you, and that's worsened by the fact that it's during Christmastime, but then again, it's friggin' Christmastime! And in the end it's all about making each other happy with products. It doesn't matter how expensive it is or the slight fact that you may never use it again, just spend all your money on-

-wait...what?...Dammnit. I've been told by my superiors that my "cheesy satire" is driving viewers away. Hello?! Haven't you guys ever SEEN the friggin' movie! The main character wants a friggin' BB Gun for Christmas! I mean, sure, every says "He'll shoot his eye out", but that's beside the-

AND NOW BACK TO THE 24 HOUR MARATHON OF "A CHRISTMAS STORY".

Dammit! Another commercial?! Well, most of the things in this list DO turn into merchandise, so why not?

From the company that kidnapped foreign people and made them work in a factory to corrupt kids, comes as much Wonka candy as you can stomach!





Grovel at the knees of it's leader, WILLY WONKA! The allmighty, allpowerful leader, so powerful and untouchable, that NO ONE reports him as his workers kill kids for the crime of being selfish pricks! Who knows, maybe those children are in the very Wonka food you plan to eat!

You're welcome.

You cried at the opening of Up. Don't be ashamed to admit it. It didn't matter that an old man somehow got his hands on thousands of balloons to find a crazy explorer, he was motivated by love!

And where did that house travel? Into our world.



It's weird. You thought that the old man and his kid actually made it to their destination. Well, at least, wait?! This house is for sale?!

Goddamnit! The real estate men caught him. Who knows where those two went?



.......if the power of defictionalization proceeds at this rate, I'm gonna have to start worrying if there really are voices in my head like Pixar told me...time will tell....

I'm gonna be honest here, this is a wasted opportunity. You have the chance to offer Forrest Gump branded chocolate, but instead...



Sure, it serves delicious food, but what are the people who are allergic to seafood gonna do? They can't run a marathon looking for Forrest Gump themed chocolate!

The Simpsons has always held on to America's heart...perhaps a bit too long, but still, they represent the inner stupidity that we as Americans somehow embrace. And what's a better way to that then to bring Duff Beer to us! It's fucking alcohol! The cause and solution to life's-



Wait, it's energy?! FUCKING ENERGY?! Dammit! Someone thought of the children! Sure, you're still putting drug-like chemicals in your body, but it's still not alcohol! What is Apu going to say about this when he sells this shit in the Kwik-E Mart?!





...no! Next thing, you'll tell me that Bob Dole and Bill Clinton really were taken over by Kang and Kodos and led us to America's further downfall! Well, I voted for Kodos, so you can just twirl yourself away freedom and into the monorail where you'll be doomed for eternity! Listal will bow under Lyle Lanley! We-



Hi, I'm Director Joey. Sorry about Director Black's freakout. This is proof that although the Simpsons can unite us, we must remember to not take all things the Simpsons predict seriously.



Never mind. DIRECTOR BLACK, I'M JOINING YOU IN THE RIOT!